"It was a dark and stormy night"

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Have you heard of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest? It "challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels." Inspired by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton's opening to his novel Paul Clifford:

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

The entries are hysterical. I don't think you win anything, but it might be fun to come up with your own.

 

[sunstruck]

It was a warm, rank odor that hit Detective Swatworth's nostrils, breaking into components that seemed hauntingly familiar, reminiscent of dangerous deeds past, lighting up every wary fiber in his torso, warning him to be wary of what lay ahead, on guard, finger on the trigger, then relaxed again as he realized it was coming from his own armpit.

He he. I like that one.

 

[seXieleXie]

the MLA gives out a bad book award every year. judith butler's gender trouble won a few years ago but it's still taught in a slew of feminist theory classes. it's amazing what bad writers can get away with when their ideas are interesting.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I like this one, from last year's contest:

"The graphic crime-scene photo that stared up at Homicide Inspector Chuck Venturi from the center of his desk was not a pretty picture, though it could have been, Chuck mused, had it only been shot in soft focus with a shutter speed of 1/125 second at f 5.6 or so."

 

[sunstruck]

See, that's funny. That could actually start off a great book. lmao

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

This one's great, from some guy in Sacramento:

"'I could tell you stories about this road we shall be traveling,' the old man told his young companions as he leaned onhis staff and stroked his silver beard, 'of how it was built by Dwarves of the Barad-dur in the days of Thranduil the Great, numberless years before the Elves of the Ered Luin left their silver woods in Lindon, sailed their ships over the Western Sea, and passed from the knowledge of men, but what would you learn from these tales, except that I squandered my college years reading far too much Tolkien instead of meeting girls.'"

 

[QuickDuck]

Have you heard of the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest? It "challenges entrants to compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels." Inspired by Edward George Bulwer-Lytton's opening to his novel Paul Clifford:

"It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents--except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness."

The entries are hysterical. I don't think you win anything, but it might be fun to come up with your own.

Oh god I have been trying to avoid that for a very long time.

My group of friends are mostly geeks and it is always amusing to say "it was a dark and stormy night" and just watch them crack up.

All in good fun, but still quite painful to read.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Sorry to bring up such bad memories.

 

[patient1]

Sorry to bring up such bad memories.

No, it was funny for me. I first heard of the contest in an article in "Smithsonian". My favorite submission of all time was;

"Alas!"

 

[Pyper]

...Dwarves of the Barad-dur in the days of Thranduil the Great...

Now a real geek could tell you that Thranduil was an Elven king, not Dwarven.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I think a real geek just did. LOL

 

[Guest]

.... if only he could figure out who would want a hot cup of Joe.

*shakes head* lol

 

[JazzManJim]

Now a real geek could tell you that Thranduil was an Elven king, not Dwarven.

Or that Barad-Dur was the tower home of Sauron, and never a Drawrven or Elven kingdom.

 

[Pyper]

I think a real geek just did. LOL

My point exactly.

 

[sunstruck]

Or that Barad-Dur was the tower home of Sauron, and never a Drawrven or Elven kingdom.

I knew that. Oh my god. I am SUCH a geek. I always thought I was just a dork.

 

[JazzManJim]

I knew that. Oh my god. I am SUCH a geek. I always thought I was just a dork.

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