Weepingguitar
Fatty Smurf!
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2006
- Posts
- 2,396
ABSTRUSE said:
It's very tempting
Isolated Blurt Thread
- Thread starter McKenna
- Start date
- Status
It's very tempting
cricketbug
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Posts
- 1,142
entitled said:i get to wear shorts today!!
Hey Ent, check your PM box.
whines I wanna wear shorts!
Just because...................Yodel yodel yodel yodel
Weepingguitar
Fatty Smurf!
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2006
- Posts
- 2,396
ABSTRUSE said:
Yeah really! We should have the right to simply torch our own houses to roast marshmallows if we want to.
I just wanted to say, "Holy shit!". I can't believe that I just responded to an e-mail about my story that I had someone proofread that is 2,827 words long. That's a long ass response. However, I do love what the proofreader sent me. I shall post the initial part now, as it brings me much delight:
"Hi Rika, Well, I spent about 6 hours pondering your story. I put a few suggested changes in parentheses. More importantly, I don't think this story is very cohesive. The main problem is the first section (which is by far the best) takes place in real life, with real characters. I don't see why it is so important that the wild woman woos the shy boy, but I least I could follow the plot. However when you suddenly left the nightclub situation and got into the life/death philosophical stuff, you confused me and most of the writing made absolutely no sense. The ending was the weakest....was Collin a vampire? It almost sounds like the ice situation, bird description and the final creature antics was a dream sequence, but none of the important questions suggested earlier in the story were answered. . . .
It's extremely difficult to integrate metaphysical elements into a simple scene of fast girlfriend/shocked boyfriend. The 2nd half of the story merely wanders, and at the end one wonders why the initial characters even needed to be introduced. You really have two potential stories here, and right now they are strange bedfellows."
This comes from an author here at the AH who shall remain anon. They don't know I'm posting this and I wouldn't want to offend them. I liked that they challenged me, and provoked a story in and of itself for a response. If I get this kind of feedback when I submit the story, which is in a final revision process and soon to be submitted, I shall be much pleased.
"Hi Rika, Well, I spent about 6 hours pondering your story. I put a few suggested changes in parentheses. More importantly, I don't think this story is very cohesive. The main problem is the first section (which is by far the best) takes place in real life, with real characters. I don't see why it is so important that the wild woman woos the shy boy, but I least I could follow the plot. However when you suddenly left the nightclub situation and got into the life/death philosophical stuff, you confused me and most of the writing made absolutely no sense. The ending was the weakest....was Collin a vampire? It almost sounds like the ice situation, bird description and the final creature antics was a dream sequence, but none of the important questions suggested earlier in the story were answered. . . .
It's extremely difficult to integrate metaphysical elements into a simple scene of fast girlfriend/shocked boyfriend. The 2nd half of the story merely wanders, and at the end one wonders why the initial characters even needed to be introduced. You really have two potential stories here, and right now they are strange bedfellows."
This comes from an author here at the AH who shall remain anon. They don't know I'm posting this and I wouldn't want to offend them. I liked that they challenged me, and provoked a story in and of itself for a response. If I get this kind of feedback when I submit the story, which is in a final revision process and soon to be submitted, I shall be much pleased.
Weepingguitar
Fatty Smurf!
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2006
- Posts
- 2,396
ABSTRUSE said:
Absolutely! Women burned their bras, now we can burn our houses! Down with house cleaning!
Ooo a fire would be extra nice and toasty warm right now ^_^
Weepingguitar
Fatty Smurf!
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2006
- Posts
- 2,396
ABSTRUSE said:
The best neighborhood cook out ever. They'll remember ya for years.
Weepingguitar
Fatty Smurf!
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2006
- Posts
- 2,396
ABSTRUSE said:It could start a trend as well.
Yeah, but then it might become too trendy. Everyone will know it was a great idea, but no one would ever admit to it. It's like Barry Manilow. Not many people will admit to that old stash of records.
Soon no one would admit to the charred foundation under their new house. But it would come back in time...once the mess got to be too much again. I'm sure they'd put a new twist on it though, like blowing up the house instead of simply lighting it on fire.
