Is being with another guy cheating, need advice.

[aj55404]

deleted. thanks

Thanks for the advice everyone.

 

[revolution724]

Dude, everybody's relationship is different, and what may be not okay in one relationship may be fine in another.

With that said, I think that if you're sneaking around behind someone's back instead of being honest about whatever you're doing, then yes, it's cheating. It might be hard to talk to your fiancee about this directly, but how much worse would she be hurt if she found out about it some other way?

 

[mbbottom]

tough question.
does it feel like being a were-wolf (does to me)...the moon is full & you get the 'guy' urge. You have to accept it first & be comfortable with yourself.
In same boat here so I sympathise. What I should have done is tell all (but a little bit at a time) at the beginning-then maybe something could have been worked out - of course the risk is getting the big F.O.
good luck

 

[bisexplicit]

You're going behind her back and violating her trust.

This is something you need to talk to her about ASAP.

 

[Harrowborg]

Yeah its cheating, putting all the justification aside, your seeing other people without her consent or knowledge. its cheating. if you talk to her about it she might be comfortable with you having bi feelings but until you do, your probably just a 'horny straight fella' in her eyes.

 

[CuriousNiceGuy]

Uuum..first of all, whatever sexual act(of course besides masturbation, duh) without the consent of your partner is considered cheating.At least for most people.
Secondly..I think she might have a clue about your bisexual urges..With her throwing a comment like that, even when drunk.
That or she was talking about herself.

 

[SweetErika]

However, over the past 6 months I've met up with some guys. I felt ok doing this because she made a inauspicious comment that being with another guy wouldn't be cheating. However we were drinking at the time she said it and could have been just drunken blabber.

One thing I've learned is people often have a hard time distinguishing between cheating and nonmonogamy. That is, many (and I used to be in this category) think that when you're not monogamous, it must be cheating. So, I'm guessing her comment wasn't permission to go behind her back, it was a statement about how she might feel if someone told her they wanted to be with another guy or that same-sex relations might be the type of nonmonogamy that's okay with her.

At any rate, by not asking, seeking permission, and giving her the opportunity to opt-out, you've been cheating and just rationalizing it away. If you don't want to cheat, you need to talk to her about this right away and figure out together what you want to do in the future. If you love her, she deserves honesty and to know what she's agreeing to before you both get into this relationship deeper. It'd really suck to keep this a secret, and have to decide between lying about who you are, cheating, and not living as your true self.

She has no idea of my bi-sexual tenencies, and though we have great communication and a very loving and understanding relationship, I think knowing something like this would be mind numbing.

My experience has been that when you have excellent communication and relationship, you work through this kind of stuff together. I bet your fiancee wouldn't want you to live a lie or feel like you need to sneak around. She may be shocked and have trouble dealing with it for awhile, but if the relationship is that good, you'll likely work through it.

Please don't get me wrong, I love my fiance very much and would never cheat on her with another woman, and let it be known that I'm very selective with whom I meet so that I don't pass on any bugs to myself or her.

Most people who have STIs don't know they have them, so selective or not, and even if you're extremely careful and use condoms for everything, you could still pick things up. When I first thought about that, I was really scared and couldn't imagine why I would want to be with anyone else or why my husband would allow it. However, we talked about it and decided it was a calculated risk, one we were willing to take. We've agreed on what acts necessitate condoms, have been tested ourselves, and don't get involved with anyone without talking about safety and testing. Even then, we still use condoms because you just never know. I would feel really guilty about exposing my husband to something without his knowledge...that's something he deserves to know and make a decision for himself on.

Since you've been outside the relationship, you need to be tested for everything, including both types of Herpes, and follow up as instructed by the provider. If money is an issue, there are lots of places that do free testing for gay and bisexual men, so check into that. Doing this will give you peace of mind, alleviate some of the guilt, and serve you well in the future.

However, I sometimes get the urge to experience another man and have something that she can't give to me. But afterwards I feel so guilty because I feel as though I've cheated. I don't feel guilty for being with a guy, but for going outside of my committed relationship for a different intimate experience. But lately I've been realizing that I need to embrace by bi-sexuality and that this is ok. I thought that if anyone can give an honest opinion, it's the people here, so please let me know.

There's nothing wrong with going outside a commited relationship, as long as everyone in the relationship has full knowledge and agrees on what's going to happen. It doesn't make you love your primary partner any less or make you any less committed to her. The only place you're going wrong is in not telling her everything.

I know all of that may seem harsh, but I've been there, and these are my honest opinions you asked for. Love is about trying to do the higher good for the other person; if you love your fiancee and yourself, you'll be honest, protect her/your health, and try to work out what you'll do in the future.

Good luck!