Irritating guests, how to be rid of them

[John Roberts]

Most of the time we extend our hospitality and welcome people into our homes, old friends, relatives ect... However there are times when those that have come are invaders, reprobates, or just of an ill nature......how to be rid of them is the question......
While showering this morning I found myself chuckling with all the evil scenarios that seethed in my normally kind and gentle mind. Now murder was not among my fantasies but I must confess there have been times when a malevolent personality has pushed me to the "dark place" where plots are schemed to bringst angst to such a person. Rarely have said schemes been acted on and when they were it was with a curious mixture of guilt and glee......

How to be rid of the unwelcome guest...... you can.....

Act opposite their religious beliefs, for example...sacrificing chickens in the kitchen to almighty satan will likely send the guest scurrying for safe and holy ground....the down side to this are the exorcists likely to show up on your door steps.

Feel free to add.....I have a bunch of them but I thought I would let ya'll share in the fun.

 

[omahaman2]

This is a true story, one way a couple took care of it.

A young couple had a problem: they had invited another couple over for
dinner once or twice, and had since been plagued by regular visits from their
friends just before dinnertime. Wanting to be seen as polite hosts, they had
invited their uninvited guests to stay for dinner time and time again, but
had gradually begun dropping subtle hints that the friends might wait for an
invitation before stopping by again at such an inconvenient time. Their
friends, however, either too dense or too rude to get the hint, persisted.

Finally, they came up with a plan to get rid of them once and for all. The
next time their unwanted guests dropped by, once dinner was over, the couple
put their plates on the floor next to the table, and called for their pet
golden retriever to come and enjoy the scraps; their friends followed suit.
As goldens are always hungry and love table scraps, the plates were rapidly
licked clean. The husband stacked the plates carefully, and carried them
into the kitchen, where he casually put them back into the cupboard, in full
view of the shocked guests. The silverware followed suit, and the couple
offered their friends desert and coffee, but, looking a little green, their
guests declined, protesting committments at home or some such. Once their
guests had left, the couple (laughing hysterically to themselves) washed the
dishes properly, but that was the last time their friends appeared at dinner
uninvited.

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

I've never been able to discourage people from invading my house, but here's a nice trick: I feed them really heavy foods for dinner with the evil hope that they might get sleepy early and not bug me in the evenings. It does work sometimes.

 

[jmeis982]

Burn incense heavily, i've found that most guests will not stand for it. If they complain you can make up some excuse, damp smell from mold or some such excuse. Has worked every time for me. another favorite of mine is hte Cannibis smelling inscnese, as many of my firends "puff the chiba" when they ask for some of yours you decline and they will get offended and leave.

 

[the_torrid_temptress]

When unwanted guests arrive, I cook badly and generally ignore them. I will also spend a lot of time on Lit. I wonder if my guests are taking the hint

 

[John Roberts]

This is a true story, one way a couple took care of it.

A young couple had a problem: they had invited another couple over for
dinner once or twice, and had since been plagued by regular visits from their
friends just before dinnertime. Wanting to be seen as polite hosts, they had
invited their uninvited guests to stay for dinner time and time again, but
had gradually begun dropping subtle hints that the friends might wait for an
invitation before stopping by again at such an inconvenient time. Their
friends, however, either too dense or too rude to get the hint, persisted.

Finally, they came up with a plan to get rid of them once and for all. The
next time their unwanted guests dropped by, once dinner was over, the couple
put their plates on the floor next to the table, and called for their pet
golden retriever to come and enjoy the scraps; their friends followed suit.
As goldens are always hungry and love table scraps, the plates were rapidly
licked clean. The husband stacked the plates carefully, and carried them
into the kitchen, where he casually put them back into the cupboard, in full
view of the shocked guests. The silverware followed suit, and the couple
offered their friends desert and coffee, but, looking a little green, their
guests declined, protesting committments at home or some such. Once their
guests had left, the couple (laughing hysterically to themselves) washed the
dishes properly, but that was the last time their friends appeared at dinner
uninvited.

Hygiene is a good one Omahaman,
Variations on that theme would be effective. Nose picking, butt scratching, coarse behavior in general unless your guest is lower than you......

 

[John Roberts]

I've never been able to discourage people from invading my house, but here's a nice trick: I feed them really heavy foods for dinner with the evil hope that they might get sleepy early and not bug me in the evenings. It does work sometimes.

Gentle and generous, no one can ever accuse you of straying from the high road Deprived_in_AZ

 

[John Roberts]

Burn incense heavily, i've found that most guests will not stand for it. If they complain you can make up some excuse, damp smell from mold or some such excuse. Has worked every time for me. another favorite of mine is hte Cannibis smelling inscnese, as many of my firends "puff the chiba" when they ask for some of yours you decline and they will get offended and leave.

If you really want to offend them you can.....nah...nah....you can't have any.

 

[John Roberts]

When unwanted guests arrive, I cook badly and generally ignore them. I will also spend a lot of time on Lit. I wonder if my guests are taking the hint

Ahh...Neglectful hostess.....classic.......an aloof demeanor can play havoc on a twisted imagination...... one could feed it little pieces to feed on and take it further. Then again you might not get rid of them if they like that kind of treatment.