Aurora Black
Professional Dreamer
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2005
- Posts
- 14,318
A Series of Blurts, by Aurora Black
The damn mosquito that bit me the other night must have been infected. My ankles are so swollen from the bites, they look like hamhocks!
Mmm, Cheetos.
Mmm, M&Ms.
Mmm, beer. My first in 6 years. Miller Genuine Draft. Had to walk into the deepest darkest suburbs to get a bottle, but it was worth it.
The damn mosquito that bit me the other night must have been infected. My ankles are so swollen from the bites, they look like hamhocks!
Mmm, Cheetos.
Mmm, M&Ms.
Mmm, beer. My first in 6 years. Miller Genuine Draft. Had to walk into the deepest darkest suburbs to get a bottle, but it was worth it.
Last edited:
entitled
the quiet one
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2002
- Posts
- 17,813
So come see me. It's only 10:30 and already over 70 degrees.cricketbug said:Hey Ent, check your PM box.
whines I wanna wear shorts!
Just because...................Yodel yodel yodel yodel
hehehehehe...
How many cups of sugar does it take to get to the moon?
cricketbug
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Posts
- 1,142
entitled said:
Okay, I'll pack up the twerp and be there in a couple'a days!
Three and a half?
cricketbug
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Posts
- 1,142
entitled said:Airfare's cheaper than driving if you reserve a couple weeks ahead of time. Wanna go eventing?
Oooh, Tempting! I'm teaching an English Comp class on Thursdays, have to be home for it. So....Friday through Wednesday would work....
Aurora Black
Professional Dreamer
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2005
- Posts
- 14,318
You Colorado kids are cute.
entitled
the quiet one
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2002
- Posts
- 17,813
Poifect! Come in on Friday morning (the fifth) and we'll have time to make you some quick garb and we'll go to the event. Lasts from Friday night through Sunday morning. Rest of the time we'll putz, and send you home Tuesday or Wednesday or something.cricketbug said:Oooh, Tempting! I'm teaching an English Comp class on Thursdays, have to be home for it. So....Friday through Wednesday would work....
Salvor-Hardon
A kiss is still a kiss
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2004
- Posts
- 15,669
Things you are never prepared for in fatherhood:
Explaining to your 8 year old son why "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen is such a great song but you can never call a girl that to her face.
Hearing your 2 year old say Duuude! just after you do when see a hot girl on tv.
The pride of seeing your son make a lego guitar player and trying to hum the riff of "shook you all night long"
2 naked boys, looking at teh bath tub and wondering how much trouble they are in and trying to figure out what they did before they notice you are behind them.
Explaining to your 8 year old son why "Fat Bottom Girls" by Queen is such a great song but you can never call a girl that to her face.
Hearing your 2 year old say Duuude! just after you do when see a hot girl on tv.
The pride of seeing your son make a lego guitar player and trying to hum the riff of "shook you all night long"
2 naked boys, looking at teh bath tub and wondering how much trouble they are in and trying to figure out what they did before they notice you are behind them.
cricketbug
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Aug 25, 2002
- Posts
- 1,142
entitled said:
oooooh! *pondering ways to tell the hubby....*
Aurora - Thanks, we try!
Weepingguitar
Fatty Smurf!
- Joined
- Jan 19, 2006
- Posts
- 2,396
Salvor-Hardon said:
Are they going to grow up to be just like daddy?
Aurora Black
Professional Dreamer
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2005
- Posts
- 14,318
Weepingguitar said:
Awwwww...
entitled
the quiet one
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2002
- Posts
- 17,813
Been there, done that, with one boy. Add two girls to the mix (that are at least just as much trouble as the one boy) and you have my life.Salvor-Hardon said:
Which reminds me... The oldest walked into my room a couple of weeks ago when i was changing for dance class, looked at me funny and said "Mommy, you have funny looking boobs."
Rora - And damned good at it.
bug - Same way i'm going to tell the RA that you're staying? "Hey, guess what i'm doing for the next week...." as the door slams on my way out.
- Status
