Is it Safe to be Attractive in America?

[Amberchgo]

"Get An Ugly Girl To Marry You"

[Chorus:]
If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life,
Never make a pretty woman your wife.
So from my personal point of view,
Get an ugly girl to marry you.

[Chorus]

A pretty woman makes her husband look small,
And very often causes his downfall.
As soon as he marries her, then she starts,
To do the things that will break his heart.

But if you make an ugly woman your wife,
You'll be happy for the rest of your life.
An ugly woman cooks meals all the time,
She'll always give you peace of mind.

[Chorus]

Don't let your friends say you have no taste,
Go ahead and marry anyway.
Her face is ugly, her eyes don't match.
Take it from me, she's a better catch.

[Chorus]

Say, man?
Hey baby!
I saw your wife the other day.
Yeah?
Yeah, and she's sure is ugly. Ha!
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!
Yeah, alright.
Unfortunately, she has acne.
That's a shame, baby.
Yeah, baby.

 

[Laurel]

Who would win a tickle fight between Lance and LT?

I know I'm not supposed to have one, but I think you're my favorite.

 

[Queersetti]

I know I'm not supposed to have one, but I think you're my favorite.

That's because I don't follow women down the street.

Women follow me down the street, asking my opinion of their shoes.

 

[ukstockinglvr]

That's because I don't follow women down the street.

Women follow me down the street, asking my opinion of their shoes.

Nice

 

[Lancecastor]

That's because I don't follow women down the street.

Women follow me down the street, asking my opinion of their shoes.

Shades of Gary Shandling, "What Planet Are You From?"

 

[CandiCame]

It appears that it is not as safe to be a young black man in America as it is to be say a middle aged white man.

Is it the same for young, attractive white women in America?

Take Laurel, for example.

By all accounts, a very attractive young woman.

For her, simply walking down the street on a sunny day in short shorts, a tight t-shirt and no undies....just a pretty, smiling California girl on her way to have her vag waxed...can be scary.

Especially if she locks eyes with a stranger...and smiles at him.

Why are young black men and pretty white girls...targets?

Is it safe to be a pretty white girl in America?

Actually, people of color report FAR more street harassment than white women. Intersectional feminism teaches us that street harassment actually stems more from racism and homophobia than from sexism, as non-strait genderfluid black people have it the worst. White men and women get it the least. And there's an actual sliding scale where you can predict how much you're gonna get it. It also varies by location, with rural areas being the worst. Presumably because rednecks in large groups are just totally willing to egg each other on until someone gets lynched; in the class I took on it, this effect has a name. It's not group think but it's similar to group think. Where being a part of the group gives you a type of perceived anonymity that you don't have otherwise. Like if it were just two people and one of them catcalled, the other guy would beat the shit out of them. But I think it's 5 or more and the other people in the group start thinking, "Well someone else will beat the shit out of them" and because everyone is thinking that, no one does. So the guy who was screaming, "Fuck you, dyke bitch!" doesn't receive the social cues, the beating, that tell him that he's fucking crazy and is gonna get his ass kicked. Because everyone in the group thinks that someone else is gonna provide the cues.

The professor gave a couple examples of this, and one of them that stuck in my mind was that if you break down on a busy road, you're more likely to be fucked than if you break down on a backroad. And that's super counterintuitive, but it's the same thing. Everyone thinks, "Oh, someone else will help them" so no one helps. It diffuses the responsibility to the point that no one acts on it.

So anyhow, the asshole is then free to express his sexist, racist, or homophobic view freely, because no one is stopping him, and because no one is stopping him, he perceives that as group approval. There's been a movement recently, in the states at least, trying to get people with power to call other people with power on their bullshit. This is called "checking your privilege", because you have a 'privilege' that is a social power, that allows you to be an asshole. And allows you to live your life with knowledge that you're not going to be on the receiving end of your own assholery. And so if you call the asshole on it, they'll generally stop the behavior, because the only reason they display the behavior in the first place is because they didn't receive the negative reinforcement that told them to stop, like they would have in a smaller group.

