International Earth Day Poetry 20/03/06

[wildsweetone]

Post your Earth Day Poetry here. And Discussion, here

Form: Any

Theme: Earth Day, anything that relates to our Earth. Earth Day.org

One condition: If you post a poem, you must give critique to other poems posted. It is up to each individual poet to decide how many poems they will critique (how many they have time for), but lets all try and ensure every poem has a couple of critiques.


Closing date to post poetry: 20th March 2006. - critiques to come after that date in order to help keep the poems together for ease of critiquing.

Closing date to post critiques: let's say it would be helpful to have critiques in up to two weeks after the posting date... so, by the 3rd April '06 any and all critiques will be completed (this saves poets hanging about wondering and waiting).

NB Poetry posted here will be able to be posted or submitted elsewhere.

Happy writing!

 

[White Warlock]

Fine WSO I'll start the ball rolling with this:-

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v636/Spiritofkahn/MotherEarth.jpg

Our Planet Earth

Who knows when it all began.
Some say it was the big bang.
From a single cell we evolved,
Or so we have been told.

Take a few hundred million years or so.
Did it take us that long to grow?
From all fours we did crawl
To standing on two feet, so tall

We survived an age of ice
Maybe once, or maybe twice.
Of dinosaurs we lived beyond,
To this planet earth we did belong.

We who used our brain
To make ‘tools’ for our gain,
To hunt only to feed our brood,
Turned to grow crops for our food.

Now this earth we carve with a knife,
Cut its forests of precious life,
Dig deep into her heart,
Extract for greed till the last.

Till come the day when all is destroyed..
No more life to be enjoyed,
Nature gone and we are alone,
All is left is rock, sand, and stone.

No more trees of lush green,
Or clear rivers flowing seen,
Just deserts of barren soil,
Nothing left for man to spoil.

What have we done to this home of ours?
With all its glass and concrete towers.
With pollution of dust and acid smoke,
On which all of nature choke.

Please take a thought before its too late.
Or is it? “The last one out to shut the gate!”
Maybe there is still time?
Remember this planet earth, is yours and mine…

 

[bluerains]

Grandfather ...

http://www.fantasy-goddess-art.com/images/dolphin-detail2.jpg

Born of crashing waves
in rain squall gusts of destiny,
fluidity spins
jaded thoughts of creation's
ageless tapestries.
Heaven knows
every teardrop wiped
from horizons of earthly sorrow
but, only nature still sings
songs of a better tomorrow.
Tis hard to believe in a heaven
or hell these days,
watching the waves crashing
listening to whales weep..

 

[My Erotic Trail]

Gaia is dying

a flowered field
yields a beautiful sight
hiding the soil and dirt

a mountain peak
points towards heaven
with pure white caps

pulling your vision
from the brush choked valley
oil fields, factories and mills

in the darkness
of nothing and void
spins a pretty blue planet

the warmth of the sun
fills our morning sky
with colors of a rainbow

beauty hides the truth
Gaia is dying from a virus
known as man's progress

http://www.ezthemes.com/previews/e/earth1024.jpg

 

[BooMerengue]

.

silvered drops eased down the mirrored windows
as the grey and gloomy day drizzled into night
erasing the dribble of the creek that once danced
a boundary around this ill fated garden
once, in a different time, fruit and flowers
sprang from this earth with an abandon
contagious to all who lingered here,
those who found their sustenance
in the fertility of the very air breathed
by generations of them born to the land
but nay! even they lauded Progress,
and invited Him to stay for dinner
with Him came the factories,
the landfills, the unknown diseases
and the sky changed to grey
the rain to poison, the land dug and piled
in what once was The Valley Fair
and I, seated in the window,
listening to the flotsam of conversation
watching the world around us die, slowly
but dying just the same.
​

.

 

[champagne1982]

A Whisper To Sol

Come here now where
the winter blankets
my skin and smooths
the scars of hard use
left by the rough touch
of hurried punishment.
I need your gentle
hands to warm my breast
and melt the chill
from my bones. Release
me from the tyrant
hold of frozen lakes
and welcome a chill
soul as you would
a sigh of fresh air.
In your heat I'll thaw
and with that opening
come here now.

