Invent a Character

[Liar]

There was no real reason for Will Condrup to be a fuckhead. Bad upbringing wasn't the excuse. Colonel Condrup and Mrs Colonel Condrup (No, she always refered to herself as that instead of her own name.) had done a solid, conservative and all-american job in raising a good boy. An unfortunate life story were nowhere to be found. Young William had gone from clarity to clarity in his own modest way, the straight but narrow road into a reasonably wonderful slightly better than average existance. He had the kit. The college degree, the modelstly adventurous youth, the attractive missus and an honest ambition to knock her up and move to a suburbia villa real soon.

No, make no mistake, Will Condrup's fucktardiness was entirely his own choice. A choice that he had made just seven hours and fourty-five minutes ago, when he woke up in his nice, successful body, in his nice, successful bed, next to his nice and just as goddamn successful wife, and finally decided that enough was enough.

 

[Guest]

 

[impressive]

fucktardiness

Kinda reminds me of that movie with Kevin Spacey ... although I never thought Kevin Spacey was a fuckhead.

I'm intrigued. I wanna know what ol' Will does that makes him a fuckhead.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Quick and dirty dislikable character:

So I made a mistake or two? So what? Can you call yourself errorless, a flawless creation on God’s shiny pretty fetid sphere? Can you call your hands blood-free because your mistakes and sins are all socially acceptable? The petty hates and wars you harbor and support. The lies you belch forth until your insides are as corrupt as the crumbling mask of perfection. Such things are beyond reproach because you hide them and lie about them and what’s more everyone does it? Fuck that. I will not burn while you stand there claiming that. I will not be treated as a monster while you fake contempt, while you pretend I’m not the mirror to your soul painted as dark and as ugly as you know yourself to be. For I might be a demon, but I am a demon of your creation and it was the blood of your corrupted innocents that needed to pay for that.

And quick and dirty other character:

I fell asleep on the subway again. Would have missed my stop if the fat guy in the tight overcoat hadn’t spilled his coffee on my face. It scalds but I don’t pay it any mind. No one else does.

I walk up into the streets, hands in pockets, letting the liquid cool on my face. I hope it registers, that this superficial feeling can somehow reach deep within me and make me live. It’s a vain hope, but I don’t care.

Vain hopes are all I have left.

The trip to the apartment doesn’t take long, a mere half-hour of blank mind and zombie shuffling along the uncaring streets. I hardly notice the journey.

I enter the place calling to my Melinda. She doesn’t answer. She’s not there. Not anymore.

And I stand here too pathetic to even join her.








Sorry, my writing is sucking today.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

I believe the plots show up more because you are trying to expose a character in a very few lines, and persuade the reader that they know enough about the character to have some sort of opinion --- not just what the writer TOLD them to think about the character --- all on their own.

Not to inform the reader that the character is an ugly, lying bastard, but rather to persuade the reader that the character must be an ugly, lying bastard.


---- -----

Trying:


With a last snarling threat to be quiet, Tess closed the closet door. Stuffing the muzzle of the gun into her jeans, she locked the closet, then turned to march toward her occupied bedroom.

Jeb was still snoring mightily.

It’s a good thing, Tess told herself, Jeb’s so impossible to wake up.

Laying the gun on the bedside table, Tess rapidly stripped, while looking over her captive’s cast off clothing.

With an initial grimace of distaste, Tess pulled the garish outfit about her, fastening it into place. The two were nearly the same size. Once in place, the other woman’s tawdry garments bestowed an aura of disrepute upon Tess.

Checking herself first in the full-length mirror, Tess plumped herself down onto an unoccupied portion of the double bed. She collected the gun from the bedside table and rested it comfortably in her lap.

There was no point in trying to awaken Jeb. He would sleep for at least another hour. In just another hour Jeb would wake up and have to face his wife.

 

[impressive]

There was no point in trying to awaken Jeb. He would sleep for at least another hour. In just another hour Jeb would wake up and have to face his wife.

This is creepy. Shades of Sybil and The Shining.

