Introducing a third

[Prof Bill]

Both my sub and I have had previous experience with threesomes and foursomes. A couple of mine have involved BDSM activities while none of hers have. Mine were not as enjoyable or fulfilling as hers were.

We have been talking about introducing a third--another female submissive--into our pair. We don't think we want this as a permanent, polyamory kind of relationship, but instead as a play partner who can help introduce greater variety into our scenes. We're in no hurry to do this, have talked with several we thought might be possible only to say (to ourselves) "no," and may not even do it at all.

But I've been impressed by the general good sense I've read in the discussions on this board--rivaling in my mind some of the better discussions on the old MSN Dungeon--so I'd like to hear from anyone who has any experience--good or bad--in this area. Pitfalls? Joys? Sorrows? Exuberances? What to look for and to look out for?

Thanks in advance.

Professor Bill

 

[s'lara]

i am surprised that no one has answered this post given those here who are in poly relationships.

In any event, good luck on your new venture Prof.

lara

 

[Desdemona]

Talk, talk, talk. Then talk some more. Be sure all involved parties are on the same page with what is to happen between you. I hope you have a great experience if you decide to try it.

 

[MartinConteggio]

I have personally come the conclusion that poly-anything is gambling. I used to think it was a safe bet as long as both people really loved each other, but recently some friends of mine just divorced. They had been doing threesomes for 5+ years, which looked like a success to me. One went off with one of the "Third"s, and the other in reprisal got a young boy-toy. Game over.

So my advice is to treat it like a gamble. Don't bet on every pony(-girl), and make sure you're both good for it.

Most importantly... Good luck to you!

 

[Netzach]

I started this relationship off on the "I'm poly, you have to be into that too or forget it" foot. Trying to introduce the idea is another can of worms, and I hate to be the voice of doom, but it's much harder.

That said, I also think that you should do some serious soul searching. For me, poly is *who I am and what I'm about and I can't be in a relationship that isn't*

If it's spice, I'd tread really really carefully. It may not be worth it. That said, it may be. Talk talk talk and talk some more, talk to your prospectives and get to know them, get to know what they are expecting out of the whole thing.

 

[MissTaken]

Taking your time is a good start, Prof Bill.

Also, in that I have engaged in successful threesomes, there were based upon clear understanding of roles. That is to say, that as the third coming in, it was very clear to me that there would be no romantic entanglements and I respected that.

Further, when the threesome occurs with someone who is a friend, first, I think it facilitates communication and helps to ensure that whatever guidelines and bondaries are in place will be respected.

When three or more people can meet and view sex as recreation, you have the best chance for success. IT is and should be fun.

Good luck and enjoy,
MissT

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Hey, ever thought of indroducing your wife as a third person? It would be nice if you included her in some small way, in some part of your life.

 

[A Desert Rose]

A threesome... tried it once.

It didn't work, at least for me.

Won't ever do it again.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

A threesome... tried it once.

It didn't work, at least for me.

Won't ever do it again.

How about if you installed one of those 'take a number' deals outside your bedroom?

 

[A Desert Rose]

How about if you installed one of those 'take a number' deals outside your bedroom?

I guess I need to clarify this: No more threesomes that involve 2 females and a male.

Now, 2 men and me? There's a whole new ballgame.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I guess I need to clarify this: No more threesomes that involve 2 females and a male.

Now, 2 men and me? There's a whole new ballgame.

Gotcha...I'm guy #1, you are on your own for guy #2!

 

[A Desert Rose]

Gotcha...I'm guy #1, you are on your own for guy #2!

And I think that is the crux of it right there for me, at least.

If (and I am speaking strictly about myself) I engage in a threesome with 2 men who I am not at all emotionally bonded to, it would most likely work. It might even work if I were emotionally tied to one of them. But if it involves a male and a female and myself, there are way too many issues for me in that scenario.

You know, it's been almost a year and I am still dealing with those issues, occassionally.

(By the way, I have a few ideas for guy #2... LOL.)

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

And I think that is the crux of it right there for me, at least.

If (and I am speaking strictly about myself) I engage in a threesome with 2 men who I am not at all emotionally bonded to, it would most likely work. It might even work if I were emotionally tied to one of them. But if it involves a male and a female and myself, there are way too many issues for me in that scenario.

You know, it's been almost a year and I am still dealing with those issues, occassionally.

(By the way, I have a few ideas for guy #2... LOL.)

