Is "Dom" another word for "Asshole"?

[HeavyStick]

Will this be a bratcat thread?

 

[sunstruck]

The words "" flash briefly across your av in yellow letters. About once every seven seconds (don't quote me on that).

Damn that was hard to read.

Well that wasn't nice! lol Take all the fun out of it.

 

[Lancecastor]

Will this be a bratcat thread?

Nope. It's her birthday; she's tied up.

 

[Cleopatra]

Just for clarity, is it "dominate" or "dominant" when referring to a person? I always thought it was the latter, but I see the former a lot also.

 

[sunstruck]

Re: I know... lol

I meant... you would be safe.. at a munch as you are clearly not a Dom... because *they* don't giggle. lol. BTW, love the subliminal messages.

LMFAO! No, I'm not. I don't need people to obey me to feel good.

I just love some good old fashioned fuckin'. lol Check your chains at the door.

 

[P. B. Walker]

Re: Re: Re: Is "Dom" another word for "Asshole"?

Well that's why I'm askin'!


No way am I going to a BSDM meeting. lol I'd giggle myself into fits and end up hog tied in the parking lot or something. lol

Well, I've heard they are actually very friendly at these functions and very safe. Most are held at resturants over dinner.

But the point was that you need to actually meet one in person and spend some quality time with them before you can label them all assholes.

I think you will find in the end, you can not generalize about groups of people. I can't say that all women are bitches. Are there some women that are complete and utter bitches? Oh yeah. But for the most part, women are very nice and fun to be around. Doms are very much the same. There are imposters and pretenders all over. And yes, there are some asshole doms. But there are also many many upstanding and decent men and women that are dominate. You would probably be surprised at the number of people you know in everyday life that are dominates in the bedroom and at home.

 

[HeavyStick]

Nope. It's her birthday; she's tied up.

So the Ex has her?

 

[sunstruck]

Just for clarity, is it "dominate" or "dominant" when referring to a person? I always thought it was the latter, but I see the former a lot also.

A person who dominates is dominant.

 

[Cleopatra]

A person who dominates is dominant.

Ok....so, as a title, he'd be a dominant?

(Oh, sorry - capitalize the "h")

 

[Lancecastor]

So the Ex has her?

I think he has visitation rights, but I don't know how binding that is.

 

[sunstruck]

I think he has visitation rights, but I don't know how binding that is.

Tell him to try duct tape.

 

[sunstruck]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Is "Dom" another word for "Asshole"?

But the point was that you need to actually meet one in person and spend some quality time with them before you can label them all assholes.

Well see now, that would be a problem. lol It's not like you can ask people at the village store "scuse me, are you a sexual dominant?" or maybe in the grocery store. "Hi, could you pass the frozen peas and does your wife call you master?"

And I can see the conversation if I left for a BSDM meeting:

Hubby "Where you off to hon?"

Me "BDSM meeting"

Hubby "...Kay. Why?"

Me "To see if all doms are assholes"

Hubby "Am I not using the handcuffs enough?"

Me "Oh no! I'm just curious"

Hubby "Ok, well, if you meet anyone ask them if they out source IT"

Me "Gotcha"


Then I'd go, run into someone I know, flee the scene while trying to hide my face and run into a lamp post.


Hubby "I see you met a dom. Who am I killing?"

Me "Lamp post at the corner of North and Sea"

Hubby "He's bigger than me. See someone from Church?"

Me "Nope, Historical Society. Man... I knew those people were control freaks but fuck."

Hubby "Are you done being curious?"

Me "Yes"

Hubby "Good, lets go get you stitches"

Me "Kay"

Hubby "So! Did you meet any potential clients?"

 

[Lancecastor]

I can't remember the last time I met a woman who wasn't into BDSM at some level...and a large percentage of the women here talk about it fairly regularly, Sunstruck included.

So despite the fact that some are on the fence or just don't want to talk openly about it...not just women, but closet doms like Jim included...I'm wondering if BDSM is actually mainstream...with a veneer of politesse disguising kink as the norm?

Or is that sexual-centricity...like when a gay person says everyone's homo deep down inside?

 

[P. B. Walker]

Heh... well I guess you will either have to just keep wondering.

Or if you are really that curious, you'll go find out someday. You could always take hubby with ya. It's not like someone is going to approach you and ask for your BDSM card. It's just a time and a place for you to discuss things. You won't see people doing BDSM.

I think the same thing about swinging. If you are super curious and want to find out, you have to go to a swing club and find out the deal.

But until then, I think it's safe for you to say that there are a lot of assholes here that pretend to be doms. Note, I didn't say dom=asshole.

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

I agree with PBW.


Regardless of their sexual or lifestyle preferences, there are alot of assholes out there.

 

[lavender]

I can't remember the last time I met a woman who wasn't into BDSM at some level...and a large percentage of the women here talk about it fairly regularly, Sunstruck included.

So despite the fact that some are on the fence or just don't want to talk openly about it...not just women, but closet doms like Jim included...I'm wondering if BDSM is actually mainstream...with a veneer of politesse disguising kink as the norm?

Or is that sexual-centricity...like when a gay person says everyone's homo deep down inside?

This is a typical ploy by those who choose to regularly engage in BDSM activities or participate in the BDSM lifestyle. They try to equate so many variations of non-BDSM sex with what constitutes BDSM.

Through the Kinsey Reports and numerous psychological studies reports show that about 10% of the population has EVER engaged in BDSM activity.

A spanking alone doesn't count.

 

[sunstruck]

There's a HUGE difference between enjoying a little handcuff play and BDSM.

MOST couples hand dominance back and forth. One night you're on top one night she is, sometimes you get tied to the bed sometimes she likes it when you tease her till she begs.

That's not BDSM. That's sex. It's not a lifestyle. It's a game.

