Is it really possible to find a female sub if you are a married man?

[justlookin]

I have been wanting to find a completely submissive slave for a few years now. But I have had absolutely no luck because I am a married man (I think). I am new to Literotica and this is my first posting. But I have tried personals on serveral alternative sites with no luck. I am begining to think this is all fantasy and no one really lives the bdsm lifestyle. But who am I to judge since I am new and never been successful at find a sub. Please no sarcastic replies, I am genuinely concerned that it will never become a reality. I have had a driving desire for this since early teens andI am now 55 and still never lived it out. Thanks for any help you can give or any insite to this newbie.

 

[cymbidia]

I've had luck in the past at places like www.alt.com and www.bondage.com.

Don't lie. I'd recommend that you're totally upfront from the very beginning about being married and intending to stay that way. Lying will ruin whatever has begun to take shape between you and another in this game of trust far more quickly than anything else.

Read a lot. Read about this kind of sexuality.

Determine what, exactly, you want to offer a submissive - and what you need to have from them. No one can read minds. If you don't know pretty precisely what you want, you're not going to find someone who wants to give it.

I live this lifestyle.
So do a number of the people here.
None of us has done it without some pain in our lives as a result of the decision, though. Others have the pain of hiding of what and who they really are within a nilla marriage.

We all make choices.

Good luck.

 

[monster666]

It might be a good idea for you to look around and read a bit. You will find lots of folks here who incorporate BDSM in their lives a lot of different ways.

If you are new, then you probably have a couple of things to learn about how to treat your new playmate and how to go about finding on that is compatible. It's not likely that a new sub will be "completely submissive". It also not likely that a new DOM can deal with the needs of an experienced sub. I'd suggest starting with the sticky at the top of the page and read the links it points to.

This forum is a great place to start. Welcome aboard.

I have been wanting to find a completely submissive slave for a few years now. But I have had absolutely no luck because I am a married man (I think). I am new to Literotica and this is my first posting. But I have tried personals on serveral alternative sites with no luck. I am begining to think this is all fantasy and no one really lives the bdsm lifestyle. But who am I to judge since I am new and never been successful at find a sub. Please no sarcastic replies, I am genuinely concerned that it will never become a reality. I have had a driving desire for this since early teens andI am now 55 and still never lived it out. Thanks for any help you can give or any insite to this newbie.

 

[WriterDom]

The easiest and quickest place to meet subs is to get on AOL and work the chatrooms and the directory. It's like fishing in a stocked pond. But you have to be honest about the married thing.

 

[SouthernSting]

Honesty

Yes it can happen. All of my subs (three longer term) have been married women who for a number of reasons are not satisfied at home yet are unwilling to break up their current relationship. Mine is the same situation. Until recently I was searching for a new relationship for about a year. I met many who wanted to play with online chatter, a few who I got to know fairly well and a couple that I have met with. There are many men and women, Doms and subs alike who are playing out their fantasies with their computer and would never (well probably never) meet.

If it's just sex you want - Find a hooker.

The comments about being honest and up front about who you are and what you seek can not be stressed enough. I can attest to the fact that (for me, at least) it is impossible to avoid very strong emotional attachments in a D/s relationship. If you are serious about this, you will know you sub better than she knows herself. There is much more than fantasy play involved in this.

Read, Read, Read - get to know youself and what you want - Join one of the local groups (There are many who always want to give training and advise) Attend a play party (Many groups allow singles) Be yourself - somebody loves ya!

Forget all I've said because I am but One of Many.

 

[Cirrus]

I am a married Dom's sub, so yes it is very possible. He was up front with me from the very start about being married, and wanting to remain married. The reasons he gave me were good, and I totally understand why he has had affairs. I don't look at him as a cheating asshole, I look at him as a man in a situation he can do little about. If you're honest, you stand a chance of finding the kind of relationship you want.

Before anyone trashes me or him or justlookin' (not that I expect it from you guys but I usually get it) let's face it...monogomy is the "ideal" in society. But how many things that are ideal actually happen? And how many of those "ideals" work for everyone?

 

[justlookin]

Hey everyone,

I deeply appreciate the open and honest replies I am getting. I expected comments that had little or no bearing on my problem, but I am getting replies from people who are friendly and seem to care about my problem. I have tried Alt.com and one or two other sites with no success, but I didn't give up and I ended up here. And so far it seems that I am more welcome here than anywhere I have tried. At least it makes me feel that way. I never thought that a regular chat room on say---AOL would do any good. People would think I was just some wacko. But I am willing to try all of your suggestions since I have been carrying this inside of me all my life. Thank you all soooooo much. And please keep those suggestions coming.

(The remainder of your post was edited by cymbidia, BDSM Forum Moderator, *after* you posted this plea again, below, despite a warning. DO NOT post anything that's even vaguely worded like a personals ads in this forum.)

 

[cymbidia]

If there is Your original personals ad wording has been edited after the chance you had to NOT do it again tell me hello.

We have a few rules here. The rules are important to the flow and character of this forum. We take those few rules seriously.

Go read the sticky (the very first thread) at the top of this forum to see those five rules.

The above quoted section of your last post comes perilously close to violating rule #2, the one prohibiting personals ads in this forum. If you post such a thing again then your post will be made to disappear; there will be no further warnings.

cymbidia
BDSM Forum Moderator

 

[justlookin]

My sincere appologies. (This part of your post was edited out by cymbidia, BDSM Forum Moderator, who wants to know which part of the statement "don't post things that sound like personals ads in this forum" you didn't understand?)

I know you are here to keep this post working the way it is suppose to, and I have read the sticky----but I am new and did not know I had done anything wrong. Won't happen again. I enjoy the responses from everyone ( male or female---attached or not) It is help I seek, so that I will be more prepared to embark on my own to see if I can find what I seek. I hope I havenot offended anyone or over stepped my bounds. Please keep letting me know what is meant by the rules when I make a mistake. Thanks and everyone has been so nice ---- I will try to do as I should, and not break the rules.

 

[MissTaken]

I have met Dom's on line who were married. By and large, they seemed to prefer to meet married women who were submissive.

In so doing, the boundaries were clear and both party's needs were met.

Just a quick thought...

 

[morninggirl5]

The only thing i have to offer is an echo of everyone's comments about being honest.

I'd also suggest that you read any ads you decide to respond to carefully. If a sub states that she's not interested in meeting married or otherwise attached Dom's, replying to the ad is wasting not only your time but hers as well.

 

[justlookin]

I seemed to have upset the monitors of this area, and I tried to appologize, but they keep editing my stuff, so I must still be doing something wrong. Since I don't know how to proceed without upsetting them (and being edited), I will ask that this post be removed and instead of continuing to benefit from all of the experience here, I will just have to go back to struggling on my own. I want to thank all that have replied in an effort to help me, and I want all to know that your consideration is deeply appreciated (if the monitors will post this part before they remove the entire post).