Is this why we are here, just to suffer?

[MisterWindDong]

I can't sleep, my body aches, and nothing is scratching the itch. After years of internal debate, the stars have aligned: I'm going to write my own smut.

For the next 10 hours, I'm consumed in horny-induced writing frenzy.

As the haze lifts, consciousness returning, I bear witness: a 6.5k word fetish-laden masterpiece lies before me. I create my account, (since I of course hadn't thought that far ahead) realize I have to wait to be admitted, and, with no other recourse, finally go to bed.

I wake up 12 hours later to the alert of my account being accepted. I hastily submit my work, before realizing there's *another* period of waiting; the work must be manually reviewed. I sigh, and go about my life.

In only 12 short hours, the work is reviewed, accepted, and set to publish at midnight, much to my pleasant surprise.

As the day turns, early views hitting, I sit down to enjoy the work in its shiny new published format.

I'm horrified.

My work is on life-support. It is positively BURSTING at the seams with amateur writing mistakes. Tense slop at every turn. Jarring pacing interrupting flows. Meaningless repetition. The only thing keeping it from flatlining is its powerful core, and strong understanding of the fetish. I grab my keyboard, furious at past me, who allowed this travesty to occur. You fucking idiot.

Another 7 hours pass as I perform a triple-bypass open heart surgery, touching almost every single paragraph of the work, correcting the sins of my past. Slowly but surely, I dissect and reconstruct my piece, and finally... it is done. Despite everything, the story is able to stand on it's own legs. A single tear runs down my eye as I resubmit the now 8k edit, knowing I've saved a life today.

That was three days ago.

Views and ratings continue to pour in own my original piece, ignorant that it's true beauty lies in Pending Prison. I refresh the page every hour, but its always the same. Pending. Pending. Always Pending.

Friends, I may not make it. I feel my life ebbing with every f5. I just want you all to know, as my consciousness fades: I love you all.

(Also, before you say it, I know 3 days is a perfectly normal amount of time for a work to be pending. This post is just a light-hearted outlet for me to be a big baby and vent my frustration that I can't have everything I want as soon as I want it. Feel free to join in and do the same, and we can all wail and bemoan at life's great injustices.)

 

[TheRedChamber]

I mean, possibly find yourself a beta reader?

 

[StillStunned]

Two tips:

Before submitting, run Read Aloud or another text-to-speech feature for quality control.

And prepare to be patient. Edits take far, far longer to approve than new stories. About three or four weeks seems to be normal.

But welcome to the hobby! And by hobby I don't mean writing: I mean obsessing over the publication process.

 

[MisterWindDong]

I mean, possible find yourself a beta reader?

See, that kind of thing requires planning and foresight, we don't do that in this house.

 

[TheRedChamber]

See, that kind of thing requires planning and foresight, we don't do that in this house.

And ironically my comment itself contained a typo. I should probably find myself a beta reader just for participating on this forum.

 

[MisterWindDong]

Two tips:

Before submitting, run Read Aloud or another text-to-speech feature for quality control.

And prepare to be patient. Edits take far, far longer to approve than new stories. About three or four weeks seems to be normal.

But welcome to the hobby! And by hobby I don't mean writing: I mean obsessing over the publication process.

Yea, that's a really good idea actually. Though I feel like listening to something read my story aloud would horrify me. "Oh my god, I wrote this? Am i this beyond help?" kinda vibes.

And that's... that's normal? Edits take longer?

Also, I appreciate the welcome! I feel very at home, I have innate talent at obsessing over things I can't control.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Yea, that's a really good idea actually. Though I feel like listening to something read my story aloud would horrify me. "Oh my god, I wrote this? Am i this beyond help?" kinda vibes.

And that's... that's normal? Edits take longer?

Yeah, they seem to go to the back of the queue. Unfortunately that means that by the time they come through, your story won't be on the new pages any more. Chalk it up to experience for next time!

 

[MisterWindDong]

And ironically my comment itself contained a typo. I should probably find myself a beta reader just for participating on this forum.

I thought about being pedantic and pointing that out, but it was against the spirit of the thread. Your well-intentioned and ironically poignant feedback is welcome here, despite me immediately discarding for the same reasons you needed to give it in the first place.

 

[MisterWindDong]

Yeah, they seem to go to the back of the queue. Unfortunately that means that by the time they come through, your story won't be on the new pages any more. Chalk it up to experience for next time!

I love learning, its the best.

If you hear screaming somewhere in the distance, its not me, promise. Totally unrelated, could be anybody really

 

[StillStunned]

Also, I appreciate the welcome! I feel very at home, I have innate talent at obsessing over things I can't control.

Oh, you'll fit right in! Viewing numbers, what day is best for publishing, how long a story should be, which category is best, how to attract more comments, why your newest story doesn't have a red H, who the troll is who's been 1-bombing your stories, whether the sweeps will remove any of the 1s... All this and more!

 

[MisterWindDong]

Oh, you'll fit right in! Viewing numbers, what day is best for publishing, how long a story should be, which category is best, how to attract more comments, why your newest story doesn't have a red H, who the troll is who's been 1-bombing your stories, whether the sweeps will remove any of the 1s... All this and more!

The viewing numbers and analyzing every account that favorites is my current hook right now. I don't worry too much about category or ideal length/ etc. at the moment, as what I want to write is very niche to begin with. You'll either love it or hate it. The 1 bombers I understand, maybe building flattening futa cock-n-balls wasn't your cup of tea, that's ok!

