Internal reaction to stimulation/orgasm

[Sweet_Lily]

A) I hope this is the correct forum to post this...apologies if it is not.

B) I am mortified to ask this question but, for my sexual well-being I am going to ask.

Do all/some/most women 'expand' internally when reaching orgasm?

Background -

While in the throws of passion my man commented on how big I get when he fingered me ('Wow you get huge inside when I finger you'). I completely lost any progress I'd made as all I could think of was 'Grand Canyon'.

My partner since then rarely gets me to an orgasm because I don't feel comfortable enough to let myself go. As soon as he starts to finger me I get all self conscious. (Note here that the whole squirting thing is completely beyond my reach at this point!! ) I do well on my own so the actual orgasm is not the issue - the comfort level is the issue.

So, as I am not comfortable enough to divulge this to a partner I ask for your input. After all the only woman I've played with is me so I have nothing to compare it to.

 

[drivensnow]

a) Seriously, DON'T be self-conscious! Your partner should be grateful that he has the opportunity to be fingering you and watching you orgasm. It was a thoughtless comment but surely did not have any derogatory intent--the equivalent of saying "your cock gets so veiny when you come." I'm sure "veiny" doesn't sound appealing to everyone but it's a biological function that can't be controlled, so why be self-conscious about it? Orgasm isn't the most dignified process. Doesn't make it any less fun!

b) me personally, I tighten up like whoa when I O. But by nature, arousal is about relaxing. The vaginal muscles completely shift position, making penetration easier. I think it's worth researching if you still feel self-conscious, and seriously--if he's got his fingers in you, it might be worth a minute to say "hey, it kills my buzz when you make me sound like a beached whale. Howzabout a little more sexy talk and a little less critique?"

 

[Mr.G]

Wow

I blame our sexually repressed society and education system on the level of ignorance (not using that word insultingly either) out there. It is sad. I've had notes from women who ejaculated when they became super-excited and then didn't DARE have sex again for YEARS because they AND THEIR PARTNER thought they'd urinated and they were too embarrassed to have sex again with anyone!! How sad is that. They read my TRY THIS and some other responses to the "squirting" phenom and are now in healthy albeit, WET, relationships!! Kinda sad that people have to come to sites like this for info but Thank Gawd they are here, yes?

OK ... to the topic.

I could just say, "Get over it. We're ALL different." I'll just leave out the "Get over it" part.

We ARE all different. I personally have only been with ONE woman who expanded. The other all contracted ... GRABBED my erection of finger/thumb as they began to orgasm. The one who expanded? We adapted and ended up on several occasions including one of those expensive vibrating eggs on a cable IN her vagina while we had sex. The times we used the egg she was always face down - hands and knees or over a pillow - so the egg did its magik on her GSPOT.

As driven has pointed out a little diplomacy is in order here. Your lover obviously was NOT comparing you to a whale (I have seen the poster and she is NOT obese as one might conclude from such a brash and insensitive statement) but should have realized how sensitive the size of ones vagina is to most women. Believe me, if you'd mentioned how tiny you thought his dick was compared to all your other lovers he'd be posting another thread asking if his 7 inches was really THAT tiny and ""What's wrong with some women?""

THE number one hump that women NEED to climb over when it comes to good sex and lotsa orgasms is TRUST !!! Can't emphasize that enuf!! If there are TRUST issues some things will just NOT trigger. Women who are with new lovers may feel incredibly turned on and excited but that final letting go for a bunch of good orgasms may just NOT HAPPEN if she sees her vulnerability as an issue. If she is a control freak she will likely NOT orgasm until she feels comPLETELY comfortable with the person she's with. It ain't rocket science. It's self preservation for some ... just trust and control issues for most. Techniques, ideas, fantasies learned and even tried with some may not work right away. They may and will likely work when circumstances are clearer and the guy she's with appears to be more of a permanent fixture in her life - in other words she can finally LET GO and enjoy what she's learned or dreamt about when it comes to enjoying sex for a change and not just enduring it for his pleasure.

The fact that YOU can produce fairly easy to achieve O's, to me simply shows your lack of trust (Love?) with your partner. The fact that he mentioned out loud your level of expansion when highly aroused, I'm sure was not meant as an insult just an observation. Because the lack of trust on your part the natural tendency was to take it as a negative critique so, as you're aware most, of this issue is in YOUR head. You need to accept who you are and that you do not contract like some. You expand like some. And ....?

