Is this cheating?

[Cheyenne]

Someone asked me this question last night and I didn't have an answer.

A single person on this board meets a married person on this board. They fuck. The married person is obviously "cheating." But, what about the single person? Is he/she "cheating?" I don't think so, but I don't think the person is innocent either. I just didn't have a name for what to call him/her.

Would the name label be different depending on the circumstances? Is a full blown love affair different from a one night stand fuck fest?

 

[Starfish]

Hum, good questions.
I would say that if the person who is single is aware of the marital status of the other person and urges the situation to go further, than they are plainly a bad person, but as for cheating, who are they cheating on? Themselves, of course!

Love affair vs. one night stand. Hum, if both are hidden and not agreed upon, they are both cheating, and both just as bad as the other. I would assume duration has nothing to do with deception, once the harm has been done, it's been done.

 

[Juspar Emvan]

Litteral fuck or cyber fuck?

Is the spouse aware of the member's activities on the board?

Is there any mutual understanding?


IF we are taling out actual fucking or even the intent to, with deliberate intent to withold than information from the spouse, then I agree - it is cheating and both participants are guilty.


MHO

 

[Cheyenne]

Literally fucking, not cyberfucking.

Spouse not aware. Although that is an interesting twist- does it matter if the spouse knows? The label for the single person changes if the spouse knows?

 

[TonyG]

NO, the single person label does not change in the eyes of most of society but the spouse now gets a label.

 

[Nobody Special]

And what is that lable??

E

 

[SimplySouthern]

To me, there are a few ways to look at this and a few more questions I would have to have answered before I can "pass judgement". First off, with no background, I would have to say that of course the married person is cheating, but the single person has no one to "cheat on" so they aren't cheating. They may be a bad person and a homewrecker, but they aren't cheating on anyone.

Further, regarding the spouse involved, is it a person they know? A friend? If so, that takes it to an all new level of low. I would have to also know if it were a one-time-only thing or a "leave your wife for me I love you" thing. That defines a few things.

Alright, folks, fess up. Who's sleeping with who and why am I not getting any? Share people, we are a family

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Alright, folks, fess up. Who's sleeping with who and why am I not getting any? Share people, we are a family

I'm sleeping with none... See my "Sleeping Single" thread...

And I'm not getting any either... maybe we can do something about that

 

[Skitten]

I have to agree with SS on this one. The married one is cheating and unless the single one is involved with someone else. I would say no Yes she may be a bad person for knowing that he is married. But I do not consider that cheating being a homewrecker yes. But no they are not cheating they are wrong it what they are doing, but that is about it.

 

[Blackbich]

HHMMM...Depending on the circumstances, I'd say (at the risk of sounding like a bitch - oops, too late!) the married party is definitely committing adultery, the single party is a homewrecker. The single person shouldn't be held responsible if the married party lied about being married, which happens. When you are the party who's been cheated on, it doesn't matter if it was a one night stand or if it was during the entire length of the marriage - it hurts, maybe a little less if it was one night but it still hurts.

 

[Bs]

But, what about the single person? Is he/she "cheating?" I don't think so, but I don't think the person is innocent either. I just didn't have a name for what to call him/her.

Hopefully, very discrete. Maybe a close freind. And, in some cases a very good marriage counsler.

Would the name label be different depending on the circumstances?

Yes. It would but only if they get caught.

Is a full blown love affair different from a one night stand fuck fest?

OH, absolutely but only if they get caught.

 

[Charly]

I guess we all have to agree it is cheating. That is, obtaining something by deceit. They are taking what they want by deceiving someone else who is involved.

We all hurt people.

By prejudice,

Because it is our job,

By Killing in war, etc.

How do we be "as good as we can be" and still satisfy our own desires and needs, without the danger of hurting someone besides ourselves? (Hurting ourselves doesn't count, that's a birth right!)

Cheating in a relationship, or marriage, would also have to include to some degree, all of the following:

Secretly chatting on line.

E-mail in secret.

Sexual role playing secretly

Phone sex.

Flirting with a co-worker.

Letting flirtation develop into a close friendship.

Getting high at a party and engaging in fondling short of intercourse -- secretly.

Having a date, secretly.

Having sex, secretly.

We all draw the line someplace and try to satisfy our needs as carefully as possible to avoid hurting people we are close to. With varying degrees of success.

Bill Clinton doesn't think he went too far to this day. His line hasn't been drawn yet. I don't really care what he does sexually. I hate it that he lied and set the example that nothing matters, nothing is important, when he said, "It depends what you mean by 'is"

Oops, sorry didn't mean to get off on Bill.

Try not to hurt, try not to kill.

 

[fgarvb1]

Man, i don't know why i like to do this but...

Where are we coming from on this issue.?
morally what country.?
religon which one.?

A lot of people feel that what goes around comes around.

As for myself i don't see things like that.

As for GOD { I AM that I AM amoung many other names that describe his attributes} sent word down {literal as well
as figuratively} that thinking about somthing that was against the law of moses and thousands of other things that
were added in was the same in Gods eyes as doing them.

The point being that if you can life your whole life with out breaking anyone of the laws why than yes you can get in heaven. The fact that no one one earth could remember all of them all the time is more or less the point he was trying to make. This is called the yoke of the law.

As christians come to God by faith and not by law which ended via the cross one might ask where they stand on issues
such as we are talking about here.

I am not going to tell you. Go find out yourself. I will say that if we were the earth and god was the sun our understanding of him in feet would be about from your computor to your front door.

I will also say that what is important most to God and what man grabs and puts forth as important to God are not
of the same value using Gods scale.