 

[impressive]

Quick and dirty dislikable character:

So I made a mistake or two? So what? Can you call yourself errorless, a flawless creation on God’s shiny pretty fetid sphere? Can you call your hands blood-free because your mistakes and sins are all socially acceptable? The petty hates and wars you harbor and support. The lies you belch forth until your insides are as corrupt as the crumbling mask of perfection. Such things are beyond reproach because you hide them and lie about them and what’s more everyone does it? Fuck that. I will not burn while you stand there claiming that. I will not be treated as a monster while you fake contempt, while you pretend I’m not the mirror to your soul painted as dark and as ugly as you know yourself to be. For I might be a demon, but I am a demon of your creation and it was the blood of your corrupted innocents that needed to pay for that.

CHEATING! You stole an AH personality. (Just kidding!)

 

[fifty5]

OK - I'm late. With this rain I couldn't drive any faster, at least, not safely...

They'll all have gone home by now. Never mind, I can post my time sheet and tacho-cards through the mail-box, park the wagon in the yard and lock up after I get my car out.

Shame I won't see Liz though. She's something else. I know it's just business, but she seems to show more concern about my trips than business demands - and she's so cute!

Anyway, first up to the mailbox.

What the hell, there's Liz: leaning on her car.

Why hasn't she got into it and driven away?

-------------------------------------------
I'm not satisfied with that. Try:
-------------------------------------------

The rain was pouring down. Wipers at fast and Joe still had to drive slower than the truck's speed-limiter allowed, just so he could see.

It had been like that since before he crossed the border from Scotland to England - the trip was going to take over an hour longer than it should.

Joe thought that he should be glad: extra time meant extra pay - and at overtime rates - but he wasn't. Sure there was no practical problem, he could lock the truck in the yard and post his paperwork through the letter box, but he wouldn't see Liz: she'd have gone home when the office closed.

Off the motorway.

Down the road to the warehouse.

Sure enough, a good twenty minutes after the office staff would have left. "Damn and fucking well blast!" he thought. Week-long trips meant he didn't see her often enough, without this shit!

Into the yard.

But there was Liz, leaning on the roof of her car - and obviously soaking wet...

 

[Just-Legal]

It all felt... wrong. Ki'naya eyed the forest surrounding her, before peridot eyes slipped closed as the mage fell into a meditative trance.

It was then she felt it, the black, sickly plauge that was creeping through the magic of the land, bleeding into all that depended on its power and polluting its purity. Eyes snapped back open, mouth falling open in a wordless scream.

They were all going to die.

 

[tolyk]

BIG BUMP!

 

[Guest]

BIG BUMP!

Nice one, Tolyk!

Oooh, I have loads more to comment on now, probably best if I leave it 'til the morning.

 

[fifty5]

Trying:

Very interesting...

She's 'assertive' (to understate about a woman with a gun who's forced a tart into a closet).

And she's going to get her revenge!

So far, very good.

But how does she know he'll sleep for "for at least another hour"? OK, Jed sleeps soundly, but maybe they'd only just finished, so it could be another 6 or 8 hours. And anyway, I find someone who sleeps through a gunshot (sure Tess hasn't fired it yet, but it sounds as if she's going to, so one in the air wouldn't blow it) rather hard to take. Even somone who'd sleep through having the foresight hooked up their nose is pretty incredible.

But maybe I've missed the point - maybe she doesn't want to wake him yet.

What I'm saying is that the story so far is excellent at implying where Tess is coming from, but feels weaker at indicating where she wants to go to.

Of course, that may well be what comes next...

Eff (after 2 pints of G&T, so don't take me too seriously)

 

[destinie21]

Naomi sat up in the bed and glared at the blurry red numbers on the alarm clock. It was after midnight, 12:23 to be exact and Jake still wasn’t home yet. She knew where he was as much as she wanted to deny it, she knew he had his gambling ass at the racetrack over on 116th street. For the past twelve weeks he had blown damn near every dime in his paycheck on the horses, apparently the scratch off and New York State lotto tickets had stopped being enough. She doubted that today would be any different although she was already praying that it would be, she’d had a problem with him playing the lottery because she couldn’t understand his need to throw his money away when he never seemed to win enough to do more than break even, if that. She hadn’t addressed it or stressed the point too strongly because he hadn’t been spending their bill money. Now he had lost his rabbit ass mind and started spending so much money that she’d been forced to tap into her own personal savings account in order to satisfy their bills, instead of taking funds from their joint account. Their bills were far from being past due but the point was that there should have been enough money in their account to have easily satisfied their bills with some left over. However her own paycheck from the bank wasn‘t nearly enough to do it alone so she‘d had to dip into the savings she‘d set aside. It wasn‘t such a big deal now but if Jake kept up his new asinine ways they‘d be in trouble in a hurry.