BTW, if you're more interested in how to do the Check Your Privilege thing, this organization is a thing.

And here's a video of how people talk about the shit they WANTED to say, but thought that someone else would say. Which, pretty understandably amounts to, "STFU" and "I'm just not going anywhere with this dude ever again. Ever."

 

[Lancecastor]

And so if you call the asshole on it, they'll generally stop the behavior, because the only reason they display the behavior in the first place is because they didn't receive the negative reinforcement that told them to stop, like they would have in a smaller group.

So, you figure Laurel should have told the guy to piss off?

(I tend to agree with your post)

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

We're not talking about rape, we're talking about the day to day stuff attractive women encounter.

Please feel free to read the OP.

It doesn't change the fact that what you actually said

"Is it safe to be attractive in America"

was frighteningly narrow minded and ignorant, for the reasons I outlined to you.

And for you to refer to Laurel's post about a potential rape experience and then say you're not talking about rape? That's even stupider.

"Is it safe to be a pretty white girl in America?" Everyone else on here may have the IQ of a rock but in reality land context is everything and the clear and unambiguous context here is sexual assault. So yeah, you are talking about rape, and yes, you're doing it all wrong.

 

[CandiCame]

So, you figure Laurel should have told the guy to piss off?

(I tend to agree with your post)

Yeah. It actually really shocked me when she didn't. I wrote a reply on the other thread. If you do that shit here you get maced right in the face. So I was shocked that she didn't mace him right in the face. But that's probably because I'm from the redneck area where that shit is the most prevalent, as I mentioned in my prior post, so people expect it and then just mace the motherfucker. It's gotten to the point that some college campuses won't let you have mace anymore because chicks were macing anyone who said hello to them. Like the not creeper guys. Because they had been so conditioned to just just hurt men because street harassment is a thing.

On that note, I have a friend from South Korea who live in a big city there, Seoul (I probably misspelled that). They have these night clubs where women get in free and often the bouncers will come up and try to get chicks in the nightclub. If you want them to leave you alone- speak English to them. Because so many American tourists have maced them that a single word in English scares the shit out of them now. They're scared they're gonna get their asses kicked. Because we have a culture where fighting back against street harassment is becoming a major movement. Because it's normally avoidable, because of the underlying psychology, by fighting against it.

Plus, that just seems to be innate. Like if someone were following me I'd tell him to fuck off. Especially if I were carrying a weapon like most women folk do.

 

[Lancecastor]

And for you to refer to Laurel's post about a potential rape experience and then say you're not talking about rape? That's even stupider.

I'm sorry, I must have missed the part where Laurel said she thought she was in a potential rape experience.

Could you find that for us?

 

[dolf]

mace? your advice to lone women who feel uncomfortable is to start a violent conflict, as a first response, with a person who is likely considerably larger and may be armed?

ok...

also, here, attacking men for doing nothing illegal will get you in the dock.

 

[CandiCame]

mace? your advice to lone women who feel uncomfortable is to start a violent conflict, as a first response, with a person who is likely considerably larger and may be armed?

ok...

also, here, attacking men for doing nothing illegal will get you in the dock.

Actually, I specifically said you should not do that, and it's become a social problem that it's people's first response. To the point that some places are having to ban mace. I'm saying that it is the first response, when, in fact, the first response should just be telling someone to fuck off BEFORE resorting to violence. I said I was shocked that she didn't mace him, because that is generally the first response.

 

[dolf]

I said I was shocked that she didn't mace him, because that is generally the first response.

you need to understand that you're a weirdo who hangs with other weirdos in weird places.

 

[CandiCame]

you need to understand that you're a weirdo who hangs with other weirdos in weird places.

