InnerKitty Questions

[InnerKitty]

Okay, I am very new to the whole dom/sub thing. I am very happily married to a wonderful man of 14 yrs. we never played the dom/sub games because I never really was comfortable with the concepts. I am very much a person afraid of losing control of any kind.
However, I have ALWAYS enjoyed being tied, blindfolded and gagged-and the tighter the better-we discuss and give and take as needed-equally. At first it was really scary, but the concept of being forced to give up my control really intensifies the sexual arousal. I am not a submissive wife and will fight for my right to say and do as I please. in our out-of-bedroom life I cannot stand to be "told" what to do. We have a very equal relationship. He used to be uncomfortable being the dominant in bed, the last time we played these roles, he said he enjoyed it alot-I know I did.
So what my question is, is this. What do I do now? I honestly don't know what to do to play the dom/sub role. I have been playing around with it in fantasy sexual roleplay on the interactive roleplaying boards, but am afraid I am just a virgin in a world of Very experienced players.

So how does one find out/know that they are a dom? or a sub? or neither?
thanks for your ideas,
InnerKitty

 

[A Desert Rose]

... So how does one find out/know that they are a dom? or a sub? or neither?
thanks for your ideas,
InnerKitty

I dunno, but we share the same birthday. ;-)

 

[graceanne]

Their's not one way to know, cause their's no one way to be. It's really an inner journey, their's no checklist out there where you add up the end total and it tells you whether you're a sub or dom or neither.

And quite frankly their's quite a few people who like to be one or the other in the bedroom and not 24/7. Nothing wrong with being that way.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Their's not one way to know, cause their's no one way to be. It's really an inner journey, their's no checklist out there where you add up the end total and it tells you whether you're a sub or dom or neither...

Well, write Cosmo and get one going for the next issue. And you could maybe make some money off of it, too.

 

[graceanne]

Well, write Cosmo and get one going for the next issue. And you could maybe make some money off of it, too.

LOL Their's an idea - I can just see it 'are you a dom, sub, or neither? take our test on page 134'.

I mean, why not? They have quizes on everything else.

 

[A Desert Rose]

LOL Their's an idea - I can just see it 'are you a dom, sub, or neither? take our test on page 134'.

I mean, why not? They have quizes on everything else.

And you only have about 100 threads like this one to draw your questions from.

Think of it... you can make a little mint off this idea, dolly.

 

[graceanne]

And you only have about 100 threads like this one to draw your questions from.

Think of it... you can make a little mint off this idea, dolly.

Yeah, and the day that cosmo gives bdsm more than a sarcastic mention is the day hell freezes over.

But I did think of what the quiz would be called. 'To beat or not to beat.' Wadda ya think?

 

[A Desert Rose]

Yeah, and the day that cosmo gives bdsm more than a sarcastic mention is the day hell freezes over.

But I did think of what the quiz would be called. 'To beat or not to beat.' Wadda ya think?

LOL... that's really good. You've outdone yourself on that one.

Wish KC weren't asleep right now. LOL

 

[InnerKitty]

sooo....

what you are saying, there isn't any way to just "know"
Darn, I was hoping for a quick and easy answer... should have known better
LOL!
thanks though.
InnerKitty

 

[shy slave]

what you are saying, there isn't any way to just "know"
Darn, I was hoping for a quick and easy answer... should have known better
LOL!
thanks though.
InnerKitty

LOL

If its quick and easy it isn't BDSM!!

Sorry, but you walked into that one

 

[graceanne]

what you are saying, there isn't any way to just "know"
Darn, I was hoping for a quick and easy answer... should have known better
LOL!
thanks though.
InnerKitty

Sure would be nice wouldn't it? *sigh*

 

[shy slave]

Sure would be nice wouldn't it? *sigh*

I must be in a teasing or masochistic mood because the answer that popped into my head to this comment was

'Nope I like my D/s long and complicated and my man easy!'

But I had better keep those thoughts to myself as he is NOT easy, however he is complicated (and fun) lol

 

[graceanne]

I must be in a teasing or masochistic mood because the answer that popped into my head to this comment was

'Nope I like my D/s long and complicated and my man easy!'

But I had better keep those thoughts to myself as he is NOT easy, however he is complicated (and fun) lol

LOL When I saw your post I almost said 'Oh, so you like it slow and hard, do you?' But the obvious answer to that would be 'duh', so I didn't post. lol

 

[shy slave]

LOL When I saw your post I almost said 'Oh, so you like it slow and hard, do you?' But the obvious answer to that would be 'duh', so I didn't post. lol

 

[InnerKitty]

maybe i should have asked different questions

how does one go about BDSM?
I want to delve into it deeper as it really makes sex intense for me. But I just don't know what to do...
please please help! LOL! consider me a virgin! I am so lost! why does being spanked hard get me wet?! LOL what else , someone please guide me!

