Is physical attraction in a D/s relationship a must?

[sub princess]

Someone once told me that He felt that a Dom/me /Master need not be attracted to His/Her sub/slave, physically, but that a sub/slave needed to be attracted, physically,to the One that they submitted to.

i understand that there is more to attraction than just looks, but doesn't there have to be at least some physical attraction? my superficial side tells me that no, i couldn't, or should i say i would not submit, to Someone that i didn't find attractive physically.

So my question is to the Dom/mes / Masters-- Would You train, take, be with a sub/slave that You really were not attracted to physically? And is the emotional connection, and submissive nature more important?

submissives/slaves-- Would you, or could you submit to Someone that you were not attracted to? Or is His/Her over all personality and dominance more important to you?

Thanks.....

 

[dancinvixen]

This is a difficult one for many to answer. For me, yes I be able to have a submissive, to whom I wasn't physically attracted to. But then for me, the whole of D/S is phsycological in nature. One person's need to have power, mixed with another's to lose it. D/S Does not really have much to do with looks. It's more the emotional and phsycological values that are given and taken.

 

[FungiUg]

Hmmm.

For me, D/s is sexual (although it does include a psychological aspect.) And for me, sexual includes physical attraction. So... no, if I wanted to play with a submissive, it would be someone I also found sexually attractive.

I know some people can do the sexual attraction thing without physical attraction. And as much as I admire that, I can't do it myself. For me, I need the entirety -- physically attractive, and a mental connection, compatible personalities.

Who said I was easy?

 

[sub princess]

This is a difficult one for many to answer. For me, yes I be able to have a submissive, to whom I wasn't physically attracted to. But then for me, the whole of D/S is phsycological in nature. One person's need to have power, mixed with another's to lose it. D/S Does not really have much to do with looks. It's more the emotional and phsycological values that are given and taken.

Thank You for Your response. i do understand that it is the dynamics of the relationship, and the power exchange itself that is important, but i mean underneath it all, being that we are only human, doesn't physical attraction play some small part?

The reason i asked this question to begin with was because for me, i want to please Him in any and all ways.. including being attractive to Him.

i understand that D/s is not about looks, and i'm not talking super model staus here... i just feel that since W/we are human beings first, and there is a matter of chemistry as well as compatibility that feeling a physical attraction must have at the very least some importance.

 

[FungiUg]

Thank You for Your response. i do understand that it is the dynamics of the relationship, and the power exchange itself that is important, but i mean underneath it all, being that we are only human, doesn't physical attraction play some small part?

The reason i asked this question to begin with was because for me, i want to please Him in any and all ways.. including being attractive to Him.

i understand that D/s is not about looks, and i'm not talking super model staus here... i just feel that since W/we are human beings first, and there is a matter of chemistry as well as compatibility that feeling a physical attraction must have at the very least some importance.

s.p. -- I know in my case, I wouldn't find a "model" attractive to start with! And I'm sure you Master must find you attractive, or he wouldn't be your Master.

Like everything, this comes back to communication. And paying attention. What you wear, how you behave, what you do... will all effect the physical effect you have on your Master, so pay attention! Notice what he notices, notice what he approves of!

In terms of physical attraction... you're just fishin'! *chuckle* I think to most people the attraction is important, but I doubt you need worry about its lack.

 

[Master_Vassago]

I for one have strong feelings here as well. I think Y/you should be attracted to a Dom/sub. But if they have a wonderful personality and outlook anythings possible. But on the purely sexual side, I prefer an attractive sub. Princess you fit the bill nicely.

 

[sub princess]

I for one have strong feelings here as well. I think Y/you should be attracted to a Dom/sub. But if they have a wonderful personality and outlook anythings possible. But on the purely sexual side, I prefer an attractive sub. Princess you fit the bill nicely.

Why thank You MV.....

Phew!! i was beginning to feel a tad superficial here.. glad to know that there are O/others that agree that physical attraction plays at least a tiny part.

 

[sub princess]

s.p. -- I know in my case, I wouldn't find a "model" attractive to start with! And I'm sure you Master must find you attractive, or he wouldn't be your Master.

Like everything, this comes back to communication. And paying attention. What you wear, how you behave, what you do... will all effect the physical effect you have on your Master, so pay attention! Notice what he notices, notice what he approves of!

In terms of physical attraction... you're just fishin'! *chuckle* I think to most people the attraction is important, but I doubt you need worry about its lack.

Thank You FungiUg.... me fishin'? Never!! LOL

Yes, i believe Master finds me attractive, though i am by no means super model material. He says i am beautiful, and i believe that He thinks i am. i know that it is not my appearance that made Him choose me, i know that it was O/our connection, compatibilty, and shared beliefs that He found "attractive" first. As was the case with what i found attractive about Him in the beginning. But, i am attracted to Him physically, very much so, so perhaps that is just the icing on the cake (so to speak).

