Issues with Plot

[Jack_Elation]

Not sure if this is the right section to post this as most of the threads here seem more general board calibre, but the tagline does say : Need some help writing your own story? Ask in here

I'm having trouble deciding between two alternative plot twists for a story I'm working on. Basically it's a non-consentual story about a girl who wanders into a underground sex club seeking shelter from the rain. I can't decide where to include a sub plot which creates more of a fantasy atmosphere to the plot or just keep it simple and realistic. So far I've asked two editors who enjoyed my previous work and received completely opposite suggestions.

If you'd like to help me out on this I'd really appreciate it, so far the story is still in early stages and only about a page long. Happy to send the manuscript on if anyone is interested, just send me a pm or let me know in this thread. I'm not posting the story here.

 

[Stella_Omega]

You will get a different answer from every single person that answers you in this forum-- but I wanted to be the first to applaud your handle

My take? Write two stories, both beginning from that same first page you already have. Make one 'plain and simple' and make the other fantasy. Post them both, with links from one to the other...

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

You will get a different answer from every single person that answers you in this forum-- but I wanted to be the first to applaud your handle

My take? Write two stories, both beginning from that same first page you already have. Make one 'plain and simple' and make the other fantasy. Post them both, with links from one to the other...

Or one story with two altenate endings. I don't think that's been done. It might be kind of interesting.

 

[Boxlicker101]

Is that what a plot is? I've often heard about it, and I have wondered sometimes.

 

[Weird Harold]

Basically it's a non-consentual story about a girl who wanders into a underground sex club seeking shelter from the rain. I can't decide where to include a sub plot which creates more of a fantasy atmosphere to the plot or just keep it simple and realistic.

I think either choice would work for just about anything except a non-consent story -- the fantasy element would, I think, be better received as Erotic Horror or some other category. For the best result sin the non-consent/reluctant category, I'd go with simple and realistic.

 

[Jack_Elation]

feedback to your feedback

Thanks for the feedback peoples, you were all very helpful, expect boxlicker who sounds like a douche possessed and I mean that in a harmless "jolly good show ol chap" kinda way.

Stella Omega - You're totally right, everyone will have different reflections on the issue I think my main concern is ensuring readers aren't put off by the fantasy. This nick is a porn name I thought of years ago but you know how that goes, so inundated with other work just can't seem to find the time to crack the porn game, though aren't we all... Thats a tops av pic you got there kinda looks like bob saget.
The way it is at the moment I might end up writing two stories in similar settings but as the plot would still be so similiar I can't see myself or anyone being satisfied with two submissions, unless I tweak the plot a bit...

Jenny Jackson - I think I may write two because I can't decide whether to introduce another female character or not, another dilemma.

Weird Harold - It's not uber fantasy like inhuman or supernatural powers, just a surreal setting with the prologue introducing some background on the downtown area. Hard to describe without going into it, so I think I'm just going to write it out as two stories. Some people might disagree with you saying that fantasy doesn't go well with non-consentual stories, as theres almost no limits in creating tension, but I know what you mean, I've played a scene that started off in a fantasy setting with but pretty much turned into erotic horror.

Whichever version I choose, I think it will still fall into the non consentual section as I'm not sure if it qualifies as fantasy. I'll post the prologue here and anyone feel free to let me know if you think its fantasy, I should let everyone know however that its really just background information that doesn't really change the plot.


Prologue

This plot is set in a thriving megacity, hidden deep in the bowels between the Downtown District and the Red Light Quarter lies an area known infamously as the Shadowlands. It is said the corrupt council of the city maintain an unwritten treaty with the Shadowlands, preventing any law enforcement authorities to enter the zone during designated times. In general, most of the populous have much more reason to avoid the downtown area entirely, even to pass through and so remain totally ignorant of the existence of this unique sanctuary of crime.

When the time comes the formerly abandoned buildings suddenly become host to a thriving black market, where it is said one can appease the satisfaction for any dark desire of the depraved mind. The old hotels get turn into massive multi storey brothels, factories become stores that offer a large variety of drugs, firearms, exotic animals and many other forms of services. On the open streets hookers are flanked by their pimps, who on one hand protect the girls from being exploited by violent predators but on the other hand are happy to haggle about their rates like a meaningless transaction.

