Is this true?

[Jada59]

I belong to a women's group elsewhere. One of the women is asking questions that don't really make a lot of sense to me but they are things about a Dom/sub relationship.

Another woman who says she is not in that type of relationship mentioned a "sub par" male. She went on to explain that if a woman is a sub, she can only get into relationships (as in additional relationships) with other males who are subs.

Is there some weird rule about this? I should think each couple would make up their own rules to suit them.

 

[Ali_Cat]

As in a friendship or sexual relationship? Either way that sounds like a preference rather than a “rule”.

 

[seela]

Consent is pretty much the only universal rule in BDSM.

The rule you described is definitely just something the couple in question finds works for them, but it doesn't mean others would have to follow the same method.

 

[Jada59]

As in a friendship or sexual relationship? Either way that sounds like a preference rather than a “rule”.

Sexual relationship. And that's what I thought. Thanks!

 

[Jada59]

Consent is pretty much the only universal rule in BDSM.

The rule you described is definitely just something the couple in question finds works for them, but it doesn't mean others would have to follow the same method.

The woman who said it isn't even into BDSM so I have no clue where she got it from. I did ask her. She never got back to me.

 

[Knoturnal]

I doubt you’d want to let your Dom know your seeing another one either way. You would probably only have one after that and if you didn’t let him know I doubt you could consider it true poly.
If he or she liked sharing you with others then that would be a relationship rule between them and yourself and usually considered a non-mono relationship. It’s really according to what type of agreement you have.

 

[UsuallyPresent]

Depends on the relationship. Some relationships are monogamous, some are poly on both sides, some poly on only one. Some require explicit consent each and every time, others only the first time, still others just need notification in a reasonable period of time, and yet others don't care as long as the couple can count on each other as friends w/ benefits or something more. The spectra of choices are huge and deeply diverse.


Those particular rules Jada mentioned - subs can get with other subs for sex, but not vanilla or dominants - I've seen one couple use, but that was years ago and I'd not seen them for a decade or more now.

 

[cascadiabound]

I belong to a women's group elsewhere. One of the women is asking questions that don't really make a lot of sense to me but they are things about a Dom/sub relationship.

Another woman who says she is not in that type of relationship mentioned a "sub par" male. She went on to explain that if a woman is a sub, she can only get into relationships (as in additional relationships) with other males who are subs.

Is there some weird rule about this? I should think each couple would make up their own rules to suit them.

pffft

ridiculous. there is no blanket rule for this or anything else.
life is way to complicated, and each relationship is its own thing.

your woman-friend has no idea what she is talking about.

 

[amofiga]

I belong to a women's group elsewhere. One of the women is asking questions that don't really make a lot of sense to me but they are things about a Dom/sub relationship.

Another woman who says she is not in that type of relationship mentioned a "sub par" male. She went on to explain that if a woman is a sub, she can only get into relationships (as in additional relationships) with other males who are subs.

Is there some weird rule about this? I should think each couple would make up their own rules to suit them.

Never heard of such a thing. The only thing I say about "sexual relationship rules" is that you make your own rules with those with whom you have a consensual relationship. Your rules are your rules and somebody else's rules are theirs.

 

[seeshelly]

Who would the rulers be?

I belong to a women's group elsewhere. One of the women is asking questions that don't really make a lot of sense to me but they are things about a Dom/sub relationship.

Another woman who says she is not in that type of relationship mentioned a "sub par" male. She went on to explain that if a woman is a sub, she can only get into relationships (as in additional relationships) with other males who are subs.

Is there some weird rule about this? I should think each couple would make up their own rules to suit them.

The concept of there being "rules" means that somewhere there are sex "rulers," or relationship "rulers." A person only has "rulers" if they abdicate the responsibility of using their free well to rule themselves. The fact that others may have an unquenchable thirst to rule over others doesn't change things. In the end it is up to each of us to either rule ourselves or let some other human rule over us. Regardless of the category in life - deciding to let some other human "RULE" you is a horrible mistake. It forces you to live with the consequences of someone else's decisions.

 

[DVS]

I belong to a women's group elsewhere. One of the women is asking questions that don't really make a lot of sense to me but they are things about a Dom/sub relationship.