InnerKitty

 

[graceanne]

how does one go about BDSM?
I want to delve into it deeper as it really makes sex intense for me. But I just don't know what to do...
please please help! LOL! consider me a virgin! I am so lost! why does being spanked hard get me wet?! LOL what else , someone please guide me!

InnerKitty

A good place to start is our library. It's on a sticky on the bdsm forum (as opposed to the cafe). That will give you some good ideas. Another idea is to find a checklist and go over it. That way you can figure out what you like and what turns you on, etc. You can also figure out what really grosses you out.

As for the spanking part, my guess is (a) you're a masochist. Join the club. And/or (b) you get off on humiliation. Once again, join the club.

I got you a link to The BDSM library.

 

[shy slave]

how does one go about BDSM?
I want to delve into it deeper as it really makes sex intense for me. But I just don't know what to do...
please please help! LOL! consider me a virgin! I am so lost! why does being spanked hard get me wet?! LOL what else , someone please guide me!

InnerKitty

Sorry we did hijack your thread a little. That does happen but its always Gracies fault (she has mind control over all of us)

I have only been involved for about 2 1/2 years.
Everyone finds their own way.

I read alot, had a brief online thing (about 6 weeks) then found someone I thought seemed trustworthy to practice with. He knew he was going to be a practice to see if my fantasies matched reality. As a start point that was a good way for me.

Being here and asking lots of stupid questions helped.

It depends what works for you and I know it can feel like being on the outside looking in, but it is a personal journey.

I also read and looked at adult profile sites as a way of figuring out who I thought would be genuine and who was just talking rubbish.

If I go back through posts here I can see my own development, I have never kept a diary or a blog but if I could change one thing, it would be that.

Enjoy the journey

 

[A Desert Rose]

Seriously, no one can tell you WHO you are. Check out the threads on the talk forum, for instance. Half those people aren't sure WHO they are, let alone who others' are. It's about labeling and I'm not about labeling unless it's to call someone a moron. ;-)

Like the old cliche, it's (BDSM) a journey and you can take the first steps or not. It's about what interests you and turns your crank. You can call yourself anything you want to. I'm not about to psychoanalize you based on a couple of posts... or 10,000 of them.

And before a million come in and say it... talk to your partner. If you don't communicate with each other, neither of you have any idea where you're going.

 

[shy slave]

Oh and tick lists.

Looking at the variety of things and seeing where your thoughts are now, then re-looking a few months later.

I never knew there were so many kinks lol

Soul haven is a good site and several people from here have made a list.

Soul Haven Site

 

[graceanne]

Sorry we did hijack your thread a little. That does happen but its always Gracies fault (she has mind control over all of us)

Don't believe her. It's ADR - she's the goddess of hijacks. Or maybe KC is. I think they are both in control of all the hijacks. They control us with cookies and reeses pieces. They forced shy to say that, or she wouldn't get any c . . . candy.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Don't believe her. It's ADR - she's the goddess of hijacks. Or maybe KC is. I think they are both in control of all the hijacks. They control us with cookies and reeses pieces. They forced shy to say that, or she wouldn't get any c . . . candy.

That's it, start her out right... hating me. She'll be in good company as all the newbies already do.

 

[graceanne]

That's it, start her out right... hating me. She'll be in good company as all the newbies already do.

Well, who knows. Maybe this newbie will be smarter than all the others. Maybe this one will have a sense of humor.

Yes, yes, I know. And maybe it's getting chilly in hell.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Well, who knows. Maybe this newbie will be smarter than all the others. Maybe this one will have a sense of humor.

Yes, yes, I know. And maybe it's getting chilly in hell.

Yep... indeed. ;-)

 

[Kajira Callista]

That's it, start her out right... hating me. She'll be in good company as all the newbies already do.

they arent allowed to hate you until they officially hate me. Now im going back to training these dogs to eat cats.....or something. *looks innocent*

 

[shy slave]

they arent allowed to hate you until they officially hate me. Now im going back to training these dogs to eat cats.....or something. *looks innocent*

Jesus is there a queue?

Or do they work through levels?

Can we have a poll on it?

Or do we have to guess which newbie is at what level?

If there are any newbies that hear voices, do the voices get their own list?

You fill my mind with questions when its past my bedtime