is romance and chivalry dead?????

[woodland angel]

where are the gentlemen over 40.......the ones who know that *hey baby wanna f___* is NOT a proper question on a first date?

the ones who still think opening a car door for a lady is a thrill cause you get to watch her legs.

the ones who ask her to dance cause it may be the only time he gets to hold her THAT close all night.

the ones who buy her a drink not to get her *loose* but to watch the flush of her soft skin.

the ones who help her on with her *wrap* cause they get to touch her bare shoulder and they can't believe how soft it is.

the ones who walk her to her door, unlock it, and DON'T nessassarily expect to be invited in , but if you are, she is still a lady after you leave.

the ones who send flowers after the first date just to say I had a wonderful time and would like to see you again.........

 

[TheCyberPoet]

Well, I am right here... but disinclining myself:

I don't know where the rest of them are (in specific), but in general, you can find a number of them in Europe, as well as scattered across the USA. The problem is that gentleman are gentile by definition, and women in the USA tend to respond to aggressive, cock-sure males that are by definition not gentlemen (bad boys, to be more specific).

Also, I think a lot of it is a matter of allowing the males to know the expectations. I have been scolded, ridiculed, and shunned because such chivalrous behavior is very definitively anti-PC (i.e. - not politically correct), but I persist anyway. In an environment where being PC is important these days (taught in all schools and stressed in every American college in general, including in the code of conduct rules for inbound students), finding such behavior is becoming rarer and rarer, especially in Americans who have had no experience abroad.

Given your checklist, I can't say that I traditionally send flowers after the first date, no matter how impressive it was, lest I scare away the candidates (although I may bring them with me when asking for a second date -- or send them after the second or third date). I hold the car door not for a flash of leg, but simply because it is the right thing to do, the appropriate thing, the chivalrous thing. Ditto for buying the drink. Ditto for the wrap. It is because I expect this behavior of myself, and thus embrace it as correct, not for some external reward, but for an internalized one the fulfills my self-image. Oh, and I don't expect to be invited in -- and refuse to pressure you to the end (if you ever go out with me, you will understand how this works) -- but won't be fool enough to think that because you invite me in that we will be having anything more than further conversation because you're not ready to let me go for the time being yet.

Hmmm... Perhaps you should check the thread on "nice guys"... Oh, and I'm sorry, but I'm under 40...

=-= The Cyberpoet

 

[MysteriousRomantic]

woodland angel

well I think there are a few of us still out there but you really have to look around. I love to do all the things on your checklist. I card after the first date telling her how much I enjoyed spending time with her. I always arrive on the first date with a single rose. I find it tasteful and not overly preseumptious

 

[woodland angel]

dear cyber poet................is your dad single?............only kidding........you are well spoken kind sir........you reply offers me hope of a gentle man somewhere out there who appreciates a woman as an equal as well as for her beauty and companionship............(how much younger than 40?) *soft smile*

 

[woodland angel]

very nice mysterious.............I am curious describe the first date?.......

 

[TheCyberPoet]

Dear Angel,

Unfortuately for you, last I checked, my father was not still single (sorry). As for my age and how shy of 40 I am, a few years, but only a few years...

If you state your expectations, most men will try to live up to them if they feel it is worthy of their efforts. If you are looking for someone who just is that way, then you must search far and wide in your area, but I have no doubts someone in your vicinity is within your desired definitions

=-= The CyberPoet

 

[Sony99]

They are to shy for this environment.

