Is it normal?

[Frodo55]

Ok Lit, is it normal to love your SO but still have a raging desire for other women?

 

[HotHelen]

It's been my experience that 99% of the men who PM me are married.

Not sure if this is "normal" but it's certainly LIKELY around here!

 

[JulieBethH]

Ok Lit, is it normal to love your SO but still have a raging desire for other women?

I'll turn it around to be relevant. I loved my husband but while I was married I had a pretty strong desire for a guy that I worked with in the past. I'd cross paths with him every once in a long while and it was like the lightning had been there the whole time. Never acted on it, but he's a popular guest in my bedtime fantasies these days. I moved away from the city he lives in or I'd look him up... then again, maybe the fantasy is better.

 

[Frodo55]

I'll turn it around to be relevant. I loved my husband but while I was married I had a pretty strong desire for a guy that I worked with in the past. I'd cross paths with him every once in a long while and it was like the lightning had been there the whole time. Never acted on it, but he's a popular guest in my bedtime fantasies these days. I moved away from the city he lives in or I'd look him up... then again, maybe the fantasy is better.

I have a woman that's married to my best friend. She and I were together about 10 years ago. I still have raging fantasies about her. In a recent revelation she never stopped wanting me. Now I am in a huge dilemma. Do I sabotage a friendship or do I let the woman whom I care about after all these years down.

 

[littlebabyclit]

..........................................

 

[peebudy]

I've been married over 20 years, and I love my wife.

However, I come here on Lit to engage in fantasies and fetishes that I could never discuss with her.

When we're out and about, I'm constantly looking at other women, imagining what they'd look like naked, or be like in bed. However, I'd never act on it due to the risk of losing my wife and destroying my family.

But is sure is fun to think about!

 

[JulieBethH]

I have a woman that's married to my best friend. She and I were together about 10 years ago. I still have raging fantasies about her. In a recent revelation she never stopped wanting me. Now I am in a huge dilemma. Do I sabotage a friendship or do I let the woman whom I care about after all these years down.

You've got the memory. Leave it as that. You're not letting her down, you're just not going to help her screw over your friend.

 

[Ashleigh_XOXO]

Normal is relative.

But yes, I think it is possible and typical.

 

[fma20fma]

hi

My bf married some other gal due to some social pressure. But we still see each other often and i help him to enjoy what he likes to do on me and kept us attached and still we dont mind his marriage and indulge in Sodomy.

 

[Paintbox]

Ok Lit, is it normal to love your SO but still have a raging desire for other women?

Yeah man. Relax.

 

[Frodo55]

My bf married some other gal due to some social pressure. But we still see each other often and i help him to enjoy what he likes to do on me and kept us attached and still we dont mind his marriage and indulge in Sodomy.

I wonder if that's what I need. But it's so hard to find.

 

[Frodo55]

Yeah man. Relax.

I am. Starting to feel "normal"

 

[kodos9000]

......... Sick of the Dictatorship in here! I am out of here.... To all my friends take care.

 

[blade_rocknut]

Yes, it's normal. It's maybe less common from the female side of the table, but still normal. Nothing wrong with that, either....unless the whole "lust in your heart, pluck out the offending eye" bullshit bothers you.

One more step down the rabbithole; this phenomenon is not exclusive to strictly hetero scenarios, either.

 

[CurvAppeal]

we're not meant to be monogamous (in my opinion) we're meant to be polygamous.

here is my analogy:

pick a favorite soda, any kind. (mine is dr. pepper), you will LOVE that flavor your whole life. but, sometimes you take a break from that flavor, you discover other flavors, and you try them. those flavors will never be better or more tastier than your number one, you will always come back to it. but sometimes, you need a break.

 

[Alanija]

we're not meant to be monogamous (in my opinion) we're meant to be polygamous.

here is my analogy:

pick a favorite soda, any kind. (mine is dr. pepper), you will LOVE that flavor your whole life. but, sometimes you take a break from that flavor, you discover other flavors, and you try them. those flavors will never be better or more tastier than your number one, you will always come back to it. but sometimes, you need a break.

*chuckles* Great analogy - now we're not only objectified but also reduced to the importance of a soda

I happen to think that if you're not satisfied with whom you've chosen then you haven't made a good choice to begin with. Isn't the whole point of the SO to complement you and make you happy (BOTH not just one of these)? It's normal to have the occasional interest in other people, but if a relationship is healthy then they shouldn't turn into 'raging desires'.