 

[sandspike]

bottom line

we are mostly ants
who want our Uncle
to tap the oil and topple trees
walls for receptacles
plastic phones
cheap gasoline for SUV's

worker ants noses to the grindstone
profit for prodigal industrial Queens
all the while raping Mother
turning to brown
what was blue and green

 

[BooMerengue]

So tomorrow we post our critiques or thoughts or whatever, right?

 

[sandspike]

I'd say day after, the 21st

So tomorrow we post our critiques or thoughts or whatever, right?

Folks still have time to send in those cards and letters, at least through
the 20th. Shit, maybe you are right go ahead. I really don't see many
late poems coming in.

 

[bluerains]

time to comment..

Fine WSO I'll start the ball rolling with this:-

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v636/Spiritofkahn/MotherEarth.jpg

Our Planet Earth

Who knows when it all began.
Some say it was the big bang.
From a single cell we did evolved,
Or so we have been told.

Take a few hundred million years or so.
Did it take us that long to grow?
From all fours we did crawl
To standing on two feet, so tall

We survived an age of ice
Maybe once, or maybe twice.
Of dinosaurs we lived beyond,
To this planet earth we did belong.

We who used our brain
To make ‘tools’ for our gain.
To hunt only to feed our brood,
Turned to grow crops for our food.

Now to this earth we carve with a knife,
Cut its forests of precious life,
Dig deep into her heart,
Extract for greed till the last.

Till come the day when all is destroyed..
No more life to be enjoyed,
Nature gone and we are alone,
This planet earth dry as a bone.

No trees of green,
No rivers seen,
Just deserts of barren soil,
Nothing more left to spoil.

What have we done to this home of ours?
With all its glass and concrete towers.
With pollution of dust and acid smoke,
On which all of nature choke.

Please take a thought before its too late.
Or is it? “The last one out to shut the gate!”
Maybe there is still time?
Remember this planet earth, is yours and mine…

This work has a fine message but, it neeed more depth and passion for its picture to move me...

 

[bluerains]

Art always has

Gaia is dying

a flowered field
yields a beautiful sight
hiding the soil and dirt

a mountain peak
points towards heaven
with pure white caps

pulling your vision
from the brush choked valley
oil fields, factories and mills

in the darkness
of nothing and void
spins a pretty blue planet

the warmth of the sun
fills our morning sky
with colors of a rainbow

beauty hides the truth
Gaia is dying from a virus
known as man's progress

http://www.ezthemes.com/previews/e/earth1024.jpg

great visuals in his work ...is why he is one of my favorites he paints words of color , depth and passion ...I really enjoyed the last verse...well done...

 

[bluerains]

Bo

gives nice flowing images flowing one into another ...if I feel something in a poem or can see it in my mind ...thats all I need to make my day...this one has feeling and soul...ty bo

.

silvered drops eased down the mirrored windows
as the grey and gloomy day drizzled into night
erasing the dribble of the creek that once danced
a boundary around this ill fated garden
once, in a different time, fruit and flowers
sprang from this earth with an abandon
contagious to all who lingered here,
those who found their sustenance
in the fertility of the very air breathed
by generations of them born to the land
but nay! even they lauded Progress,
and invited Him to stay for dinner
with Him came the factories,
the landfills, the unknown diseases
and the sky changed to grey
the rain to poison, the land dug and piled
in what once was The Valley Fair
and I, seated in the window,
listening to the flotsam of conversation
watching the world around us die, slowly
but dying just the same.
​

.

 

[bluerains]

a very

sensual side of the mother..a love letter to warm the senses...

A Whisper To Sol

Come here now where
the winter blankets
my skin and smooths
the scars of hard use
left by the rough touch
of hurried punishment.
I need your gentle
hands to warm my breast
and melt the chill
from my bones. Release
me from the tyrant
hold of frozen lakes
and welcome a chill
soul as you would
a sigh of fresh air.
In your heat I'll thaw
and with that opening
come here now.

