Is it common/normal for a Dom to want to try being a Sub?

[TheLM]

I'm a 75/25 switch, and I know that it's very common.

The same things that make subs love subbing appeal to us doms as well! Sometimes there us such relief in giving up control for a while is like a vacation that is needed; even if it's out of the norm and only for a little bit.

 

[Loverskitten]

I think it's quite common. I've experienced it, even in my limited experience.
It was very intense and I had a range of emotions from excitement and fear to extreme disappointment and confusion.
I've learned much since then. I don't see a want to submit to someone as weekness AT ALL, especially when there is attraction and admiration in a relationship. In fact I've been in awe of some slave types I've met.

 

[YourCaptor]

I think you've bought into some huge and mythic notion of what Domming and Subbing are.

I bet many of them do.

Not all. Not most.
But many.

Don't worry about it, okay? No one is saying that you have to conform to anything you don't want to. Your dom style is just fine for you, and for the women you play with.

Yup, totally.

Yea, I'll be doing it huge and mythic on mt. dom. PS. humans, I need more virgins.

I think your many are generally called switches, not "PYLs who want to try the pyl side".

 

[Stella_Omega]

Yea, I'll be doing it huge and mythic on mt. dom. PS. humans, I need more virgins.

I think your many are generally called switches, not "PYLs who want to try the pyl side".

Well, there's a continuum, the way there is with any human identity. Maybe we can coin some new words-- "domflexible" and 'subflexible' as analogues of "heteroflexible" and "homoflexible."

Another good coinage from the sexuality side is "monosexual" as a correlation with "bisexual" and "pansexual."

Someone like yourself could say they are "Mono-role" or something. Or "a "Stone Dom" like the lesbian "Stone butch."

 

[Scotsman69]

A dom can't understand unless he has subbed. How could he?

 

[Stella_Omega]

A dom can't understand unless he has subbed. How could he?

1) Understand what?

2) Careful of the M/f heteronormative assumptions, there good buddy.

 

[YourCaptor]

Well, there's a continuum, the way there is with any human identity. Maybe we can coin some new words-- "domflexible" and 'subflexible' as analogues of "heteroflexible" and "homoflexible."

Another good coinage from the sexuality side is "monosexual" as a correlation with "bisexual" and "pansexual."

Someone like yourself could say they are "Mono-role" or something. Or "a "Stone Dom" like the lesbian "Stone butch."

It's all still ordinal no matter how many names for a switch you come up with.

 

[FurryFury]

I'd love to see some data on this. Is there any that anyone knows of?

I think a poll would be interesting.

How many PYL's have or would like to switch roles at least once?

How many pyl's have or would like to switch roles at least once?

And also:

I think changing roles is essential to educating yourself about the other role if you are a PYL.

I don't think changing roles is essential.

 

[KoPilot]

It's all still ordinal no matter how many names for a switch you come up with.

Wow, you're really insecure about this idea aren't you?

 

[YourCaptor]

Wow, you're really insecure about this idea aren't you?

I think it's just ridiculous. Sweeping statements usually are.

 

[Yourneighbor]

I think it's quite common and am presently doing just what this thread describes myself.

The bottom line for me (I made a funneh!) is that as a dominant, it's all on you (at least in the pairings I've been involved with) to decide and initiate and come up with an idea for entertainment and so on and so forth. Yes I know that the nature of the relationship is variable and what I describe isn't the "written in stone" rules or anything but that's what my experience has been.

Ultimately, it's tiring and exhaustive... and I want a break and I want to find out about life on the underside... and I want to relax and not have all the pressure on me. I get enough of that at work.

 

[KoPilot]

I think it's just ridiculous. Sweeping statements usually are.

Says the guy that called all subs bitches. I'd have decked you if you'd said that to my face.

I just think its interesting how resistant to the very idea you are, even though it technically has nothing to do with you or your style of dominance. Your response to Stella's brainstorming of more flexible terminology betrayed your insecurity: basically read it as "why bother, they're all switches and not real doms (like me), how dare you even sully the label by trying to include those people".

I'd also like to add... man, I'd never let a D touch me if he couldn't tell the difference between an unwanted medical illness that is between me, myself, and I, and a consensual relationship with another human.

 

[Netzach]

I'm with this. I think if I was somehow made to sub without a fight, it would ruin me, probably kill me.

I've been down, super weak. The kind of weak that when you stand up your vision goes black and you somehow find yourself on the floor. When moving your legs makes them feel like they are falling asleep. Or when the er staff come running, slip and fall in the pool of your blood. Even then I can still find something to get me up and running.

But when I got put in a wheelchair, nobody knowing if it would be permanent, no more autonomy, I shut down on that one pretty much just waiting to die, that was hell.

Living is fighting, controlling, taking out your power on the world. If I can't do that I'm not living.

You know, I was pretty fucked up when I got brought to the ER passing out from shitting what felt like glass shards and being told I might have to have a bag of dooky taped to my right side for the rest of my life, by MD's who were shocked when I didn't treat this prospect like being offered a cute purse.