 

[CurvAppeal]

*chuckles* Great analogy - now we're not only objectified but also reduced to the importance of a soda

I happen to think that if you're not satisfied with whom you've chosen then you haven't made a good choice to begin with. Isn't the whole point of the SO to complement you and make you happy (BOTH not just one of these)? It's normal to have the occasional interest in other people, but if a relationship is healthy then they shouldn't turn into 'raging desires'.

regardless if the relationship is healthy...the "raging desires" might have existed before you both have met, but your SO has become comfortable enough to announce it to you. ive only been in open relationships so i wouldn't really know myself what it is like to be tied to one person... but i think experiencing other people, then coming back to your SO makes you appreciate them more. i can be wrong..that's just my opinion

 

[Cthulhu1138]

Desire is normal, fantasies are normal and natural.

Marriage is not a spell, not a physical transformation that makes your body stop producing and reacting to hormones. It is a social and legal contract to keep track of who owns what and raises whom.

Sex is used to sell everything from toothpaste to cars. If men and women did not continue to have desires after they were married, advertising would look very different.

No mammal is monogamous for its entire life. The social construct that there is only one possible union between man and woman is unhealthy and damaging to us all. Just look at the news and stories of scandal and infidelity. Hell--just look at the boards and you can see people who struggle to reconcile who they are with who society tells them to be.

So Frodo, you are just like the rest of us; Normal, and fucked.

(as for advice, unless your friend and your ex are in to sharing, I would leave your desires in the realm of fantasy)

 

[monkeyman057]

I think this is a matter of social conditioning. I don't buy the idea that we're only intended for one partner for life. If that were the case then making a relationship work would always be easy and always be second nature. It's been my experience that that's not the case at all. Keeping a relationship going takes work and commitment. Granted, it's very rewarding work and it's a commitment many of us enter into willingly and happily.

So yes, I think it's very normal to desire other partners. The particulars of your relationship with your SO define just how open you can be about those desires and whether or not it's acceptable to act on them.

Current societal norms say "shut up and feel guilty" about them. Personally I think that's a load of shit, but that's just me.

 

[subwhore60]

[QUOTE\]I happen to think that if you're not satisfied with whom you've chosen then you haven't made a good choice to begin with. Isn't the whole point of the SO to complement you and make you happy (BOTH not just one of these)? It's normal to have the occasional interest in other people, but if a relationship is healthy then they shouldn't turn into 'raging desires'.[/QUOTE]

i love my hub very much & know when im chatting w/other men that im putting my marriage at risk BUT other than MY SELFISH DESIRES - im satisfied with hub. Those desires r MY PROBLEM not his & i whole-heartedly believe i chose well for myself all those years ago.

 

[Frodo55]

[QUOTE\]I happen to think that if you're not satisfied with whom you've chosen then you haven't made a good choice to begin with. Isn't the whole point of the SO to complement you and make you happy (BOTH not just one of these)? It's normal to have the occasional interest in other people, but if a relationship is healthy then they shouldn't turn into 'raging desires'.

i love my hub very much & know when im chatting w/other men that im putting my marriage at risk BUT other than MY SELFISH DESIRES - im satisfied with hub. Those desires r MY PROBLEM not his & i whole-heartedly believe i chose well for myself all those years ago.[/QUOTE]



Thanks for that. It kinda puts into perspective what I feel

 

[bux_fan]

Ok Lit, is it normal to love your SO but still have a raging desire for other women?

Perfectly normal. You can have desires, but acting on them is another story.

 

[fma20fma]

hi

Love it!


Yes it's normal. it's what you do about it that really matters!

thanks for that openion.

 

[fma20fma]

hi

I wonder if that's what I need. But it's so hard to find.

now you have found!!!!

 

[Lost_Yonder]

What is abnormal is to think that one person, and only one person, is going to be everything for you, every single day, for years, for decades! The social construction of monogamy is not only mythical, but also extremely unhealthy, unnatural, and in our world today, utterly unnecessary. Yet here we are, trapped. Yes, there are options for not being trapped, for not being "normal" - but the normativity of monogamy remains a power force in our society - engendering a whole range of expectations, assumptions, and what I would consider false desires (for monogamous love).

And don't even get me started on love!!! lol