Info Needed on light BDSM?

[angelicious]

Well, I am new to this site and I was going through the forums and I have been looking online for sometime now trying to find a good page to do some studying on BDSM. I mean I am not sure if I even fully understand what this is and all of it means entirely to be honest.

I have only recently enjoyed my hair being pulled and my nipples being manipulated to cause some pain and starting to learn other new things that inflict small amounts of pleasureful pain.

I would like to hear some feedback on this and maybe get some peoples idea's of where to start and some things to try.

Now, my boyfriend hates pain. Furthermore he will not inflict such pain on me that my face shows the pain either. So, these must be little pain teaser type things. Like being tied up, hair pulling, clit slapping, possibly fisting, I myself am really not opposed to much so I guess I will get some idea's and when I use them let you know how they work and or worked out for me.

Thank you for your time.

 

[alice_underneath]

So, these must be little pain teaser type things. Like being tied up, hair pulling, clit slapping, possibly fisting

Angelicious,

I have never experienced any of the things you just described, but I don't think fisting would be considered a "little pain teaser".

Read this post by Netzach:

the fist happens after the fact every time I've done it. I'm sure someone out there is that resilient, but I've not met them. The traditional thing is narrowing your hand, gently, slowly, carefully getting it in, then balling it up.


https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=11262916&postcount=6

Now think about that for a second.

Call me vanilla, but my response is:

I'm not saying you shouldn't try it, but I think you and your partner should be very, very careful if you do.

Alice

 

[angelicious]

Angelicious,

I have never experienced any of the things you just described, but I don't think fisting would be considered a "little pain teaser".

Read this post by Netzach:

the fist happens after the fact every time I've done it. I'm sure someone out there is that resilient, but I've not met them. The traditional thing is narrowing your hand, gently, slowly, carefully getting it in, then balling it up.


https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=11262916&postcount=6

Now think about that for a second.

Call me vanilla, but my response is:

I'm not saying you shouldn't try it, but I think you and your partner should be very, very careful if you do.

Alice

Well, that wasnt really including the fisting. I guess I should have made that in its own little paragraph. I however, have done this and do enjoy it to a certain degree. I dont think that who I am with now will ever enjoy seeing me with his fist in my to be honest. It did cause pain and the looks on my face I could tell were painful ones. But yet I still got off thinking about that mans fist in me. I dont know what it was... I mean it hurt like hell but yet offered me some sort of pleasure as well. Interesting to me... this is why I want to know more about this whole BDSM thing.

I am so submissive and love to be told what to do when it comes to sex.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Vaginal fisting isn't always painful, especially if well lubricated, time allowed, and the person doing knows what they are doing and the one receiving can relax into it, and of course dependent on the size of the hand if you are a beginner....it also helps to be turned on. As to the things you describe, they don't necessarily mean you are meant for a BDSM type relationship as they are also activites enjoyed by mainstream people without the D/s element being involved in any way or form. If you check out the library, you will find many links to sites such as Castlerealm, which will give you lots of basic information on BDSM and D/s dynamics. Happy hunting.

Catalina

 

[shy slave]

Etoile is the queen of fisting, if you yell loud enough she may hear you and come over with great links and advice.

My thoughts on 'light BDSM' are
name calling
screw down nipple clamps that allow you to vary the tension
being held down whilst played with, fucked, whatever
flogging with a light flogger, suede or similiar
testing out clamps or clothes pins on your labia
light bondage

Have fun

 

[angelicious]

Well, I would only be screaming out in pleasure!!!! YAY FOR ME!

I had to go look up what a flogger was on google... amazing what you can find on that search engine LOL!

But, now I am settled with knowing what it is and while it looks as though it could cause some pain I am thinking that it can at the same time make some huge pleasureful hints of ecstasy at the same time. However; I would NOT want to PISS off the person with that in hand!!!

 

[shy slave]

Well, I would only be screaming out in pleasure!!!! YAY FOR ME!

I had to go look up what a flogger was on google... amazing what you can find on that search engine LOL!

But, now I am settled with knowing what it is and while it looks as though it could cause some pain I am thinking that it can at the same time make some huge pleasureful hints of ecstasy at the same time. However; I would NOT want to PISS off the person with that in hand!!!

I am not an expert on floggers or any ither BDSM things but I know you can get various types made of different materials. Some of these are very light and some leave a sting and then some!

Personally I don't like ones that are too light as they feel like being tickled or stroked nor do I like ones that are too heavy as they HURT!

If you find someone with some experience in using floggers they will be able to help you discover what your initial thoughts on them are.

Many people find that working from soft or medium soft through to the harder materials works best, as oppose to being flogged with a hard material straight off.

Its worth looking at the edges of the strands too, i was unintenionally cut once by a flogger, due to the sides of the strands not be soft, they were hard sharp edges.

Andante has an interesting flogger/whip. Its black leather (I think its leather) with small knots at the end of each strand. A bit like a 'cat o' nine tails' from pirate books.
I never thought I would like that, but if he works up to it and I relax I love the heavy feeling on my back, ending with the small sting of knots landing.

Also depends where the flogger is used, if they are using it on your back they need to have some basic knowledge of where your kidneys are and avoid hitting them. Also don't allow them to hit your neck.
Having used a flogger on a pillow, bed spread and desk (I wanted to know what technique was used and what depth in left on 'soft stuff') I know that in inexperienced hands the strands can go anywhere, so can easily catch your neck if they are using it high on your back.
If they inexperienced, strands can also curl around your body so and are flogging your ass they can catch your inner thighs.

Some areas have pretty sensitive skin, if you pinch it hard with your fingers and it hurts, it will really sting with a flogger.