 

[bluerains]

to the heart of earth , in a fine style and choice of words ...simple and clear...with no extras..nice one...

we are mostly ants
who want our Uncle
to tap the oil and topple trees
walls for receptacles
plastic phones
cheap gasoline for SUV's

worker ants noses to the grindstone
profit for prodigal industrial Queens
all the while raping Mother
turning to brown
what was blue and green

 

[wildsweetone]

(I need to work on this more, it's nowhere near finished, but i'll post it as today's the 20th for me Sorry, I've been too tied up with trying to figure out how to network three computers with the wonders of wireless technology.)



Earth Day

Blue mountains cry
dawn as the cows
begin to keen their lost calves,
culling began yesterday
and the calling continues today. Mourning
their loss, unknowing departures
a tearing of the heart
as it rips the herd apart
and scatters their bellows
into the westerly
to mix and mingle
with the angry sea
that bombards land
stealing sod by sod
until it laps
the lip of the mountains
like gathered tears.

 

[My Erotic Trail]

(I need to work on this more, it's nowhere near finished, but i'll post it as today's the 20th for me Sorry, I've been too tied up with trying to figure out how to network three computers with the wonders of wireless technology.)



Earth Day

Blue mountains cry
dawn as the cows
begin to keen their lost calves,
culling began yesterday
and the calling continues today. Mourning
their loss, unknowing departures
a tearing of the heart
as it rips the herd apart
and scatters their bellows
into the westerly
to mix and mingle
with the angry sea
that bombards land
stealing sod by sod
until it laps
the lip of the mountains
like gathered tears.

I am inspired to write a cow tipping poem <grin
I enjoyed yours and (all) the earth day poems thus far.

 

[Guest]

On the plains there is no doubt
The Earth is round.
The horizon curves from East
to West bending to the sun's circuit.
The wind is soft today, a kissing wind
that stirs her hair and lifts a hawk
to hover in the blue above her.
She cradles life waiting to emerge
in folded bud and sleeping seed,
shivering anticipation waits impatient
in the sweetly scented soil
stirring only when Gaia agrees
T'is time.​

http://www.seshat.ch/home/horizon1.GIF​

 

[BooMerengue]

White Warlock

Our Planet Earth

Who knows when it all began.
Some say it was the big bang.
From a single cell we did evolved,
Or so we have been told.

Take a few hundred million years or so.
Did it take us that long to grow?
From all fours we did crawl
To standing on two feet, so tall

We survived an age of ice
Maybe once, or maybe twice.
Of dinosaurs we lived beyond,
To this planet earth we did belong.

We who used our brain
To make ‘tools’ for our gain.
To hunt only to feed our brood,
Turned to grow crops for our food.

Now to this earth we carve with a knife,
Cut its forests of precious life,
Dig deep into her heart,
Extract for greed till the last.

Till come the day when all is destroyed..
No more life to be enjoyed,
Nature gone and we are alone,
This planet earth dry as a bone.

No trees of green,
No rivers seen,
Just deserts of barren soil,
Nothing more left to spoil.

What have we done to this home of ours?
With all its glass and concrete towers.
With pollution of dust and acid smoke,
On which all of nature choke.

Please take a thought before its too late.
Or is it? “The last one out to shut the gate!”
Maybe there is still time?
Remember this planet earth, is yours and mine…

I like this poem and what it says but how it says it is a bit awkward for me. The rhyme is there, but uneven, and there are a few spelling errors. BUT... It did meet the criteria (I thought was the criteria) of being about Earth Day and what we can do if anything to change our ruinous ways. But I reread the challenge and it's not quite specific, so I have to let that go. But in my head extra points to you, WW! TY.


buerains

Grandfather

Born of crashing waves
in rain squall gusts of destiny,
fluidity spins
jaded thoughts of creation's
ageless tapestries.
Heaven knows
every teardrop wiped
from horizons of earthly sorrow
but, only nature still sings
songs of a better tomorrow.
Tis hard to believe in a heaven
or hell these days,
watching the waves crashing
listening to whales weep..

This I absolutely love. It just sings along so smoothly. But I do want to know why the whales are weeping. I think thats the part about EarthDay in here, but just a tad more specific, Blue. But I do feel it is absolutely perfect by itself, nonetheless. TY.


