It is going to be a hard week

[sirhugs]

Today or tomorrow (not sure which side of midnight it was) is the 4th anniversaty of my cancer diagnosis. The 18th is the anniversaty of the biopsy. 20th is anniversaty of the ostomy. My life has changed forever. I took two years of Lit- never thought I would survive or be strong enough to reurn. Yet here I am, wondering "what next?"
Thank you to all who have supported me though this turmoil. I will need support again the next few days.

 

[lanceGibs]

Today or tomorrow (not sure which side of midnight it was) is the 4th anniversaty of my cancer diagnosis. The 18th is the anniversaty of the biopsy. 20th is anniversaty of the ostomy. My life has changed forever. I took two years of Lit- never thought I would survive or be strong enough to reurn. Yet here I am, wondering "what next?"
Thank you to all who have supported me though this turmoil. I will need support again the next few days.

Be strong
The cure lies within you.
Nothing is from outside
I am sure you are feeling better ever since you thought you will be better .
Smile .
Because you want to be better

 

[gunhilltrain]

Be strong
The cure lies within you.
Nothing is from outside
I am sure you are feeling better ever since you thought you will be better .
Smile .
Because you want to be better

sirhugs - I don't want to say something trite, like I understand what you're going through. I have medical and other issues that are different from yours although they seem to be under control at the moment. I will say that Lit and other writings I have done have probably made the difference in how I've gotten through the last four years.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

 

[MsNatalie99]

Today or tomorrow (not sure which side of midnight it was) is the 4th anniversaty of my cancer diagnosis. The 18th is the anniversaty of the biopsy. 20th is anniversaty of the ostomy. My life has changed forever. I took two years of Lit- never thought I would survive or be strong enough to reurn. Yet here I am, wondering "what next?"
Thank you to all who have supported me though this turmoil. I will need support again the next few days.

I can't pretend to comprehend what you must've, and must still be going through. Where I was previously un aware of your diagnosis, I am relieved to see you're still fighting it. Feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk or just to cuss someone out without judgement.

 

[lovecraft68]

Try to also recall the date you were cancer free because even though you've never been the same, you're still here, and that's what counts.

Cancer is a bitch, 3 days ago my wife's cousin passed away from liver cancer, last Saturday was the second anniversary of the death of my MIL from cancer. Next month is the 15th anniversary of my wife's sister passing away of cancer at the age of 36. 8 years ago my wife came close to not surviving complications from a cancer surgery.

I feel for what you've been through, not from my personal experience, but from seeing so many around me suffer from and succumb to it. But like my wife, you're a survivor and not everyone with cancer gets to say that.

 

[Omenainen]

I wish you strength and health, SirHugs. Hope you beat the disease or at least live with it successfully. Or, if you already survived it, that it may never return.

 

[TxRad]

Congrats on surviving Sir. I was unaware of your medical history. Keep up the fight and take strength from Ogg and his fight.

Remember, coffee is good for you.

 

[SimonDoom]

I'm sending my support, for what it's worth. I have no advice, because it probably wouldn't be worth much. I hope you can take comfort in knowing that people are pulling for you and hoping that the next news you receive is good news.

 

[KentBloke]

My sister lost her fight with breast cancer so you have my total support during your battle with the disease.
Hang in there and make every second you have the best you can make it - which is exactly what she did. Be an example to those around you of strength and courage, even when fear and uncertainty will be ever close to your mind!

 

[jsmiam]

Hang in there sir. Well wishes all around

 

[jehoram]

Nothing I can add except my best wishes.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Tally Ho, Sir Hugs!

All the best for the week, and on into the future!

 

[sirhugs]

Thank you all. I survived yesterday with minimal tears.

TMI warning if you continue reading.

To clarify, I had the "big operation" at the end of 2018. 7 1/2 hours. They got all the tumour, but also my bladder, prostate (so...impotent), a chunk of bowel and colon, my anus, and left the ostomy. It is a rare "double barrelled" ostomy designed ro drain both srool and uriner into a single bag (most people with neither anus nor bladder have two bags). The plumbing leaked, and I had two repair surgeries in 2019.

https://www.ostomy.org/what-is-an-ostomy/

mine was a loop cholostomy but was later revised into an ileostomy, by "isolating" the rest of the large intestine while they fixed the plumbing.

They have cut my abdominal myscles so many times that there is more scar tissue than muscle left. No "core strength". Just getting out of bed requires planning.

I can eat whatever I want, as long as it has no flavour or texture.

