Invent a Character

[Guest]

Gauche's thread, "Going Postal", made me think of this.

He was asking the question: what is it that such a good author as Terry Pratchett does to make us like a character, even when he's told us very little about that character?

This got me to thinking about character development and what I do in my own writing that contributes to this. I then thought it would be good if us "authors" here at the AH could invent a new character here, in this thread, but say very little about them. I think this would be a good exercise in showing, not telling.

Introduce a character, in no more than 150 words. Don't "tell" us much about that character, but give hints as to their personality.

I also think it would be fun if others who contribute to this thread could comment on the characters invented by other authors. What was your first impression of the character? Did you like them? Hate them? Haven't really formed any kind of opinion of them? Do you want to find out more about them? And so on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's my initial effort:

Alice wondered when he would call, if he’d call. It had been fun, a lot of fun, but was that all it was? Their illicit meeting had given her a rush, which prompted her to do things she’d never envisaged she’d ever do. Regrets? No, none at all, it had been harmless fun. Or had it? What would happen now? Where would this lead? But first he had to call. She stared at the phone, willing it to buzz into life. Nothing.

Of course he won’t ring. She knew, deep down, she’d never hear from him again.

Alice got up from her thickly cushioned sofa, stretched and looked at the blood stained carpet. His jacket was still on the back of the chair. He’d left it there when he’d fled the house on the previous evening. A wry grin spread across her face. There was nothing else for it, she’d have to find a new plaything.


Lou

 

[impressive]

Here's my initial effort:

Alice wondered when he would call, if he’d call. It had been fun, a lot of fun, but was that all it was? Their illicit meeting had given her a rush, which prompted her to do things she’d never envisaged she’d ever do. Regrets? No, none at all, it had been harmless fun. Or had it? What would happen now? Where would this lead? But first he had to call. She stared at the phone, willing it to buzz into life. Nothing.

Of course he won’t ring. She knew, deep down, she’d never hear from him again.

Alice got up from her thickly cushioned sofa, stretched and looked at the blood stained carpet. His jacket was still on the back of the chair. He’d left it there when he’d fled the house on the previous evening. A wry grin spread across her face. There was nothing else for it, she’d have to find a new plaything.

First two paragraphs, I'm thinking Alice needs to go after what she wants instead of sitting back and waiting for HIM to make the move. As a result, I have no sympathy for her.

The third paragraph hooked me, and now I wanna know what Alice has been up to. I still don't "like" her -- but she's much more interesting.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Re: Re: Invent a Character

First two paragraphs, I'm thinking Alice needs to go after what she wants instead of sitting back and waiting for HIM to make the move. As a result, I have no sympathy for her.

The third paragraph hooked me, and now I wanna know what Alice has been up to. I still don't "like" her -- but she's much more interesting.

I'm with Imp on this one...now we are curious you demon wench.

Leave it to Lou to make us think.

 

[impressive]

Here's my shot:

Cassie tugged the tight red shorts from the crack of her ass and adjusted the bra strap that simply refused to stay in place. Late again. She took one more quick glance in the mirror -- to tossle the hair, press the lips together -- before heading out the door. He was really going to be pissed this time. Her cats wove around her ankles as she sat on the bar stool to put on her sneakers. The spike heels went into a tote. She’d put those on later.

Breathing a sigh of relief when the ancient Dodge Dart actually started, she dug in the pile of detrius on the floor for a cassette tape. The music of Aerosmith filled the car, and Cassie's apprehension lifted considerably. She tried not to think about the suitcase in the trunk and the shitload of cash it contained. Her future housed in Samsonite.

 

[Guest]

Re: Re: Invent a Character

First two paragraphs, I'm thinking Alice needs to go after what she wants instead of sitting back and waiting for HIM to make the move. As a result, I have no sympathy for her.

The third paragraph hooked me, and now I wanna know what Alice has been up to. I still don't "like" her -- but she's much more interesting.

Woot, I achieved a hook.

I think I will develop this character some more, even though I don't like her much myself, she'd be a good addition to my planned NaNo novel.

Thanks, Imp.

I'm with Imp on this one...now we are curious you demon wench.

