Infidelity

[HoldYouDown]

To each his own. What I find surprising about a lot of these threads is that the men find out their wives are cheating, they open the marriage, but only the wife takes advantage. The man often gets off hearing about it but doesn't use his own hall pass. So it really is less about "infidelity" than about being cuckolded, which is its own fetish and which seems to have exploded on Lit over the past decade. Again, to each his own but it's not for me.

I was cheated on once. The betrayal sucked. I'll admit, the thought of her getting railed by some guy was viscerally kind of hot, but that probably was because our sex life had dwindled and our relationship was already sort of broken and boring. I had been planning to dump her and only relented because of a difficult personal situation she was in. (Mistake.) She knew I was not that into it. So the fact that she was having sex with someone was only interesting because it was the next best thing to her getting fucked more often by me. (Or me fucking other girls, lol.) Thus it becomes kind of like a porno in the head of a guy who's not getting his. At least that's how it was for me. But just like porno, long term I don't see that as a healthy way for me to get off. On a biological level it's a nightmare situation for a man (child not his own)...but then again, women fantasize about being raped, so who knows how this all shakes out between fantasy and reality.

Just one more comment, I noticed some guys also say that they didn't know their wives or girlfriends were "like that." I.e. thought they were chaste and innocent and found out they were wild. They're all like that. Not saying they all cheat, but all women have an inner slut, for lack of a better word, waiting to be pounded hard. Toss the Madonna/Whore thing in the trash. Over the years the hardest I've been hurt is when I accidentally built a narrative around a woman and she didn't live up to it. (Luckily with my ex who cheated, I knew she was like that because she cheated with me - so I wasn't disappointed and actually glad to have a reason to dump her.)

This message was all over the place, just my $.02.

 

[policywank]

To each his own. What I find surprising about a lot of these threads is that the men find out their wives are cheating, they open the marriage, but only the wife takes advantage. The man often gets off hearing about it but doesn't use his own hall pass. So it really is less about "infidelity" than about being cuckolded, which is its own fetish and which seems to have exploded on Lit over the past decade. Again, to each his own but it's not for me.

I was cheated on once. The betrayal sucked. I'll admit, the thought of her getting railed by some guy was viscerally kind of hot, but that probably was because our sex life had dwindled and our relationship was already sort of broken and boring. I had been planning to dump her and only relented because of a difficult personal situation she was in. (Mistake.) She knew I was not that into it. So the fact that she was having sex with someone was only interesting because it was the next best thing to her getting fucked more often by me. (Or me fucking other girls, lol.) Thus it becomes kind of like a porno in the head of a guy who's not getting his. At least that's how it was for me. But just like porno, long term I don't see that as a healthy way for me to get off. On a biological level it's a nightmare situation for a man (child not his own)...but then again, women fantasize about being raped, so who knows how this all shakes out between fantasy and reality.

Just one more comment, I noticed some guys also say that they didn't know their wives or girlfriends were "like that." I.e. thought they were chaste and innocent and found out they were wild. They're all like that. Not saying they all cheat, but all women have an inner slut, for lack of a better word, waiting to be pounded hard. Toss the Madonna/Whore thing in the trash. Over the years the hardest I've been hurt is when I accidentally built a narrative around a woman and she didn't live up to it. (Luckily with my ex who cheated, I knew she was like that because she cheated with me - so I wasn't disappointed and actually glad to have a reason to dump her.)

This message was all over the place, just my $.02.

I wonder if the fallacy of the madonna/whore thing is part of what plants the seed in men to be turned on by the idea of their wife being with another man. In my observation a lot of men put a high priority on their life partner being relatively 'pure'. Gone are the days when we were expected to be virgins but men still want some degree of relative purity. Meanwhile they also want an exciting and active sex life. It is obviously contradictory to expect an active sex life when a primary criteria in choosing an exclusive partner is her lack of interest in or experience with sex.

It is kind of like looking for basketball talent at a piano recital. It isn't impossible that you will find what you are looking for but your search criteria is off base.

Society has invented all kinds of silly ideas about female sexuality to explain this obvious contradiction. When some guys realize that it becomes obvious that if you want a sexually dynamic woman it probably makes sense to choose one that has experience and a demonstrated interest in sex. Cheating, cuckolding, promiscuity are all obvious signals of a woman's interest in sex, which for some men becomes much more interesting and engaging than her perceived 'purity.'

 

[Sassyunicorn]

I am turned on by cheating, but this hasn't always been the case. It took years of working on my self esteem to realize that being cheated on has nothing to do with my masculinity or expectations as a man.

When I was younger, I was scared to death of being cheated on. The thought consumed me so much that it affected the small amount of trust I had in early girlfriends. As I dated more and matured, I learned to trust and I had healthier relationships because of it. Then I was cheated on by a woman that I was madly in love with. We broke up, but for years after I couldn't get her out of my mind. I kept women at arms length and wouldn't commit to anyone. Then I met a woman that I fell for. We married within a year of dating.

We were both young and each had brought our own set of baggage into the relationship. This resulted in unreasonable expectations set by both of us, which led to the sex fizzling out. After four years of marriage, the sex had dried up. I was as much to blame for that as she was. I was still obsessing over the girl that had cheated on me, but, luckily, I began to realize how much her infidelity was affecting me, which in turn was affecting my marriage. My wife and I started seeing a marriage counselor and we were each seeing therapists on our own. My therapist helped me visualize my insecurities that were manifesting as jealousy in relationships.