MET

Gaia is dying

a flowered field
yields a beautiful sight
hiding the soil and dirt

a mountain peak
points towards heaven
with pure white caps

pulling your vision
from the brush choked valley
oil fields, factories and mills

in the darkness
of nothing and void
spins a pretty blue planet

the warmth of the sun
fills our morning sky
with colors of a rainbow

beauty hides the truth
Gaia is dying from a virus
known as man's progress

Someone else said they liked the last verse best. Me, too. It could stand alone as an EarthDay poem, but the rest is beautiful, too. And you gave the nod to Earth Day. TY


Champ

A Whisper To Sol

Come here now where
the winter blankets
my skin and smooths
the scars of hard use
left by the rough touch
of hurried punishment.
I need your gentle
hands to warm my breast
and melt the chill
from my bones. Release
me from the tyrant
hold of frozen lakes
and welcome a chill
soul as you would
a sigh of fresh air.
In your heat I'll thaw
and with that opening
come here now.

As usual, Champ, this is flawless! I can never find anything wrong with your work. (except that you didn't point to Earth Day. But why quibble? This is gorgeous! TY.


Sandspike

bottom line

we are mostly ants
who want our Uncle
to tap the oil and topple trees
walls for receptacles
plastic phones
cheap gasoline for SUV's

worker ants noses to the grindstone
profit for prodigal industrial Queens
all the while raping Mother
turning to brown
what was blue and green

This is so you, Spike! Dead on- get right to the point, no fooling around! I really like this and it spoke straight to me. Earth Day lives!! TY


WSO

Earth Day

Blue mountains cry
dawn as the cows
begin to keen their lost calves,
culling began yesterday
and the calling continues today. Mourning
their loss, unknowing departures
a tearing of the heart
as it rips the herd apart
and scatters their bellows
into the westerly
to mix and mingle
with the angry sea
that bombards land
stealing sod by sod
until it laps
the lip of the mountains
like gathered tears.

WSO. You write so sweetly! Each word is so well chosen. You dis yourself too quickly- you're a wonderful poet. And you did touch on 2 Earth Day topics, Methand gas from overbreeding of cattle, and soil erosion. But you weren't specific about these so I'm not sure of your intent. But the poem itself is just enough melancholy to really get my attention. Beautiful, Babe! Beautiful! TY.


Tristesse

On the plains there is no doubt
The Earth is round.
The horizon curves from East
to West bending to the sun's circuit.
The wind is soft today, a kissing wind
that stirs her hair and lifts a hawk
to hover in the blue above her.
She cradles life waiting to emerge
in folded bud and sleeping seed,
shivering anticipation waits impatient
in the sweetly scented soil
stirring only when Gaia agrees
T'is time.

Tris? You made Gaia human and startlingly beautiful! An excellent job, IMHO. I've been to the prairies but never saw Her like this til you pointed Her out to me. This is a perfect word picture-- a perfect poem! TY. (but no specific reference to Earth day)


OK. You guys be the judge. I assumed (and we all know how bad that is) that as this was an Earth Day Challenge, It would center around the meaning of that day. I might be wrong. *shrugs When am I not confused, huh?

All the poems entered spoke beautifully. This was a good Challenge, WSO! TY.

 

[Rybka]

The Equinox Experiment

I tramped the fields of spring today
to catch the sun's first scarlet ray
and while awaiting day to grow
heard psalm in voice of dove and crow.

I drove my stakes in frozen clay
to fix the sun with solar stay
and watched as morning brightness grew
till spring's first rays a shadow threw.

Out in my field of last year's hay
where summer boys and calves will play
I measured lines and angles straight
and now for spring's first sunset wait.​

.

 

[wildsweetone]

critiques

i'm going to assume everyone who posted understood the critique part of the challenge and i'm going to post my critiques here. see my thoughts in (bold) and remember, they're my opinion and i'm still learning.

Thanks for joining the challenge!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Our Planet Earth
by White Warlock

Who knows when it all began.(?)
Some say it was the big bang.
From a single cell we did evolved,(evolve)
Or so we have been told.

Take a few hundred million years or so.
Did it take us that long to grow?
From all fours we did crawl
To standing on two feet, so tall(.)

We survived an age of ice
Maybe once, or maybe twice.
Of dinosaurs we lived beyond,
To this planet earth we did belong.

