intelect...

[dolf]

intellect...

I've seen threads on age differences, emotional connection and physical attributes. I was wondering though, does it matter to people how intelligent a chosen partner is?
vi don't feel like I could ever submit to a person who wasn't quite a bit smarter than me! I rapidly lose respect for partners who I can out think...is this common?

I'm far from being a genius, on a good day my IQ comes out at 142...on a bad day 132, but 90% of the men I meet don't measure up for me it's pretty frustrating when everything else is there.

ok, I guess I'm coming across as a bit of a snob...but I don't see how I could submit totally to someone who wasn't "better" than me? (and I really want to be able to submit) all seems a tad illogical

/ducks, waiting for an angry response...

xx

 

[RJMasters]

i've seen threads on age differences, emotional connection and physical attributes. i was wondering though, does it matter to people how inteligent a chosen partner is?
vi don't feel like i could ever submit to a person who wasn't quite a bit smarter than me! i rapidly lose respect for partners who i can out think...is this common?

i'm far from being a genius, on a good day my IQ comes out at 142...on a bad day 132, so 90% of the men i meet don't measure up for me it's pretty frustrating when everything else is there.

ok, i guess i'm comming across as a bit of a snob...but i don't see how i could submit totally to someone who wasn't "better" than me? (and i really want to be able to submit) all seems a tad illogical

/ducks, waiting for an angry response...

xx

Replies barely in an audible whisper.

Often the reason one submits has nothing to do with how well a person can add a coumn of figures or spell words or solve problems. It often has more to do with the way they handle a person's heart and mind, give a sense of belonging and impart joy and peace.

And sometimes the worst thing a submissive can do, is outsmart themselves. Many times, things are as complex or as simple, as a person makes them out to be.

Certainly one could only submit to a person of reasonable intelligence. If you found a man of good character which made you feel loved and with a look could command your respect and submission, would it matter so much if he scored 5 pnts lowwer on an IQ test?

As a parting thought, sometimes intellect comes in differnt flavors. I know many incredibly smart people who don't have a lick of common sense. As long as we are not building neuclear warheads here, sometimes the comon sense type of "smarts" is the prefered type of smarts to build a solid practical relationship upon.

But as in all things, the closer you can find a person that matches you on any level, the better chances of compatibility. But your smart enough to already know that, so that's why I shared the first part of my answer.

 

[sunbunny3]

intelect

I consider myself to be an intelligent woman and I took great pleasure in submitting to my husband, who didn't finish high school. We didn't talk politics or current events but related on more human levels. He would tell me that I was thinking too much and to just feel! It worked for us.

 

[Betticus]

I agree with RJ and Sunny here. With BDSM a balance of intelligence and confidence and in this case kinkyness are more important than just being smart.

Many geniuses can't effectively wipe their own asses, let alone find a g spot.

 

[h_i_s]

Intelligence is high on my list. When i was searching for the 'One' at collarme, intelligence was listed as a requirement (for A/any who replied to my profile) which was non-negotiable! (hehe) .

i was in a 5 year 'vanilla' relationship with a man (from '98-2003) who was so UNintelligent it was mindboggling. The man was bilingual yet could not read nor write in either language, his vocabulary was quite limited as well in regard to both (and yes i know 'i picked him' and he did a very good job of hiding this from many). The man was very limited in his ways of thinking. It was very difficult to enjoy conversing with him in regard to certain subjects (IE: current events, politics, balancing a check book, budgeting, children's educations etc ect ect ) As i am quite naturally submissive in nature, i had a very difficult time in that relationship as it was quite clear to both of us that i was superior to him in intelligence. He BORED me to tears. This caused MANY problems in the relationship. For me, it resulted in my not being able to communicate my needs to him, whcih eventually killed any respect i held towards him, as well as trust. The relationship was doomed from the start.

