Is there anything to gain from loss?

[*bratcat*]

 

[Chicklet]

I think so.

Every event in your life makes you a different person, mostly better, sometimes worse...

You can't change the things that happen to you, so let them help make you into your own person. Use your experience to help others through theres.

Chicklet

 

[BigDawg69]

Yes you learn from every experience you have in life, well that is to say there is an opportunity to learn. If you actually spend the time and effort to evaluate and with a bit of honest introspection (that's the hard part) you can learn, but the choice is yours and yours alone.

Sometimes it takes time to pass and remove yourself a bit emotionally cope with the loss, before you can really learn or even trully see what happened and how it has impacted you. Remember every person we meet in our path through life has the capacity to change us, even if it is in the slightest amount, but it is your choice if that change will ultimately be a positive one.

Good luck.

 

[Chuckus]

Everyone needs a different span of time to heal and grieve the loss of something or someone...

Do you actually learn something from a loss? Do you carry that through to the next event in your life?

I always learn.......whether it is learning something good from a bad situation or something bad from a good situation. I don't necessarily think I "carry" it thru but it adds to my experience and allows me to grow and have more information in front of me the next time I make a similar choice/decision/take action.

 

[floridaguy64]

Everyone needs a different span of time to heal and grieve the loss of something or someone...

Do you actually learn something from a loss? Do you carry that through to the next event in your life?

In my case, yes...

When I lost my mom to leukemia in 1996, I lost a great friend and at the same time started writing poems again. You see, my mom was a wonderfull poet, taking only from the good in life and saying "Oh Well!" to the bad in life. I don't think I'll ever meet a lady with her genuine outlook on life again.

When I lost my dad to Hodgekin's Lymphoma 10 months later in 1997, I realized that life really is so much shorter than we could ever believe to be so. So on that note, I've decided to live life to it's fullest, write as much as I can, and strive to leave an everlasting piece of myself behind by way of creating something here on earth that will be enjoyed for generations to come. (I build thingees)

Foremost though, The loss of my parents has tought me to live in harmony with myself and with those around me.

As you make your way to the top, be careful of those you step on to get there, as you will most assureadly meet them on your way down.

 

[*bratcat*]

Re: Re: Is there anything to gain from loss?

 

[Rambrat]

Yes...I always carry something trough to the next relationship...what NOT to do. I like to take a step back and look at the mistakes that I have made and try to correct a pattern.

I also try to greet each relationship with a clean slate. I may have scars, but I try to not let it effect me. My heart is only given to the extent that one draws. If I see that you view it as a gift...you get all of it...if not..only proportionate to your willingness to give.

I will however give you enough rope to hang yourself.

If I roll over an expose my middle, I expect that you won't bite me...

 

[someplace]

We are the sum of all our experiences

good and bad, happy & painful.

As much as I'd hate to admit it, the most growth comes from the deepest pain.

 

[Eumenides]

I lost someone very dear to me. At first, I couldn't see anything to gain from it. I was truly a lost sould with a heart that seemed unmendable. But time does not only heal, but also allows us to gain perspective.

What have I learned? That life and love are more precious than anyone truly knows. That to live one's life to the fullest is not only for the ailing masses, but those who are healthy. After all, death does not always come with a warning. I have learned that what you have now may not be what you have tomorrow, and I've learned how to deal with that. I have also learned that material posessions mean much less to me than they used to.

I have learned to cry and laugh more honestly, to shrug the little things off, and to vent when needed. I have learned that what someone thinks of you is entirely irrelevant to who you should be. Most of all, I have learned that people are to be cherished...not taken for granted or thrown away when a foul wind rushes by.

They seem cliche, but so true. Life is life, love is love, but living with love in your heart is the key to happiness and serenity.

 

[Rambrat]

I think that we can love greatly more than one person Eumenides. It is sad to think that someone dies when another is taken away or moves on. Each experience is a stepping stone in life. Perhaps we are practicing for that one person who is destined to be with us.

Some may get lucky on the first go around...other's stumble along the way. They may be right around the corner if we decide to take a couple of more steps.

 

[Eumenides]

I think that we can love greatly more than one person Eumenides. It is sad to think that someone dies when another is taken away or moves on. Each experience is a stepping stone in life. Perhaps we are practicing for that one person who is destined to be with us.

Some may get lucky on the first go around...other's stumble along the way. They may be right around the corner if we decide to take a couple of more steps.

I agree completely. And there are days where that works wonderfully for me. But there are days where it is hard to see loving anyone as completely, as foolishly, as deeply. We have our ups and downs in life and love, but one day I will find love again. It will not be the same, but could hardly be compared...apples and oranges, as they say.

 

[floridaguy64]

Re: Re: Re: Is there anything to gain from loss?

What a beautiful thought. Thank you.

Actually... Thank you!

Your thread reminded me once again how frail life really is and about how special it should always be.

 

[Rambrat]

I agree completely. And there are days where that works wonderfully for me. But there are days where it is hard to see loving anyone as completely, as foolishly, as deeply. We have our ups and downs in life and love, but one day I will find love again. It will not be the same, but could hardly be compared...apples and oranges, as they say.

I felt the same way because someone I really loved deeply crushed me. She as much as stomped my heart into the ground. I swore no one would get to me...no one. I would be content to wander the rest of my life with my heart intact...behind a fortress. I can do it...meet someone nice...exist.

Now I feel differently and I also feel that I have the capacity to love even greater...because I believe in the person that opened that fortress.

 

[truegentleman]

The most important things that you gain, are strength and understanding.