And then spending a year on medication that made me look monstrous and hear voices that weren't there. Fun times.

Waiting that out MAJORLY fucked with my head, yep. Living had to become more than "fighting autonomy and control" and it had to become that pretty fucking fast.

BUT...it has nothing to do with how I fuck. Not then (other than wondering if I'd ever WANT to fuck again) and not now.

What a conclusion.

Whether I like to get tied up during the odd orgasm or not, or tie someone else up, does not mystically point back to "worst year of my life and times it has repeated since then"

Do you think that somehow if you liked to take it up the ass once or twice in your life you'd be more "geared toward" loss of autonomy? That people who ARE in chairs like being there more than you? That being a Dominant party in fuckstyle reinforces the superman narrative you've got going?

I say this with my own superman narrative, and compassionately. I know the craziness of feeling you have to be the ironclad strong one, I know the way that it eats your intestines over time, and yet you can't change that about yourself unless the vagaries of shit happens changes it by force, rips your control OUT of your hands.

Guess what, if anything, what I've become is COMPLETELY unapologetic about this fact. I'm not going to demur and call myself a switch when ONE person PERIODICALLY trips that trigger. "switch" holds out this idea in people's heads that "it could be you"

well it's not.

So I'm certainly not going there.

No one's making you go there.

"It's not me, it's not my thing, I don't have that desire." 'Nuff said.

I'm close enough to the same Kinsey 6 of DommeDom that I'm not going to relabel anything I do to anyone based on an interaction I will never have with that person. Domme to YOU = Domme.

 

[Netzach]

I think it's quite common and am presently doing just what this thread describes myself.

The bottom line for me (I made a funneh!) is that as a dominant, it's all on you (at least in the pairings I've been involved with) to decide and initiate and come up with an idea for entertainment and so on and so forth. Yes I know that the nature of the relationship is variable and what I describe isn't the "written in stone" rules or anything but that's what my experience has been.

Ultimately, it's tiring and exhaustive... and I want a break and I want to find out about life on the underside... and I want to relax and not have all the pressure on me. I get enough of that at work.

Doms throw off your shackles!

Make him/her plan the whole evening soup to nuts.

Make him/her bounce on your dick like a cheap whore who won't get paid without proper enthusiasm while you lie there and read!

Make him/her tie themselves up like a pretty package and don't reward them with dicking if the bondage isn't aesthetic enough.

By all means, try the other side if you want to try the other side, but don't let it happen out of burnout.

 

[Netzach]

I think you've bought into some huge and mythic notion of what Domming and Subbing are.

I bet many of them do.

Not all. Not most.
But many.

Don't worry about it, okay? No one is saying that you have to conform to anything you don't want to. Your dom style is just fine for you, and for the women you play with.

There are a lot of ways to deal with what you want to be.
99.999 percent of tranny chasers into Drag Queens wish they were beautiful en femme. They will never dress, or have only done so once.
I prefer male subs because in a large part I am one in a completely frustrated sense. It gives me my magic psych edge.

 

[YourCaptor]

Says the guy that called all subs bitches. I'd have decked you if you'd said that to my face.

I just think its interesting how resistant to the very idea you are, even though it technically has nothing to do with you or your style of dominance. Your response to Stella's brainstorming of more flexible terminology betrayed your insecurity: basically read it as "why bother, they're all switches and not real doms (like me), how dare you even sully the label by trying to include those people".

I'd also like to add... man, I'd never let a D touch me if he couldn't tell the difference between an unwanted medical illness that is between me, myself, and I, and a consensual relationship with another human.

Sorry, it was not my intention to insult. I’m just being stupid.

However I think the additional terminology would be just lame.

Dom flexible, what does that mean?
Switch.

I’m particularly opposed to it because in this case I’m getting the attempt to skew data vibe, and as a scientist I cannot abide.

 

[YourCaptor]

You know, I was pretty fucked up when I got brought to the ER passing out from shitting what felt like glass shards and being told I might have to have a bag of dooky taped to my right side for the rest of my life, by MD's who were shocked when I didn't treat this prospect like being offered a cute purse.

And then spending a year on medication that made me look monstrous and hear voices that weren't there. Fun times.

Waiting that out MAJORLY fucked with my head, yep. Living had to become more than "fighting autonomy and control" and it had to become that pretty fucking fast.

BUT...it has nothing to do with how I fuck. Not then (other than wondering if I'd ever WANT to fuck again) and not now.

What a conclusion.

Whether I like to get tied up during the odd orgasm or not, or tie someone else up, does not mystically point back to "worst year of my life and times it has repeated since then"

Do you think that somehow if you liked to take it up the ass once or twice in your life you'd be more "geared toward" loss of autonomy? That people who ARE in chairs like being there more than you? That being a Dominant party in fuckstyle reinforces the superman narrative you've got going?

