Intimacy - Only a Woman's Thing?

[TonyG]

I was recently told by a gay woman that true intimacy can only be achieved between two females. When a man and woman are together sex can prevent achieving intimacy, whereas two females will achieve intimacy first and then have sex.


Your opinion?

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Your opinion?

A fictional justification/rationalization created by someone to validate their sexuality. I.E., bovine fecal matter.

Maybe, as a generality, bi/lesbian women on the whole might be able to achieve intimacy to either a greater degree, or easier, or faster than a hetero couple - but I would want to see a study first (not to mention criteria for "intimacy"), but I doubt that there is that much of a difference. As for the term "only" - the way it is used in the assertion is akin to the term "never", and I never say never.

I doubt we will ever see the day that people are able to accept themselves to the point where nobody feels the need to put other people down so that they can feel better about themselves.

 

[lavender]

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Many would argue that only male/female relations achieve the true intimacy of sexual unification.

And they would probably be arguing a different type of intimacy.

First a person would have to define what they meant by intimacy:

Belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature, marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the law>, marked by a warm friendship developing through long association, suggesting informal warmth or privacy <intimate clubs>, of a very personal or private nature.

I think that intimacy of a general or even specific nature could be acheived by anyone capable of being intimate (some people can't), and that they can be intimate with any other person or being capable of being intimate, regardless of gender.

Again, it seems to me, that people arguing the lack of intimacy due to sexual predilictions usually have one or more of the following problems with their assertions:

a) They don't know what they are talking about because they haven't experienced that type of relationship for themselves.

b) They did experience that type of relationship, but for whatever reason, they themselves couldn't experience intimacy in that relationship - ergo, to justify their inability, they assert no one else can experience intimacy in that type of relationship either.

c) Regardless of "a" or "b" - they feel the need to put down others to make themselves feel superior.

 

[lavender]

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I was not stating my beliefs, just an assertion.

I understood - it was clear, and I was just replying to the assertion.

 

[juicylips]

I was recently told by a gay woman that true intimacy can only be achieved between two females. When a man and woman are together sex can prevent achieving intimacy, whereas two females will achieve intimacy first and then have sex.


Your opinion?

I disagree, strongly. I can achieve intimacy with males a lot quicker than females, and I am not talking about sex either.

Sharing, trusting, caring, and developing friendships with males has always been a lot more easier for me than with another female. Don't know why.

Cassidy

 

[cyndiesweet]

Same here juicylips. I see the pattern starting over again with my oldest daughter too. All of her friends are guys too. So I must have taught it to her unknowingly.

As STG said what is the definition of intimacy? I am intimate with several male friends. I only have sex with one, my husband.

 

[*bratcat*]

Re: Re: Intimacy - Only a Woman's Thing?

 

[MissTaken]

Intimacy is a state of mind and a depth of feeling, IMHO and each of us has our own definition of intimacy, our own expectations and desires.

I don't believe intimacy is gender biased. For the gay woman who made the initial statement, it is most likely that she has only been able to achieve intimacy with women as that is where her experience and desire reside.

 

[Testarossa]

May I

put in my 2 cents?

Am new to this forum but have posted under another handle in the SRP forum -- actually one of the reasons for the change of names was a complaint by my husband about intimacy or lack thereof. (No, I'm not whining. I'm just trying to understand.)

Bratcat, Juicylips and Cyndiesweet's statements echo my own experience. I've always found it easier to begin and keep friendships with men, whereas potentially intimate relationships with women seem to die of neglect.

Do men and women experience intimacy so differently?

TR

 

[TonyG]

...First a person would have to define what they meant by intimacy:

Belonging to or characterizing one's deepest nature, marked by very close association, contact, or familiarity <intimate knowledge of the law>, marked by a warm friendship developing through long association, suggesting informal warmth or privacy <intimate clubs>, of a very personal or private nature.

Good definition.

 

[InnesLane]

When a man and woman are together sex can prevent achieving intimacy, whereas two females will achieve intimacy first and then have sex.

What an odd outlook your friend has, and very stereotypical too. Personally, I couldn't have sex without intimacy first.