Consequently i do pay very close attention to His likes and dislikes.. i always want to look my best for Him.

Thank You again FungiUg!

 

[FungiUg]

[...] I always want to look my best for Him. [...]

Ah, but aren't there times you want to look bad for him?

 

[sub princess]

Ah, but aren't there times you want to look bad for him?

LOL.. yes, but only when He wants me to...

 

[LisaFunOne1]

i dont know... ive been involved with Masters i wasnt initially physically attracted to... but as i got to know them, they became more and more attractive to me...

 

[lark sparrow]

Honestly, physical attraction does become way less important to me in BDSM. Dominance or submission and personality outweigh stunning beauty - now if they are all rolled into one package, that's wonderful, but physical attraction comes in last on that list. Sexual attraction will come with D/s, and overall attraction comes from personality... beauty in itself can be a power, but it is the lesser of the three for me in relation to BDSM. Physical attraction is great, don't get me wrong, but it can be an acquired taste as well.

And I don't say this in the context of being deep or shallow, that's simply how it sincerely works out for me. On a strictly vanilla basis I have more and different boundaries and qualifiers than I do in BDSM. Traditional physical attraction just doesn't play as big of a role, though I would agree it's important to be attracted to a primary partner on as many levels as possible.

 

[sub princess]

Re: Re: Is physical attraction in a D/s relationship a must?

Honestly, physical attraction does become way less important to me in BDSM. Dominance or submission and personality outweigh stunning beauty - now if they are all rolled into one package, that's wonderful, but physical attraction comes in last on that list. Sexual attraction will come with D/s, and overall attraction comes from personality... beauty in itself can be a power, but it is the lesser of the three for me in relation to BDSM. Physical attraction is great, don't get me wrong, but it can be an acquired taste as well.

And I don't say this in the context of being deep or shallow, that's simply how it sincerely works out for me. On a strictly vanilla basis I have more and different boundaries and qualifiers than I do in BDSM. Traditional physical attraction just doesn't play as big of a role, though I would agree it's important to be attracted to a primary partner on as many levels as possible.

Thank you Lark.... i agree, and i guess i am fortunate then to have found Someone with everything 'all rolled into One.'

When i first started looking for a Dom, physical attraction wasn't the first thing i looked for, or even second really, compatibility definitely was. There were a few Men that i would not have found 'attractive' if it was a vanilla relationship in consideration, but i did find physically attractive in a Dominant sort of way.

i know too that just as one's personality can make someone more appealing or attractive physically, the reverse can be true as well. i met (online) an absolutely gorgeous Man, a Dom, but because He was only interested in 'play,' He became less attractive the more W/we talked.

 

[FungiUg]

I don't think physical attraction would be the first thing I look for. Probably the last. Because even if it's not there, I can enjoy someone as a friend, which requires the same level of fun, compatibility, mental "clicky-ness" and so on. Just to progress to a "lover/play-toy" status, I would also require the attraction.

 

[Quint]

I don't think physical attraction would be the first thing I look for. Probably the last. Because even if it's not there, I can enjoy someone as a friend, which requires the same level of fun, compatibility, mental "clicky-ness" and so on. Just to progress to a "lover/play-toy" status, I would also require the attraction.

I like saying "clicky-ness."

This very much says my opinion as well. I had seen T a few times before getting involved with him but when we began our relationship I had no memory of what he looked like. His words and the personality I read behind them were what drew me to him. So, without really choosing for it to be this way, physical appearance WAS one of the last things on my list.

However, that does not mean that it is not important to me. I am much like LisaFunOne1 in that many of the men I have been involved with, I did not find attractive initially. Or, to be more accurate, they did not fit the mental "attractive male" gingerbread cut-out I had at the time. My D/s is very sexually based and my sexual desire is very physical. Psychological D/s is wonderful and was all I needed as long as T and I remained long distance, but when we turned real life, I had to know I would desire his body as well as his mind.

I feel no shame about this and I don't think I'm shallow. I know I'm intelligent and I search for a smart partner. I know I'm attractive and I need a partner who I can lust after on a purely aesthetic level as he does me. It's all about a meeting of equals.

 

[Shadowsdream]

So my question is to the Dom/mes / Masters-- Would You train, take, be with a sub/slave that You really were not attracted to physically? And is the emotional connection, and submissive nature more important?

