It doesn't have to hurt to be BDSM

[MissTaken]

Just a random thought after having read and participated in threads on other forums.

The general assumption is that things like floggers, riding crops, belts or whips are always used to cause severe pain and those of us who enjoy those things want to be hurt.

Then, you get into the age old nilla arguement that suggests that submissives are women with low self esteem and backward ideas.

Well, a flogger or riding crop can be used for erotic pain or even tickling.

Imagine being bound and blindfolded.
Imagine not knowing where his hand or tongue is going to venture next.
Imagine a toy or two teasing your body.
Then the cool touch of leather against skin.

To take it a step further, a flogger can be used in a fashion where the impact is pressure on your body, not excruciating pain.
Then, as with spanking, as you recieve more, you want more.

Used properly, none of these toys have to hurt, unless you want them to.

Just my random erotic thought for the day!

*sigh* It has been a long time.........

 

[snoozebutton]

Just a random thought after having read and participated in threads on other forums.

The general assumption is that things like floggers, riding crops, belts or whips are always used to cause severe pain and those of us who enjoy those things want to be hurt.

Then, you get into the age old nilla arguement that suggests that submissives are women with low self esteem and backward ideas.

Well, a flogger or riding crop can be used for erotic pain or even tickling.

Imagine being bound and blindfolded.
Imagine not knowing where his hand or tongue is going to venture next.
Imagine a toy or two teasing your body.
Then the cool touch of leather against skin.

To take it a step further, a flogger can be used in a fashion where the impact is pressure on your body, not excruciating pain.
Then, as with spanking, as you recieve more, you want more.

Used properly, none of these toys have to hurt, unless you want them to.

Just my random erotic thought for the day!

*sigh* It has been a long time......... [/QUOTE

But it sure is fun to see a little red bottom .<weg>

 

[Lancecastor]

I would suggest that if the build-up is done properly between the two there is no pain at all, as the pain is felt as pleasure.

Pain as pleasure. This is the part that people who haven't been there have trouble with...and who could blame them?

After all, on the surface, it does sound rather silly, pleasure from pain.

Then again, anyone who enjoys being nibbled on the neck during foreplay ought to be able to take that hot rush when the teeth nip their flesh and extrapolate how that sensation can be applied elsewhere.

It's a nice thought, I think, one those who haven't gone further might want to consider.



Lance

 

[Horny_angel21]

I'm really into trying new things with my partner, and have suggested a few things but im not sure how he'd take it me suggesting this to him, (its some thing i really want to try) any ideas?

 

[WynEternal]

Great post, Miss Taken. I love it when the flogger is used softly, just to tease my skin, awakening it, making me crave more and more. *sigh*

 

[Ebonyfire]

Just a random thought after having read and participated in threads on other forums.

The general assumption is that things like floggers, riding crops, belts or whips are always used to cause severe pain and those of us who enjoy those things want to be hurt.

Being a service oriented Domme, I can think of lots of things to do that do not involve pain.

There is nothing like watching a naked submissive washing dishes, after he has brought you a cool, represhing drink.

If course sometimes he has to take a break as a footstool, while you watch your favorite show on TV.

 

[MissTaken]

I'm really into trying new things with my partner, and have suggested a few things but im not sure how he'd take it me suggesting this to him, (its some thing i really want to try) any ideas?

It depends on what you are interested in.

IN my own experience and I don't speak for everyone, when introducing pain/pleasure into your play, it is most comfortable and exciting to start minimal and build up, progress into the more extreme forms of play.

Look at what you like to do and what he enjoys doing to you, then step it up a knotch at a time.

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: It doesn't have to hurt to be BDSM

But it sure is fun to see a little red bottom .<weg>

And I enjoy having a red bottom!

But, for someone who hasn't experienced a good spanking, how to explain that it doesn't hurt? I think Lance nailed it, very well.

Start with relatively soft and irregular swats.
Caressing the cheeks in between the swats can be nice as well.
When my bottom starts feeling that familiar tingle and I become wet, then I will beg for more.
I promise.
Soon, rosey pink can turn bright red and no, there is no pain, only tingling, bolts of electric like arousal and a wet and longing mound.
Sure, I might tell squirm and try to get away, but nope, I have yet to say a safeword in this situation!

(even with the clumsiest and least erotic of spanks!)

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: It doesn't have to hurt to be BDSM

Being a service oriented Domme, I can think of lots of things to do that do not involve pain.

There is nothing like watching a naked submissive washing dishes, after he has brought you a cool, represhing drink.

If course sometimes he has to take a break as a footstool, while you watch your favorite show on TV.

I am not exclusively service oriented, but it does come into play.

Serving tea the proper way or feeding him his dessert can lend itself to a nice D/s scenario.

 

[Hecate]

oh my - looks like I am on a Rambling Crusade tonight

BDSM

Bondage - nope, doesn't hurt *ticks it off*
Dominance / Domination - nope, doesn't hurt, just measn one party involved is more in control than the other *ticks it off*
Submission or Sadism ... hm - that may but must not hurt then ...
Masochism - now, wait, that measn it doesn't hurt but feel good *winks*

on a more serious note - much BDSM is happening first and foremost in the head of the participants, the mind being the biggest and most potent sexual organ and all that ... so physical pain is a component that may happen but doesn't necessarrily have to be part of the package.

Dominance and submission for example is a concept of power exchange - if that is then manifesting in deprivation of some sort, humiliation of any kind or physical Dominance involving sensation (read: welcome erotic pain)
Bondage is concentrating on the aspect of helplessness more than pain - sweet torture and temptation as has been so wonderfully described in posts above. like by Miss T. Bondage can be delightfull torture at the edge of orgasmic pleasures for sweet eternities with not so much as a tiny "ouch" involved!