I will also say that doing something that is not held against us does not mean that it's good for us to do in the christian sense of things.

good hunting..

 

[bluntforcemama]

It isn't really cheating in the sense that most people would suspect, but keep in mind that the single person is contributing to the pain of the spouse. I know that the married cheater could always find someone else to do it, but wouldn't you feel better knowing that it wasn't you who was being the other woman?

 

[Xander]

Not sure if I should even post on this thread but.

For the single one. Not attached. Nope no cheating. If attached. Yes cheating.

For the married. Oh yes cheating.

 

[bluntforcemama]

Cheating...

Alright, was looking at Charly's post, and thinking about the list of things on there. I have to admit that I don't think emailing, cybering, phone sex, or online roleplaying is cheating. Sometimes you've gotta do what you've gotta do to stay together. I'll explain: I'm in a relationship that is a bit boring, he (my other half) isn't as sexual as I am, and so we have an arrangement of sorts. I can cyber and email and such stuff, because I NEED it. I'm a nympho, but as I've said before, I'm living with a monk. And I'm completely loyal to him otherwise. He is still my lover, my life, my hopes and dreams, my north, south, east and west, my midday and midnight, my seasons and stars, the moon, the sun, the universe: at least for the moment..... hehehe.

 

[Isabella Thorne]

Cheat Cheat Cheat

Well Cheyenne ... for my 2 cents ...

the single person would be cheating on the spouse of the married person they were having an affair with ... especially if they were friends (like Scarlett said) ... and were keeping it a secret from their friend ... now that would be cheating, n'est-ce pas?

also ummm Charly ... IMHO ... no way would any of that stuff you listed be cheating ... except for the date / sex behind the spouse's back ... now that would be cheating ...

i've been there ... done that ... i am a cheat ... and the person i was cheating with was a friend of my ex ... so dammit if he wasn't cheating too ...
____________________________
You should hear what they say about you
Cheat cheat cheat
They say you've never ever been true
It doesn't matter what they say
I'm gonna love you any old way
~The Beatles~

 

[Cheyenne]

I don't see too many people differentiating between one night stands and full blown affairs. Is that because there is no difference?

I didn't bring religion into it because I don't think it is necessarily just a "religious" question. Everyone has a "code of conduct" that they follow, whether religious or not, don't they?

I think Simply Southern has summed up what I'm thinking the best so far: "First off, with no background, I would have to say that of course the married person is cheating, but the single person has no one to "cheat on" so they aren't cheating. They may be a bad person and a homewrecker, but they aren't cheating on anyone." Is that the title then for the single person? "Bad person" or "homewrecker"?

What about "fuck buddy"- something we've discussed in a previous thread. What if one of the "fuck buddy" pair is married- is "fuck buddy" still an appropriate title?

p.s. While someone from the bb did bring up the initial question about if it is "cheating" if you're single, this thread isn't about passing judgement on him/her. It happens to be something I've thought about for awhile and haven't been able to come up with an answer on my own.

 

[Golden]

Cheyenne I'm not usdually judgemental, as you know dear, but this one's pretty clear cut.

the married one of the pair is cheating if the marriage is one that doesn't permit such behaviour.

the single person isn't cheating, just taking a big emotional risk if he/she goes into sex expecting more, in terms of long term commitment - than may be on offer.

The single person is NOT responsible for the married person's marriage...! he/she is not the homewrecker or whatever; that is solely the responsibility of the married person in thius affair. You cannot pass off responsibility for your own relationships onto someone you take to bed whether it's for a night or forever!

 

[SimplySouthern]

To comment on the subject of differentiating between a one night stand and a "full blown affair", my opinion is that when it comes to cheating there is no difference. Either way you have broken the bond and the trust that you have/had with your mate. Whether it happens one time or one million times, you have given away a part of yourself previously reserved for the person you married.

Now, I will concur that there are various degrees and levels of betrayal. For example, a one night stand is bad, but having a serious "relationship" with love feelings involved is more of a stab in the back. The person whom you cheat with can make a difference as well. If you are a married woman and you have an affair with your husband's brother, I think that would be a more painful slap in the face than some anonymous man you met at work.

Just something to think about.

 

[RonG]

There is a word for the single person - corespondent. It has a bit of a legal connotation but a person who is involved in another's adultery is a corespondent.

And yes, my two cents, the married person is committing adultery (the frequency of which is irrelevant)and the single person is not cheating.

 

[Charly]

Re: Cheat Cheat Cheat

Well Cheyenne ... for my 2 cents ...


also ummm Charly ... IMHO ... no way would any of that stuff you listed be cheating ... except for the date / sex behind the spouse's back ... now that would be cheating ...

Hmmmmm, I know I will hate myself for asking, Isabel, What does IMHO stand for?

 

[Isabella Thorne]

In My Humble Opinion, Charly, you are quite un-hateable.

HAGO!
xx

 

[Charly]

In My Humble Opinion, Charly, you are quite un-hateable.

HAGO!
xx

Isabella, you charm me. I love submitting to your logic and your acronyms. Thanks. Now what is HAGO? Strange, but it is sort of erotic asking for your explanations.

 

[Oliver Clozoff]

Cheyenne I'm not usdually judgemental, as you know dear, but this one's pretty clear cut.

the married one of the pair is cheating if the marriage is one that doesn't permit such behaviour.

the single person isn't cheating, just taking a big emotional risk if he/she goes into sex expecting more, in terms of long term commitment - than may be on offer.

The single person is NOT responsible for the married person's marriage...! he/she is not the homewrecker or whatever; that is solely the responsibility of the married person in thius affair. You cannot pass off responsibility for your own relationships onto someone you take to bed whether it's for a night or forever!