 

[tolyk]

Nice one, Tolyk!

Oooh, I have loads more to comment on now, probably best if I leave it 'til the morning.

Yeah, noone has commented on mine yet You can start with that one

 

[Guest]

ok.. heres a shot. 141 words.. i think the count was supposed to be under 150?

----------------------
The bruises would eventually fade and they wouldn’t be a concern unless someone would see her naked. Just the thought of how she got them made her ass tingle.

Vella spent her day not unlike any other, but finding a silversmith locally proved to be a daunting affair. There didn’t appear to be anyone who could or would be able to cut through thick silver within a few hundred mile radius. So, it seems the collar will stay until the weekend and I’ll be able to make that trip. Damn, it’s going to cost me!

Random memories of the night before had her sitting on the edge of her chair, making the seam of her pants snug against her clit. It had been such a long time since she had cum without her vibrator and a good juicy cyber sex scene.

 

[impressive]

The bruises would eventually fade and they wouldn’t be a concern unless someone would see her naked. Just the thought of how she got them made her ass tingle.

Vella spent her day not unlike any other, but finding a silversmith locally proved to be a daunting affair. There didn’t appear to be anyone who could or would be able to cut through thick silver within a few hundred mile radius. So, it seems the collar will stay until the weekend and I’ll be able to make that trip. Damn, it’s going to cost me!

Random memories of the night before had her sitting on the edge of her chair, making the seam of her pants snug against her clit. It had been such a long time since she had cum without her vibrator and a good juicy cyber sex scene.

Intriguing! The hell with explaining the (hidden) bruises. I wanna see her explain the collar! LOL

 

[Carl East]

The Battles End

Before he drew his sword, Brandon knew that this would be the last day of his life. Yet he ran towards the oncoming hoards, free in the knowledge that he would die an honorable death.

He'd seen his lands ravished by the overlords minions, and felt that death would only serve to prove one thing. That there were some things worth dying for. His men watched him running towards the enemy, and without thinking they took up the challenge and followed him into battle.

Being out numbered five to one, they had little hope of winning this fight.

Brandon reached the enemy lines first, and began to cut a sway through there ranks. Swinging his arm this way and that, he had little time to watch them fall as more appeared before him. As his men joined him, he felt a cry in his heart of how men will fight for what they truly believe in.

Then he felt the sword piercing his chest, and his knees began to buckle. He vaguely heard somebody crying out his name as he fell to his knees, and had the presence of mind to thrust forward as an enemy tried to take advantage of his weakened state. Feeling his sword penetrating his enemies armor, he let go and fell to the floor face first.

Mere minutes later, the battle was over and the hoards had moved on. One lone soldier managed to get to his knees, and survey the grounds for other survivors. Before him lay carnage, and there in the middle lay his lord and master. Tears formed in the soldiers eyes, as he remembered his lords coronation. Trying to stand, he only managed it with the aid of a staff which was lying close by. He hobbled over to his lord, and whispered a few words.

"May you find peace my lord," he said, as he looked upon the broken body before him.

Carl

 

[Edward Teach]

Elizabeth

Elizabeth saw Jimmy coming out of the jewelry store. She knew that the small bag he carried was a present for her but she didn’t care. She could have anything she wanted and in fact had anything she wanted, including Jimmy. He was a big football player with looks, money, fame, personality, the works. He could have any woman he wanted but the only woman he wanted was Elizabeth and that was because Elizabeth wanted him to want her and only her. But, she was tired of Jimmy and needed to decide what to do with him. Should she destroy him or set him free. Fuck him she thought and tossed her head. Jimmy exploded into a runny bunch of goo and oozed over the edge of the curb into the gutter, then on down into the storm sewer. He should have made me cum better, she thought.


Ed

Edited to add the post script
PS - This was written quickly, under the influence, with almost no editing so cut me some slack.

 

[CharleyH]

Here is my go with 2 main characters

He looked as if he had been shaken and stirred one too many times. His gray business slacks were soiled, stained with spots of wetness, which smelled of splattered mishap. He wore a tan, plaid shirt and blue and white running shoes. His skin was sun soaked and amassed with blotches of dirt, and his thinning peppered hair was mussed in all directions. He must have shaved at some point in the past two days, because his face was littered with dull silver bristles.