 

[ggoof]

totally normal

Hi Lily,

in my limited experience (I am male) you are completely normal and have nothing what so ever to be worried / selfconscious about.

When a woman get's aroused the inner part of the vagina expands to take up the penis. That is a normal and quite healthy reaction. You need it so that you can have sex!!! Otherwise you'd be in trouble when more than a finger pokes the entrance.

But maybe you should talk to your significant other about it though. He might not be aware what impact that comment had. Doing that can be a hard step, but usually it is well worth the reward communicating these things

 

[Cattypuss]

Mr G, you rock.

 

[sunandshadow]

I hust read a book called _Bonk_ which was about the science of sex, and it specifically mentioned that when women approach orgasm the area in front of the cervix expands in a phenomenon called "tenting". They're not entirely sure why yet, the current guess is that it is making a reservoir to catch the man's sperm and hold onto it instead of letting it all drip out, to increase the chances of conception. Kind of like the reservoir in the tip of a condom. But anyway you are totally normal.

 

[Sweet_Lily]

Thank you

Well, let me be clear because a few have posted answers to a slightly different circumstance than I intended.

When I am aroused I expand, when I cum I can break fingers! It is the expansion that was commented on and it happens slowly as I get aroused. As I hit an orgasm it is an immediate clamp down.

This tenting that you speak of ^^poster above me whom I forget your name ^^ that is what it is like. This is why the squirting technique is difficult to try because I get too embarrassed to even let someone finger me.

As Mr. G states, I am not a big woman overall - 5'6 and 108lbs soaking wet (oooo I wish lol) so there is no whaleness to me at all.

Maybe it was just a callous comment from a jerk of a lover...

 

[BrazenFellow]

As sunandshadow mentioned, there's the "tenting" effect. Given how much sex has happened without the woman orgasming or even coming close to orgasming, I wonder if this is meant as a sort of evolutionary selection process to encourage effective parenting (given that a couple who orgasm together are more likely to stick together, and thus raise offspring more effectively).

It's also normal - with the obvious caveat of "in my experience" - to loosen up a little as you become aroused to facilitate penetration. Everybody's built differently, so the degree to which you expand is going to be unique. What I'm driving at is, you're not abnormal. Like all women - again, in my experience - you'll tighten up as you orgasm. (Edit: And you do, apparently, quite strongly. )

Communication with your partner, as always, is key. I'm sure if you reworded drivensnow's suggestion of "hey, it kills my buzz when you make me sound like a beached whale. Howzabout a little more sexy talk and a little less critique?", slightly, it'd get the point across. Edit: Yes, callous comment is right.

 

[SweetErika]

Well, let me be clear because a few have posted answers to a slightly different circumstance than I intended.

When I am aroused I expand, when I cum I can break fingers! It is the expansion that was commented on and it happens slowly as I get aroused. As I hit an orgasm it is an immediate clamp down.

This tenting that you speak of ^^poster above me whom I forget your name ^^ that is what it is like. This is why the squirting technique is difficult to try because I get too embarrassed to even let someone finger me.

That all sounds perfectly normal to me.

As Mr. G states, I am not a big woman overall - 5'6 and 108lbs soaking wet (oooo I wish lol) so there is no whaleness to me at all.

Pussy size/type has nothing to do with body size or type, anyway.

Maybe it was just a callous comment from a jerk of a lover...

Perhaps, or maybe he just failed to think before he spoke. My husband does that sometimes, even though he knows my sensitivities intimately.

What has helped me is to address the hurtful comment immediately, rather than let it fester and turn into an insecurity. Often simply asking, "What do you mean by that?" and giving him a fair chance to clarify his thoughts will make it go away.

At any rate, is ONE insensitive comment from ONE person ONE time really worth altering your self-esteem, enjoyment or future sex life over? Even if that guy did intend it as an insult, do you think you and all your current/future lovers should have to pay for his asshattery, or would it be more logical to write it off and move on?

 

[water_side]

What you describe sounds completely normal to me. When I stimulate my gf's G spot there is a definate and very noticable 'opening up' internally as she gets turned on. I would say your body is reacting exactly as it should do.

 

[shiny5437]

Don't be too hard on the guy - he did say "wow" afterall. Maybe he thought it cool that your body became different with his sexual arousal.

For us guys the actual words don't always match the sentiment. I think Sweet Erika's right in that it's best to get it clarified right there and then. Chances are the comment didn't even lodge in his brain and the poor guy now has no idea what he did wrong.

