Is this right?

[gypsy4191]

My Ex said he was a dom and wanted me to be his sub. OKay i can dig that, ive always wanted to be, and to start off with it was just light stuff like tying down and blindfolding and stuff like that.
When he said he wanted to move on to whips and stuff, i was cool with that as well, but then he started with really hard paddles and stuff but that's not what bothers me, what i was wondering was right was, he used to smack me across the face, quite hard actually, quite a few times i had to call in to work and say i was sick because i had black eyes and bruises. He said that it was normal behaviour for a dom, is that true?

 

[HawkEye38]

Normal is not a real term. Especially not in the realm of BDSM. It becomes one of those "perception becomes reality" deals.

It all depends on whether or not you feel it's right, or if you like it. Your opinion and decision is all that matters here.

Although, I would take a guess that you knew the answer before you posted

I'll let other, more knowlegable, people comment on whether in thier experience what he did was normal or not. Just wanted to point out that it sounds like you've already made up your mind in the matter, and are looking for support, which is fine.

 

[graceanne]

I agree with hawkeye, to a point. Is he in control when he's hitting you in the face? Is your job on the line cause of these bruises?

 

[shy slave]

I may get shot down in flames for this response but the following occurs to me:

If your asking if its ok, you already think it isn't.

I had a Dom like that, he was a bully and it showed in other aspects of his personality. BDSM is not an excuse to beat up women.

Did he financially compenstate you for days lost from work? if not why not?

I am glad he is your ex, their are better people out there.

 

[graceanne]

I may get shot down in flames for this response but the following occurs to me:

If your asking if its ok, you already think it isn't.

I had a Dom like that, he was a bully and it showed in other aspects of his personality. BDSM is not an excuse to beat up women.

Did he financially compenstate you for days lost from work? if not why not?

I am glad he is your ex, their are better people out there.

Wow I didn't even catch that she said he was her ex. *whew* I'm glad.

 

[Royalton]

I want to add something to what ShySlave said

"normal" is something that you have to define, is your experience.

Now, if you are questioning, it could be as Shy said: you may be thinking it is not right for you

and I add: or, you like it and are OK with it, but the problem is that it is interfering with your everyday life (work, social activities, etc.)

if the second applies, you have to make a decision: how much you need/value your job, social life, etc., if the first applies, well...you need to re-evaluate your relationship.

I've just realized of the word "ex"

 

[Milambus]

what i was wondering was right was, he used to smack me across the face, quite hard actually, quite a few times i had to call in to work and say i was sick because i had black eyes and bruises. He said that it was normal behaviour for a dom, is that true?

No, I do not believe smacking a pyl across the face so hard that they bruise and can not go to work is common. I use the word common rather than normal, becasue as other have said normal is a rather odd word to use when talking about BDSM at all. =)

Some PYL smack their subs on the face, and I'm sure that some leave bruises when they do so. However, I believe it is a fairly common limit for many pyl to not allow bruises in visible areas to avoid questions at work/by friends/etc.

But regardless of whether something is common or normal, if you do not enjoy it and/or it causes you undo difficulties in your life then you need to discuss that with your PYL and express that you wish it to stop.

 

[bullaford]

gypsy, as the previous posters have said, it sounds as if you are questioning if what he did was right or not.

Some Doms and subs get off on hitting and being hit in the face. Is it normal? That really shouldn't be the question, you should ask .. was it okay for YOU? If it isn't okay for you, then don't let somebody tell you that it is "normal", "everybody does it", "if you were a real sub ....".

Are you questioning whether or not the next Dom will want to hit you in the face? You'll have to ask Him/Her, as everyones kinks are different.

 

[gypsy4191]

Thank you everyone for being understanding and for replying.
Graceanne i love your pet, it's so cute.
I think i will make sure ahead of time, next time that there will be no facial contact that allows bruising, Thanks again

 

[graceanne]

Thank you everyone for being understanding and for replying.
Graceanne i love your pet, it's so cute.
I think i will make sure ahead of time, next time that there will be no facial contact that allows bruising, Thanks again

Thanks. And I'm glad to hear it. There are lists that you can fill out on limits and things like that, and you should before you go into another bdsm relationship. *hugs* As long as you learned something, that's what's important.

 

[shy slave]

Thank you everyone for being understanding and for replying.
Graceanne i love your pet, it's so cute.
I think i will make sure ahead of time, next time that there will be no facial contact that allows bruising, Thanks again

Grace is right there are lots of lists, and limits change.

Andante has moved all the edges of my original limits. Some have disappeared, some are further down the line than they were.

BDSM is about trust as well as communication. Once you have had a difficult experience it can be difficult to trust the next person.

I hope you find someone who understands you and respects what you have to give them.

With love

 

[HawkEye38]

Thank you everyone for being understanding and for replying.
Graceanne i love your pet, it's so cute.
I think i will make sure ahead of time, next time that there will be no facial contact that allows bruising, Thanks again

Woot!

 

[writerz01]

My 2 Cents

Each person in a relationship has their wants and needs. Whether "nilla" or BDSM. Those things are ever changing in a relationship.
Brutality is never exceptable, no matter what kind of relationship you are in. BDSM, even hard core doesn't translate into brutality. Seems your ex was into the later rather than BDSM. I think you're lucky he is an ex, not the present. You could have very well ended up on the front page of the local paper.
Good luck to you in the future. Do some research on the lifestyle if you wish to contniue in it. It will keep you from getting hurt.

 

[subbie_333]

he used to smack me across the face, quite hard actually, quite a few times i had to call in to work and say i was sick because i had black eyes and bruises. He said that it was normal behaviour for a dom, is that true?

Nope.


subbie_333