Some may think my views of the man are a bit harsh but how can one take anyone serious after the following conversation has taken place (actual discussion he & i had prior to my leaving him in November of 2003):

me: We obviously have a communication issue going on in this relationship.

him: It pisses me off when you try to confuse me with big words.

me: (*thinking back in the conversation & scratching my head*) Which big words ?!!?

him: The one you just said...

me: ... hmm .. you mean communication?

him: Yeah, that one.

me: *in despair* uhh .. i see. i guess i shouldn't have expected you to be capable of communicating with me effectively when you obviously don't even understand what the word means.

him: Well, tell me then.

me: Please do not take offense, but i really MUST ask ... Can you remember..... ever being diagnosed as being slow, or possibly retarded as a young child?

him: i don't know, i don't remember.

i kid NOT, this was the actual conversation that put the icing on the cake, so to speak. There were many areas of difficulty within that relationship and this is what convinced me that the issues were not capable of being resolved (communication means EVERYTHING.. without it... ALL is doomed).

 

[rosco rathbone]

Intelect

It's key, with me. The more the better.

I remember one of my Ivy-League exes, we were lying in bed talking and the ol bulb suddenly went off over my head and I said "Oh fuck. You actually believe, really believe, that you are smarter than me, don't you." And she said "You just figured this out?".

Then I whupped her ass, cause I was bigger, faster, and meaner.

 

[posie]

Intelligence is high on my list. When i was searching for the 'One' at collarme, intelligence was listed as a requirement (for A/any who replied to my profile) which was non-negotiable! (hehe) .

i was in a 5 year 'vanilla' relationship with a man (from '98-2003) who was so UNintelligent it was mindboggling.

right - so the sex was 'vanilla' and you disrespected him that much that you actually asked if he were backward? and you were (bored) with this guy for 5 years?

i think this says much more about you and being a bit of a superior bitch than any of his shortcomings.

 

[Shadowsdream]

Intelligence is a deal breaker for Me.

Book learning is not.

Intelligence comes in many colors and for Me it is not measured by IQ but by common sense and life experience put to use.

Dumb like stump bores Me and gives Me no mind to fuck.

I am anal about intelligence even though personally I only have a grade eight education which is buffered by a huge span of hard life experience.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Intelligence is a deal breaker for Me.

Book learning is not.

Intelligence comes in many colors and for Me it is not measured by IQ but by common sense and life experience put to use.

Dumb like stump bores Me and gives Me no mind to fuck.

I am anal about intelligence even though personally I only have a grade eight education which is buffered by a huge span of hard life experience.

Yes, Ma'am, I agree with you.

Dumb like a stump bores me and can give me no mindfuck. ;-) I personally don't know any Dom/mes who are dumb as stumps, though.

I think we gravitate to like minded people.... where is WriterDom anyway? ;-D

Edited for: I wonder if He posted my picks for me?

 

[newmaster420]

inteligence/common sense

yes intelligence/common sense are very important as respect is a must in any relation ship a woman could not resect a man who cannot adequatly converse ('well, du-ugh. iiiidunno. what would you like to do?') as a man cannot respect a woman who sound like a high school cild from the valley ('tee-hee like, ok, lets go to the mall and shop and stuff') whole these personalities are sufficient for a one night stand (hell it probably ensures it) they lack the necesary componants of a relationship

p.s. sorry for the misspelling as i just woke up

 

[spankableBelle]

I can't help but agree with most of what has been said here. Perhaps it's completely cold of me, but I have no tolerance for a lack of intelligence (common sense, wit, humor, ability to read/write/talk with some semblence of making sense and, of course being able to think for oneself), a lack of ability to effectively communicate on much more than a surface level with myself and others, a lack of curiosity and desire to learn more and learn new things, as well as a few other traits...

Just my two cents worth

Belle

 

[Pure]

There's another quality that's relevant: a person's ability to understand themselves and others. To some extent this is the same as 'psychological mindedness'.

Often 'superintelligent' people have a lack in such understanding.

As you imply, dolf,

// on a good day my IQ comes out at 142...on a bad day 132,//

IQ is just a score on a test. The test has a limited number of TYPES of problems, like,

What comes next, in the sequence
0,0,1,1,2,4,7,13....

You can see that ALL kinds of skills, besides the one I mentioned are NOT looked at, like, say, the ability to 'read' an Xray or CTscan. Or in your case, to spell.