 

[yesYesYEsYES]

This is a true story, one way a couple took care of it.

A young couple had a problem: they had invited another couple over for
dinner once or twice, and had since been plagued by regular visits from their
friends just before dinnertime. Wanting to be seen as polite hosts, they had
invited their uninvited guests to stay for dinner time and time again, but
had gradually begun dropping subtle hints that the friends might wait for an
invitation before stopping by again at such an inconvenient time. Their
friends, however, either too dense or too rude to get the hint, persisted.

Finally, they came up with a plan to get rid of them once and for all. The
next time their unwanted guests dropped by, once dinner was over, the couple
put their plates on the floor next to the table, and called for their pet
golden retriever to come and enjoy the scraps; their friends followed suit.
As goldens are always hungry and love table scraps, the plates were rapidly
licked clean. The husband stacked the plates carefully, and carried them
into the kitchen, where he casually put them back into the cupboard, in full
view of the shocked guests. The silverware followed suit, and the couple
offered their friends desert and coffee, but, looking a little green, their
guests declined, protesting committments at home or some such. Once their
guests had left, the couple (laughing hysterically to themselves) washed the
dishes properly, but that was the last time their friends appeared at dinner
uninvited.

I just love it...will keep that one in mind!

 

[John Roberts]

Now people are uncomfortable around that which they do not understand.......Mental illness or alien culture(that is always a matter of perspective) I would suggest swatting at imaginary flying imps and shrieking....for those guests that do not leave fast enough......if your guests join you, you know you are in trouble....I would suggest you leaving at that point.
If the men in white coats show up you can act normal and pretend nothing has happened.

Now alien rituals and and odd behavior give one the opportunity to hone their acting skills, ones imagination as well and lets face it.....to push at the perimeter of how one defines one's self....... I will leave what direction to you.

 

[Deprived_in_AZ]

Gentle and generous, no one can ever accuse you of straying from the high road Deprived_in_AZ

Damn right. "Here, have another overstuffed quesadilla! And maybe some cheesecake for dessert?"

Thank you for your kind words, dear Sir.

 

[John Roberts]

Damn right. "Here, have another overstuffed quesadilla! And maybe some cheesecake for dessert?"

Thank you for your kind words, dear Sir.

Now I wish you lived in my neck of the woods, I am always looking for a good meal.....<patting my stomach>. You are most welcome for the words, I adore non petty people of which you are one.

 

[John Roberts]

How to be rid of irritating relatives.

A little tricker, as you are stuck with them so you do not want to cause permenant harm to your relationship..........What pops into mind is be a lousy host, scanty fair, miser like habits and an air of crankiness may cause a relative to retreat.

 

[done_got_old]

I don't seem to have this problem. I'm an early riser..........4 am usually. I also make quite a bit of noise singing, playing classical music or practicing in the pre-dawn hours.

Because I'm an early riser, I often go to bed early. I tell my guests to make themselves at home and I go to bed.

I haven't had relatives ask to spend the night in at least 25 years.

 

[John Roberts]

I don't seem to have this problem. I'm an early riser..........4 am usually. I also make quite a bit of noise singing, playing classical music or practicing in the pre-dawn hours.

Because I'm an early riser, I often go to bed early. I tell my guests to make themselves at home and I go to bed.

I haven't had relatives ask to spend the night in at least 25 years.

Egad! I cannot sleep if I hear someone moving about in activities. There you go sleep deprivation will drive them out. Hello done_got_old, it is always nice to see you.

 

[door#2]

here are a few suggestions:
try to have sex with them--flirt shamelessly.
metallica--LOUD metallica!
get really drunk and statr talking about how bad your life is and how life is shitty.
get out a bible and read loudly at the table.
start talking to yourself, and answering yourself.

 

[John Roberts]

here are a few suggestions:
try to have sex with them--flirt shamelessly.
metallica--LOUD metallica!
get really drunk and statr talking about how bad your life is and how life is shitty.
get out a bible and read loudly at the table.
start talking to yourself, and answering yourself.

Laughing........My old uncle would have a heart attack if I started humping him...uuggh! Truly twisted, but I really do not want to start a permenant rift in the family ....but on second thought.....okay the other suggestions are good but trying to have sex with that I find repulsive is ....is.....I feel the need for a bath and a spiritual cleaning. I know it is this thread......where is my gun....must put.... it down...

 

[done_got_old]

Egad! I cannot sleep if I hear someone moving about in activities. There you go sleep deprivation will drive them out. Hello done_got_old, it is always nice to see you.

Hello John Roberts........

I know. The only person who visited a lot was my brother; but only when he had an early flight.

 

[John Roberts]

Hello John Roberts........

I know. The only person who visited a lot was my brother; but only when he had an early flight.

Lovely woman...... always a gracious word......
Life derails......Gad..... I would enjoy a guest good or bad on occaision.......
I have a friend I have been thinking about, need to call...thanks for the reminder....been meaning to call for about three months....never get around to it.