Is Craigslist a safe place to meet guys?

[paranoidguy]

I am wanting to try sucking another guy off a couple times a week reguarly. And was hoping to find someone who is a virgin as I am. I only date women, but have never slept with one, but have this fantasy of wanting to suck a guy. Nothing else, no kissing, anal, or recieving head, just sucking for some reason.
But I want to know a safe and discrete way to meet someone who I could find this regular thing with. I hear some bad things about craigslist, is it really completely all that bad to use? I'm not going to meet with someone after just one email. I would want to have an actual conversation with them via email and meet in discrete at first to make sure we both are comfortable with it.
But I also don't want to sign up for a dating website that means showing my face. Like I said, I don't think I'm actually bi. More like sexually bi-curious, but I would like this to be discrete. Aka I don't want my friends to know I have a secret friend who's "" I suck weekly, lol.
Any advice?

[Moving this to the How To forum.]

 

[WaitWhatt]

1. You can put your pics on a dating site and not show your face. Hotmatch/Adultfriendfinder don't make you upload any pics and there is so many people on there with paid accounts that they'd probably email you and tell you how to contact them.

2. Every website has it's freaks. Meeting anyone online is risky. I met a guy off of a CL a few weeks ago as "friends". The strictly platonic section. He responded to some stupid post I made. Somehow just texting back and forth a few times and we clicked. Neither of us even knew what eachother looked like nor cared. We're still friends. Yeah, nobody would believe I met that guy off of Craigslist which is known for being full of rapists and serial killers. There was nothing sexual whatsoever.

 

[nakdsub]

One is about as bad as another...

You could go to a gay bar and offer someone there a BJ. It's still taking a chance though. If you did, you would want to drive a good hour, maybe more, away from home.

 

[EndlessNameless]

If it were me, I would try going some place like a gay bar, which was already suggested. I've just never thought of Craigslist to be all that credible, though that's not to say there aren't genuine responses on there. I don't know about putting an ad up, but a lot of other ads that are on there are usually spam. In any case, if you find someone online, you should always use caution and try not to give out too many personal details such as an address. You know, the pretty typical stuff. Meet in a public place and see if you guys hit it off. If something makes your instincts fire up, you're probably right. Other than that, I don't really know of any good dating sites for that type of thing. I suppose you could always try the personals section here on Lit and see what turns up. There may be someone around in your area.

 

[SweetErika]

CL is iffy. Really, really iffy.

IMO, you'd be much better off on a site like OKCupid or one that is strictly for men who want to hook up with other men in some way. Another option might be a free site like Fetlife or CollarMe if you're into the kink scene at all or are willing to do this as part of a D/s thing (e.g. "service" a dominant who wants to receive oral at least once a week). I don't suggest AFF or any of the sites owned by the company that runs it because that company scams people. Google 'adultfriendfinder scam' and you'll see how many complaints there are about fakes, bots and credit card fraud.

If you do go with a dating site (or even CL for that matter), you don't have to post your face. You can post a pic with your face obscured (if you don't have a pic at all, you'll probably be excluded from most searches) and be clear you'll offer a current face pic for people you connect with via messages/email right in your ad.

Another option could be to meet someone at a place or event that attracts men who are likely looking for a similar arrangement. I don't know what's available in your area, but most major cities have some sort of sex-positive scene that includes events for men, and nearly everywhere has a GLBT scene of some sort. For instance, Seattle's sex-positive club has parties that are strictly for men, as well as events that help you meet like-minded people (e.g. speed dating and a party where people wear color-coded wristbands so it's easy to spot others with similar goals). Obviously, there are huge advantages to skipping the online thing and starting a relationship in a safe place where there's a universal safeword and people on hand to help you if need be.

Once you find someone who's compatible, absolutely meet them in a public place for coffee or similar and look for red flags. Trust your gut - if something seems off, it almost certainly is. When you finally get to meeting in private for the oral sex, don't do it in a public place of any sort (including a car), discuss money, bring valuables, and do make sure someone you trust has the details on who and where you're meeting, when you should be home, etc. (that's called a "safe call" and you can even set it up with someone you really trust online).

You can address your concerns about STIs by getting to know the other person, talking about their history, testing and safer sex habits, and using condoms for safer sex. There are no guarantees, and you certainly shouldn't take anyone's word for their good health if you're not willing to acquire something, but condoms offer good protection for oral sex. You can use either latex or polyurethane condoms and a flavored lube if you want. Yes, you can get HPV, Herpes, plus a variety of STIs that can be treated, but using a condom every time and regular testing (for you and your partner) should keep you pretty safe STI-wise.