 

[pandoravampire]

intelligence

Im a stickler for intelligence. I dont mind uneducated, that can just be circumstance or opportunity. Common sense and evolutionary equal are non negotiable pre-requisites.
Emotional intelligence and the ability for abstract thought process, a keen and analytical mind is something i really like.
But someone who can do the mental things for power exchange, thats very clever, though not necessarily intellegence.
Yes, i value intelligence. And its quite high on my list of qualities id like in a partner.

Give me another year on my own, and ill be sorry i said this i expect.

whoever said that intellectuals can sometimes outsmart themselves. Thats so true. I am one of those who should think less and just feel more. But im wired that way. Its not insummountable, but it takes a keen mind to trip me up. Once on floor so to speak, then - thats when i can look up instead of down.

 

[catalina_francisco]

As Shadowsdream and Pure have said, IQ tests are limited in their measure of intelligence as they only cover certain aspects, which compared to life is very minute. I have known people who qualified as genius by IQ standards and yet could not function alone, could not cope or make a decision, and didn't have a clue when it came to common sense and survival. What many people who operate on that criteria and thinking forget is there are many different ways people can be 'gifted'. IMO one of the greatest assets a Dominant can possess is the ability to empathise and understand the emotions and psyche of their submissive, offer support, guidance, and encouragemen when it is most needed....all things which are impossible to learn out of a textbook or in a lab, and impossibleto measure by an IQ test.

Catalina

 

[PyroDemon]

Intellectualism is overated. Sure, a good mind is important, but like it has been pointed out already, if you are a genius and can't tie your shoes or figure out how to program your VCR then what good is it? Common sense is often considered more of an intellegent factor than anything. Education is very overated. It isn't what you know all the time but what you do with that knowledge. There are tons of people out there ( me included ) that have spent years going to college, recieved fantastic grades , and actually use very little of the knowledge in day to day life. Experience,common sense, what you do with what you know, and the willingness to learn are more important to me than a diploma on a wall or a IQ test score.

 

[dolf]

ok...by mentioning IQ I guess I asked to be misunderstood!
I was a total drop out. aced the exams I wasn't drunk in but mostly I did nothing as far as academic achievement goes. I have the attention span of a two year old! yes Pure...I can't spell to save my life

yes, I've dated the guy who was so smart he got a 1st at Cambridge but was so stupid that he tried to fix his car with sticky tape! it drove me crazy...

I'm not interested in educational or IQ based scores...I'm interested in someone who out smarts me, who surprises me, who can beat me in a debate (then beat me for arguing ) coz I HATE the feeling I get when I turn and look at him and think "my word, you are so stupid!"
damn it! I want to be with someone I CAN'T totally predict and manipulate!
and I'm getting so fed up of men getting defensive and childish because the conversation is over their heads

I'm not asking to see his degree...it wouldn't matter if he was totally illiterate as long as he had enough grey cells to make friction.... innocent, that is exactly what I meant to say.

I want someone to be able to read me! book smart doesn't do it but it does take an intelligent mind!

hmm...I'm looking back at the ranting tone of this reply...I'm not ranting at any of you, I'm just annoyed at myself for not explaining this better.....
xx

oh...rosco rathbone, you scare me, lol, and not in a good way.

 

[m wisdom]

I agree with most people here. I like my partners to be intelligent.

But I have always found and open mind and the willingness to learn new things to be more alluring then an hi IQ alone. There are so many other ways someone can be smart than in solving math problems. Language, emotions, art to name a few.

But from your example sinn0cent1 I can understand that you are looking for someone a bit more intelligent.


Pure: the next number is 24.

 

[Esclava]

Dumb as a stump or a box of rocks...?

My OL Master is a college professor who speaks 7 languages fluently. For him, intelligence is a deal breaker - he does not deal with subs who are dumb as a stump. But it is, as ShadowsDream said, more about the life experience that builds the character.

Unless any of you type for a living (as I do), I expect to see typos. That doesn't mean you don't know how to spell unless you repeatedly use the same word and misspell it the same way everytime. Still, spelling is not an indication of the intelligence and character necessary to attract and keep or be kept by a PYL/pyl who, otherwise, provides what you need.