I say this with my own superman narrative, and compassionately. I know the craziness of feeling you have to be the ironclad strong one, I know the way that it eats your intestines over time, and yet you can't change that about yourself unless the vagaries of shit happens changes it by force, rips your control OUT of your hands.

Guess what, if anything, what I've become is COMPLETELY unapologetic about this fact. I'm not going to demur and call myself a switch when ONE person PERIODICALLY trips that trigger. "switch" holds out this idea in people's heads that "it could be you"

well it's not.

So I'm certainly not going there.

No one's making you go there.

"It's not me, it's not my thing, I don't have that desire." 'Nuff said.

I'm close enough to the same Kinsey 6 of DommeDom that I'm not going to relabel anything I do to anyone based on an interaction I will never have with that person. Domme to YOU = Domme.

Dominance in bed for me is not some a cool technique, it is a reflection of myself. The state I’m in directly corresponds to my sex life. It works the other way around too, doming can be one sweet ego kick, and can get me strutting all week.

In order for me to submit I must be defeated, and that won’t happen if I can do anything at all about it. Last thing I do type deal. The problem is, after all control has been ripped from me, I have zero motivation. I completely shut down, don’t eat, don’t move, don’t think.

If I reacted better to submitting, I think I would do better in a wheelchair.

It’s no learning experience, for me it’s just horrible.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Sorry, it was not my intention to insult. I’m just being stupid.

However I think the additional terminology would be just lame.

Dom flexible, what does that mean?
Switch.

Switch, what does that mean?

I’m particularly opposed to it because in this case I’m getting the attempt to skew data vibe, and as a scientist I cannot abide.

I'd say instead, that there's a lot of data you don't want to look at -- possibly because you like the theory you've already developed and don't want to upset your little rowboat there.

I'm too tired to debate anthropology 101, but sex behavior and identity data analysis uses a different set of parameters than, say, engineering or mathematics. Human sexuality and identity are fuzzy around the edges, sometimes there aren't any edges to be found.

I assure you, more terms for human condition makes the data more meaningful and less vulnerable to skewing.

 

[YourCaptor]

Switch, what does that mean? I'd say instead, that there's a lot of data you don't want to look at -- possibly because you like the theory you've already developed and don't want to upset your little rowboat there.

I'm too tired to debate anthropology 101, but sex behavior and identity data analysis uses a different set of parameters than, say, engineering or mathematics. Human sexuality and identity are fuzzy around the edges, sometimes there aren't any edges to be found.

I assure you, more terms for human condition makes the data more meaningful and less vulnerable to skewing.

Switch means you go both ways.

I know statistics, but you don't need it considering that

Out of the 69 people from lit who responded to my pole with a sexual role identification, 11 identified as switches. That is 16%.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Switch means you go both ways.

I know statistics, but you don't need it considering that

Out of the 69 people from lit who responded to my pole with a sexual role identification, 11 identified as switches. That is 16%.

they responded within the choices you gave them.

If you gave them more choices, you would have a more accurate account of how people understand themselves. I don't remember if I answered your poll or not-- sometimes I don't because there is no choice that is correct for me.

 

[YourCaptor]

they responded within the choices you gave them.

If you gave them more choices, you would have a more accurate account of how people understand themselves. I don't remember if I answered your poll or not-- sometimes I don't because there is no choice that is correct for me.

Actually no choices were outlined. People simply described their role.

 

[Yourneighbor]

Doms throw off your shackles!

Make him/her plan the whole evening soup to nuts.

Make him/her bounce on your dick like a cheap whore who won't get paid without proper enthusiasm while you lie there and read!

Make him/her tie themselves up like a pretty package and don't reward them with dicking if the bondage isn't aesthetic enough.

By all means, try the other side if you want to try the other side, but don't let it happen out of burnout.

Hehe... I hear you... burnout is a real issue tho and it's as solid a reason as any. Topping/being dominant just doesn't fulfill me or satisfy me like it used to, which certainly inspire me to go through it all like I used to.

 

[BiBunny]

Where's the line between "dominant behavior" and "submissive behavior"?

My ex was a dominant sadomasochist. Brutal sadist, but fairly hardcore masochist, too, when he was in the mood. (Also a total dickface, but that's beside the point.)

For some reason, it was almost always me, of all the bitches in his harem, that he wanted to torture him. I understood, he said. What I understood, I'm still not sure, but whatever.

I was not in control during these sessions. Sure, I got cheap thrills out of kicking the shit out of him, but I did what I was told (mostly).

That kind of thing blurs the line, I think.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Actually no choices were outlined. People simply described their role.

Do you have a link? That would totally be worth rereading

 

[KoPilot]

However I think the additional terminology would be just lame.

If it has nothing to do with you, why the hell does it matter what you think?

Yeah sure, I'm born female and present as female, use female pronouns (because it's what I'm used to), but I'm still genderqueer. I'm sure lots of people would find that "lame", but IDGAF because it has nothing to with them. They don't get to decide who I am, and what I identify as has ZERO bearing on their reality if they'd just stop making it part of their reality.