 

[boredVAwife]

Lately I have been reading about folks getting robbed when they are supposed to be selling things on CL. All kinds of bad seems to be going on with that site these days. I am guessing that somewhere someone has had success with it in the dating world but I, for one would not trust it. There are too many alt lifestyle dating sites to try the fringe ones so soon

 

[Friendly_Guy]

Dude, everything about this scream BAD IDEA.

I sell things on Craigslist all the time. Regular stuff like cell phones, old furniture, sports tickets, etc....fairly mundane items.

Even with simple transactions like that I get emails from from REALLY weird people who freak me out. And when I do let someone come to my house to pick up an item, I have a semi automatic .45 loaded with hollow point rounds tucked in the back of my belt just in case.

And that's for everyday regular things.

When seeking gay sex acts (and gay or not, you're talking about gay sex acts) on Craigslist you are going to attract the seriously deranged people who enjoy the anonymity that Craigslist offers.

The thing to keep in mind is that most men seeking gay sex acts on Craigslist are doing it there because they don't want to be super public about what they are doing. That makes them vulnerable to predators who would show up looking to rob you, rape you, kill you, etc because it's unlikely that you're going to go to the cops and final a formal police report against the guy you met online seeking gay sex from.

Even if you are totally out in the open about your desires, I'll bet 98% of the guys looking for gay sex on Craigslist aren't. And the predators are banking on that to be able to commit crimes against victims who won't report them.

The risk is just way too big.

And even if that wasn't a risk, what kind of dude are you going to meet on Craigslist? I mean seriously. You're not talking about the creme of the crop here. You're going to find a bunch of creepy old dudes.

If you want to play around with guys, go hang out at a reputable gay bar or other local gay hangouts. (Reputable meaning the directions to it don't include the phrase "go behind the warehouse, knock three times, and give the password 'sisterhood' at the door")

You'll find people your own age and can seek out others just looking to experiment a bit too. And you can ease into the night by talking to people first. The guy you meet on Craigslist is going to want to meet you in a parking lot, have you suck him off right away, then leave. If he doesn't rob you instead.

Keep in mind I'm doing a lot of speculating here. I'm not gay. I've never sought out gay sex on Craigslist. But I've done enough transactions for regular items on Craigslist to be able to sense the danger you're facing.

 

[WaitWhatt]

Lately I have been reading about folks getting robbed when they are supposed to be selling things on CL. All kinds of bad seems to be going on with that site these days. I am guessing that somewhere someone has had success with it in the dating world but I, for one would not trust it. There are too many alt lifestyle dating sites to try the fringe ones so soon

Something like that happened around here. Guy was selling some kind of car stereo system. They met another guy at a gas station which was on a busy street and early in the afternoon. Somehow they got the guy's money and stole his car on top of it. By the time the cops came the guys were already gone.


Friendly_Guy, it's crazy that you sell small items at your house. I could see furniture and things..but have people come over just for cellphones? Gun or not..I couldn't do it.

That's another good idea too..if you're that paranoid and desperate, then just drive a couple hours and go hang out at a gay bar. I'm in MA, I'd go to NJ or NYC.. haha.

 

[dabob1984]

I would advise against using CraigsList to find someone to perform this with. You not only have liers, but also scammers who will contact you. Your best bet might be to find a local gay bar / club. Finding a 'virgin' though might be a hard thing I would think.

 

[SweetAsSuga]

When it comes to CL, all I have to say is BE CAREFUL. A few of my friends have used CL before and let's just say that things did not end well.

My best piece of advice is to exchange emails and phone calls with the person you are going to meet before setting up a time to get together. Then, meet in a public place before going anywhere to fool around. Also, be careful not to share any personal information (like your address or where you work) before meeting the person.

 

[LookngForFun]

A few of my friends have used CL before and let's just say that things did not end well.

So what happened?

Some guy I talked to a few times on a dating site also happens to be on CL. That alone just kind of creeped me out. Just because it is CL. The post on Cl wasn't anything I didn't already know.

 

[subwannabe]

90% serial killers. 10% good people. You might as well just buy a gun, put a bullet in, and play Russian roulette. My odds may be off but you get the picture. If you want to find a man, find a man. Don't use your comuter.

 

[mla]

CL cam work

Depends where you live-met one person successfully-had him pick me up on the street a couple of miles from my place and he took me to his place. It was risky because he could have just dropped me off in the middle of nowhere or worse. Sex was hot. Jacked each other and he finally came all over me. Then he took me back and dropped me off.

 

[I_object]

You know, trying to convince yourself that a bad idea is a good idea is really a bad idea

 

[shortstuff02]

I met my other half on Craigslist a little over 4 years ago. We talked for a month via email and phone before meeting. No matter where you go you have to be careful as you never know. Hell you can meet a nut job in a bar and not find out right away.