Honestly I'm really happy with the performance of the story even in its 1.0 state, given its my first ever long form-ish writing. It's functionally a pure indulgence fetish piece, but it seems I accomplished my goal of weaving chemistry between the protagonists to create romantic / emotional merit, despite the absurdity. That's why I'm so impatient about the edit: I feel like I captured their spirits so much more effectively, improving the overall quality of the story behind the fetish, which really matters to me.

Alas, the prison bars hold. Never again shall I allow sleep deprivation and horny brain to lead me astray and press publish early

 

[SimonDoom]

There are real problems.

And there are First-World problems.

And then there are First-World smut writer problems.

We've all been there.

 

[MisterWindDong]

They never tell you about these things when you pick up the pen, you know? Its all cock, tits, and rainbows.

Then BAM, despair.

We'll muster on, soldier. we'll muster on.

 

[Bamagan]

Alas, the prison bars hold. Never again shall I allow sleep deprivation and horny brain to lead me astray and press publish early

https://64.media.tumblr.com/1d168d9ba9e9f6ea743ebd59029ae350/tumblr_inline_ossuioB4LG1rwuevv_500.gif

 

[TheLobster]

Premature publication is not a very serious condition you should be worried about. With a little bit of experience and practice, it is perfectly possible to learn to delay immediate gratification of favorites and votes.

Before long, I'm sure you'll be able to ensure that both parties, writer and readers, are totally and thoroughly satisfied.

 

[MisterWindDong]

https://64.media.tumblr.com/1d168d9ba9e9f6ea743ebd59029ae350/tumblr_inline_ossuioB4LG1rwuevv_500.gif

Don't tell anyone, but I wrote that knowing damn well I was lying to myself and the world at large. *but its our secret, shhhh*

 

[MisterWindDong]

Premature publication is not a very serious condition you should be worried about. With a little bit of experience and practice, it is perfectly possible to learn to delay immediate gratification of favorites and votes.

Before long, I'm sure you'll be able to ensure that both parties, writer and readers, are totally and thoroughly satisfied.

I can't tell if you are being serious or ironic; i'm going to respond as though its serious, because its very wholesome and i appreciate your encouragement. I believe you too, I do think that with some experience, I will be able to get a story in a better state even if I find revisions I'd like to make after the fact.

If it was ironic, it's still hilarious, so I love this comment either way

 

[MisterWindDong]

Ah I realized what it was, I love how it reads like the fine print on a pill bottle.

"Publishing Smut has not been approved by the FDA, and may include side effects such as Premature Publication, Vote Hoarding, Comment-phobia, Viewer-count Obsessing, and elevated heartrate. Some of these conditions may be serious.

If you experience Premature Publication for longer than 3 weeks, make an appointment with your local editor to get help."

IDK if that was your goal, but its canon now, you are welcome

 

[TheLobster]

I can't tell if you are being serious or ironic; i'm going to respond as though its serious, because its very wholesome and i appreciate your encouragement. I believe you too, I do think that with some experience, I will be able to get a story in a better state even if I find revisions I'd like to make after the fact.

If it was ironic, it's still hilarious, so I love this comment either way

It’s serious, I just delivered it in a whimsical way. I know from experience it all gets better in time

 

[MisterWindDong]

It’s serious, I just delivered it in a whimsical way. I know from experience it all gets better in time

As with all things, the main secret is to keep at it. I appreciate it, and I'm already looking forward to writing another story with my two little (well, one not-so-little) lovebirds. Ah, the joys of enjoying your own silly characters

 

[MisterWindDong]

Hay, though it burns bright, burns away quick
And the first rain washes off the soot
Suffering is overrated

One of those poet-stricken mornings...

I agree 100% actually, this post is a good example of how I keep from *actually* suffering. I enjoy being really over dramatic and going balls-to-the-wall when it comes to small, inconsequential nothing-problems. Release a lot of steam, have a good laugh at the absurdity, or let myself be the butt of a joke without it actually hurting any feelings, since the stakes are low. The big problems in life, especially today, are very hard to have fun with or take lightly, ya know? Lotta yuck out there, sadly.

That said, I enjoyed the poem, let me see if i can respond with one in the spirit of the thread:

a lego in a bucket: rain to the ocean.
Yet that same drop, tread upon:
creates a tempest.

 

[lovecraft68]

Congrats on the awakening of your muse.

Like anything else, this is a learning curve, and we all suffer growing pains anytime we try something new. You learned that you can't immediately and impulsively upload something in a rush, that you need to have a cooling period during which you have someone else take a look, or just go through it yourself and fix as much as you can.

Submitting an edited version takes longer to approve than a standard story, and when the fixed version comes through it does not bump the story back to new status so the first few days your story is out will end up being the biggest influx of readers. But if you publish more stories, and it sounds like you will, new stories draw attention to previous ones and that group will see the better version.

Don't obsess over it, take the beating, and move forward without looking back.

My first story here was a mess, bad punctuation, some typos, inconsistent dialogue tags, writing itself kind of clunky in spots.

But I kept going and that was fifteen years ago.

We all start somewhere, and the good news for you is it won't be hard to improve the quality of the next one.

 

[lovecraft68]

Hay, though it burns bright, burns away quick
And the first rain washes off the soot
Suffering is overrated

One of those poet-stricken mornings...

The writing equivalent to the walk of shame

 

[onehitwanda]

Words are infinitely more powerful than sticks and stones. Writing begets pain. Pain is weakness leaving the body. Therefore as a writer, you have to be a god-tier masochist.

this has been a koan from Radio Free Wanda. And now, a word from our sponsors.

 

[HordHolm]

Are we here just to suffer? Why yes. And you'll be grateful, too...