Is it cheating?

[WetDenise]

My husband recently admitted to having mutual oral sex with his best friend. Okay, besides the fact that I was totally shocked (and a little turned on) that he'd have sex with another man, I'm hurt that he cheated on me.

BUT he says it's not cheating. WTF?? It's not? News to me. Apparently, when you have sex with someone of the same sex, it's not cheating. It's just sex. Isn't that an amazing revelation?

So I'm thinking I'm due for some hot lesbian sex. Don't you? Afterall, it's not cheating.

 

[glamorilla]

sorry...it's cheating.

 

[fille]

Um, wrong. If you had sex with someone else, without your partner's permission, you cheated. Doesn't matter who it was.

 

[gumby123]

my husband also feels this way about me and other women. His exact words were" it's not cheating unless you leave me for her, and I'm pretty sure you're heterosexual so you won't" If I sleep with another guy it's cheating, but I can have all the girls I want and it's not.

 

[WetDenise]

Oh, I understand! Interesting rules!!
A man cannot cheat on a woman with another man.
A woman can cheat on a man with another woman.
Has everyone got it??

 

[sdedalus]

ahhh yes....

the double standard...

 

[souljourney]

I would actually be ok with my husband saying I could be with women and it not be cheating. But he would never do anything with another guy. The thought repulses him. I could probably even dealing with him being with other women... that would be fair maybe.

 

[ethicalslut]

Cheating is, essentially, a violation of an agreement. If you two had agreed ahead of time that he was allowed to have oral sex with men, then it wouldn't be cheating. But seeing as he had neither your consent nor even your knowledge of the event, it is cheating.

And yes, a woman would be cheating if she slept with another woman without her male partner's consent/knowledge.

Do what you will, people, it's a free country, but DISCUSS IT FIRST!!! COMMUNI-FREAKIN-CATE! Cheating is cheating is cheating.

 

[DirkPryde]

That is pretty funny, but not at the same time.
I would make it clear that you think he has cheated on you, other wise he will just do it again with out you knowing about it.

I am happy because I am well aware of my Wifes Girlfriend, if it was behind my back, I just do not like lies ...

 

[WetDenise]

Ethicalslut: BRAVA!!!!!!!!!

 

[SweetErika]

I'm so sorry, and I agree you have every right to be hurt and angry! When I even started thinking about women, I asked how my husband felt and if it was ok to pursue it, and I would be furious if he didn't do the same. Maybe you could work some boundaries out in marriage counselling (perhaps hearing what he did was not acceptable and IS cheating from a professional would help him see the light)?

 

[geishaGirl]

I agree with the idea that it was cheating. Without you having any prior knowledge of your husband even wanting to try something with another man makes it cheating in my mind.

The sex of the person he does something with is irrelevant. Just because it's a person of the same sex as him doesn't mean it's "nothing" so to speak.

Plus I think it's much nicer when you can talk about these desires or curiosity My husband and I have talked EXTENSIVELY about our sexuality because we are both bi. I have a girlfriend at the moment and she is a friend of both of ours and it's been agreed that I don't ever have to feel that I need to sneek around about wanting to see her, going to see her when my husband's not around and sexual experiences happening between me and her.

If there was any hiding going on with me and my girlfriend or my husband and a guy he might be seeing at the time, then we both know we've got something to discuss.

 

[deezire1900]

Pay backs are a bitch...Cheat on him with another girl, then when he asks to watch tell him it seems better without him there. That will cure him. OMG That was so mean of me...but I really hate it when people cheat on someone they say they love.

 

[Mikijl Dragon]

It was cheating. Shame to because by the sounds of it had he come to you first I think you would have really gotten into the idea of him with another man.

Let him know how you feel. That you consider it cheating is enough. My wife and I set up rules before we ever brought somone else into our sex lives.

1. Always let the other know. Before hand perferably or after (sometimes sex is spontanous yay!)

2. Condoms always when not with each other.

3. The other person can ask the otehr to stop seeing someone.

Those rules seem to work out for us really well. Number 3 has never been used but it's enough to know its there.

 

[Queersetti]

Cheating is, essentially, a violation of an agreement. If you two had agreed ahead of time that he was allowed to have oral sex with men, then it wouldn't be cheating. But seeing as he had neither your consent nor even your knowledge of the event, it is cheating.

And yes, a woman would be cheating if she slept with another woman without her male partner's consent/knowledge.

Do what you will, people, it's a free country, but DISCUSS IT FIRST!!! COMMUNI-FREAKIN-CATE! Cheating is cheating is cheating.

I agree. I believe people have the right to establish whatever mutually agreed parameters they wish when they establish a relationship, but once those rules have been set, they should be respected.

Morals are not a matter of gender.

 

[John Doe]

My husband recently admitted to having mutual oral sex with his best friend. Okay, besides the fact that I was totally shocked (and a little turned on) that he'd have sex with another man, I'm hurt that he cheated on me.

BUT he says it's not cheating. WTF?? It's not? News to me. Apparently, when you have sex with someone of the same sex, it's not cheating. It's just sex. Isn't that an amazing revelation?

So I'm thinking I'm due for some hot lesbian sex. Don't you? Afterall, it's not cheating.

Yeah, he's full of shit. If he did it behind your back, it's cheating.

Since you're somewhat aroused by the idea of him having sex with another man, it doesn't have to be a make or break thing, but he'd have to get his act together first and realize that what he did was wrong...or rather, how he did it.

 

[skin2skin]

is it cheating?

Just remember, suckin aint fuckin
and eatin aint cheatin!!!!!
maybe this is just an excuse?

 

[mystic_maiden32]

it is definately cheating if you id not know about it-but the ol addage of 2 wrongs don't make a right. Find out why he did it with out telling you-and ask yourself if this is something you can forgive and hopefully forget.

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Re: Re: Is it cheating?

Yeah, he's full of shit. If he did it behind your back, it's cheating.

Since you're somewhat aroused by the idea of him having sex with another man, it doesn't have to be a make or break thing, but he'd have to get his act together first and realize that what he did was wrong...or rather, how he did it.

What he said. Let him know that you do consider it cheating and that he should make it up to you. Give yourselves a little time. After you two get this worked out, maybe you can watch next time.

 

[John Doe]

Re: Re: Re: Is it cheating?

What he said. Let him know that you do consider it cheating and that he should make it up to you. Give yourselves a little time. After you two get this worked out, maybe you can watch next time.

 

[carsonshepherd]

reminds me of an ex-prez: I DID NOT have sex with that woman.
(She just sucked my dick.)

 

[gumby123]

Re: is it cheating?

Just remember, suckin aint fuckin
and eatin aint cheatin!!!!!
maybe this is just an excuse?

If you follow this theory, it brings up another question. What are the boundries before it becomes cheating? Is it intercourse? is it oral sex? or is it touching of any kind. What if your husband and the other guy's wife are there while it happens. Are all bets off?

 

[WetDenise]

good question, gumy. i think it has to be a mutual agreement, defining the paramaters of "cheating."

in keeping w/ the phrases above (which i think are great!)
here's mine:


online is fine

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Totally cheating.

 

[gumby123]

online is fine

So WetDenise flirting and talking dirty isn't cheating, but does your husband know you are on this board - and can he see what you are posting any time he likes?