 

[Eumenides]

It's a daily struggle to let that drawbridge down, you know?

Some days it goes down easily, and others, i resign in solitude.

 

[Aurora_s_Flame]

Everyone needs a different span of time to heal and grieve the loss of something or someone...

Do you actually learn something from a loss? Do you carry that through to the next event in your life?

*soft sigh* I had better learn something from a loss. The theory is, "that which does not kill you...only makes you stronger." If these words are true, then I should be strong enough for a life time. In the span of 6 months I lost...

1) My fiance; he was my lover, my friend, my strength when I needed to lean, my hope when things looked down. He was the bravest, smartest, kindest man I have ever known. He suffered for a year with cancer, made a full recovery, and was taken in a moment's glance by a freak accident. With the cancer, it made us ask questions we probably never would have otherwise. He knew me, inside and out, and still loved me. For that I shall always be grateful. He wasn't afraid to die, but only afraid that if he did, that I would stop living. Because of what he showed me, because of how he loved me, I still go on.

2) A few months later I lost my best friend and highschool sweetheart in a car accident. It was completely a freak thing. He was the best driver I knew, the day was clear, not a cloud nore car in sight. He was a great person, always smiling, laughing. No matter who you were, he was there to help you whenever you needed it. I learn of the accident from friends...friends that had been both mine and his during highschool, but we had parted seperate ways as time does do to people. Now, we are all still friends...closer now because of what happened.

3) A month after the car accident, my mother was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She went from being herself to being utterly sick in mere days. The cancer had been with her for a long time, but that is what ovarian cancer is "a silent killer." Watching my best friend, my support for all my life deteriorate like that...it was the worst thing. My mother had been there for me, for all of my life. She was smart as a whip, always 2 steps ahead of me. She vollunteered so much, always following her heart. Everyone says I am an exact reflection of her, and to me there is no bigger compliment.

This all started in April of 2001. By September, I had lost 3 of the most important people in my life. I could have broken down...sometimes it surprises me that I didn't. But I went on, if not for myself, then for them. I took a year off of school to try to figure out how to get my life sorted out again. I started doing more things that I enjoyed, found important to me. My life is far from normal yet, but slowly it is getting there. I will never stop missing the, nore loving them...but I know that I am a better person for having had them in my life. And that somehow, I will make them proud.

~ Rora

 

[LordMagicMan]

Of course. You should always be learning. Everyhing you do should teach you something new.

 

[sufisaint]

" Even if a crowd of sorrows
Violently sweeps your house clean
empty of its furniture
Still treat it as a guest
It may be clearing you out
for some new delight"

Rumi


Something to think about.....

 

[Chuckus]

I guess there is something else I have learned and it is a cliche' but it is true.........The day I stop learning is the day I stop living.

Each and Every day I learn something new, whether it be from a bad experience or good. I would also agree with much that has been said above and prior to my post now.........that some of your most insightful and great things you do learn come from some of your darkest moments, maybe you don't learn the "good" at the time of the dark moment but sometime thereafter.

I learned alot about myself going thru divorce, losing close friends and relatives and co-workers (with whom I was close to) as well as watching both my grandfather's suffer and grandmother's carry on many many years after their husbands untimely deaths.

There is much to learn from loss, both good and bad. It is not so much what you have learned but how you let it apply to your life and change you. I will never forget all the bad things that have happened however I will NOT let them control me, I will take them and deal with them and let them go letting the harsh realities keep me in check.

Much to learn indeed. Much to learn.

 

[TigerClaw]

Everyone needs a different span of time to heal and grieve the loss of something or someone...
Yes, everyone needs time. One thing I learned is to weigh the amount of grieving against the item lost. I went into severe depression when I was 18 over a girl who committed suicide. After a lengthy depression I realized I wasted my time on a woman who was no longer, who decided nothing on this Earth meant anything to her, a woman who felt my offer of companionship was not worthy of any attention.
Did she deserve greiving yes, but did I deserve to lose so much of my life. No. Since then I have been able to keep tabs on grieving and it has helped for the future

Do you actually learn something from a loss? Do you carry that through to the next event in your life?
Yes as stated above, but it is more then that. You will always experience a loss of one type or another. That is Life. You figure out what you can improve on in yourself. You are more aware of the danger signs, what ever they may be. You see that you are human and can change only so much. People have to be flexible and learn to deal with it as you have to deal with them.

Hon, is it worth it?

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[truegentleman]

Hopefully, she will learn what is really important in life, and it will be an impetus to change her life. I have seen losses completely alter people's personalities, for the better.

It is sad that it takes a personal tragedy to change some people.


Best wishes to you and your family. I know how hard this is to deal with.

 

[Chuckus]

Hopefully, she will learn what is really important in life, and it will be an impetus to change her life. I have seen losses completely alter people's personalities, for the better.

It is sad that it takes a personal tragedy to change some people.


Best wishes to you and your family. I know how hard this is to deal with.

Ditto to what he said.

Hopefully it will be a wake up call.

 

[teresafannin]

As difficult as it is, I think most people do learn from loss. My brother would be the exception. We buried three of our boys in one year. My sister's 19 year old stepson, my 17 year old son & my step-brother's 20 year old son. My brother still has his son, my nephew is 20 now & they haven't spoken in nearly a year. My brother hasn't spoken to me in nearly 2 years. The rest of the family has gotten closer to support each other through it all, he thinks of himself & no one else. I would give anything to have my son back & he doesn't want the one he has. I don't understand his way of thinking at all.

 

[*bratcat*]