People inched away from him, throwing glances of disdain and disgust.

He sat beside me.

A woman on the other side got up, and moved away from what she feared, perhaps herself. He bent into a laundry cart filled with liquor store bags, and a few belongings, no doubt important to him, pulled out the New York Times and opened the business section, curiously, with his finger on the stocks.

 

[mtnman2003]

A bit of Carol

Stretching, she arched her back, arms extending high above her head. Early morning, dawn light from the window. Opening one eye, she turned her head, focusing out the window. Trees. Horizon as far as she could see above the sea of tree tops.

The sun was breaking over the eastern horizon, amber waves of color reaching up into the sky, reflecting off the lazy, hanging clouds, turning the sky a brilliant orange. “Wow!” she whispered out loud.

She froze. Fuzzy memories raced into her head. Tequila had robbed her of the clear, coherent thought. Mouth dry, head pounding.

She looked quickly around the room. A family room, a house, high in the mountains! Oh God why can’t I think? How did I get here? Where is here?

Coffee! I smell coffee. God what I would do for a cup of coffee!

She rustled from under the throw blanket covering her body. Naked! "Shit!" screamed her mind.

 

[Guest]

Here is my go with 2 main characters

He looked as if he had been shaken and stirred one too many times. His gray business slacks were soiled, stained with spots of wetness, which smelled of splattered mishap. He wore a tan, plaid shirt and blue and white running shoes. His skin was sun soaked and amassed with blotches of dirt, and his thinning peppered hair was mussed in all directions. He must have shaved at some point in the past two days, because his face was littered with dull silver bristles.

People inched away from him, throwing glances of disdain and disgust.

He sat beside me.

A woman on the other side got up, and moved away from what she feared, perhaps herself. He bent into a laundry cart filled with liquor store bags, and a few belongings, no doubt important to him, pulled out the New York Times and opened the business section, curiously, with his finger on the stocks.

i think he was my neighbor at one time...poor bastard lost all he had in the market but what a genius!
wondering what you'll do with this ...very interesting.

 

[CharleyH]

i think he was my neighbor at one time...poor bastard lost all he had in the market but what a genius!
wondering what you'll do with this ...very interesting.

Dunno what I will do with it. He was someone I observed once. I kind of take notes on things like this. I am weird thata way

 

[impressive]

Re: Elizabeth

Elizabeth saw Jimmy coming out of the jewelry store. She knew that the small bag he carried was a present for her but she didn’t care. She could have anything she wanted and in fact had anything she wanted, including Jimmy. He was a big football player with looks, money, fame, personality, the works. He could have any woman he wanted but the only woman he wanted was Elizabeth and that was because Elizabeth wanted him to want her and only her. But, she was tired of Jimmy and needed to decide what to do with him. Should she destroy him or set him free. Fuck him she thought and tossed her head. Jimmy exploded into a runny bunch of goo and oozed over the edge of the curb into the gutter, then on down into the storm sewer. He should have made me cum better, she thought.


Ed

PMSL! Got Elizabeth's number? I wanna know her secret head tossing maneuver.

 

[Edward Teach]

Re: Re: Elizabeth

PMSL! Got Elizabeth's number? I wanna know her secret head tossing maneuver.

LOL, I wish I had Elizabeth's number too.

Ed

PS Never write or post a description under the influence.

 

[fifty5]

Re: Elizabeth

Elizabeth saw Jimmy coming out of the jewelry store. She knew that the small bag he carried was a present for her but she didn’t care. She could have anything she wanted and in fact had anything she wanted, including Jimmy. He was a big football player with looks, money, fame, personality, the works. He could have any woman he wanted but the only woman he wanted was Elizabeth and that was because Elizabeth wanted him to want her and only her. But, she was tired of Jimmy and needed to decide what to do with him. Should she destroy him or set him free. Fuck him she thought and tossed her head. Jimmy exploded into a runny bunch of goo and oozed over the edge of the curb into the gutter, then on down into the storm sewer. He should have made me cum better, she thought.


Ed

Edited to add the post script
PS - This was written quickly, under the influence, with almost no editing so cut me some slack.

Ooh eeh!

You don't need any slack, Ed - you've written a real bitch!

Oops... I do hope a bitch was what you meant to write...

Eff