Is he into s&m ???

[Elisa_Greeneyes]

I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months now... I am a very normal woman no fetish as i knew of.. we did the typical dating as people would consider normal.. But then the strangest thing He started to be very mean to me..... Talking down to me.. and it really hurt... I could tell he remained quite intertesed in me phsyically... But there was something missing i was not giving him..... he would not want to see me anymore etc... He would tell me to leave him alone yet be obsessed in looking at my pics and videos i made for him..

A few times he called me really disgusting names and i was seriously offeneded.. So i decided to finally confront him a few days back and really lay into him and cuss him out... So i did and i really insulted him bad.. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME in 3 months this guy was at my beckon call.. he was suddenly very intertsted in me.. he hurled some insults i hurled some back..

I could tell he was getting off on it.. Then he insulted me real bad and asked me if that turned me on.. and in a weird way it did....

So now it seems i have total control of him since i insulted him.. so can anyone explain to me what that means... I dont know much about s&m.. .. advice needed... So he likes to insult and be insulted back ????.... what is that..........

 

[littlegirlslut]

I don't know at all.

All I can say is that my relationship is built on respect and trust. Also Master is rarely condescending unless we get into a heavy discussion. Master also does not talk down to me unless we are in scene - or it's been specifically discussed that we are in strict protocols.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Nope, he just sounds like a jerk. My advice - get rid of him now before you waste any more time or emotion on him.

 

[Pure]

i don't think this is SM as a sexual taste.

exchanges of psychic hurt, insults, etc. getting close, backing off, make him sound confused, likely not knowing what he wants.

*perhaps he wants to be mistreated* and will then be as you say, 'at your beck and call.' i'd tend to call that a kind of clinical masochistic syndrome.

relationships rife with mutual nastiness are not necessarily SM as regards a sexual taste: some people just like to engage (a partner) destructively, to fuck up the other or get fucked up. perhaps it's a family or relationship pattern they know.

 

[BiBunny]

Nope, he just sounds like a jerk. My advice - get rid of him now before you waste any more time or emotion on him.

That was my first reaction, too. There's a big difference between a Dom or a sub and an asshole, in my opinion.

 

[IHaveControl]

Time to look for somebody else before this goes too far.

 

[FurryFury]

Sounds like an unpleasant fellow to me. I'd look for someone else and break this stuff off now but that's just me.

Good luck to you in any case.

I know a guy that treats all his women like shit. I'd never want to be one of them. He too liked to insult and be insulted. It's not my thang at all. I did fuck him but we were just buds and he treated me like gold just because he didn't "love" me.

Fury

 

[catalina_francisco]

Sounds like an abusive pattern to me, and it is already working as you are willing to stay and try to understand what is happening. I would not say you have total control, quite the opposite...he holds all the control as he is getting you to do as he wants, accept his abusive behaviour and believe it is love or at the least attraction, acting the ways he wants you to. If you were in total control, things would be happening the way you wanted, the way you feel comfortable with, the way you express love and affection, not placing you in a place where you are left asking what is going on.

Catalina

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm laughing here. She's a "very normal woman with no fetishes" that she knows of... and she's posting here.


LMAO

 

[chris9]

If he is in some way into insults as a kink, he should tell you about them. Since he doesn't, and did not get your consent before starting, and did offend you, I agree with everybody else, especially Catalina.

 

[Private_Label]

I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months now... I am a very normal woman no fetish as i knew of.. we did the typical dating as people would consider normal.. But then the strangest thing He started to be very mean to me..... Talking down to me.. and it really hurt... I could tell he remained quite intertesed in me physically... But there was something missing i was not giving him..... he would not want to see me anymore etc... He would tell me to leave him alone yet be obsessed in looking at my pics and videos i made for him..

A few times he called me really disgusting names and i was seriously offended.. So i decided to finally confront him a few days back and really lay into him and cuss him out... So i did and i really insulted him bad.. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME in 3 months this guy was at my beckon call.. he was suddenly very interested in me.. he hurled some insults i hurled some back..

I could tell he was getting off on it.. Then he insulted me real bad and asked me if that turned me on.. and in a weird way it did....

So now it seems i have total control of him since i insulted him.. so can anyone explain to me what that means... I dont know much about s&m.. .. advice needed... So he likes to insult and be insulted back ????.... what is that..........

Given that he did not discuss that this was something that turned him on with you and get your agreement to allow him to treat you in that manner, I would say he is a jerk who might become a worse jerk as he tries to push more of your reaction buttons.

What happens if/when the insults turn into something more physical? Right now you don't have anything spelled out in terms of what is allowed, except proving to him that you will stick around no matter what he does to you. Listen to these people and read through the Library It can help you to start sorting out what generally is considered abusive, even if you have a kink.