We who used our brain
To make ‘tools’ for our gain.(perhaps a comma here)
To hunt only to feed our brood,
Turned to grow crops for our food.

Now to this earth we carve with a knife,(great image!)
Cut its forests of precious life,
Dig deep into her heart,
Extract for greed till the last.(interesting near-rhyme here. also it's 'til or until, i think.)

Till come the day when all is destroyed..(delete one period)
No more life to be enjoyed,
Nature gone and we are alone,
This planet earth dry as a bone.('dry as a bone', cliche? - common expression in NZ)

No trees of green,
No rivers seen,
Just deserts of barren soil,
Nothing more left to spoil.

What have we done to this home of ours?
With all its glass and concrete towers.
With pollution of dust and acid smoke,
On which all of nature choke.

Please take a thought before its too late.
Or is it? “The last one out to shut the gate!”
Maybe there is still time?
Remember this planet earth, is yours and mine…

(suggestions: watch the word 'did' and 'so'. they seem to be a 'filler' type words that make the language sound un-smooth. are the different line lengths ummm syllable count, intentional?
I like the way the changes of time move this poem forward. And I like the illustration you have used.)


++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
By bluerains

Born of crashing waves
in rain squall gusts of destiny,
fluidity spins
jaded thoughts of creation's
ageless tapestries.
Heaven knows
every teardrop wiped
from horizons of earthly sorrow
but, only nature still sings
songs of a better tomorrow.
Tis hard to believe in a heaven
or hell these days,
watching the waves crashing
listening to whales weep..

(suggestions: i'd go through and thin out the adjectives and thicken up on the concrete images.

to me it is very hard to conjure an image in my mind of the complex change you refer to as 'destiny' as it is 'born of crashing waves'. i can clearly see the crashing waves - a tangible image, but 'destiny' is not something i can touch.

likewise, what is a rain squall gust of destiny? does rain squall need to be hyphenated?

the words 'fluidity spins' has me thinking, the only time i've seen fluids spin is in the basin when the water is going down the plug hole. i don't much like thinking about that image with this poem because i'm sure it's not what you want me to think about.

'creations' ageless tapestries' - i think the tapestries are aged. i think those three words together are not smooth to read.

'Heaven knows
every teardrop wiped
from horizons of earthly sorrow' - okay this needs defining for me. for me, i would have an image of the ocean (relating to tears you see?) but i don't see why you don't say the word ocean. also you have given 'heaven' a human ability 'knows' and somehow that doesn't sit quite comfortably in my mind but i don't know why.

' only nature still sings
songs of a better tomorrow.' - now this one stumps me a little because i look around and see nature screaming in pain, throwing storms, snow, tornadoes, cyclones, volcanoes and earthquakes into the equation. - i think of the destroying side of nature because of the previous phrase where you mention teardrops and earthly sorrow. there is no tangible image for the tears to exist. does that make sense? also, you don't need the word 'songs' as 'sings' says it all.

'Tis' - do you say the word 'Tis' in your everyday language? if you do, cool bananas, but if you don't, why use it in your poetry? if your poem were full of old language then it wouldn't be out of place.

'Tis hard to believe in a heaven
or hell these days,
watching the waves crashing
listening to whales weep..' - okay, i think it is easy to believe in both a heaven and a hell. heaven because of all the beautiful stuff that surrounds us. and hell because of all the pain and warring that's going on in our world. are you saying that when you watch the waves crashing and hear the whales weep that you feel nothing? neither heaven, nor hell?

maybe it would be an idea to choose either heaven, or hell, and write about one of them.

if you're still with me, and i hope you are, i do like the idea you have behind this poem. i want to grasp it and live it, but i need the concrete imagery to be able to do that. i love the illustration you have used.)