 

[MysteriousRomantic]

Woodland:

I usually show up with a yellow rose as red is too forward. I usually take them for a nice dinner and depending on the season, a walk in the country just so we can talk. Posibly an evening of dancing after the dinner. I never expect a kiss the first date. You do not know the person well enough after 3 hours to even expect that kiss. I have turned down offers to stay after first dates also. Sorry my views of sex are that it is reserved for ones I truly have strong emotions for. I would take her home, walk her to her door. ANd say good night. I would call her the next day whether I wanted t see her again or not and thank her for a wonderful evening

 

[woodland angel]

but to expect someone to be or become something we search for is not to appreciate them for what and who they are. There is no *perfect* person out there, whether they be female or male. But I do believe there is a perfect match for everyone. There is a time and place for erotisism and god knows I can be just that, there is a time and place for intelligent conversation as well and that is just as stimulating to ones mind as the other is to ones body............THAT is what I seek.........a man who knows both, isn't into perfect looks, can appreciate jeans as well as flowing dresses on his dates...........and who knows silence can be golden

 

[Sony99]

Sounds reasonable.

 

[woodland angel]

very nice mysterious *fanning myself..............ok you answered that very nicely............what would your *date* be wearing that would impress you

 

[Sony99]

but to expect someone to be or become something we search for is not to appreciate them for what and who they are. There is no *perfect* person out there, whether they be female or male. But I do believe there is a perfect match for everyone. There is a time and place for erotisism and god knows I can be just that, there is a time and place for intelligent conversation as well and that is just as stimulating to ones mind as the other is to ones body............THAT is what I seek.........a man who knows both, isn't into perfect looks, can appreciate jeans as well as flowing dresses on his dates...........and who knows silence can be golden

This sounds reasonable. Still trying to figure this system out.

 

[lakritze]

Romance and Chivalry are not dead.

Romance and Chivalry are not dead.They still exist in us gents over 40 who can appreciate the equality of a woman as well as her beauty and companionship. AHHH....Companionship,what a lovely but often under appreciated part of true romance.

 

[MysteriousRomantic]

Hmmmmmmmm woodland. It would depend where I take her that evening. And nice dress if we are going to a concert or a fancy restaurant or jeans and a nice sweater or polo shirt if we are going to a street fair or something f that nature. I do so love to hold hands with walks in the woods. I am comfortable in a tux as well as in jeans and polo shirts.

 

[MysteriousRomantic]

lakritze.

I agree. I am one of the over forty men out there. I tend to care for her needs more then mine and really like the thought of companionship also. I believe if the man loves the woman romance should never run out. It helps also if the woman is a romantic also

 

[woodland angel]

weg

don;t suppose you two are into a three some are you??

I AM ONLY KIDDING

 

[Sony99]

Re: weg

don;t suppose you two are into a three some are you??

I AM ONLY KIDDING

Note me.

 

[MysteriousRomantic]

woodland not me. I am totally a one woman type man

 

[woodland angel]

romance

romance is a state of mind............one that connects the soul WITH the mind. To have *sex* is something every animal can have. to appreciate your partner whether it be in *bed* or in your arms during a dance, or across the table during a discussion or the smell of her perfume on your jacket after it has been around her shoulders..................THAT is romance

 

[woodland angel]

good glad to hear it like I said I was only kididng

 

[Sony99]

good glad to hear it like I said I was only kididng

I noticed that, trying to particpate in the conversation.

 

[woodland angel]

and I appreciate your efforts sony and welcome you............gentlemen? I am out of here for the afternoon my email is always available...........and as always.....a pleasure...........K

 

[lakritze]

"I'm only kidding."

Good.Never underestimate the power of a good sense of humour.

 

[MysteriousRomantic]

woodland


I totally agree with you. It is the thoughts of her when she is away from me that make me think about her also. It is the soft touch on her shoulder when I sneak in the house after work, the walks in the rain during the summer, the swims in the water and the soft hug when I am feeling down or when she is down also. It is the total giving of ones self that makes the great relationships work.

 

[TheCyberPoet]

don't suppose you two are into a three some are you??

I am not ideologically opposed to it in a sexual sense, but I don't care to share my women emotionally with other men. If it were sex and just for the thrills (and not a risk to the emotional relationship), then I would have no objections -- I don't find it interferes with my chivalry in any sense; moreso, I think it is an extension of it.

=-= The CyberPoet