Is sexually suppression/asexuality healthy?

[Biblackchick83]

I lost my virginity when I was 21, officially. Up until then, I had sexually experiences, but not full blown intercourse.I would let men finger me that I meant, I even let one guy touch me on the bus one time. Even got in a situation where a guy forced himself on me. I know very unsafe, I'm 31, and I'll never let that happen again. I got a question: Do you guys think its good to have sex on somewhat of a regular basis, even if its someone your not in a relationship with? There was a friend of mine who wanted to start having sex with me again on a regular basis. I guess for women its different; sex isnt something that WE JUST DO JUST BECAUSE. For males, its different, no matter his sexually orientation.

So therefore, I just dont do it. Is it that simple?

I think for me, especially when it comes to culture, race, environment, area, location, etc, it really effects your dating life, and eventually your marriage life, etc. I haven't had much luck in either department but I chat with people online all the time. I've experiences lots of rejection from both men and women.

Right now, I'm currently single, don't have any children, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE AT WORK, NEIGHBORS, OR IN MY FAMILY OR EVEN SOME FRIENDS ASKING ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE. AT ALL. I came out about being bisexual when I was 20, and if I could take it back, I would, trust me.

A few months ago, a 6'3'' black cross dresser with blonde hair, had a conversation with me. I wanted to ask him how does it feel to be treated like a animal, like a freak show in public but adored and treated like a lady behind close doors. To have men who will sleep with you in private, as long as nobody knows, and to treat you like a stranger in public, like they never even meant you, or knew you. Are you okay with being used? I still have yet to have that conservation with him. I guess certain men are okay with that.

I know in my case, its quiet obvious that people look at me, for example, and don't see me as being a real woman. Somehow I'm not what a real woman should be. And its quite obvious that men are way more prized then women. Their more prized in public and even in private. More favored. In general, more liked and more respected.

I just started a new job and I'm trying not to get really personal with my coworkers. I pretty much just go to work, try to mind my own business, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE ASKING ME WHY I'M NOT MARRIED AND/OR WHY I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. Its quiet obvious that I'm hated, so therefore, I dont like talking about myself.

 

[SlutAddicted]

I lost my virginity when I was 21, officially. Up until then, I had sexually experiences, but not full blown intercourse.I would let men finger me that I meant, I even let one guy touch me on the bus one time. Even got in a situation where a guy forced himself on me. I know very unsafe, I'm 31, and I'll never let that happen again. I got a question: Do you guys think its good to have sex on somewhat of a regular basis, even if its someone your not in a relationship with? There was a friend of mine who wanted to start having sex with me again on a regular basis. I guess for women its different; sex isnt something that WE JUST DO JUST BECAUSE. For males, its different, no matter his sexually orientation.

So therefore, I just dont do it. Is it that simple?

I think for me, especially when it comes to culture, race, environment, area, location, etc, it really effects your dating life, and eventually your marriage life, etc. I haven't had much luck in either department but I chat with people online all the time. I've experiences lots of rejection from both men and women.

Right now, I'm currently single, don't have any children, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE AT WORK, NEIGHBORS, OR IN MY FAMILY OR EVEN SOME FRIENDS ASKING ME ABOUT MY PERSONAL LIFE. AT ALL. I came out about being bisexual when I was 20, and if I could take it back, I would, trust me.

A few months ago, a 6'3'' black cross dresser with blonde hair, had a conversation with me. I wanted to ask him how does it feel to be treated like a animal, like a freak show in public but adored and treated like a lady behind close doors. To have men who will sleep with you in private, as long as nobody knows, and to treat you like a stranger in public, like they never even meant you, or knew you. Are you okay with being used? I still have yet to have that conservation with him. I guess certain men are okay with that.

I know in my case, its quiet obvious that people look at me, for example, and don't see me as being a real woman. Somehow I'm not what a real woman should be. And its quite obvious that men are way more prized then women. Their more prized in public and even in private. More favored. In general, more liked and more respected.