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++



Gaia is dying
by My Erotic Trail

a flowered field
yields a beautiful sight
hiding the soil and dirt

a mountain peak
points towards heaven
with pure white caps

pulling your vision
from the brush choked valley
oil fields, factories and mills

in the darkness
of nothing and void
spins a pretty blue planet

the warmth of the sun
fills our morning sky
with colors of a rainbow

beauty hides the truth
Gaia is dying from a virus
known as man's progress

(you know, i like this but wonder if you left out 'oil fields, factories and mills in the darkness of nothing and void' that the last part about Gaia dying from a virus would have a big impact. i'd also consider leaving out the last phrasing 'known as man's progress'. i'd also consider adding punctuation, though with the rewording i've suggested, you might be able to avoid needing any.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

by BooMerengue

silvered drops eased down the mirrored windows
as the grey and gloomy day drizzled into night
erasing the dribble of the creek that once danced
a boundary around this ill fated garden(full stop)
once, in a different time, fruit and flowers(delete 'once' - used once too often i think)
sprang from this earth with an abandon
contagious to all who lingered here,
those who found their sustenance
in the fertility of the very air breathed
by generations of them born to the land
but nay! even they lauded Progress,
and invited Him to stay for dinner(full stop)
with Him came the factories,
the landfills, the unknown diseases
and the sky changed to grey
the rain to poison, the land dug and piled
in what once was The Valley Fair
and I, seated in the window,
listening to the flotsam of conversation
watching the world around us die, slowly
but dying just the same.

(if you're going to use commas then i think you need to use full stops - and capitals - to keep the punctuation consistent.
line 18 'and I' - is left unfinished.
i'll allow you 'nay!' because you have a couple of phrases using the word 'once' that seems to fit well.
i'd consider breaking this poem into stanzas. i dread to think of my garden dying in such a manner - that is a compliment for your poem, your writing skill. thank you.)
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

A Whisper To Sol
by champagne1982

Come here now where(not a smooth line for me to read. does it need punctuation?)
the winter blankets
my skin and smooths
the scars of hard use
left by the rough touch
of hurried punishment.('hurried punishment' seems a little general. care to be more specific?)
I need your gentle
hands to warm my breast
and melt the chill
from my bones. Release
me from the tyrant
hold of frozen lakes
and welcome a chill(i think i know why you left the 'ed' off, but i'm not sure it works)
soul as you would
a sigh of fresh air.
In your heat I'll thaw
and with that opening
come here now.

('blankets' and 'smooths' are nice words, but then you say you need your breast warmed and the chill taken from your bones. you're saying winter is nice initially and then that it must be bad as you need warming up. sorry i'm not sure i'm making much sense here. do you see what i mean?)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

by sandspike

we are mostly ants
who want our Uncle
to tap the oil and topple trees(great alliteration!)
walls for receptacles
plastic phones
cheap gasoline for SUV's

worker ants noses to the grindstone(sounds a mouthful. maybe 'ant')
profit for prodigal industrial Queens
all the while raping Mother
turning to brown
what was blue and green

(brown is a natural colour of earth too, but you've used it in an interesting way here. i would prefer to see punctuation through this poem, it would give better visual impact for me. actually i think adding punctuation would give it the kick arse attitude that the words demand. -makes me want to go and spike the petrol tanks of all the 4 x 4s around here.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


by Tristesse

On the plains there is no doubt
The Earth is round.(the)
The horizon curves from East
to West bending to the sun's circuit.(nice use of 'bending')
The wind is soft today, a kissing wind
that stirs her hair and lifts a hawk
to hover in the blue above her.(is 'her' necessary?)
She cradles life waiting to emerge
in folded bud and sleeping seed,
shivering anticipation waits impatient(not sure i like the word 'anticipation')
in the sweetly scented soil
stirring only when Gaia agrees
T'is time.

(okay, i read this out loud and have to say i love the 's' sound hissing through the poem. i only like 'T'is' here because of the continuing 's' sound. i don't think there is phrasing within the poem to warrant use of the old word. i'm not sure 'shivering anticipation' fits, especially when you say 'stirring only' two lines later.)

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


by Rybka

I tramped the fields of spring today
to catch the sun's first scarlet ray
and while awaiting day to grow
heard psalm in voice of dove and crow.(i love this line)

I drove my stakes in frozen clay
to fix the sun with solar stay(these lines have me thinking, trying to figure out what you mean)
and watched as morning brightness grew
till spring's first rays a shadow threw.(maybe change 'first' as you have used it in the first stanza.)

Out in my field of last year's hay
where summer boys and calves will play
I measured lines and angles straight
and now for spring's first sunset wait.