Leave it to Lou to make us think.

My pleasure.

Thanks, hon.

 

[Guest]

Here's my shot:

Cassie tugged the tight red shorts from the crack of her ass and adjusted the bra strap that simply refused to stay in place. Late again. She took one more quick glance in the mirror -- to tossle the hair, press the lips together -- before heading out the door. He was really going to be pissed this time. Her cats wove around her ankles as she sat on the bar stool to put on her sneakers. The spike heels went into a tote. She’d put those on later.

Breathing a sigh of relief when the ancient Dodge Dart actually started, she dug in the pile of detrius on the floor for a cassette tape. The music of Aerosmith filled the car, and Cassie's apprehension lifted considerably. She tried not to think about the suitcase in the trunk and the shitload of cash it contained. Her future housed in Samsonite.

Now you've got me intrigued.

I don't really have any strong opinion of Cassie, I'm not quite sure what to make of her. I don't think I like her very much, but that only comes from a sense of what she might be about. I'd like to find out more, though!

Lou

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Re: Re: Re: Invent a Character

Woot, I achieved a hook.

I think I will develop this character some more, even though I don't like her much myself, she'd be a good addition to my planned NaNo novel.

I like Mysterious Alice, she's interesting. Bring her to life Lou.

 

[oggbashan]

Joan glared at the worry lines shown in the mirror. She relaxed, reminding herself that glaring made them more obvious. She knew she had reasons to worry about her life, her relationship with Andrew, her job and even her self image.

Today of all days she had to appear confident and in charge. She had to present the results of her project to the Board. It was make or break time. If they accepted her proposals she would be financed for the next two years. If they declined her contract would end in two weeks. She turned away from the mirror and strode purposefully from the Ladies room towards the elevator. 'Go for it, girl!' she thought to herself.

The butterflies in her stomach didn't hear.

 

[Guest]

Joan glared at the worry lines shown in the mirror. She relaxed, reminding herself that glaring made them more obvious. She knew she had reasons to worry about her life, her relationship with Andrew, her job and even her self image.

Today of all days she had to appear confident and in charge. She had to present the results of her project to the Board. It was make or break time. If they accepted her proposals she would be financed for the next two years. If they declined her contract would end in two weeks. She turned away from the mirror and strode purposefully from the Ladies room towards the elevator. 'Go for it, girl!' she thought to herself.

The butterflies in her stomach didn't hear.

I like Joan! She seems down to earth, with the usual trials and tribulations of life on her mind.

As I said in Gauche's thread, when I perceive a character as being "normal" and I see traits in them that remind me of myself, I more often than not empathise with them and like them. You've achieved that with Joan.

I'd like to find out more about her, and whether or not she succeeds.

Lou

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Damn, you guys are good.

 

[oggbashan]

...I'd like to find out more about her, and whether or not she succeeds.

Lou

Thanks Lou.

You'd have to read 8 or 10 Lit pages to find out.

Og

 

[Guest]

Thanks Lou.

You'd have to read 8 or 10 Lit pages to find out.

Og

Hehe, I don't doubt that for a minute.

 

[McKenna]

I'll post mine first, then go back for a review of those already posted.

-------------------------------

It wasn’t that she hated everyone, just him. He had the ability to annoy her as much as he intrigued her. If it were any other man, she would have moved on long ago, but this man had become her personal enigma. Between the ten-hour work days, the commute by train, and the evenings spent in contemplation over a glass of wine, she felt she had him all but figured out. Of course the following day would prove her theories wrong, yet again, as the man seemed to change with as much frequency and aptitude as a chameleon. It was a game of cat and mouse for which she aptly played the role of Diana, but as for him –she wasn’t sure whether he was Actaeon the hunted, or Zeus the omnipotent. All she knew was that she had every intention of tracking down his mystery until she exposed his vulnerability. Then, and only then, would she dive in for the kill.

 

[McKenna]

Lou's:

Interesting character. There's a juxtaposition between the harmless sounding name "Alice" and her actions -or at least what you've hinted at her actions, illicit affair, naughty sex, etc. To me, Alice seems to be a homely name, and it conjures up images of a spinster baking cookies at home, but you've taken the name and butted it up against something positively naughty. I like the effect!


