Is sex for you "just sex" or something more

[hotoldrguy]

This is really a question / discussion about sex and intimacy.

For some people, sex is just transactional. A one night stand might be an example. Two people are horny, have sex and move on. Or hiring an escort or other prostitute.

Some people like to have some common ground before having sex. Getting to know the other person and l liking them first is enough.

Others need a deeper emotional connection.

There is an intimacy with sex, no question. But what do YOU need to experience that intimacy.

 

[Chillygirl]

I’ll go first.

I can do the no feelings, nsa sex but it’s empty and hollow and very temporarily fills a void. It’s almost like basic bodily maintenance.

I need some kind of connection...even for fun once in awhile hook ups. There at least needs to be some kind of friendship.

For the really good, mind blowing, deeply satisfying sex I need a real emotional connection. I need to care and feel cared for.

 

[cubbyfire04]

This is really a question / discussion about sex and intimacy.

For some people, sex is just transactional. A one night stand might be an example. Two people are horny, have sex and move on. Or hiring an escort or other prostitute.

Some people like to have some common ground before having sex. Getting to know the other person and l liking them first is enough.

Others need a deeper emotional connection.

There is an intimacy with sex, no question. But what do YOU need to experience that intimacy.

For me, it's situational. It's always more satisfying for my emotional side and my well-being in general if there is some common ground, but especially with love. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy a one night stand or something casual as well.

But I will say... When I'm in a habit of casual sex, I eventually crave something more. When I am in a happy, committed relationship, I tend not to miss the casual stuff.

 

[mynameisben]

I’ll go first.

I can do the no feelings, nsa sex but it’s empty and hollow and very temporarily fills a void. It’s almost like basic bodily maintenance.

I need some kind of connection...even for fun once in awhile hook ups. There at least needs to be some kind of friendship.

For the really good, mind blowing, deeply satisfying sex I need a real emotional connection. I need to care and feel cared for.

This is so spot on, I couldn't express it better if I wrote a thousand words on the matter.


Ben

 

[beachbaby179]

Aside from one time as a teenager, there has ALWAYS been an emotional connection. I'm just not built for any other kind.

 

[Mtnmike]

I’ll go first.

I can do the no feelings, nsa sex but it’s empty and hollow and very temporarily fills a void. It’s almost like basic bodily maintenance.

I need some kind of connection...even for fun once in awhile hook ups. There at least needs to be some kind of friendship.

For the really good, mind blowing, deeply satisfying sex I need a real emotional connection. I need to care and feel cared for.

This right here, she said it very well.

 

[SassySheDevil]

haha you like the questions where there is not going to be one set answer. It is different for everyone.

I can't do the non emotion kind.
I need emotions. Feelings.

 

[Corbal]

I genuinely don’t like anyone in my personal space, especially someone I don’t know. If I let you close enough to touch me, I have to know you. If I let you touch me, we know each other really well and have some type of relationship.

 

[FunLi]

I’ll go first.

I can do the no feelings, nsa sex but it’s empty and hollow and very temporarily fills a void. It’s almost like basic bodily maintenance.

I need some kind of connection...even for fun once in awhile hook ups. There at least needs to be some kind of friendship.

For the really good, mind blowing, deeply satisfying sex I need a real emotional connection. I need to care and feel cared for.

Yep. This.

 

[Deleted member 5521640]

I need that emotional attachment to someone. Not only to them, but I need to know they feel the same way in return. It has to be a two-way street between us before I'll ever consider being intimate with someone.

 

[Sundayschild]

It's an opportunity to communicate. With added orgasms!

 

[cheekygirl75]

I’ll go first.

I can do the no feelings, nsa sex but it’s empty and hollow and very temporarily fills a void. It’s almost like basic bodily maintenance.

I need some kind of connection...even for fun once in awhile hook ups. There at least needs to be some kind of friendship.

For the really good, mind blowing, deeply satisfying sex I need a real emotional connection. I need to care and feel cared for.

Another vote for Chillygirl's well written response! Perfectly said for how I feel too.

 

[Jasminelit]

For me, sex doesn't have to equal love or commitment by any means. On the other hand, it does necessitate a little bit of self investment. I might not see/talk to you for two weeks, but when I do, it will be more than, "where did I leave my bra?"

 

[Deacon_Voss]

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, I was open to both, but most of my time was spent in cars cruising the beaches. Casual sex was fun with s bikini clad hard body

After that, it as all about love and commitment, because I wanted a family, and someone I could trust with my soul. I can honestly say that sex was never better

 

[Lady2020]

Chillygirl said it well.

 

[Acktion]

I don't like being touched. Not even shaking hands, much less anything else. Wasn't a big fan even before Central Pain Syndrome set my nerves on fire. So, when I allow someone to touch me without backing them off, there is a strong feeling there, strong enough to override my distaste and discomfort.

 

[Anastasia1999]

Sex without an emotional connection? Nope, I couldn’t possibly.

Sometimes I wish I could though, but I can’t.

 

[LustfulIntentions2]

I’ll go first.

I can do the no feelings, nsa sex but it’s empty and hollow and very temporarily fills a void. It’s almost like basic bodily maintenance.