Care to discuss issues? I'm in my "Dr. Johnny" mode tonight...

 

[A Desert Rose]

Care to discuss issues? I'm in my "Dr. Johnny" mode tonight...

See, this is what happens... I start telling waaaaaaaay too much personal info here.

Sex is such an emotionally charged phenom. And so many emotions come into play. For me, it's very difficult to seperate sex for recreation and sex with real feeling. But I think I could do that with 2 men. I know now that I can't do it in a female-female-male scenario.

I can't even visualize a scenario like that that would work for me, at least, not after the experience I had.

 

[SilkVelvet]

deleted

 

[Netzach]

MMF...easier in my experience.

If you yourself know you can sport fuck, you at least know that the guys are on the same page. Women are notoriously good at saying they can sport fuck, then getting all attached and emotional.

Ech.

 

[s'lara]

Found these links while reading. They're from the Edomonton O Society. Hope they are helpful.

http://www.edmontonosociety.org/polyamory.htm

 

[DuckLover]

Though I only get onto the BDSM boards sporadically, I am a regular in the How-To forum. There have been several very good threads on threesomes, group sex, and how to introduce another person to the bedroom. While the threads aren't specifically addressing a BDSM context, they are certainly appropriate to this situation, and I have found the How-To board to be pretty open to bdsm folks. You can use the search function to find them, but here are a couple to get you started:

https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=187401&highlight=threesome
.
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=156050&highlight=threesome
.
https://forum.literotica.com/showthread.php?threadid=178633&highlight=threesome

 

[Etoile]

I have personally come the conclusion that poly-anything is gambling. I used to think it was a safe bet as long as both people really loved each other, but recently some friends of mine just divorced. They had been doing threesomes for 5+ years, which looked like a success to me. One went off with one of the "Third"s, and the other in reprisal got a young boy-toy. Game over.

So my advice is to treat it like a gamble. Don't bet on every pony(-girl), and make sure you're both good for it.

Most importantly... Good luck to you!

This is very well-put...and makes me shudder. I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for more than five years and with Daddy for more than three. The three of us have been together for about a year, and we are still working through jealousy issues on the part of my girlfriend and myself. I have felt very angry in the past that I am no longer Daddy's ONLY little girl, but the relationship that has developed between the two of them has not been a D/s relationship so my tensions about that are eased somewhat.

 

[esclave_PP]

These are all really great responses. I had a friend, whose sub was his wife, and they introduced a third and it worked for them for a bit. But the third got restless and went on her way. There were jealousy issues with the wife, but said friend just managed through it. On the surface it could work if done right and communication abounds. Communication is probably key here. Polyamory is very different from just swinging, its main premise creating like a mini "family" without all the incest stuff (giggles). In any case, best of luck to you. Like Des says, talk, talk, talk, and more talk.

 

[Prof Bill]

Responses

Thanks to all who took the time to reply thoughtfully and seriously to the question/issue of introducing a third. I especially liked the links. Tried to respond to s'lara directly with thanks and was told I couldn't--but that's probably understandable and doesn't delete the sincerity of these thanks, to her and all of you.

Bill

 

[s'lara]

Re: Responses

Thanks to all who took the time to reply thoughtfully and seriously to the question/issue of introducing a third. I especially liked the links. Tried to respond to s'lara directly with thanks and was told I couldn't--but that's probably understandable and doesn't delete the sincerity of these thanks, to her and all of you.

Bill

Most welcome Bill. i'm not sure why you were unable to respond to me directly, but i appreciate your thanks.

lara

 

[SweetDommes]

My girlfriend and I are not monogamous people. It just isn't ingrained in us. We've been together nearly 5 years, and over the past year have been lucky enough to find a couple fuck buddies and a pet

Open communication has worked wonders for us. Jealousy is natural, and healthy in moderation. Talking can work it out and prevent it. Fear of jealousy is a big issue too.

Some people just can't do it, but others can.

It's important to remember:
-sex is not love
-love is not sex
-all partners have right to know what you might be giving them
-fidelity does not require monogamy

 

[ethereal~minx]

How about if you installed one of those 'take a number' deals outside your bedroom?

omg tooo funny~~ I must have the giggles tonight

I always thought, though never experienced it..that I could do it~~~ with 2 men

although~~~ the two I had in mind, one of them seeems very competitive w/ me over the one I was involved with... *raised brow*

I don't think he could handle it... so much for that!