My oncologist believes that I am cancer free, but I still have a seeping wound where my anus used to be that has never heeled, plus my ostomy devices have never been stable - that is they leak a lot and want to fall off, in places like parking lots. Plus I have underlying mild cerebral palsy limiting my dexterity which makes just emptying the bags an adventure. If you have me over for dinner, I may need to borrow a washroom, but afterwards, "cleanup on aisle three". Sorry about the bad aim. Invite me back some day? Not likely.

My ostomy nurse tells me it would be better not to roll over on my device while sleeping, but did not offer to help me find a bed mate to kick me if I roll.

I have not slept a whole night through since 2018- usually up two or three times to empty my nag, often don't get back to sleep. I suffer from fatigue, clinical depression, an anxiety disorder, a hernia that is inoperable begind my stoma, had blow blood iron that waiting to see if it is stable, and now they are investigating my heart bedfore they will give me better meds, and found something, not sure what yet, but why have one organ that works?

Clothes do not fit properly, because the bag is such a cute fashion accessory.

The significance of THIS WEEK is that the ostomy, Which is permanent, started my adeventures in medical mysteries and depression. I have not felt this down on prior anniversaries. It may be tha the concerns about my heart seem like a giant step backwards.

Have not had sex since 2016, one encounter in 2020 that was more like "making out" that ended when she realized I could not get erect.

 

[sirhugs]

on the 19th, I got measured for the ostomy, and had a pre-op medical.

 

[Rustyoznail]

Well, that sucks big time.

So riding your steed on a daily basis isn't a happening thing?

 

[Lovecraft_Lore]

That is horrible and hard but thinking about what else can go wrong will not help you get thru it.

As a kid I spent months in the children's hospital. I watched about half the other kids die. I watched kids get the best Christmas gifts money could buy...in October. I was old enough to understand why but was not allowed to tell them and they were too young to understand they were not going to be on this world anymore by Christmas. It is something I have never been able to forgive myself for, but at the time my sole concern was learning to walk again so I could walk myself out of there as soon as humanly possible. It is hard as hell to survive but the alternative to survival, that something to keep fighting against with every ounce of strength.

A poet once wrote:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light

 

[BelleCanzuto]

SirHugs - I just saw this, and want to add my support for you for the rest of the week. I don't have words of wisdom, or advice. But I am glad to see you around, and jousting with Tx about where to stable your steed.

And, I'll add this, too. I like that you went into as much detail as you did about your experience. The treatments for major medical issues can be amazing, and they can prolong life so that a person can recover and hopefully be well. But they can also suck. And they can be hard to live with. And they sometimes don't work as intended. And we rarely ever acknowledge or talk about the fact that recovering from major surgeries like that is an arduous task that never goes smoothly and sometimes doesn't go according to plan at all. I think its more than ok to acknowledge that. It's more than ok to say, "this shit sucks donkey balls, and I kinda hate that my life is like this". It doesn't mean you're giving up, or that you're not a survivor. Of course you are. And of course you'll keep going. And if coming here and writing about your experience helps in any small way, I'm all eyes.

 

[sirhugs]

That is horrible and hard but thinking about what else can go wrong will not help you get thru it.

As a kid I spent months in the children's hospital. I watched about half the other kids die. I watched kids get the best Christmas gifts money could buy...in October. I was old enough to understand why but was not allowed to tell them and they were too young to understand they were not going to be on this world anymore by Christmas. It is something I have never been able to forgive myself for, but at the time my sole concern was learning to walk again so I could walk myself out of there as soon as humanly possible. It is hard as hell to survive but the alternative to survival, that something to keep fighting against with every ounce of strength.

A poet once wrote:

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light

I have cerebral palsy , and most of the kids I did pre-school with (where I learned to walk) did not survive to adulthood. And here I am at 64...

 

[sirhugs]

and on the 20th, the doctor gave me my ostomy...

 

[Candy_Kane54]

Just make sure the doctor performs the correct procedure. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers...

 

[sirhugs]

the 21st was quiet... but the nurse was sexy.

 

[Rustyoznail]

That was a plus.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

the 21st was quiet... but the nurse was sexy.

Take your joy where you can find it.

Life is a disease. A right embuggerance.

 

[sirhugs]

it was either the 23rd or 24th that I got sent home with my new "addon" and news that thebiopsy results were in and that I would be hearing from the cancer clinic.

the week has turned out less awful than I feared and I credit a lot of that to your support. And to the alcohol. Though like everything else good or fun, it is bad with the ostomy.

thanks, my friends.