It needs to be better

[john-the-author]

I'm trying to improve the stuff that I've written so it can make the leap to "saleable" and I need your help, please. Here's where I am now:

I've got one novel and 4 chapters of a second posted (they're listed below in the sig lines). They're pretty hot stuff and I've gotten good public and private comments as well as good ratings. But I've struck out with several erotica publishers so far and I'm sad. I want to get this published.

I'm pretty sure I need to rewrite these to 3rd-person limited POV and not 1st-person male for them to reach a wider audience. The sex is very hot (even if it's rather vanilla), but I'm not sure where else to go, or if I even need anything else. Should I put in more character development? Is there a need for more plot? Do I need to give the cats more dialog? Less sex? Different sex? I'm not sure. Suggestions are welcome.

I'd love to get critical reads from people here who can then say directly what it is that my story may lack. Sure, I'm pleased with what I've written and always glad to get more people to read it, but I do want to make this better. I've published any number of non-fiction books already, but this is my first shot at fiction. Your feedback will be really appreciated.

If you're interested, please take a look at the first few chapters of "Kim and Me" and let me know what you think. You're welcome to message me if you prefer.

Thanks!

 

[AsylumSeeker]

So...

I've got one novel and 4 chapters of a second posted (they're listed below in the sig lines). They're pretty hot stuff and I've gotten good public and private comments as well as good ratings.

And so how are editors to help you?

 

[john-the-author]

And so how are editors to help you?

What I've written is missing something and I'm trying to nail down what. It isn't garnering the reader numbers I'd hope for, although I can't help but wonder if that isn't in part because it's appealing to a rather vanilla audience, too.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

What I've written is missing something and I'm trying to nail down what. It isn't garnering the reader numbers I'd hope for, although I can't help but wonder if that isn't in part because it's appealing to a rather vanilla audience, too.

The wife says we're spending the weekend shopping. But I may be able to gather a gander next week if that meets your needs. If not that's OK too.

PM me if interested. Hoping you're not suggesting Lit is a "vanilla" audience.

 

[sunandshadow]

I took a look at this but came to the conclusion that even though I have experience editing novels, I didn't really know what to do with a piece of erotica that wasn't a steamy romance novel or some other genre (fantasy, science fiction, mystery...) with the sex as more of a subplot.

 

[AsylumSeeker]

Hmmmm...

What I've written is missing something and I'm trying to nail down what. It isn't garnering the reader numbers I'd hope for, although I can't help but wonder if that isn't in part because it's appealing to a rather vanilla audience, too.

I'm not seeing how this benefits me. Yeah, I can spend hours of my time editing and improving "your" story so that it may one day be published. Not seeing the "upside" here. And you may go on about us being "volunteers: and all. Just not "feeling" the "love", JTA. That's what's missing from your story.