I must admit though that there was a time in my life when this wasn't so, but I daresay that I'm sure that somewhere in the world there are two women having sex right now who didn't establish intimacy first.

With billions of potential fuckers out there, not all of them can be making love.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Good definition.

I should have credited the source; Webster's

 

[cyndiesweet]

I should have credited the source; Webster's

You actually know where your dictionary is?
I'm impressed. Mine is buried under so many Berenstain Bears books it would take me a week just to find it.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

You actually know where your dictionary is?
I'm impressed. Mine is buried under so many Berenstain Bears books it would take me a week just to find it.

Um - no I can't find it right now - oh wait a minute; there it is under a pile of other books - it is usually in one of my bookcases.

But that isn't were I got the definition; I got it at http://www.m-w.com, it is always there when I am online and I don't have to go searching for it. Or I could just load a dictionary from a CD, but it is easier to get to online.

 

[cymbidia]

Intimacy can be different things with different people.

My 13 year old daughter often comes to me for hugs and cuddles, just because she wants one. When she is down, i'm often the only person in the world to whom she will open. She respects me and trusts me. In return, i offer her truth and dignity. She may not like what i say to her, the advice i give, or the consequences i tender, but she knows they are truthful, fair, and earned. She told me a few weeks ago that even though i’m kinda strict and she will be less so (yeh, uh huh, right - you gotta wait until you're on this side of the mommy line to see how that one will play out!), she hopes she’s as good as a mother to her kids as i am to her. We share lattes in the morning, read the same books (rather, i read her books cuz i’m interested in what’s of interest to her, what’s going into her brain, and cuz i want to talk to her about the issues raised in those books) and i’m her biggest fan. We scream and rage at each other, too, and talk later, crying, apologizing. We’ve begun cycling together, she and i, a well-known phenomenon of women whose lives are physically entwined. We are intimate with each other, involved tightly in each other’s lives.

Additionally, i'm part of a group seven women friends, all of us possessing comparable backgrounds in terms of education, financial stability, politics, etc. We’ve been a close, cohesive group for many years, some of us since college, some of us only since the births of our first children 12-14 years ago. We’ve laughed and cried together. We’ve told our secrets and our fears and our worries, and then soothed each other with hugs and tears and promises of help. We’ve taken care of each other’s houses and pets during vacations, and we’ve met each other’s families when they came to visit. All our kids know each other and have attended Christmas parties, summer barbeques, and birthday bashes together since they were babies. As a group, we've gone off for long weekends several times a year for the last 10 or more years. We are truly intimate friends.

MS and i are intimate in a way that i’ve never been intimate with anyone in my life. With him, almost reflexively, i let down my guard. With him, the fastenings that hold tight the masks i don as regular wear in my daily life flutter away, and i am revealed as fully as i’ve ever been. When we are together, whether behind closed doors or out cruising the mall, a current of something undeniably sexual flows between us at all times, but it’s a sexuality born of two parts fitting, of the astonishment of finding that perfect mate after not believing in such a thing for the length of two lifetimes. Our intimacy is a thing tempered by the reality of our everyday lives, and of the high cost to six other people of our deciding to merge those lives. Sitting in the dark naked, illuminated only by a small pool of lamplight playing over our hands, he gave me a manicure. He stumbled a little over the use of some of the tools and procedures, never ever having done that for any woman in his life, while i sat as still as i could, tears gathering at the inexpressible poignancy of moment for both of us. We are irrevocably intimate, MS and i.


Am I intimate with all of these people?
Yes, most definitely.
Am I intimate with all of these people in the same way?
No, obviously not.
Is intimacy only or mostly a thing of which women are capable?
Most assuredly not.

As is true with the idea of love, intimacy can be true with many people in many different ways. Even if we limit the concept of intimacy to sexual intimacy, and speaking as a fully bisexual person, one who has had very intimate sexual relationships with both men and women, the assertion that "true intimacy can only be achieved between two females" is laughable at best (it's a joke, right?) and incredibly sad in most other ways.

IMHO, of course.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: Intimacy can be different things with different people.

IMHO, of course.

Your opinion, while humble, is also highly honored and valued here, your post was well written and your thoughts well expressed. Thank you for sharing that.