I need some kind of connection...even for fun once in awhile hook ups. There at least needs to be some kind of friendship.

For the really good, mind blowing, deeply satisfying sex I need a real emotional connection. I need to care and feel cared for.

This certainly reflects what I need to feel truly invested in it.

 

[Silk_Princess]

I agree with the many posters above who indicate that they need/prefer/get more enjoyment from sex when there is some type of "emotional connection." However I think what is meant by that term may mean different things to different people.

For some (based on other posts, not so much this thread), "connection" seems to require a fact-based "getting to know you" process, and/or a gradual assessment that another person has qualities akin to those of a long-term partner, before sex becomes an attractive possibility. These types of connections are great, and have been the basis of my most serious intimate relationships. But when it comes to sex per se (versus a long-term sexual relationship), for me the type of "emotional connection" that makes sex appealing can also encompass things that are more incomplete and fleeting.

By way of example, I'm thinking of a time where I had a brief fling in a foreign country with a guy who I did not know well. He was the friend of a friend of a friend who I met at a group gathering at a cafe, during which we mostly made polite chit-chat and exchanged flirtatious glances. He also happened to be a songwriter and singer, and I had heard some of his music before meeting him. As the afternoon turned into evening, someone eventually found a guitar for him and he began to play. But more interestingly, he insisted that the rest of us eight or so people present also find an "instrument" nearby to play and sing along with him. People gradually began to tap their hands on their bodies or nearby surfaces, or picked up utensils and other tableware, and organically we made music together based on feeling and instinct. It was an unforgettable experience. The musician was not someone who I would have selected from a photo lineup as being physically attractive, but over the space of those few hours I was drawn to his music, his overall creativity and his way of treating other people. Dear reader, I wound up fucking him immediately afterward, and I assure you the sex was marvelous and deeply satisfying.

This was also a case where additional sexual encounters led to a deeper emotional connection rather than vice versa, even though we exchanged very little information about life histories and had no interest in remaining together long-term. Tl;dr - I think the relationship between the two things is complicated.

 

[HoneyMeadows]

I've been through the no strings, one night stands and it was ok. There's something to be said about "scratching itches" but as I've gotten older I need more than just the typical one-nighter.

It's difficult for me to find kindred spirits in every day life though, so to find someone who is open to friendship and sex...well it's been really tough.

But I have opted for an emotional connection over base instinct. It's just hollow without some kind of connection as foreplay and "after care" is just as important to satisfy my libido nowadays.

 

[hotoldrguy]

Personally, I have no real interest in sex that is transactional. At the very least, I need to like the person I am intimate with and feel some kind of connection.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

Raises hand , I’m really a one and done fucker , I’m happily married and not a real fan of “ Klingon ones “ pronounced just like it sounds Cling ——-> On

as we call them in the swinger realm of our reality. It happens more so with swinger virgins then anyone else.

But , having said that , I also enjoy the company of lovers , playmates , or whatever one wants to call someone you’ve shared a sexual experience with. On occasion I will find a fuck buddy that we really click and more fucking isn’t off the table.

But if a wench catches feelings, I’m a total stranger from that point on.



Here on Lit , I’m a fan of confidence in ones self. Those ladies that roll like a princess, fuck like a queen and swallow a load of written spunk with eyes wide open !!!

 

[Fingerfuxs]

As long as she knows that going in.
I caught feels for someone who was very honest with me about NOT catching them.
He was honest. And polite. Which hurt even more. Nothing is worse than polite.

My fault, through. I had to cut him out of my life, for me. I miss the friendship, but I can’t separate the sex, yet. I don’t know if I ever will.
Feels sometimes happen despite the best intentions.

Classic , sub baggage is what comes to mine when I read that. The trick I would say is making it all about you which is very complicated.

I’ve meet Dom’s that share subs just for that reason. For her pleasure , no strings attached. One and done …………but never in a BDSM only setting. Those doms aren’t into her pleasure as much IMO anyway.

 

[AveryElle]

I prefer NSA interactions because I’m married. I usually meet partners in such a way that there’s already a base line of sexual similarities. We usually go in a date or two, then have some sex and move on. I don’t like relationships. However, I prefer to have common ground in areas other than sex with partners, so we usually talk ‘offline’ (ie not on fet or at kink related events) for a bit to get to know each other. So I guess that’s sort of a connection? I’m not emotionally invested in them, however, so I don’t know how to classify that.

I had a lot of one night stands in my 20s. I thought I could prove to myself that I was worthy of attention by adding to the list of one night stands. It didn’t work but I learned plenty so I don’t regret it. Now, I’m more selective and do a decent job of vetting partners. But it’s very infrequently a more than one time encounter with the same person.

 

[Fingerfuxs]

He wasn’t a Dom.

I’m saying that vetting a fuck buddy is super important.

I didn’t assume he was , I was projecting that Dom’s or Domme’s that scratch that stranger sex itch with Alpha swingers are pretty awesome in my opinion. And they know what’s for her pleasure * the sub in this conversation.

In context she doesn’t have too or burden herself with “ feelings “ . That’s the point , she is taken well care of.