Is sexually suppression/asexuality healthy?

[Biblackchick83]

I lost my virginity when I was 21, officially. Up until then, I had sexually experiences, but not full blown intercourse.I would let men finger me that I meant, I even let one guy touch me on the bus one time. Even got in a situation where a guy forced himself on me. I know very unsafe, I'm 31, and I'll never let that happen again. I got a question: Do you guys think its good to have sex on somewhat of a regular basis, even if its someone your not in a relationship with? There was a friend of mine who wanted to start having sex with me again on a regular basis. I guess for women its different; sex isnt something that WE JUST DO JUST BECAUSE. For males, its different, no matter his sexually orientation.

So therefore, I just dont do it. Is it that simple?

I think for me, especially when it comes to culture, race, environment, area, location, etc, it really effects your dating life, and eventually your marriage life, etc. I haven't had much luck in either department but I chat with people online all the time. I've experiences lots of rejection from both men and women.

Right now, I'm currently single, don't have any children, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE AT WORK, NEIGHBORS, OR IN MY FAMILY OR EVEN SOME FRIENDS ASKING ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE. AT ALL. I came out about being bisexual when I was 20, and if I could take it back, I would, trust me.

A few months ago, a 6'3'' black cross dresser with blonde hair, had a conversation with me. I wanted to ask him how does it feel to be treated like a animal, like a freak show in public but adored and treated like a lady behind close doors. To have men who will sleep with you in private, as long as nobody knows, and to treat you like a stranger in public, like they never even meant you, or knew you. Are you okay with being used? I still have yet to have that conservation with him. I guess certain men are okay with that.

I know in my case, its quiet obvious that people look at me, for example, and don't see me as being a real woman. Somehow I'm not what a real woman should be. And its quite obvious that men are way more prized then women. Their more prized in public and even in private. More favored. In general, more liked and more respected.

I just started a new job and I'm trying not to get really personal with my coworkers. I pretty much just go to work, try to mind my own business, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE ASKING ME WHY I'M NOT MARRIED AND/OR WHY I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. Its quiet obvious that I'm hated, so therefore, I dont like talking about myself.

 

[Biblackchick83]

So basically in a nutshell do you guys think its realistic to have a sexless life? And do you guys think that asexuality exist?

 

[jackstud]

You sound normal too me

 

[Stella_Omega]

Asexuality is healthy. Lots of people don't want sex 24/7. Some of us don't want sex more than once a week, or month, or even once a year-- some people kinda really don't want to have sex with other people at all. Ever. It's okay. The worst part of being that person is defending yourself against people who think otherwise.

Repressing your sexuality not healthy so much but honestly? For most of us, repression isn't horribly unhealthy either. We just do other things with that energy. If something comes along that makes sex worthwhile, then we might stop repressing.

I wish, though, that I could wave a magic wand and make your depression and self-image issues fly off into the wild blue yonder. And I'd like to kick those people who have made you feel like that.

 

[stickygirl]

I agree with Stella here

I have a good deal of sympathy for your situation, even though I'm white and in a different country. For the last couple of years I've had little interest in sex for a variety of reasons and I still wonder if I ought to be more up for it, because everyone else seems to be doing it ( and on Lit that's hardly surprising ). I try to convince myself it doesn't matter that I seem to be becoming asexual, but it does bug me.

You made a remark about not being seen as a woman, which puzzled me and perhaps you have a bigger issue about you're own self-worth as a person? All the same, I agree with you that men are more privileged in society though I'm not so sure about in the bedroom. I think the privilege is 50/50 in the bedroom but I don't have much experience to relate to.

I'm sure someone will suggest you should try to carry on with your life as normal and a person will magically appear in your life that sets all your bells ringing. I do. I tell myself that every bloody day. Nope - it doesn't help, but I still keep telling myself.

 

[TwilightCaress]

So basically in a nutshell do you guys think its realistic to have a sexless life?

Uh, for many, perhaps most guys a sexless life is the default. It's having a life that includes sex that is challenging.

 

[jupija]

get to know yourself and be happy

I lost my virginity when I was 21, officially. Up until then, I had sexually experiences, but not full blown intercourse.I would let men finger me that I meant, I even let one guy touch me on the bus one time. Even got in a situation where a guy forced himself on me. I know very unsafe, I'm 31, and I'll never let that happen again. I got a question: Do you guys think its good to have sex on somewhat of a regular basis, even if its someone your not in a relationship with? There was a friend of mine who wanted to start having sex with me again on a regular basis. I guess for women its different; sex isnt something that WE JUST DO JUST BECAUSE. For males, its different, no matter his sexually orientation.

So therefore, I just dont do it. Is it that simple?