I was flogged in public once, I watched the person who did it flog other people and made sure he knew what he was doing.
It was great, because there was no suggestion of it being sexual of a scene, nor any expectation of he and I following it with other BDSM or more personal stuff I was able to relax and enjoy it.
As he moved through the differing types of floggers he stopped and checked I was ok, and showed me the next flogger he planned to use. It was all ok, he didn't touch on my limits which was important to me on that occasion.
I would advocate knowing in advance how someone inflicts levels of pain before allowing them to do it to you.
My ex was a umm, well err, lets just say he put me off every positive thought of pain sensation that I had ever had. I may never be a pain slut but I can enjoy aspects of it thanks to choosing carefully the next person to flog me in a very non-sexual way and then meeting Andante and having him put time and effort into helping me enjoy it and look forward to some of it.

They toy thread shows some other interesting gadgets too, lots of people make home made toys and people here are great at giving help and advice on what to do and what to use.

Another light BDSM toy which I love are vampire gloves. I have only seen homemade ones but if you like being scratched these are delicious.
Leather gloves with small spiked metal pieces sticking through. The ones I have seen people have used the metal poppers used for leather jackets but left the top cap off.
Snoozebutton2 does not often post but he has one as his AV.

Andante uses a cat hair brush on my back, with the slightly bend metal spikes, its heaven and a great pre-quel to a flogging.

Are you planning on practising some of this on your own, or with your boyfriend.If he is not keen an giving you pain you could look to people in your local scene who would be willing to help you explore. It doesn't have to be a sexual thing, just simple exploration. In my local scene there are Dom/Mes willing to help you discover what you do or don't like as a strat point. They usually do it in public play parties and keep it very low level, its hard to be sexual with people watching and discussing your technique!
I am just curious, its amazing what you can do to yourself if you put your mind to it, but if it has pain elements remember to be cautious about telling somone what you can take. They will do it differently to you compared to how you did it, which changes how you deal with it.

Oh also safe words. I am sure you will read about them on every BDSM board and site you see, lots of people use traffic light colours but if your with someone make sure you agree what the word will be, prior to doing anything.

 

[angelicious]

Thank you for taking the time for that reply. That was amazing!!!!

Well, I am not sure how in depth that I will get with this however, wanted to experiance a little just to tap it and see how much its for me. I think that I am going to love it and want it however, I think that my boyfriend will not like it. He doesnt really get into the whole pain thing. I mean he will pull my hair and he does it hard at times but I dont even think that he knows. He will also fuck the shit out of my ass till I am screaming in pleasure. The tendencies are there I think but he will not go over the edge from what I have seen.

Thus making it very light BDSM for me... but I know that I will still enjoy it as well.

I will have to look into floggers at my local sex store. I think that I seen some there. As far as other things... my man is really into giving me pleasure all of the time anytime. We have this egg that has a wireless remote and it comes with us out on ocassions and its fun as well. But again more of a pleasuring toy then a pain toy! Its all good, I mean I am NOT complaining at all I love it!

What exactaly is a butt plug supposed to do???

 

[Kierae]

What exactaly is a butt plug supposed to do???

Can be used to stretch the anal opening, or just to keep you opened. Also fun for that feeling of double penetration if the plug is in you while your mate is fucking you (assuming the plug is large enough). Some folks will wear a plug around (there is another thread on the Talk section) related to either instructions from their PYL and/or pleasure/punishment.


My guess is even though your partner isnt into pain (giving), he will loosen up and expand his repertoire over time and encouragement from you. Always fun exploring!

 

[shy slave]

Butt plugs ~ some real advice on using them on yourself.
He and I agreed I would use one of these prior to one of our meetings (we see each other every few weeks), as Kierae has explained it would make fucking my ass easier for both of us.
I tried, but frankly it was not that succesful.
I put too much lube on it. Trying to figure out a position that allows you to reach round and use it, add in too much lube and you end up chasing it all over the bedroom.
It slid and slipped everywhere but where I wanted it to go. It was exhausting and frustrating not sexual or erotic lol
Nevertheless he still used my ass, so it did not matter too much.
butt plugs with tails can be fun, I have been told if you have a tail or plug inside you and he fucks your cunt it can make it very tight.

There are people here whose partners are not as into BDSM in the same way as they are, I am terrible at finding threads but how to deal with that is often talked about.
If I remember rightly, people in that situation have found you can't make them enjoy it more, but they can reach compromises which vary greatly for couple to couple.

OTOH if you slowly introduce things and ideas and he sees how much it means to you it can work, if he has the curiosity and interest.
I know of a couple in r/l that this has worked for, she is now his Domme and although feels uncomfortable at munches will play in private with him. Its taken a few years and they continue to work on it together but they have reached a mix of agreement and compromise. She has told me its taken time but now she enjoys many aspects.

 

[angelicious]

well it sounds like you had quite the experiance with a flying buttplug! LOL!

anyways... i dont think that i would have such an issue, i hate lube and refush really to use it unless like i am going to die and have to use it.

i think that a butt plug might do some help. i mean i used to never have anal sex however, now its different. i really enjoy it and have learned to orgasm from this and squirt as well at the same time. its amazing when you have clit stimulation, vaginal stimulation and something in your ass. to me thats sexual heaven.

i think i like it so much cause its pushing my sexual limits... and i know that my boyfriend loves it and wants to someday be able to just slam it in there to start with instead of going slower. i mean he would never hurt me as we have all come to find out from the previous posts... but he really gets into his anal sex!

 

[chris9]

If your partner is not into the pain aspect, you could still do some other things. Like he could tie you spreadeagled and just tease you a lot. Use different things, from hands and mouth to ice cubes, feathers, different cloths... Then maybe sometime he would like to add clamps/clothes pins(sp?), light spanks on inner thighs...
Make sure HE understands the concept of safewords as it can free him from some responsibility to see what's too much.