(i love the easy reading of this. usually i don't like rhyme, but the metre here seems to work well. i'm not sure why, in the last stanza, you are measuring angles straight, nor what angles you refer to. are you getting ready to plant?)
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++


great poetry poets! i hope some of what i've said makes sense. please ask if it doesn't.

 

[wildsweetone]

I am inspired to write a cow tipping poem <grin
I enjoyed yours and (all) the earth day poems thus far.

okay i want to know what 'cow tipping' is. i know what 'tupping' is. is it the same thing?

 

[sandspike]

Hi White Warlock

Our Planet Earth

Who knows when it all began.
Some say it was the big bang.
From a single cell we did evolved,
Or so we have been told.

Take a few hundred million years or so.
Did it take us that long to grow?
From all fours we did crawl
To standing on two feet, so tall

We survived an age of ice
Maybe once, or maybe twice.
Of dinosaurs we lived beyond,
To this planet earth we did belong.

We who used our brain
To make ‘tools’ for our gain.
To hunt only to feed our brood,
Turned to grow crops for our food.

Now to this earth we carve with a knife,
Cut its forests of precious life,
Dig deep into her heart,
Extract for greed till the last.

Till come the day when all is destroyed..
No more life to be enjoyed,
Nature gone and we are alone,
This planet earth dry as a bone.

No trees of green,
No rivers seen,
Just deserts of barren soil,
Nothing more left to spoil.

What have we done to this home of ours?
With all its glass and concrete towers.
With pollution of dust and acid smoke,
On which all of nature choke.

Please take a thought before its too late.
Or is it? “The last one out to shut the gate!”
Maybe there is still time?
Remember this planet earth, is yours and mine…

First of all read Rybka's earth poem. Notice how the rhymes are smooth
and easy to read. That is what you need to shoot for. Make each lines
syllables(?) more even and less forced. I thought this poem got better in
the last four verses. The last verse is my favorite, but it could flow better.
First time I read you. I will read more. sandspike

 

[sandspike]

Hey Blue, how are are? (it rhymes)

Grandfather

Born of crashing waves
in rain squall gusts of destiny,
fluidity spins
jaded thoughts of creation's
ageless tapestries.
Heaven knows
every teardrop wiped
from horizons of earthly sorrow
but, only nature still sings
songs of a better tomorrow.
Tis hard to believe in a heaven
or hell these days,
watching the waves crashing
listening to whales weep..


Smooth and bluesy. Got that haze that makes me see things clearly. I
would of dropped the but and started a new verse. From 'Tis hard'
to the finish I loved it. Remember Peggy Lee, "Is That All There Is".
At moments like you have described the answer is YES.

 

[sandspike]

Hi MET, Gaia ain't dead yet

Gaia is dying

a flowered field
yields a beautiful sight
hiding the soil and dirt

a mountain peak
points towards heaven
with pure white caps

pulling your vision
from the brush choked valley
oil fields, factories and mills

in the darkness
of nothing and void
spins a pretty blue planet

the warmth of the sun
fills our morning sky
with colors of a rainbow

beauty hides the truth
Gaia is dying from a virus
known as man's progress

What is this Gaia stuff? The Greeks lost the war remember. The only thing
I would do is have two verses instead of six. I think it would read easier.
I like it. sandspike

 

[sandspike]

Hi Boo, how are U?

silvered drops eased down the mirrored windows
as the grey and gloomy day drizzled into night
erasing the dribble of the creek that once danced
a boundary around this ill fated garden
once, in a different time, fruit and flowers
sprang from this earth with an abandon
contagious to all who lingered here,
those who found their sustenance
in the fertility of the very air breathed
by generations of them born to the land
but nay! even they lauded Progress,
and invited Him to stay for dinner
with Him came the factories,
the landfills, the unknown diseases
and the sky changed to grey
the rain to poison, the land dug and piled
in what once was The Valley Fair
and I, seated in the window,
listening to the flotsam of conversation
watching the world around us die, slowly
but dying just the same.


This is you Lady, another heart felt poem on something I seldom think
about and should. I like the visual and it is clear. Almost too much of
a prose thing for me, but I tap my feet while I talk, so it may not be
too much. 'but nay' ? That made me slow down. I knew you would
have a sad one because of your good heart.