Just before we loose the full picture though - S/M stands as well for Sadism and Masochism, so yes, those shades of interaction are of course possible parts of the game as well. Alas, they are voluntary parts and essences - they CAN and in many cases WILL be involved but they do not neccessarrily have to be there.

BDSM is what is happening safe, sane and consensual between two adults - with or without pain.

 

[trainee_sub]

It doesn't have to hurt to be

Wow thank you Miss Taken this is amazing i just asked a very similar question sent it off and whats the first thing I see on the board but this thread. That'll teach me to read the board every day. What you have written has really helped answer my questions. By the way I love reading this board I'm learning so much

 

[A Desert Rose]

It doesn't have to hurt to be BDSM, true....

And I never seem to get enough.

 

[Desdemona]

<snip>
Imagine being bound and blindfolded.
Imagine not knowing where his hand or tongue is going to venture next.
Imagine a toy or two teasing your body.
Then the cool touch of leather against skin.

To take it a step further, a flogger can be used in a fashion where the impact is pressure on your body, not excruciating pain.
Then, as with spanking, as you recieve more, you want more.

Used properly, none of these toys have to hurt, unless you want them to.

MissT, was that you peeking in my window this past Saturday evening??? This scenario sounds awfully familiar and makes me want to say: "Please Sir, may I have some more?"

 

[MissTaken]

Re: oh my - looks like I am on a Rambling Crusade tonight

Thank you, Mistress Hecate.

As usual, you have said what I was trying to, but much better.

Yes, there can and sometimes is pain involved. Pure, unadulterated pain as is agreed upon between the parties.

But does my being into BDSM mean I am begging for pain and and beatings to feel alive, aroused? No, not necessarily.

It is what we make of it with as little or as much of every component as we choose.

We meaning Dom/me and sub.

BDSM

Bondage - nope, doesn't hurt *ticks it off*
Dominance / Domination - nope, doesn't hurt, just measn one party involved is more in control than the other *ticks it off*
Submission or Sadism ... hm - that may but must not hurt then ...
Masochism - now, wait, that measn it doesn't hurt but feel good *winks*

on a more serious note - much BDSM is happening first and foremost in the head of the participants, the mind being the biggest and most potent sexual organ and all that ... so physical pain is a component that may happen but doesn't necessarrily have to be part of the package.

Dominance and submission for example is a concept of power exchange - if that is then manifesting in deprivation of some sort, humiliation of any kind or physical Dominance involving sensation (read: welcome erotic pain)
Bondage is concentrating on the aspect of helplessness more than pain - sweet torture and temptation as has been so wonderfully described in posts above. like by Miss T. Bondage can be delightfull torture at the edge of orgasmic pleasures for sweet eternities with not so much as a tiny "ouch" involved!

Just before we loose the full picture though - S/M stands as well for Sadism and Masochism, so yes, those shades of interaction are of course possible parts of the game as well. Alas, they are voluntary parts and essences - they CAN and in many cases WILL be involved but they do not neccessarrily have to be there.

BDSM is what is happening safe, sane and consensual between two adults - with or without pain.

 

[MissTaken]

It doesn't have to hurt to be BDSM, true....

And I never seem to get enough.

*giggles*

When I have crossed a threshold, I am almost impatient to cross the next!


for ADR

 

[MissTaken]

It doesn't have to hurt to be

Wow thank you Miss Taken this is amazing i just asked a very similar question sent it off and whats the first thing I see on the board but this thread. That'll teach me to read the board every day. What you have written has really helped answer my questions. By the way I love reading this board I'm learning so much

Welcome aboard!

I am glad you find the forum interesting and helpful.

Feel free to pop in with questions or answers at will. Oh. and the occasional joke makes for some fun, as well!

 

[cellis]

Again Hecate has managed to put everything in perspective.

It might or might not hurt... and it may or may not be a good hurt...

But whatever it is, most of us subs are begging for more!





~s

 

[jessicawilde]

Re: Re: Re: It doesn't have to hurt to be BDSM

And I enjoy having a red bottom!

But, for someone who hasn't experienced a good spanking, how to explain that it doesn't hurt? I think Lance nailed it, very well.

Start with relatively soft and irregular swats.
Caressing the cheeks in between the swats can be nice as well.
When my bottom starts feeling that familiar tingle and I become wet, then I will beg for more.
I promise.
Soon, rosey pink can turn bright red and no, there is no pain, only tingling, bolts of electric like arousal and a wet and longing mound.
Sure, I might tell squirm and try to get away, but nope, I have yet to say a safeword in this situation!

(even with the clumsiest and least erotic of spanks!)

It may be just me but that was damn arousing, LOL!

 

[MissTaken]

Re: Re: Re: Re: It doesn't have to hurt to be BDSM

It may be just me but that was damn arousing, LOL!

Glad you like!




Welcome to the forum.

Hope you enjoy your stay.

There are a few threads at the top of the forum page that will help you sort through the jumble we have.

A good jumble, to be sure!

Welcome!

 

[jessicawilde]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: It doesn't have to hurt to be BDSM

Glad you like!




Welcome to the forum.

Hope you enjoy your stay.

There are a few threads at the top of the forum page that will help you sort through the jumble we have.

A good jumble, to be sure!

Welcome!

Thanks, reading everything now and trying to add an entry to my sub blog as well