...this question made Me ~~smile~~

I remember the first time I met My American male sub in real life...I had seen many pictures and spoken to him on the phone many hours over many months.
When he picked Me up at the airport the first thought that flew into My head..was OMG don't let it be him! he was only an inch or two taller than I was....I would have never given him a second thought on the street but by the time I got close enough to look into his eyes I saw the man that had captured My respect and admiration. his beauty was stunning to Me in all ways.
The real beauty for Me is in the eyes, the depth of the submission.

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

So my question is to the Dom/mes / Masters-- Would You train, take, be with a sub/slave that You really were not attracted to physically? And is the emotional connection, and submissive nature more important?

...this question made Me ~~smile~~

I remember the first time I met My American male sub in real life...I had seen many pictures and spoken to him on the phone many hours over many months.
When he picked Me up at the airport the first thought that flew into My head..was OMG don't let it be him! he was only an inch or two taller than I was....I would have never given him a second thought on the street but by the time I got close enough to look into his eyes I saw the man that had captured My respect and admiration. his beauty was stunning to Me in all ways.
The real beauty for Me is in the eyes, the depth of the submission.

Your words hold true beauty.

 

[Richard49]

I find this thread so intriguing
and asked question(s) that I have thought
but never had the grapfruits to ask

I have played with submissives that before
we started playing I did not find attractive
(that does not mean I did not care for them as people)

As I saw that I was taking them to subspace
they became more and more attractive

 

[Shadowsdream]

Your words hold true beauty.

Thank you..that was a very sweet thing to say!

 

[lark sparrow]

I was thinking more in general terms, because of course I am physically attracted to someone I am overtly involved with whether they are the model of traditional beauty or my normal "type" or not.

In some ways BDSM can be one of the great equalizers - not for everyone, but for some. For instance my romantic/sexual orientation is strictly lesbian, but in BDSM I discovered that gender was far less defining to me in some ways. I still don't look at men and think OMG he is physically attractive and I want to have sex wth him and marry him, but he may be attractive to me as a BDSM play partner and/or friend. I think the only other people I have heard speak of this here was another lesbian who played with men, and a straight male who sometimes played with masochistic male subs - not in a directly sexual way, but in erotic, and/or sadistic play. In these cases, a top is a top, and a bottom is a bottom, regardless of gender or romantic/sexual orientation. It's bigger (or based on different things) than all that, and can defy the norms. It may also really play up the D/s aspect because the "normal" romantic/sexual one is not in play.

Another aspect would be Dommes with exceptional skills, knowledge and presence - some whom I would never notice or consider on a sexual/physical attraction basis outside of the context of BDSM. But within, they are breath-takingly erotic to me and I most certainly notice them and feel attraction.

 

[His_sugar]

i could not be 'in' a D/s relationship without their being a physical attraction/attachment.

i have however, played at parties, done demo's at clubs, that were not sexual, with Dom/me's i had absolutely no attraction to what-so-ever.

Playing for me without the sexual context is simply being a bottom. It has nothing to do with being able to submit or submission to another.

Probably not the answers you were even looking for.. lol

basque

 

[catalina_francisco]

In the bad old days of vanilla, I found I was rarely attracted by the physical attractiiveness of another. For me it has always been psychological and intellectual which in turn lead to physical attraction no matter their appearance. I have found this to be even more true in BDSM relationships. I have submitted to those who made me feel their dominance, often without an action or smooth talk. It is the instinctual knowledge they can offer what I am looking for and needing to bring out the best in me as a sub/slave.

My ambition was always to be a slave in preference to submissive, but as that to me is a lifetime commitment, there were Dominants I interacted with in my search for experience and the right one. Each time I submitted it was based on an attraction other than physical, predominantly relating to their ability to dominate me physically, psychologically, and emotionally. Being a strong personality myself it was not every D who was able to win my respect in this way, but those who did invariably appealed physically through the power of their own personality.

Catalina

 

[Richard49]

i could not be 'in' a D/s relationship without their being a physical attraction/attachment.

i have however, played at parties, done demo's at clubs, that were not sexual, with Dom/me's i had absolutely no attraction to what-so-ever.

Playing for me without the sexual context is simply being a bottom. It has nothing to do with being able to submit or submission to another.

Probably not the answers you were even looking for.. lol

basque

So when you have played at these parties/done Demos etc.
You never went to subspace or got excited?

 

[His_sugar]

So when you have played at these parties/done Demos etc.
You never went to subspace or got excited?

No, never.. it was simply 'play'..

In order for me to be aroused or to hit the wonderful subspace realm... there has to be a mental, physical and emotional control.. none of those things do i surrender when simply play with a Dom/me.

 

[lovetoread]

submissives/slaves-- Would you, or could you submit to Someone that you were not attracted to?

Yes

Or is His/Her over all personality and dominance more important to you?

That is the upmost of importance to me. If he knows what he is doing, then I dont care what he looks like.