Impressive's:

My attention was caught by the last line: Her future housed in Samsonite. That has to be the best line of the entire paragraph! I wasn't too interested in the character, she seemed pretty normal, normal enough that I'd pass over her if not for that last line. That drags me back into the story and makes me wonder about her, what makes her special? What's in the case? What's her motivation? Who's going to be pissed? I was caught hook, line, and sinker. Now you need to reel me in!


Ogg's:

Let's see, here's my image of Joan: in her 40's, good job with the possibility of advancement very close, human in that she's worried, but confident in that she's hiding it. The "go for it girl" kind of threw me; it makes me think Joan is trying to act younger than she is. She's definitely worried about aging or getting older, and possibly worried that she hasn't gotten to the place she wants to be in her career yet, or the place where she thought she'd be at her age. I'd certainly continue reading just to find out about how the proposal goes, and how that affects her.

 

[impressive]

I'll post mine first, then go back for a review of those already posted.

-------------------------------

It wasn’t that she hated everyone, just him. He had the ability to annoy her as much as he intrigued her. If it were any other man, she would have moved on long ago, but this man had become her personal enigma. Between the ten-hour work days, the commute by train, and the evenings spent in contemplation over a glass of wine, she felt she had him all but figured out. Of course the following day would prove her theories wrong, yet again, as the man seemed to change with as much frequency and aptitude as a chameleon. It was a game of cat and mouse for which she aptly played the role of Diana, but as for him –she wasn’t sure whether he was Actaeon the hunted, or Zeus the omnipotent. All she knew was that she had every intention of tracking down his mystery until she exposed his vulnerability. Then, and only then, would she dive in for the kill.

Ooooo -- I wanna know more about HIM !!!!

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Jack looped one sun bronzed arm over his horse’s neck and surveyed the dry ground. His wise old eyes made out a partial track, just an impression in the sand that was mostly filled in. He pulled him self up slowly and patted the paint’s neck, sending alkali dust flying into the dead air.

His eyes scanned the empty horizon, devoid of any feature but sand and sun. He swung his rangy body down and took the half empty canteen off his pommel. The water was warm and brackish, but he took only a big enough swallow to wash out his mouth. He poured another mouthful onto his bandanna and washed out his mount’s mouth.

The horse looked at him questioningly and jack smiled.

“Yeah pander, we’re in trouble deep. Shouldn’t have brought you out here to die with me. McCoy is a worthless cuss, probably worth risking my hide to bring him in, but he sure ain’t worth loosing a good horse,”

He considered that a moment. Slowly a grin creased his weather battered features and he took the traces. Jack turned the big horse around and started back down the long back trail. Somewhere back there was Cimarron, and a drink.

He turned his back on Coby McCoy, on the five hundred dollar reward and on the vicious morning sun. Coby just wasn’t worth a good horse.

“I, am a man of Constant Sorrow!” boomed out over the still arid land as he walked away.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Gauche's thread, "Going Postal", made me think of this.

He was asking the question: what is it that such a good author as Terry Pratchett does to make us like a character, even when he's told us very little about that character?

This got me to thinking about character development and what I do in my own writing that contributes to this. I then thought it would be good if us "authors" here at the AH could invent a new character here, in this thread, but say very little about them. I think this would be a good exercise in showing, not telling.

Introduce a character, in no more than 150 words. Don't "tell" us much about that character, but give hints as to their personality.

I also think it would be fun if others who contribute to this thread could comment on the characters invented by other authors. What was your first impression of the character? Did you like them? Hate them? Haven't really formed any kind of opinion of them? Do you want to find out more about them? And so on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's my initial effort:

Alice wondered when he would call, if he’d call. It had been fun, a lot of fun, but was that all it was? Their illicit meeting had given her a rush, which prompted her to do things she’d never envisaged she’d ever do. Regrets? No, none at all, it had been harmless fun. Or had it? What would happen now? Where would this lead? But first he had to call. She stared at the phone, willing it to buzz into life. Nothing.

Of course he won’t ring. She knew, deep down, she’d never hear from him again.

