Interested in feedback for CMnf story

[ChuckWolf]

Appreciate any comments from anyone who has the time and interest.

Bright Lights, Black Dress

 

[ChuckWolf]

bump.

 

[darwin1859]

I liked it. I noticed that I was suspending my disbelief about many things (the first that I recall: are there dresses too tight to wear any underwear?). I think a fantasy is the norm for LE. That will put some people off, but I'll bet they really are not into kinks like ENF. A lot of those unbelievable aspects would be solved by making her a little more complicit. Like she didn't want to wear underwear and it was a turn-on for her to imagine a wardrobe failure...

I hope you have it in you to write some more on this topic. The end would work as "The End" but, OTOH, there's more to tell: the afterparty, four more contractual obligations to wear such clothes, maybe a confrontation with the designer, maybe this becomes part of her brand and she has to display herself on late night talk shows, casting couches, etc. I did wonder if it's possible to continue to write much more where she's embarrassed and yet she still does it (as opposed to coming to an realization that she likes it, enjoys the attention, etc.).

 

[ChuckWolf]

I liked it. I noticed that I was suspending my disbelief about many things (the first that I recall: are there dresses too tight to wear any underwear?). I think a fantasy is the norm for LE. That will put some people off, but I'll bet they really are not into kinks like ENF. A lot of those unbelievable aspects would be solved by making her a little more complicit. Like she didn't want to wear underwear and it was a turn-on for her to imagine a wardrobe failure...

I hope you have it in you to write some more on this topic. The end would work as "The End" but, OTOH, there's more to tell: the afterparty, four more contractual obligations to wear such clothes, maybe a confrontation with the designer, maybe this becomes part of her brand and she has to display herself on late night talk shows, casting couches, etc. I did wonder if it's possible to continue to write much more where she's embarrassed and yet she still does it (as opposed to coming to an realization that she likes it, enjoys the attention, etc.).

I think in a lot of fashion shows, the models are discouraged from wearing undergarments for concerns about panty-lines and so forth and in this scenario, Sergiovanni saw the red carpet as a different kind of fashion show and insisted on this, either not realizing the dress would become transparent under the wrong kind of lighting or did know and just didn't care.

I will admit that the parts of the story where people are actively preventing Elisabeth from covering her nudity is definitely stretching suspension of disbelief, but I wanted that in the story, because I thought it would be hot.

I used the rationales of Elisabeth's actual dress being tied into a complex knot of some cross-promotional, entertainment law bullshit and two easily paid off award show ushers to add a veneer of "only in Hollywood" realism.

I thought about extending the story beyond into the post-award press junket room and then various after-parties but I just felt that the scenario of a shy actress having to accept a prestigious award and give a speech, all while effectively being completely nude on stage and having all of this broadcast around the world (censors dropped the ball) to live on forever, was a tough act to follow.

Also, I kinda wanted to keep this story around one page, but it's not scoring as well as I thought it would, so maybe some or all of your suggestions might've made the story work better for the readers.

I really appreciate your reading my story and taking time to comment on it; this was precisely the kind of stuff I was looking for, so thanks again!

 

[darwin1859]

EDIT: I forgot completely to mention why I did this analysis: I wondered if "Exhibition & Voyeur" was the best place for a story with elements of dubcon.

This analysis is based on tiny samples and doesn't account for content, but your highest rated stories are published in "Novels and Novellas".

OTOH, all of these are pretty good and pretty similar (aside from the one slightly lower rating in sci-fi).

BTW, what made you think a one-page story would be rated better? I think the opposite.

mean    n    cat
4.43    3    novels
4.35    3    rnc
4.32    4    exhib
3.81    1    scifi
4.39    1    les

 

[ChuckWolf]

This analysis is based on tiny samples and doesn't account for content, but your highest rated stories are published in "Novels and Novellas".

OTOH, all of these are pretty good and pretty similar (aside from the one slightly lower rating in sci-fi).

BTW, what made you think a one-page story would be rated better? I think the opposite.

mean    n    cat
4.43    3    novels
4.35    3    rnc
4.32    4    exhib
3.81    1    scifi
4.39    1    les

Yeah, although the ones posted in "Novels And Novellas" was a mistake on my part of not thinking through how that would work on a multi-part story, which I don't think N&N was intended for.

I think I'd read a forum thread and someone mentioned that shorter works tend to score better.

In hindsight, suppose I could have done more with the red carpet scene with paparazzi and rival celebs flirting and/or fucking with Elisabeth.