With that information I was able to work on myself, but the marriage continued its death spiral. We were growing further apart, so I accepted attention wherever I could find it. The first was a married woman that I ended up having a one night stand with. I actually felt really good after that one time fling. The next woman was my wife's sister, also married. This one turned into a very long affair that fulfilled needs for both of us.

I tried to divorce my wife. I don't want to give all the nasty details on the reasons I stayed, but I tried to divorce her three times before finally doing it after 13 years of marriage. I was addicted to sleeping around and it was only a matter of time before she caught me. I didn't want to put her through that.

Now I'm on wife number two and we are very happy. I'm more confident in myself now than I have ever been, which has translated into a high level of confidence in my marriage. I'm so confident in our marriage that I know she wouldn't cheat because of anything I've done to push her in that direction. In other words, I know she is human and she has desires that don't involve me and she could easily give in to those desires at any moment without meaning to cause me any harm. I'm comfortable with that and would not be hurt if she ever cheats. It wouldn't mean I'm a cuckhold or she's a hotwife. It simply means she gave in to her natural desires that our society says married people have to repress. That's bullshit and it causes so much needless stress.

Now, if she were to start spending money irresponsibly, that would be grounds for me to divorce her.

 

[sisizhang]

> I wonder if anyone else gets turned on by being cheated on?

Not turned on, but I think I've matured a bit that I've come to understand that sexuality is complex and I'm willing to listen.

But ultimately, that is why communication is key. Don't cheat, but talk to me and perhaps an open relationship is something that can be explored.

 

[Mystories189]

When I cheat. My husband gets mad. But then gers as hard as a rock. The best was when he walked in on me and the contractor. He yelled and screamed. Contractor told him he'd give us a discount. He started crying but yhen took his dick out And came almost immediately. Then the contractor had to say that he was still going and he was the one fucking me.

 

[MrRandyWatson]

Cheating? Fuck that noise. Above board cuckolding or cheating play? I’m on board.

 

[RachelWalsh]

I'm wondering how many people are turned on by being cheated on? When I was younger, I always told myself that cheating was a deal breaker. I just couldn't see how I could ever get past the infidelity. At the root of it all is broken trust which with me, is hard to recover from. That was until I discovered that my wife (girlfriend at the time) had cheated on me with multiple guys. I was extremely turned on! I think there are a couple of reasons why though. For starters, she had always come across as this innocent, inexperienced, and vanilla woman. I often wished she was more sexual and I had always enjoyed being with women who had wild pasts. So to find out that she was cheating was like finding out that she really was this wild person all along. The second part, and I think biggest reason why I was more turned on than upset, was that it was clearly just sex. It was some random one night stand, and two guys she met online (later I found out there were a lot more). If it had just been one guy who she was all lovey dovey with, I don't think I would have reacted the way I did. Ever since then though, I find myself thinking about everything she did behind me back, and even though she still sleeps with other men with my full consent and encouragement, it's just not the same as finding out that she's done something behind my back. I know it's kind of fucked up, but that's why I wonder if anyone else gets turned on by being cheated on?

Human mind does strange stuff, like take our biggest fears and sexualize them, make them turn us on as a coping mechanism

 

[UK_Jill45]

Been there and done it and probably the best thing I did, after a while I felt guilt and after confessing to my husband about what I had done it brought us closer together at a time when we had drifted. He confessed he had strayed as well and also that he had experimented with his bi side. This give us something to work at and we started expanded our sex life and it has been the best thing for both of us.

 

[Medicalman13152]

Been there and done it and probably the best thing I did, after a while I felt guilt and after confessing to my husband about what I had done it brought us closer together at a time when we had drifted. He confessed he had strayed as well and also that he had experimented with his bi side. This give us something to work at and we started expanded our sex life and it has been the best thing for both of us.

Hi Jill, I would be interested to know how you started your infidelity, and was someone else (a friend or family) encouraging you to do it, or did you keep it a secret from everyone?

 

[vanquished005]

weird thing. when i discovered that my wife has been cheating on me, i started watching porn on the internet. i was drawn to cuckold porn and porn about cheating wives. that is when i started to expose my wife to strangers on the internet. it is a real turn on for me

 

[CuttingEdge]

Further I am not aware of any jurisdiction that does such extensive genetic testing that they can say with certainty that 2 out of 100 children are fathered by the "other" man as noted in the first paragraph. Perhaps they do in New Zealand, but it is respectfully a tiny and isolated island nation which cannot be assumed to represent civilization at large.

Been awhile since you had a child?

Not only is paternal testing the new normal, it is required by law in most states now.

It used to be that paternal testing was done on any child born of an unwed mother in the state I live in, but now they just flat out test the child for paternity in ALL births. If a child is born prior to that, at any time a father can ask for, and receive paternity testing. This is especially true in court during a divorce. It is outright asked first thing: "Is there a question of this child's birth parents?"

There is just too much at stake. The cost to raise a child from 1-18 years old is $250,000 now. With more and more people being on welfare, it is a huge cost and states want to know who a child's father really is.

 

[notmy1strodeo]

I have fantasies about my wife having an affair with another woman, but I also see the appeal of her being with another guy too. The thought of her on all fours being eaten from the back while I watch secretly from our bedroom door is hard not to enjoy!

 

[Justfantasies]

weird thing. when i discovered that my wife has been cheating on me, i started watching porn on the internet. i was drawn to cuckold porn and porn about cheating wives. that is when i started to expose my wife to strangers on the internet. it is a real turn on for me

My first wife fucked a lot of men before me and during our marriage. Eventually, I came to like it and we even went on shopping trips to buy her clothes for dates