Alice got up from her thickly cushioned sofa, stretched and looked at the blood stained carpet. His jacket was still on the back of the chair. He’d left it there when he’d fled the house on the previous evening. A wry grin spread across her face. There was nothing else for it, she’d have to find a new plaything.


Lou

Defintely a hook. the character isn't particularly sympathetic, but the situation does make you want to know what's going on.

-Colly

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Joan glared at the worry lines shown in the mirror. She relaxed, reminding herself that glaring made them more obvious. She knew she had reasons to worry about her life, her relationship with Andrew, her job and even her self image.

Today of all days she had to appear confident and in charge. She had to present the results of her project to the Board. It was make or break time. If they accepted her proposals she would be financed for the next two years. If they declined her contract would end in two weeks. She turned away from the mirror and strode purposefully from the Ladies room towards the elevator. 'Go for it, girl!' she thought to herself.

The butterflies in her stomach didn't hear.

Well done Og. Her very normalness makes her somone you wnat to know more about.

-Colly

 

[Guest]

It wasn’t that she hated everyone, just him. He had the ability to annoy her as much as he intrigued her. If it were any other man, she would have moved on long ago, but this man had become her personal enigma. Between the ten-hour work days, the commute by train, and the evenings spent in contemplation over a glass of wine, she felt she had him all but figured out. Of course the following day would prove her theories wrong, yet again, as the man seemed to change with as much frequency and aptitude as a chameleon. It was a game of cat and mouse for which she aptly played the role of Diana, but as for him –she wasn’t sure whether he was Actaeon the hunted, or Zeus the omnipotent. All she knew was that she had every intention of tracking down his mystery until she exposed his vulnerability. Then, and only then, would she dive in for the kill.

The last line made me grin. I like this character, she seems feisty and determined, but also a hopeless romantic. I liked her a lot, in fact, possible because I also empathised with her. Very nicely written, well done!

Lou

 

[cheerful_deviant]

OK, I'll give it a shot:

---------------------------------------------------

“I’m gonna kill her.” Jessica muttered to herself as she walked along slowly. “If she’s not already dead, I’m gonna kill her.”

She stopped for a minute to readjust her backpack and survey her surroundings. She noticed with no small degree of alarm that the sky was starting to turn from a light blue to a deeper purple and that the shadows under the tall pine trees were getting pretty dark. Turning her head she looked up and down the dirt road she was walking on, it seemed to stretch to eternity in both directions.

After the first few hours of walking Jessica had decided that her Sketchers were much better suited to the mall than long walks in the woods. Her feet were killing her and she just wanted to stop but there were no signs of civilization anywhere. She figured she had better keep walking. She didn’t want to be alone in these woods at night.

 

[Guest]

Jack looped one sun bronzed arm over his horse’s neck and surveyed the dry ground. His wise old eyes made out a partial track, just an impression in the sand that was mostly filled in. He pulled him self up slowly and patted the paint’s neck, sending alkali dust flying into the dead air.

His eyes scanned the empty horizon, devoid of any feature but sand and sun. He swung his rangy body down and took the half empty canteen off his pommel. The water was warm and brackish, but he took only a big enough swallow to wash out his mouth. He poured another mouthful onto his bandanna and washed out his mount’s mouth.

The horse looked at him questioningly and jack smiled.

“Yeah pander, we’re in trouble deep. Shouldn’t have brought you out here to die with me. McCoy is a worthless cuss, probably worth risking my hide to bring him in, but he sure ain’t worth loosing a good horse,”

He considered that a moment. Slowly a grin creased his weather battered features and he took the traces. Jack turned the big horse around and started back down the long back trail. Somewhere back there was Cimarron, and a drink.

He turned his back on Coby McCoy, on the five hundred dollar reward and on the vicious morning sun. Coby just wasn’t worth a good horse.

“I, am a man of Constant Sorrow!” boomed out over the still arid land as he walked away.

I think I like this guy, he seems interesting that's for sure. I'd have to find out more to form a firmer opinion, though, and that isn't a bad thing, because I want to.

There's some good descriptives in that passage, but you didn't give much away. There wasn't anything that made me dislike him and he's obviously an animal lover, so that's cool.

