Is there a place for this person in the world?

[modest mouse]

Simply put, is there a place for this person:

Co-worker. 30 years old, single, never married. past relationship, with a child. he doesnt see the child. Alcoholic. Sometimes just doesnt show up for work, no phone call. Spends all his free money on his truck and improvements on the house he rents from a friend of his. Grease monkey. Cooks, very well, and often. Brings in homemade Danish and jello salads for me. Gave me tomato plants 'cause he had extra. Smokes, alot. Homophobic. Calls women 'cunts' because he was burned in the past. Would give you the shirt off his back, even if he could barely afford to do so.

 

[April]

With some intensive therapy, he could be a marginally contributing member of society. Maybe.

 

[sexy-girl]

ok so he's maybe a bit ignorant but that's not exactly his fault

he has some character flaws (smoking alcoholism) but im guessing he's just hurting himself

but he sounds like one of those loyal friends that would come around to your house to help you fix your car on a weekend or something ... yes there is a place in the world for people like that


its not his fault that he is ignorant and as long as he doesn't actually hurt anyone then i guess hes not doing any harm

 

[Calamity Jane]

If he could outgrow the homophobia and use of the word cunt, I'd probably date him.

 

[red_rose]

As my dad says...

... "It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round."

But, yeah... there is definitely a place for someone like him in the world.

 

[glamorilla]

Sounds like he's in the closet.

 

[kotori]

Simply put, is there a place for this person:

Co-worker. 30 years old, single, never married. past relationship, with a child. he doesnt see the child. Alcoholic. Sometimes just doesnt show up for work, no phone call. Spends all his free money on his truck and improvements on the house he rents from a friend of his. Grease monkey. Cooks, very well, and often. Brings in homemade Danish and jello salads for me. Gave me tomato plants 'cause he had extra. Smokes, alot. Homophobic. Calls women 'cunts' because he was burned in the past. Would give you the shirt off his back, even if he could barely afford to do so.

Stop it. That's my brother. (Except for the homo-phobic thing.)

 

[modest mouse]

With some intensive therapy, he could be a marginally contributing member of society. Maybe.

'contributing member of society'

You're kidding me, right?

I am not sure what that even means, nevermind if it is anything I care to judge people by. What does anyone contribute to society and why should that matter?

 

[modest mouse]

Its not his fault that he is ignorant and as long as he doesn't actually hurt anyone then I guess hes not doing any harm.

... but what about not supporting and seeing his child? That one is harmful, among others.

 

[April]

You're kidding me, right?

Uh, yeah.

 

[#1tankcomander]

Simply put....

You ain't left yet. Like dissapeared from HIS existence? If he has no interest in his own child, why bother. Life's short. There's tooooo much fun to be had out there. tooooo many good guys that WILL have YOUR interests in their heart. Honey, get your spurs on pull your smokin pistol out and tell him to go away FOREVER! If ya don't your a glutton for punishment and get what you ask for. Don't be stupid, PLEASE!!

 

[kiwiwolf]

No contact with his kid rules him out of humanity in my book. All the rest is just fluff but if he has a munchkin, his first priority should be the child.

 

[Cheyenne]

I'm betting modest mouse isn't this guy's "honey."

But the thought is rather entertaining.

Yes, there is a place in this world for everyone.

 

[cymbidia]

No contact with his kid rules him out of humanity in my book. All the rest is just fluff but if he has a munchkin, his first priority should be the child.

I so admire you, S, for a lot of reasons, but this above all else: you're a truly wonderful dad.

 

[Laurel]

I dig tomatoes.

Why doesn't he see his kid?

There's room for everyone everywhere. The universe is a big place.

 

[concrete]

M>M

..are you talking about me again??
thought i cleaned up my act special for you,,,take care

 

[Starfish]

This dude really sounds average to me. Nothing unusual about him really. Not a thing. Sounds like he could use a good woman to show him that love isn't just a lie.

 

[MissTaken]

... but what about not supporting and seeing his child? That one is harmful, among others.