An massive maze of back alleys and misleading routes connect the Shadowlands to Downtown and the rest of the city. Some of the dead ends in the maze lead to a hidden clubs which provide a more private sanctuary to those without having to actually enter the treacherous area. One of these clubs is called Sinhaven, a part underground porn store and part fetish club that caters to exclusively to its prestigious members only . It specializes in providing services such as live sex and torture shows that are streamed live via web to all their class members. The club is open only during the late evening to early morning hours, and from the front it is set up to look just like a very tacky disused ordinary Internet cafe.


******

The rest of the story is like I said, just about a girl who wanders into the underground sex club seeking shelter from the rain. So basically I'm not sure whether to leave it simple as just a generic underground sex club or include the elaborate setting.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think my main concern is ensuring readers aren't put off by the fantasy.

yeah but... some of us prefer fantasy! I like a touch of magic-realism, myself. It's hard to find in porn, I freely admit...

 

[Jack_Elation]

Ah maybe I should have said

" I think my main concern is ensuring usual non-consentual fans aren't put off by the fantasy setting"

If you know what I mean, but I do agree the magic touch is appealling and very much more literal, the only fantasy porn I've come across was majorly tacky, then again what porn that attempts to tackle a storyline isnt. In whorecraft a girl with elven ears fucked an orc on the beach (don't ask but I had to download it just to see what it would be like) and some caveman porn which was way too comical.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Caveman porn

Whip out that big club baby, you wanna bang my mastodon?"

 

[starrkers]

Caveman porn

Whip out that big club baby, you wanna bang my mastodon?"

Dammit Stella! You made me spill my beer!

Jack, I'd go with "keep it simple". Nonconsent can be a minor minefield with the audience. It's a fine line between them loving it and hating it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

BOXLICKER

There are all kinds of screwy definitions for plot, but the term is nautical and concerns the direction your story takes. That is, how do you get from HERE to THERE.

 

[Jack_Elation]

Strangely enough I couldn't find any good sites with more information regarding that caveman porn, think it was a film called cave women from 1979. However a link to dating site told me...

xxxx is your source to meeting attractive Mammoth Cave Women. Single and available Mammoth Cave girls are just a few clicks away.

wow, who could resist an offer like that.

As for my story, I've ommited the prologue but still included the corrupt city location setting, describing it just briefly in a dialogue between the two characters. Here it is, not sure if I'm glossing over it or just providing a diet version of what should be described in more detail. If so, I might leave the background setting information out entirely, though it would just seem a pity to waste it.

Exert from Sinhaven-

" Do you mean to tell me you have absolutely no idea where you are? " he asked her.

Something about his tone made her anxious and she answered him "No, I don't, really, I thought this was still part of Downtown "

"It is, but this is a very special part of downtown. It is one of the city's best kept secrets, and with good reason too. You see during special designated times this area is totally free of any kind of law enforcement or any other authority, only the local communities and the people who conduct trade here know about it. Most of the locals know to avoid this area at certain times of the night for it turns into a sanctuary for all kinds of illegal trade and criminal activities. If you were to go back out there now alone and try finding your own way home you could be gang raped or kidnapped and sold off as a sex slave to spend the rest of your life locked away in some rich prick's harem. To be honest with you I'm surprised you made it this far."

 

[slyc_willie]

With what you've posted so far, I can't help but find a few basic similarities with "Behind The Green Door." There was a strong fantasy element to that story, but only once the orgy began. The fantasy was part of the theme of the orgy, in which the young woman was the center of attention.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Strangely enough I couldn't find any good sites with more information regarding that caveman porn, think it was a film called cave women from 1979. However a link to dating site told me...

xxxx is your source to meeting attractive Mammoth Cave Women. Single and available Mammoth Cave girls are just a few clicks away.

wow, who could resist an offer like that.

As for my story, I've ommited the prologue but still included the corrupt city location setting, describing it just briefly in a dialogue between the two characters. Here it is, not sure if I'm glossing over it or just providing a diet version of what should be described in more detail. If so, I might leave the background setting information out entirely, though it would just seem a pity to waste it.

Exert from Sinhaven-

" Do you mean to tell me you have absolutely no idea where you are? " he asked her.

