Is BDSM a "phase"?

[CherryDamnation]

I'm young and a rather emotional person. It's not uncommon for me to experience phases.

I'm very excited by the D/s relationship in a way that I can't explain and have been (off and on) since I was seventeen.

Sometimes I forget for months on end (school is busy, not enough time to read porn, etc...) how into D/s I am. Sometimes I crave it more than my next breath.

Is it a phase? Am I going to want this two years from now? Five years? Should I base any of my choices in partner on this?

Can anyone speak to their own experiences?

Every time I post to a board on lit I get wonderful responses. I want to thank you all in advance for whatever advice you give in this situation. It is much appreciated.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[desertslave]

Well, after 7 years of my own youthful BDSM adventures, and a major heartbreak, I chose to marry a vanilla guy and stay that way. It lasted about 12 years before I realized I was very unhappy. It wasn't JUST the lack of BDSM, mind you...there were other serious troubles between us...but eventually I realized it really wasn't something I could fully walk away from after all. Being slave is an essential part of me, I need sex and pain all bundled together almost as much as I need oxygen and water.

 

[Cigtaker]

For some maybe

Mine has been a lifetime !
And is still not over hopefully !!!

 

[Primalex]

Is it a phase?

Maybe.

Submission as a phase is rather common if you are young and inexperienced - not having the control in the bedroom means also not being responsible and so being able to focus on the pleasure.

Now, if you start having orgasms while being tied up, it's unlikely that you will stop having orgasms that way in the future. But it's also possible that in ten years you merely prefer to have orgasms by taking control.

Should I base any of my choices in partner on this?

I always considered "love" a good choice. Two people who want the relationship to work can achieve a lot.

 

[SpunThings]

I agree, does it matter?

What will help any future relationships be successful is being in similar places in life, and having the same goals. Sexual compatibility is important, but that kind of stuff ebbs and flows and never stays the same.

It's probably not a good idea to seek out someone who is completely uninterested in BDSM. However, it doesn't have to be all encompassing in your relationship.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[IrisAlthea]

I'm young and a rather emotional person. It's not uncommon for me to experience phases.

I'm very excited by the D/s relationship in a way that I can't explain and have been (off and on) since I was seventeen.

Sometimes I forget for months on end (school is busy, not enough time to read porn, etc...) how into D/s I am. Sometimes I crave it more than my next breath.

Is it a phase? Am I going to want this two years from now? Five years? Should I base any of my choices in partner on this?

Can anyone speak to their own experiences?

Every time I post to a board on lit I get wonderful responses. I want to thank you all in advance for whatever advice you give in this situation. It is much appreciated.

Is it just that you don't think about it as much and don't crave it or does it totally disappear from your fantasylife?

 

[Dyslexicea]

Maybe.

Submission as a phase is rather common if you are young and inexperienced - not having the control in the bedroom means also not being responsible and so being able to focus on the pleasure.

Now, if you start having orgasms while being tied up, it's unlikely that you will stop having orgasms that way in the future. But it's also possible that in ten years you merely prefer to have orgasms by taking control.




I always considered "love" a good choice. Two people who want the relationship to work can achieve a lot.

Oh my god, I didn't think I'd ever say this but I could give you a big hug and a kiss on the cheek.

CherryDamnation,

You're the only one who can really answer your question.

For me it's not a must have, for others it is, I'd give up BDSM before I'd give up my relationship, obviously my choice is love.

That said we haven't always been into BDSM although our sexual relationship could never be called vanilla. I had the initials interest and we've worked it out in a way that works for both of us.

Maybe it's just a phase, maybe not, only time is going to tell.