Like the United States? Most women in the states carry mace and most concealed weapons permits are issued to women. Women folk are willing to hurt you because there's underlying idea- the exact same one I was bitching about in the other thread- that all men are rapists and that it's a societal, rather than individual problem. So they mace first and ask questions later. And that's... more often than not unnecessary. Kinda don't want FunSize to do that. Because I have been maced. And it hurts super bad.

 

[LJ_Reloaded]

I'm sorry, I must have missed the part where Laurel said she thought she was in a potential rape experience.

Could you find that for us?

Are you fucking insane?

She described a man following her around and hanging outside for 5 minutes after she ducked into an establishment. If you don't count that as a potential sexual assault situation then you need your fucking head examined.

 

[CandiCame]

That "You're so American" comment made me think of another class. I was taking a women's studies class, and the teacher was English, and one of the female students was explaining about the weapon thing and how pretty much all American women carry weapons at all times. And the teacher seemed to think that was bullshit. So she was like, "How many people in here are carrying a weapon right now, in this classroom?"

Every single female student raised their hand. She was like, "...goddamn this fucking country."

I was like, "I could probably put my keys in between my fingers if I needed a weapon. Women and their long range weapons. Pft. Pansies- I DIDN'T MEAN IT PLEASE DON'T HURT ME"

 

[CandiCame]

BTW, I wasn't maced because I was being a jerk, I was maced because I have a friend who is a goddamn idiot and she had one of those mace keychains that the womenfolk have and she didn't use it up fast enough or change it out so it got old and leaked out in the car and maced EVERYONE including me who was DRIVING at the time.

 

[Lancecastor]

I heard you once bored a man to death in Seattle, is this true?

 

[CandiCame]

I heard you once bored a man to death in Seattle, is this true?

Oh this is not even the beginning of my boring stories, hunny.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

How are we defining street harassment on this thread? Obviously having someone follow you for blocks would count. Otherwise, what is it? I skimmed the racialicious link and according to it I (darkish black female) should be harassed the most but frankly I really haven't experienced much according to my definition. I do have men on the street hitting on me with awkward pick up lines, but I don't call that harassment. I get "taxi taxi taxi" a lot when I am on my bike too, but I don't consider that harassment either.

 

[Aquagal]

Like the United States? Most women in the states carry mace and most concealed weapons permits are issued to women. Women folk are willing to hurt you because there's underlying idea- the exact same one I was bitching about in the other thread- that all men are rapists and that it's a societal, rather than individual problem. So they mace first and ask questions later. And that's... more often than not unnecessary. Kinda don't want FunSize to do that. Because I have been maced. And it hurts super bad.

I've never known anyone or heard of anyone in any my circle of acquaintances that has carried mace.

Bear pepper spray, yes.

I know of one that carries a gun.

 

[Lancecastor]

Harassment is in the eye of the beholder....

Laurel obviously felt unsafe in the OP's situation.

Your mileage may vary.

How are we defining street harassment on this thread? Obviously having someone follow you for blocks would count. Otherwise, what is it? I skimmed the racialicious link and according to it I (darkish black female) should be harassed the most but frankly I really haven't experienced much according to my definition. I do have men on the street hitting on me with awkward pick up lines, but I don't call that harassment. I get "taxi taxi taxi" a lot when I am on my bike too, but I don't consider that harassment either.

 

[LadyFunkenstein]

Harassment is in the eye of the beholder....

Laurel obviously felt unsafe in the OP's situation.

Your mileage may vary.

Harassment is a crime (in the US) so no, it isn't in the eye of the beholder. It is in the eye of the state. I agreed that Laurel's situation counts, but what about all of the other examples in which people claim harassment? What is the dividing line between bad game and harassment (other than the obvious, the status of the male doing the street approach)?

 

[Lancecastor]

The way Laurel told it, it sounded to me like she might have been in danger of being asked out for a drink.

 

[parodyluvr75]

If a man follows you several blocks the whole while you're walking faster and then waits outside a store for you, he's creepy and the only drink you're getting from him would be dosed.