I just started a new job and I'm trying not to get really personal with my coworkers. I pretty much just go to work, try to mind my own business, and I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE ASKING ME WHY I'M NOT MARRIED AND/OR WHY I DON'T HAVE CHILDREN. Its quiet obvious that I'm hated, so therefore, I dont like talking about myself.

You seem to have an enduring feeling of being disliked and unaccepted. Even if some people treat you that way it doesn't mean everyone feels that way.

I don't think there is anything wrong with having sex on a regular basis with someone you are not in a relationship with. That is different than random anonymous sex. Either way the question is really what you enjoy. Your circumstance no doubt has its own unique challenges but so do we we all. You need to get to know your partners and be with people that make you feel good - that doesn't mean it needs to be exclusive or involve long-term romance.

There are people in the world who are wonderful, understanding and enjoyable lovers that don't judge you, treat you poorly or talk shit about you later. Look for those people. Find ways to identify them. And enjoy yourself. As for future partners I would say that in this day and age any future partner that can't deal with the fact that you have experimented is small minded and not likely a good partner.

I know it is hard but don't let the 10 people who treat you poorly colour your view of the one who treats you nicely. Taking a generic view of all people or all people of a certain characteristic makes you not much different than them and will lead you to adopt a negative attitude to that one (or hopefully more) person who you really should embrace. A lot of those people who treat you poorly may themselves be treated poorly and react to you as a defence mechanism - maybe they are biased against you but maybe you remind them of someone who treated them like shit. As an example many gay people seem to have a chip on their shoulder that looks a lot like me - white, male, hetero (well more bi but they don't know that). I have to remind myself not to be negative.....not because I dislike gay people but because more so than the average person they seem to dislike me.

It isn't as simple for guys as you suggest. We have a different set of social pressures for sure, but "doing it just because" leads to a lot of bad experiences and negative emotions. Once we mature past early adulthood we want more than some woman who thinks she is doing us a favour by just showing up. Some guys are jerks and don't care where they stick their cock, but I think most aren't. At the same time those of us not like that aren't trolling for chicks either - we want to be part of a two-way relationship where both parties make their interests and desires known - not a one-way dynamic where we rarely get invited up to bat and usually strike out with women who want us to put it all out there then reserve the right to pick and choose like we are day old tomatoes.

If you don't enjoy sex outside of a loving relationship or have a low sex drive then let that be your guide. But don't let bad sex with selfish people be your guide. Find at least one person that makes you feel good before judging.

 

[Kalamain]

Obviously I can't speak for all men...
While I may WANT to have sex with anything that moves I would never do it. Its not that I shouldn't or anything nebulous like that. Its not REALLY what I want....My body simply wants to spread seed. I can wank and relieve that.

What my mind wants is a 2 way things. Generally all my partners have been more intelligent than me simply because I enjoy the act of learning and engaging with people at my level or better. How else am I supposed to better myself than to aspire and emulate those better than me?

I can understand why you think people are asshats....A lot of them are. But the majority are not.

I think *some* of the issues may be in your head. You may have low self esteem issues? You stated that you don't like people asking about your personal life. Thats fine... But how are you supposed to make friends if not?

I'm not sure what to say about your wanting to ask the TV chap... Its a serious question that won't be simple to answer.

Before anything else happens I think you need to start loving yourself. And then others will find you to be a better person. but don't worry about rejection.... Wow... You should have seen me at 18... Fat, thinning hair and personality issues.
Maybe a change of scenery? Is there any way for you to move to a new area? Do you have any close friends that could help you?

 

[magicalmoments]

I enjoy your posts, I hope you maintain your activity on Lit.

However, I feel you're projecting your own personal values onto all of women kind. Not every woman shares your inhibitions/values.

I've met women who, in your terms, are very man like in their attitudes to sex. Others with varying degrees of caution before they'd drop their knickers, and some like you pretty much want a full blooded relationship before they'd open their legs. Women are all different.

 

[siobhansmut]

obviously its not healthy. christianity has been the single most deadly thing to human beings in recorded history. it ruins children psychlogically and sometimes priests just ruin their clothes, or more, the entire thing is based on repressed sexuality. but anyway. yes, sexual suppression is unhealhy i dont care what any wannabe psychobabbler says