Something about his tone made her anxious and she answered him "No, I don't, really, I thought this was still part of Downtown "

"It is, but this is a very special part of downtown. It is one of the city's best kept secrets, and with good reason too. You see during special designated times this area is totally free of any kind of law enforcement or any other authority, only the local communities and the people who conduct trade here know about it. Most of the locals know to avoid this area at certain times of the night for it turns into a sanctuary for all kinds of illegal trade and criminal activities. If you were to go back out there now alone and try finding your own way home you could be gang raped or kidnapped and sold off as a sex slave to spend the rest of your life locked away in some rich prick's harem. To be honest with you I'm surprised you made it this far."

Well, as a gloss that works-- it definitely gets the background across.

But as dialogue, it's not so great just yet. Is that how you character would really talk? Does he have any emotional investment in what he's saying-- is he anxious for her, patronising, taunting. lighthearted?

Mmm... Mammoth cave women! I wonder how big they actually are?

 

[glynndah]

Mmm... Mammoth cave women! I wonder how big they actually are?

I read that as "Mammoth and cave women". I think it's almost bedtime.

 

[TE999]

I read that as "Mammoth and cave women". I think it's almost bedtime.

Hmmm.. so we could have a "Bride of the Mammoth'--beastiality thingie goin' on?

Cool plot line but verboten on this site.

Might be time for me to go beddy-bye too.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Hmmm.. so we could have a "Bride of the Mammoth'--beastiality thingie goin' on?

Cool plot line but verboten on this site.

Might be time for me to go beddy-bye too.

It would have to be a very tiny mammoth. Which is such an oxymoron, isn't it?

 

[keeblercrumb]

It would have to be a very tiny mammoth. Which is such an oxymoron, isn't it?

If you are dreaming... why not dream big?


Reporting direct from oxymoron central, aka Putin's Democracy...

-KC

 

[Stella_Omega]

If you are dreaming... why not dream big?


Reporting direct from oxymoron central, aka Putin's Democracy...

-KC

Several really dirty jokes come to mind...

 

[Le Jacquelope]

You will get a different answer from every single person that answers you in this forum-- but I wanted to be the first to applaud your handle

My take? Write two stories, both beginning from that same first page you already have. Make one 'plain and simple' and make the other fantasy. Post them both, with links from one to the other...

Holy smokes. An awesome thread idea with a really good reply for a proper sendoff.

"It is, but this is a very special part of downtown. It is one of the city's best kept secrets, and with good reason too. You see during special designated times this area is totally free of any kind of law enforcement or any other authority, only the local communities and the people who conduct trade here know about it. Most of the locals know to avoid this area at certain times of the night for it turns into a sanctuary for all kinds of illegal trade and criminal activities. If you were to go back out there now alone and try finding your own way home you could be gang raped or kidnapped and sold off as a sex slave to spend the rest of your life locked away in some rich prick's harem. To be honest with you I'm surprised you made it this far."

I'd say that's just fine to start, in my opinion I could envision someone talking like that, although you could be a little more brief.

"It is, but this is a very special part of downtown. It's one of the city's best kept secrets, and with good reason too. You see during certain times, this area is totally free of any kind of law enforcement or any other authority. To be blunt, if you were to go back out there now alone and try finding your own way home you could be gang raped or kidnapped and sold off as a sex slave to spend the rest of your life locked away in some rich prick's harem, and the law would not even care. To be honest with you I'm surprised you made it this far."

How does that sound?

 

[Jack_Elation]

Thanks again for the advice people, Willie that does sound kind of similar but my piece is the other way around, begins with a fantasy setting that turns into a realistic orgy. I do agree with you Stella & Loving Tongue that piece of dialogue was a little david attenborough narrator-esque, the suggested version from LovingTongue is great, if you don't mind I'll use it.

I had a similar problem with my first story, the introduction was a bit scatter brainy but luckily enough I had a great litlady come to the rescue and offer her educated services. I was so impressed I just felt compelled to write her a piece involving her favourite genre, it's still in the process and she's been helping me write bits and pieces along the way. It's gotten way too bulky in storyline however and will be in need to editing down soon. Anyway...

I've been working on the long elaborate fantasy setting and decided to use that dialogue explaining downtowns secrets in that version. Also decided to introduce another female character, a cruel russian whore who was booked to do a live sex that shows up late. The short and simple version will not feature her.

What a tangent that caveman porn has spawned. Things that come to my mind reading those posts are Daryl Hannah in her 50ft Woman role and the old hammer film Journey to the Centre of the Earth. And something about mammoths..