Inviting feedback

[matt_wolf]

Just had two stories posted. Both based on real life events and would welcome comments and feedback.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=298324
http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=298326

thanks

 

[elfin_odalisque]

I think you have the makings of a good writer but you may be a bit too diffident at the moment. In a strange way, because this is basically fantasy, when you begin by saying, "this is a true story", you somehow change things.

In 'Sex Toy Shopping' I thought you could have explored the guy's (your) embarrassment at talking vibrators with the female assistant more. He is gauche, out of his depth and very embarrassed. She is worldly-wise, 'seen it all before' and knows what works for a woman. Developing the tension of the encounter would have been good. An erotic story doesn't have to have copulation to be good.

'Spanish Beach Encounter' is a great improvement. Just stop telling us you have changed the names to protect the innocent and you are writing a story. Put us in the middle of the action - with the same plot - and you will get a reaction.

I liked both and hope you will write more. Make them fantasy and don't apologies.

 

[matt_wolf]

Thanks for that thoughtful and honest feedback. Will take your criticisms and praise on board.