Not having a Bachelor's Degree only keeps me out of places where one is required. If I walk into a room full of peope who have similar degrees or higher, you cannot tell the difference between us just because I open my mouth to engage in conversation. Does that make me "intelligent?" My IQ is closer to 140 than 120, but I don't think that is what makes me intelligent.

What life has taught me about dealing with people and situations in this life - plus learning and remembering - so I don't keep making the same mistakes repeatedly is what (IMO) makes me intelligent. Master appreciated that in me from the start - and that is what allows me to submit to him without question or hesitation. And I love him for not treating me as though I am dumb as a stump.

Esclava

 

[rosco rathbone]

oh...rosco rathbone, you scare me, lol, and not in a good way.

Likewise, to be sure.

 

[AngelicAssassin]

Intelligence is a deal breaker for Me.

Book learning is not.

Intelligence comes in many colors and for Me it is not measured by IQ but by common sense and life experience put to use.

Dumb like stump bores Me and gives Me no mind to fuck.

I am anal about intelligence even though personally I only have a grade eight education which is buffered by a huge span of hard life experience.

Darlin' ... look at the sig line ... chuckling ... we have slightly different definitions.

i can easily mindfuck intelligence. Mindfucking someone with wisdom: "common sense and life experience put to use," however, puts you in a major league ballpark. The wise person has built in defenses to avoid mindfucks. How much more delicious to mindfuck a moderately intelligent, yet wise individual than a brainiac with little wisdom ... sorry for being crude, but that gets my blood racing to all the right places.

 

[dolf]

dolf knows she's wise, if she wasn't wise she'd be dead by now. she's experienced more of life than she should have and has the scars and nightmares to remind her of it. does that sound tetchy? probably...but it isn't intended that way. I am fully aware of my limits as well as my abilities.

yes...wisdom would have been perhaps a better definition of what I want. I'd love for someone to be able to mind fuck me...in a good way, not in an evil SOB way. the trouble with mind fuck is that the fuckee adapts and learns, so the fucker must be fluid and ever evolving in their methods. this I would say requires intelligence.
xx

 

[Mr Blonde]

I thought we went over this already and decided that subbies somewhat prefer Renaissance Dom over Genius Dom.

Even though Renaissance Dom gets more action, Genius Dom still gets plenty of play...think about it! Some submissives relish the opportunity to provide service by "filling in the blanks" for Genius Dom. So they eagerly tie shoes, program VCRs, wipe asses, locate G-spots and anything else that is being overlooked by the drooling Genius Dom who must wear a babybib to avoid soiling himself.

Or something like that.

 

[FungiUg]

I think it all depends on what you are looking for.

If you are looking for a physical dominance, someone who can overpower you physically, then intelligence may not be a requirement. In fact, it could be a drawback. The "brute" can be a sexy image.

On the other hand, if you are looking for someone who can own your mind, the ultimate mind-fuck, then intelligence is a must.

Know yourself and that will help you better choose appropriate partners.

 

[Quint]

The "brute" can be a sexy image.

I just like that he knows me well enough to know that.

 

[s'lara]

i'll be the bad person and say it's very funny that the word "intellect" was misspelled in the thread title. i don't mean to poke dolf, but it was funny.

As for intellect, i'd like someone with whom i can converse on many topics and not just the quality of leather in a flogger. Whether those topics cover world news or what to put on poison ivy rash is really not all that important. i'd just like to know the Dominant has some store of knowledge from which we can pull interesting conversations.

Intelligence is a factor in determining whether i find someone attractive. That's just a prerequisite of mine. That said, i don't know if i find it necessary that someone be my intellectual better in order to submit. i think with my wiring, submission can be culled from me by someone with a low IQ as long the Dominant is dominant -- the submissive in me will respond despite not having one of my requisites filled.

While i appreciate the differences in being manipulated by someone with intelligence vs. someone with limited "smarts", i don't believe it is a deal breaker if the Dominant's intellect is not on par with Stephen Hawking.

lara