I think for me, especially when it comes to culture, race, environment, area, location, etc, it really effects your dating life, and eventually your marriage life, etc. I haven't had much luck in either department but I chat with people online all the time. I've experiences lots of rejection from both men and women.

Right now, I'm currently single, don't have any children, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE AT WORK, NEIGHBORS, OR IN MY FAMILY OR EVEN SOME FRIENDS ASKING ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE. AT ALL. I came out about being bisexual when I was 20, and if I could take it back, I would, trust me.

A few months ago, a 6'3'' black cross dresser with blonde hair, had a conversation with me. I wanted to ask him how does it feel to be treated like a animal, like a freak show in public but adored and treated like a lady behind close doors. To have men who will sleep with you in private, as long as nobody knows, and to treat you like a stranger in public, like they never even meant you, or knew you. Are you okay with being used? I still have yet to have that conservation with him. I guess certain men are okay with that.

I know in my case, its quiet obvious that people look at me, for example, and don't see me as being a real woman. Somehow I'm not what a real woman should be. And its quite obvious that men are way more prized then women. Their more prized in public and even in private. More favored. In general, more liked and more respected.

I just started a new job and I'm trying not to get really personal with my coworkers. I pretty much just go to work, try to mind my own business, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE ASKING ME WHY I'M NOT MARRIED AND/OR WHY I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. Its quiet obvious that I'm hated, so therefore, I dont like talking about myself.

So I was reading your post and it was quite compelling. But I am thinking that you need to be OK with you, who you are. You need to appreciate your self, your soul, your essence. Because we all want to be happy and we want to be appreciated for who we are.

Then relationships might come - and then - at least - they could be healthy and fulfilling.

 

[mtsnowrider]

I lost my virginity when I was 21, officially. Up until then, I had sexually experiences, but not full blown intercourse.I would let men finger me that I meant, I even let one guy touch me on the bus one time. Even got in a situation where a guy forced himself on me. I know very unsafe, I'm 31, and I'll never let that happen again. I got a question: Do you guys think its good to have sex on somewhat of a regular basis, even if its someone your not in a relationship with? There was a friend of mine who wanted to start having sex with me again on a regular basis. I guess for women its different; sex isnt something that WE JUST DO JUST BECAUSE. For males, its different, no matter his sexually orientation.

So therefore, I just dont do it. Is it that simple?

I think for me, especially when it comes to culture, race, environment, area, location, etc, it really effects your dating life, and eventually your marriage life, etc. I haven't had much luck in either department but I chat with people online all the time. I've experiences lots of rejection from both men and women.

Right now, I'm currently single, don't have any children, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE AT WORK, NEIGHBORS, OR IN MY FAMILY OR EVEN SOME FRIENDS ASKING ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE. AT ALL. I came out about being bisexual when I was 20, and if I could take it back, I would, trust me.

A few months ago, a 6'3'' black cross dresser with blonde hair, had a conversation with me. I wanted to ask him how does it feel to be treated like a animal, like a freak show in public but adored and treated like a lady behind close doors. To have men who will sleep with you in private, as long as nobody knows, and to treat you like a stranger in public, like they never even meant you, or knew you. Are you okay with being used? I still have yet to have that conservation with him. I guess certain men are okay with that.

I know in my case, its quiet obvious that people look at me, for example, and don't see me as being a real woman. Somehow I'm not what a real woman should be. And its quite obvious that men are way more prized then women. Their more prized in public and even in private. More favored. In general, more liked and more respected.

I just started a new job and I'm trying not to get really personal with my coworkers. I pretty much just go to work, try to mind my own business, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE ASKING ME WHY I'M NOT MARRIED AND/OR WHY I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. Its quiet obvious that I'm hated, so therefore, I dont like talking about myself.

Sounds as if you are surrounded by a lot of uptight and judgemental people who have done a number on your psyche. Your being different does not make you bad and its too bad they have made you feel that way. Best thing you could do for yourself is to escape that environment. Find a job in a bigger more sophisticated city where people will accept you for who you are and not expect you to conform to their narrow definition of what's acceptable. Lots of women whatever their sexuality have full rich lives without a spouse or children

 

[haurni]

People have different levels of sex drive, all the way from very high to none at all (asexual - which definitely exists), and that's perfectly natural. It can also vary over time because, as Stella & Sticky suggested, you have other concerns in your life that make you less interested or you're putting your energy elsewhere. If you don't feel like having sex, don't. It is that simple.

As far as nosy people asking you questions, you can either say "It's none of your business", which is probably the most appropriate response to nosy people but which won't make you any friends, or give noncommittal replies like "I'm not interested right now" or "I have more important things going on in my life".

Best of luck.