Is it normal...

[lovecraft68]

I'd say the signing up for all the extra things with an already busy life is a sign of running and trying to stay out of the house.

I'd say sex twice while kidless for two weeks is another sign of things not being right.

Time to talk to her and see what's going on.

 

[von_Bismarck]

Is it normal for an early 40’s father and a late 30’s mother of 4 to not have the kids around for 15 days and only make love twice?

Sounds like she's getting plenty of strange cock on the side, and is no longer interested in what you're offering.

I suggest getting some revenge sex. Does she have a sister you can bang?

 

[Que]

I could write a novel about this... and I understand that it’s only my point of view you’re all getting, but I relly don’t think I’m stretching the truth here. We’ve spoken in depth 4-5 times about my frustrations about the lack of physicality in our life. Things never change. She’s always tired, never makes any effort to initiate any intimacy. She’s so tired all the time that now she’s becoming messy. Doesn’t pick up after herself, leaves stuff around the house all the time...

I’m really at my wits end trying to sort this out. The only thing keeping me in the relationship right now are my 4 kids

There's your problem. She doesn't respect herself and she doesn't respect you for letting her get away with this stuff. Google Athol Kaye. Follow his advice, or keep getting what you are getting, . . .and less.

Do not listen to anyone telling you to be your wife's domestic servant to "take the burden (that she already isn't doing) off." Women will rell you that doing the dishes is sexy. They believe it is true. It isn't.

Do manly stuff, work on yourself. It will either work on making you more attractive to her, or to women in general which you will need after the divorce. Her "working" late is a horrible sign and a huge risk. If your interval.of sex were already less than one a month she would be at even higher risk for an affair. Sex bonds, lack of sex is a huge red flag. You are not in a sexless marriage now, but her refusal to acknowledge your input about it is not to be ignored.

This is solvable, but not if you keep being an accomodator. Good luck.

*note to Bob: flame on, it's what you do.

 

[Que]

I could write a novel about this... and I understand that it’s only my point of view you’re all getting, but I relly don’t think I’m stretching the truth here. We’ve spoken in depth 4-5 times about my frustrations about the lack of physicality in our life. Things never change. She’s always tired, never makes any effort to initiate any intimacy. She’s so tired all the time that now she’s becoming messy. Doesn’t pick up after herself, leaves stuff around the house all the time...

I’m really at my wits end trying to sort this out. The only thing keeping me in the relationship right now are my 4 kids

You need to make that apparent by your non-verbal actions. Don't be spiteful, don't be resentful, be rhe sort of man who can get the attention of other women. I wouldn't advise having an affair; I beleive that would prove caustic to yourself, but be ready at all times as if you could. Dress better, work out, find a new cologne you like.

Do not negotiate for, or cajole for sex. Do negotiate for your gaving equal time for your own personal time. She doesn't owe you sex, she does owe you an actually equal amount of time to yourself as she spends flitting around ignoring her family.

 

[Que]

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-who-do-housework-have-less-sex/

There are practical reasons why men, modern or traditional, will end up needing to *help* with domestic chores, especially with four kids. Getting laid, is not one of those reasons. I think the above link shows the study I'm talking about. The one I'm thinking of was rather extensive and was originally designed to prove the opposite of what it actually did show. Since then there have been several studies where methodology was massaged and self-reporting led in a way to try to reverse that finding but this is the truth. Disbelieve it at your peril.

 

[Que]

. . .or, as others have hinted, you can just whine here and ger no relief.

 

[von_Bismarck]

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-who-do-housework-have-less-sex/

There are practical reasons why men, modern or traditional, will end up needing to *help* with domestic chores, especially with four kids. Getting laid, is not one of those reasons. I think the above link shows the study I'm talking about. The one I'm thinking of was rather extensive and was originally designed to prove the opposite of what it actually did show. Since then there have been several studies where methodology was massaged and self-reporting led in a way to try to reverse that finding but this is the truth. Disbelieve it at your peril.

Even taking the data at face value, are we talking causation or correlation, Que-ball?