Another woman who says she is not in that type of relationship mentioned a "sub par" male. She went on to explain that if a woman is a sub, she can only get into relationships (as in additional relationships) with other males who are subs.

Is there some weird rule about this? I should think each couple would make up their own rules to suit them.

There might be some groups where members are required or agree to stick to such rules. There are all kinds of different thoughts when a group of people get together and set up their group rules.

But, for individual couples, you set your own rules. The two of you decide if the dominant partner can have more submissives, and if the submissive partner can find other doms. And if the submissive is also a switch, he/she might want to find another partner for that.

It's also possible to bring that third person into the couple, if everybody agrees. There are poly groups where everybody is connected to one or more members of the group in one way or another.

It all comes down to consenting adults and what everybody agrees to. That's the key. It's only healthy if everybody involved agrees to what's going on.

 

[phil_o]

Are there any rules in love and sex , and if there are who makes them?

 

[Knoturnal]

Are there any rules in love and sex , and if there are who makes them?

The love and sex rulers of course ..... or the cops if you do something to someone they don’t want and someone files a complaint on you about. Love and sex contracts aren’t usually worth the paper they are written on. In the government you are pretty much protected from free speech but in a private business? They can pretty much do what they want. There are people you can complain to or write things about in a place someone might read but really?

 

[Lascivity]

People often talk about what works for them as though it's the way things are done, or the only way of doing a certain thing. I don't think they mean to cause confusion or impose themselves. It's useful to engage with online kink communities on the understanding that basically everything anybody says is silently prefaced with, "In my opinion..." or "In my experience..." or "In my relationship..."

 

[Jada59]

Thanks everyone!

 

[Acktion]

As everyone has said, there is no one right way. Your kink is not mine, my kink is not yours, and so long as we aren't trying to make things work between us, then that is perfectly okay.

Having said that...

I can see some merit behind this "rule." There is an old, old saying that "you can not serve two masters." And old cliches become so because there is more than a modicum of truth to them.

If I am serving as Master in a twenty-four/seven M/s dynamic, or a Mentor/mentee, or Owner/pet, then no. I reserve the right to say just who she can play with and how far it will go. And I won't authorize another "Alpha dom" who may give her conflicting orders to my standing designs. She can talk to whomever she wishes. But, when it verges on trying to gain her submission, I draw the line. And if He can't recognize and respect that limit, then I have no respect for the poacher. And if she can't respect that limit, then whatever our relationship was, it is not that anymore.

Acting in the capacity of Daddy to a little or middle, that is still a twenty-four/seven dynamic. However, rather than reserving the right to say who, I feel that I deserve to know who and when. If possible, beforehand. And again, I would have some problems with another "I am Alpha, hear me roar" that I didn't know well (much less one I have some knowledge of and have warned her off) coming in and possibly ordering her to do something that would undermine the over-all plan of development and possibly set her back.

Acting as a Top or Sir, then I understand that we are only in it for the play, and neither of us are heavily invested. We play, then go our separate ways until and unless we come back together for another sex-ssion. Here, I only require that I know if there is someone else at the same time. Other than that, it's really not my business and I hope she has a good time. By the same token, however, my interest in putting her back together when He wasn't careful enough with His little fucktoy and broke her, of being aftercare for some other Person's fun, is going to be limited. Once, shit happens. Twice, she needs to be more careful. Three times, I think I've got something better to do. To, with, and for someone else.

***shrug***

I don't insist on my interpretation. It's just been my experiences that multiple Dominants in anything other than a "pay-as-you-play" plan don't tend to work out real well over time unless the Dominants in question have a close commiserate relationship, understanding, and respect for each other and "The Work." And typically, in my case, I don't work real well as "second-banana" in anything other than a "one-and-done" situation.

Your mileage, of course, may vary.

After all, not every "bedroom-only-submissive" is going to be a fan of my binding her into position face down, hooking suction machines to her nipples, inserting a metallic butt plug with a bar arching over her back with a violet wand set so it makes contact with if she tries to ease up off the Hitachi wand underneath, a piston-driven dildo inserted in her pussy, then move around to fuck her face and throat while I swing a fifteen-inch leather flogger left-handed and a paddle with my right... and occasionally setting the flogger and paddle aside in favor of the candles and ice... or the Wartenberg wheel and a single long-stem rose (with thorns intact)...