Words you will hear tossed around are:
SSC: Safe, Sane and Consensual
RACK: Risk Aware Consented Kink

Since you didn't consent to the insults before he started using them, it counts as abuse. That you remain with him, has told him you are consenting by your response, even if you don't want the insults. That you got mad, and he is continuing the behavior and trying to push your limits on it - personally, I would be getting away from the man before it turns into physical abuse.

Your choice to stay or to leave, your choice to insist he respect your limits. Don't let him take away your self respect, and don't let him push you into a lifestyle choice you are uncomfortable with.

 

[myinnerslut]

I'm laughing here. She's a "very normal woman with no fetishes" that she knows of... and she's posting here.


LMAO

well, where else is she going to post to find opinions on BDSM? this seems like a good place

 

[Elisa_Greeneyes]

Your right i did'nt know what type of site to go to.. Its not like i am gonna marry this guy.. I really got this insane attraction to him...

The thing i forgot to mention is we both come from an abusive background... Now mine tends to show in relationsips with men in wanting to reject them.... But i cant reject this guy because he never shows he cares... I found it intertesting what soemone said its his way of showing attraction to me.. I agree.. He has told me 5 times to get lost... Most men i ever knew meant that and wouldnt keep reading emails or taking my calls.... I finally got a good idea the other day what truly gets him excited is to be treated bad..... Maybe its his way of seeing someone cares.... Twisted yes......

 

[cinnamonstick]

Do you really want this bizarre relationship? I see it getting more abusive and that can't be a good thing. Run!

 

[witch_fire]

I agree with cinnamonstick, get out of the relationship as soon as you can. He doesn't sound like he's very stable and you may end up being hurt.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months now... I am a very normal woman no fetish as i knew of.. we did the typical dating as people would consider normal.. But then the strangest thing He started to be very mean to me..... Talking down to me.. and it really hurt... I could tell he remained quite intertesed in me phsyically... But there was something missing i was not giving him..... he would not want to see me anymore etc... He would tell me to leave him alone yet be obsessed in looking at my pics and videos i made for him..

A few times he called me really disgusting names and i was seriously offeneded.. So i decided to finally confront him a few days back and really lay into him and cuss him out... So i did and i really insulted him bad.. AND FOR THE FIRST TIME in 3 months this guy was at my beckon call.. he was suddenly very intertsted in me.. he hurled some insults i hurled some back..

I could tell he was getting off on it.. Then he insulted me real bad and asked me if that turned me on.. and in a weird way it did....

So now it seems i have total control of him since i insulted him.. so can anyone explain to me what that means... I dont know much about s&m.. .. advice needed... So he likes to insult and be insulted back ????.... what is that..........

Personally, I would call that a raging case of "asshole-itis".

I would drop him like he is hot!

But that is just Me.

Eb

 

[A Desert Rose]

well, where else is she going to post to find opinions on BDSM? this seems like a good place

Oh for Christ's sake.
You people are a riot. LOL

 

[Kajira Callista]

I'm laughing here. She's a "very normal woman with no fetishes" that she knows of... and she's posting here.


LMAO

i am a "very normal woman with no fetishes" also but men like to beat and control me and i like them to...do you think im into bdsm?


no...really i am


stop laughing at me!

its true *looks innocent*

 

[A Desert Rose]

i am a "very normal woman with no fetishes" also but men like to beat and control me and i like them to...do you think im into bdsm?


no...really i am


stop laughing at me!

its true *looks innocent*

Why didn't you start a new thread on this topic? LOL Everyone else does.



finally, someone else with a sense of humor. I knew I could count on you, dolly.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Why didn't you start a new thread on this topic? LOL Everyone else does.



finally, someone else with a sense of humor. I knew I could count on you, dolly.

 

[myinnerslut]

Oh for Christ's sake.
You people are a riot. LOL

i freely admit, i can be naive sometimes.... i am, after all, only in college....

 

[Kajira Callista]

i freely admit, i can be naive sometimes.... i am, after all, only in college....

you have a typo in your sig line.

 

[myinnerslut]

oops

you have a typo in your sig line.

thanks for pointing it out.. i typed it at 3 in the morning... lemme go fix that

 

[A Desert Rose]

you have a typo in your sig line.

See how nice she answered you? Me? she gets all rude and nasty... lol

 

[myinnerslut]

See how nice she answered you? Me? she gets all rude and nasty... lol

i didnt mean to sound all rude and nasty... really i didnt

a "young one" like me says something naive and innocent without meaning to every once and a while. i was adknowledging that(more mis-spellings.. i am so lost without spell check), thats all.. no offense meant