He's probably not a jerk, just not a mind reader.

 

[smallgirl]

A) I hope this is the correct forum to post this...apologies if it is not.

B) I am mortified to ask this question but, for my sexual well-being I am going to ask.

Do all/some/most women 'expand' internally when reaching orgasm?

Background -

While in the throws of passion my man commented on how big I get when he fingered me ('Wow you get huge inside when I finger you'). I completely lost any progress I'd made as all I could think of was 'Grand Canyon'.

My partner since then rarely gets me to an orgasm because I don't feel comfortable enough to let myself go. As soon as he starts to finger me I get all self conscious. (Note here that the whole squirting thing is completely beyond my reach at this point!! ) I do well on my own so the actual orgasm is not the issue - the comfort level is the issue.

So, as I am not comfortable enough to divulge this to a partner I ask for your input. After all the only woman I've played with is me so I have nothing to compare it to.

i do...right before i cum..i think its a natural part of the process for me. you shouldnt worry.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Well, let me be clear because a few have posted answers to a slightly different circumstance than I intended.

When I am aroused I expand, when I cum I can break fingers! It is the expansion that was commented on and it happens slowly as I get aroused. As I hit an orgasm it is an immediate clamp down.

This is all part of the plan hon, your body is designed to get pregnant. Opening up and getting deeper/wider during sex lets your man get as deep as possible. This is so when he cums, he's deep inside you and therefore more likely to get you pregnant. The same logic applies to the clamping feeling when you cum. Your pussy contracts in order to draw semen up into the womb and knock you up. Everything you're describing is perfectly normal and not something to be ashamed of in the slightest.

If your guy thinks it's unusual, it is possibly due to watching tight little pussies in porn films. The actresses fake arousal and so they remain tight. They also film for hours at a time and so become swollen inside, which looks like tightness to a viewer.

This tenting that you speak of ^^poster above me whom I forget your name ^^ that is what it is like. This is why the squirting technique is difficult to try because I get too embarrassed to even let someone finger me.

As Mr. G states, I am not a big woman overall - 5'6 and 108lbs soaking wet (oooo I wish lol) so there is no whaleness to me at all.

Maybe it was just a callous comment from a jerk of a lover...

You have nothing to be embarrassed or mortified about. This is your body and you're going to be having sex with it for a very long time. Embrace your womanhood and don't allow silly little hang-ups to spoil a good time. If a guy isn't clued up enough to understand how your body functions, it's him who should be embarrassed, not you. Any guy who gets the opportunity to finger you or make love to you should be thanking his lucky stars. Embarrassment and awkwardness are contagious, especially when you're young so don't let it spoil your fun. Just accept that some guys are going to need a bit more education and direction than others.

I doubt the guy realised what a complex he was giving you with his comment, but it was inconsiderate. Now that you know you're as normal as anyone in this world ever is, you should be able to enjoy your next experiences with more confidence.

 

[pinkflames]

Don't be too hard on the guy - he did say "wow" afterall. Maybe he thought it cool that your body became different with his sexual arousal.

For us guys the actual words don't always match the sentiment. I think Sweet Erika's right in that it's best to get it clarified right there and then. Chances are the comment didn't even lodge in his brain and the poor guy now has no idea what he did wrong.

He's probably not a jerk, just not a mind reader.

I agree here, your lover's words may have been intended in much the same light as "Gee you're wet!" or "Fuck you're hard!". Which is the way my boyfriend and I often speak to each other in the heat of the moment. I wouldn't take offense at all, rather be proud that he had seen the evidence of such obvious arousal. I doubt if he was being callous at all - rather just awe struck.

The others' explanations regarding the tenting effect are pretty well spot on.

 

[Sweet_Lily]

I am glad that I asked

Thank you to everyone for reading - and responding.

Amazing how a comment can totally set you off kilter. Having no other body to make a comparison...well, I thought I was abnormal.

This comment was made over 2 years ago and it took me this long to ask the question.

Now, I think I need to go and have some fun and see if I can relax and actually enjoy the fun.

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Thank you to everyone for reading - and responding.

Amazing how a comment can totally set you off kilter. Having no other body to make a comparison...well, I thought I was abnormal.

This comment was made over 2 years ago and it took me this long to ask the question.

Now, I think I need to go and have some fun and see if I can relax and actually enjoy the fun.

Welcome to the dark side. You go with your bad self.