Lou

 

[Guest]

OK, I'll give it a shot:

---------------------------------------------------

“I’m gonna kill her.” Jessica muttered to herself as she walked along slowly. “If she’s not already dead, I’m gonna kill her.”

She stopped for a minute to readjust her backpack and survey her surroundings. She noticed with no small degree of alarm that the sky was starting to turn from a light blue to a deeper purple and that the shadows under the tall pine trees were getting pretty dark. Turning her head she looked up and down the dirt road she was walking on, it seemed to stretch to eternity in both directions.

After the first few hours of walking Jessica had decided that her Sketchers were much better suited to the mall than long walks in the woods. Her feet were killing her and she just wanted to stop but there were no signs of civilization anywhere. She figured she had better keep walking. She didn’t want to be alone in these woods at night.

Oooh, this one grabbed me and made me ask many questions. I'd definitely read on and want to find out more. I'm not sure what Jessica's about, but I'd love to know. A normal woman in an abnormal situation perhaps. Good stuff.

Lou

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Give a bunch of writers a chance to post some of their stuff and stand back for the response. Here's something that may not be exactly what Lou had in mind.

Rumple Foreskin

Her dreams were back. So were the eyes; hovering in an angry sky just above the horizon, seeing everything but focusing on nothing. Amy knew those eyes—knew a time when they’d been filled with happiness and a love of life.

She was young, naked, and skinny--standing alone and vulnerable on a hill surrounded by flames. Everything was changing.

A thin, blonde-headed guy appeared. They embraced and kissed. He ran his hands over her body, it wasn’t quite as skinny now, and she responded. But when he tried to pull her down, she resisted and he melted away.

So why was she now stretched out on the ground? And where did the dark, handsome man come from? He was covering her nude body with kisses. Every touch sent her reeling. She wanted to please this man and stretched out her arms for him. But then he wasn’t there.

 

[cheerful_deviant]

Jack looped one sun bronzed arm over his horse’s neck and surveyed the dry ground. His wise old eyes made out a partial track, just an impression in the sand that was mostly filled in. He pulled him self up slowly and patted the paint’s neck, sending alkali dust flying into the dead air.

His eyes scanned the empty horizon, devoid of any feature but sand and sun. He swung his rangy body down and took the half empty canteen off his pommel. The water was warm and brackish, but he took only a big enough swallow to wash out his mouth. He poured another mouthful onto his bandanna and washed out his mount’s mouth.

The horse looked at him questioningly and jack smiled.

“Yeah pander, we’re in trouble deep. Shouldn’t have brought you out here to die with me. McCoy is a worthless cuss, probably worth risking my hide to bring him in, but he sure ain’t worth loosing a good horse,”

He considered that a moment. Slowly a grin creased his weather battered features and he took the traces. Jack turned the big horse around and started back down the long back trail. Somewhere back there was Cimarron, and a drink.

He turned his back on Coby McCoy, on the five hundred dollar reward and on the vicious morning sun. Coby just wasn’t worth a good horse.

“I, am a man of Constant Sorrow!” boomed out over the still arid land as he walked away.

I picture Jack as the classic old cowboy. Boots, chaps, beat up hat and a face like leather. This is reinforced by the value he places on his horse. To a cowboy, his mount was his livelyhood, it was his most valuable posession.

He is disapointed that he cant get McCoy but is experienced enough to know that it's time to give up this battle and live to fight anoter day.

Does he make it out of the desert? Does he eventually catch McCoy? Thats the hook.

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Rumple's quick takes:

Tatelou,
I’ll go along with Imp and Abs on this gal. I don’t like her, but I’d keep reading.

--

Impressive
Seems like just a mildly interesting, working class hooker or party girl until you hit the last two sentences. Good hook.

--

Og
“Joan glared at the worry lines shown in the mirror.”
After that opening line, how can you not keep reading?

--

McKenna,
Sounds like the ultimate, hard-driving, “goal oriented” character. Not very nice, but interesting.

--

Colly,
An intriguing, worldly-wise western character. He’s been there and done that. I like the guy.

--

CheerfulD,
Good character. Raises a lot of questions. Would be hard to stop reading.