That alone isn't enough to reduce the man to gravel beneath one's feet.



Alcoholic?

The man needs therapy. These two things all by themselves stand out and give some explanation for his not seeing his child. While it is never a choice I would make and in all likelihood, this issue would prevent me from becoming intimate with him, he still belongs. He has a role. He has strengths. And, we do not know what role he has been allowed to play. Child support aside, perhaps it isn't entirely his choice. I expect he has made some mistakes, has hurt and been hurt and would rather just crawl under a rock. Give the man a chance to make his life right....in babysteps, good things could come.

No, he may not be someone who has a "place" in kiwi's life or that of many of hte other wonderful parents on the board, but he does have a place.

 

[JazzManJim]

I have to side with my kiwi bro on this one. Even if he's doing the basics of sending enough money to suport his child, he needs to. That he's not gives me problems.

Sometimes we can't spend the time we want, or the time folks think we should with our kids, but at least we take care of our kids financially. That's a basic thing.

Having said that, though, he's not in the ditch by a long shot. He doesn't sounds any different from couple friends of mine. I call them "Hillbilly Gentlemen". They're good folks who have problems, mostly with authority (the job and child thing, seems like) and have trouble with the bottle, but, at heart, are basically good-hearted, generous, faithful folks who have a couple of problems on which they need to work. I wouldn't necessarily be his buddy, but I'd far from shun him.

 

[Sillyman]

You can say there isn't room in the world for people like that. Of course hey, I don't think there's enough room in the universe for anyone except me and my ego. I mean sure, this guy couldn't possibly be born for a reason right?

Maybe he doesn't his kid to grow up to be like him?

 

[kiwiwolf]

That alone isn't enough to reduce the man to gravel beneath one's feet.



Alcoholic?

The man needs therapy. These two things all by themselves stand out and give some explanation for his not seeing his child. While it is never a choice I would make and in all likelihood, this issue would prevent me from becoming intimate with him, he still belongs. He has a role. He has strengths. And, we do not know what role he has been allowed to play. Child support aside, perhaps it isn't entirely his choice. I expect he has made some mistakes, has hurt and been hurt and would rather just crawl under a rock. Give the man a chance to make his life right....in babysteps, good things could come.

No, he may not be someone who has a "place" in kiwi's life or that of many of hte other wonderful parents on the board, but he does have a place.

Not picking a fight here or anything but what place does his child have? Kids only have one shot at a good upbringing and it is the duty of the parents to give them that shot. To the exclusion of everything else. I know I have rowed this boat at lit for a long time, but I am the son of an alcoholic that couldn't give a shit about kids wife or home.

I grew up resenting him and still do to the extent that I hate the name he gave me. My kids all have their own surnames. They will never have to worry about being attatched by name to any of my fuck ups or character flaws of which I have many.

Maybe this guy isn't a total waste of skin, but as far as I am concerned there is no reason for neglecting kids. And not being in constant contact with your kid is neglect.

Rant over... we will now return you to your regularly scheduled fluffiness from kiwiwolf

 

[MissTaken]

I wouldn't necessarily be his buddy, but I'd far from shun him.

HOw do you know you aren't "his" buddy?

How do you know which of your friends are making the choices you would for your family?

*smiles* Playing the devil's advocate here. Point being, if he hadn't told MM about the child issue, he is otherwise a good ole boy who tips the drafts a bit too much.


So how do you know?

 

[JazzManJim]

So how do you know?

Those folks who are my real buddies I know iside and out, just like they know me. I know.

 

[kiwiwolf]

Those folks who are my real buddies I know iside and out, just like they know me. I know.

Your AV says it all Jim... Father first.... everything else is secondary. You are tops in my book buddy

 

[Georgia Girl]

If by seeing his child his contribution would be to teach the child that alcoholism is OKAY and that disrespecting/dishonoring women is OKAY then the child is better off with just his mother.

All told he doesn't sound that far off the norm of the population. Yes he has some problems but there is a decent core, if someone could/would just care you would probably see a change in him.

Dawn