It's when people take things to the extreme that I will never understand.

And so I ask the question because every self proclaimed dom I've met here is an arrogant ass. But according to everyone else, the people who proclaim themselves doms are actually posers and therefore not representative.

 

[P. B. Walker]

Through the Kinsey Reports and numerous psychological studies reports show that about 10% of the population has EVER engaged in BDSM activity.

I'm sorry, but I call bullshit on that number. You'll have post a link for me to believe that shit.

And I have to question the validity of a study that polls people to find out how many engage in BDSM activities. Not to mention, how do you define BDSM activities.

 

[glamorilla]

There's a HUGE difference between enjoying a little handcuff play and BDSM.

MOST couples hand dominance back and forth. One night you're on top one night she is, sometimes you get tied to the bed sometimes she likes it when you tease her till she begs.

That's not BDSM. That's sex. It's not a lifestyle. It's a game.

It's when people take things to the extreme that I will never understand.

And so I ask the question because every self proclaimed dom I've met here is an arrogant ass. But according to everyone else, the people who proclaim themselves doms are actually posers and therefore not representative.

it's like that in real life too.

 

[sunstruck]

I'm sorry, but I call bullshit on that number. You'll have post a link for me to believe that shit.

http://www.indiana.edu/~kinsey/resources/FAQ.html#bdsm

Tadah!!!

 

[lavender]

I'm sorry, but I call bullshit on that number. You'll have post a link for me to believe that shit.

And I have to question the validity of a study that polls people to find out how many engage in BDSM activities. Not to mention, how do you define BDSM activities.

Ok, check out these sources. I just wrote an extensive paper on BDSM, feminism and the law.

Charles Moser, Ph.D.,M.D., and J.J. Madeson, Bound to be Free: The SM Experience (1996)

Cheryl Hanna, “Sex is Not a Sport: Consent and Violence in Criminal Law,” 42 Boston C. L. Rev. 239 (2001).

Marianne Apostolides, "The Pleasure of the Pain: Why Some People Need S&M," Psychology Today Sept/Oct 1999

Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame and Jon Jacobs, Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance & Submission, (1993).

"An Inside Look at S&M," November/December 1995, Psychology Today

Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction

Jessica Benjamin, “Master and Slave: The Fantasy of Erotic Domination,” in Powers of Desire: The Politics of Sexuality, ed. Ann Snitow, Christine Stansell and Sharon Thompson (1983).

 

[Lancecastor]

There's a HUGE difference between enjoying a little handcuff play and BDSM.

MOST couples hand dominance back and forth. One night you're on top one night she is, sometimes you get tied to the bed sometimes she likes it when you tease her till she begs.

That's not BDSM. That's sex. It's not a lifestyle. It's a game.

It's when people take things to the extreme that I will never understand.

And so I ask the question because every self proclaimed dom I've met here is an arrogant ass. But according to everyone else, the people who proclaim themselves doms are actually posers and therefore not representative.

Sounds like you're a switch describing D/s scenes to me.

 

[P. B. Walker]

http://www.indiana.edu/~kinsey/resources/FAQ.html#bdsm

Tadah!!!

Doesn't give much information just some nifty little numbers that don't really answer the real questions. Not to mention I don't think studies from 1983, 1953, and even 1993 are current. BDSM has really had a resurrgence of late.

And that one reference to Lowe:

Lowe, Walter. The Playboy Readers' Sex Survey. 1983.

A sex survey from Playboy???!!! Come on!

I don't even want to think about the 1953 survey... that's just so far out of date that I cringe. Hell the 60's hadn't even come along. Are there people that were having sex in 1953 still having sex today????!! Let's see.... if you were 16 in 1953 (which granted would make a total tramp and outcast in that day and age, but we'll use that number anyway since it's low), and having active sex and voluteered for a sex survey (another scary fact), that would make you 66 today. Plus it's a study about females only.


THe only one that seems viable:

14% of men and 11% of women have had some sexual experience with sadomasochism (Janus & Janus, 1993).

is interesting but I'd need to see more to see what they base those numbers on. And like I mentioned, BDSM has made a resurgence of late. I also note that they only say S&M.... nothing about dominance and submission, or bondage and discipline. There are many people that never get involved with S&M but are heavy involved in Bondage/Discipline, or Domination/submission.

 

[sunstruck]

Sounds like you're a switch describing D/s scenes to me.

Dude I don't even know what that means. lol

 

[P. B. Walker]

Ok, check out these sources. I just wrote an extensive paper on BDSM, feminism and the law.

Charles Moser, Ph.D.,M.D., and J.J. Madeson, Bound to be Free: The SM Experience (1996)

Cheryl Hanna, “Sex is Not a Sport: Consent and Violence in Criminal Law,” 42 Boston C. L. Rev. 239 (2001).

Marianne Apostolides, "The Pleasure of the Pain: Why Some People Need S&M," Psychology Today Sept/Oct 1999

Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame and Jon Jacobs, Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance & Submission, (1993).

"An Inside Look at S&M," November/December 1995, Psychology Today

Jay Wiseman, SM 101: A Realistic Introduction

Jessica Benjamin, “Master and Slave: The Fantasy of Erotic Domination,” in Powers of Desire: The Politics of Sexuality, ed. Ann Snitow, Christine Stansell and Sharon Thompson (1983).

Well at least I see some more recent publications here. I can't readily find these on the internet and read them, so I can't really raise doubts as to their validity.

But I would say, if I had them at my side, I would be asking the following questions:

1) who was polled, and how many. Ages, lifestyles, location, etc.

2) how did they define BDSM and what activities fell into the category.

3) how was the poll carried out.

4) Do these publications provide access to the raw data, or are we reading the authors interpretation of the data.