Inexperienced submissive F, need some guidance

[LordofDargaardkeep]

Being dominant doesnt mean being domineering and self serving.
The magic of all this will be found in the little nuisances established through trust and communication long before it gets to a physical dynamic... but thats just my silly opinion

 

[Wolfie605]

Being dominant doesnt mean being domineering and self serving.
The magic of all this will be found in the little nuisances established through trust and communication long before it gets to a physical dynamic... but thats just my silly opinion

Submission is one of the greatest gifts that can be received. Find someone who treats it as such.

There are a lot of "dominants" that don't comprehend it is their responsibility to adjust scenarios to their submissive's needs. You should not be bending to his/her needs.

Always trust your gut. Always.

Always these. Doms/dommes that are rough and thinks it's bending another to their will are just some hurt little boy or hurt little girl on the inside. Hurt people, hurt people.

I have always said and believe dom and sub relationships are like any other relationship but deeper as it builds. Something so special to me about knowing this other grown person trust my decision and trust that in a situation that turn to not be ideal that I will see it and take care of that for them

 

[IARainman]

Thank you for replying. He understood but wouldn’t let up, every session he would push too hard too far and I am wondering if that is how you move forward? I don’t mind pushing my boundaries, I welcome it but felt a disconnect with his needs.

It most certainly is not how you move forward.

He needs to understand and honor your limits. You move forward communicating how your limits are changing.

It's his responsibility to care for you physically and emotionally.

Submission is given by you, not taken by him.

 

[goodgirlLin]

I think my insecurities of being so new to it all took over and I made some poor decisions. I’m genuinely learning a lot here thanks everyone. Wanting to please and submit isn’t the same as blindly following. You guys are amazing

 

[IARainman]

At least you had the sense to stop when it didn't feel right. Trust your gut until you find someone you can really trust to help expand your boundaries.

 

[Littlewolf8258]

So glad you were able to recognize that something wasn’t right for you before it went further.

I’m a new sub as well, and it’s not been easy finding my footing. Hearing about other people’s experiences and the comments of some more experienced people definitely helps.

 

[Mac7597]

I’m glad to hear that you are encouraged and are learning. As you have learned, communication is incredibly important. Along with trust. There are many here willing to help and support you. You can tell who they are. Good luck!

 

[Elypep1980]

So glad you were able to recognize that something wasn’t right for you before it went further.

I’m a new sub as well, and it’s not been easy finding my footing. Hearing about other people’s experiences and the comments of some more experienced people definitely helps.

For starters if the first thing they ask is to go to another site or a way to chat don’t

 

[Elypep1980]

No way to pm you?

No way to PM you either… I tried

 

[Axill]

No way to PM you either… I tried

Thanks! I think I fixed it.

 

[goodgirlLin]

No way to PM you either… I tried

Strange, I’ll try and dm you

 

[Utmale48]

I’ve broken off that connection but previously I’ve not done that. I am now realising I didn’t get what I wanted because I didn’t communicate it. Just let him lead my anywhere, bit naive *shrug*

It’s good you realized why you were not getting what you needed. And next time you’ll communicate better and let your partner know what you need amd want.

 

[Utmale48]

I think my insecurities of being so new to it all took over and I made some poor decisions. I’m genuinely learning a lot here thanks everyone. Wanting to please and submit isn’t the same as blindly following. You guys are amazing

That’s the ticket right there. And yeah there are some good people in this site. Knowledgeable and always willing to share that n

 

[goodgirlLin]

I am wondering if I need to explore a bit more myself, without a partner, play online and figure out boundaries like that and not commit to someone

It’s good you realized why you were not getting what you needed. And next time you’ll communicate better and let your partner know what you need amd want.

 

[Utmale48]

I am wondering if I need to explore a bit more myself, without a partner, play online and figure out boundaries like that and not commit to someone

That may not be a bad idea. Set your boundaries. I mean I’m sure you have some already. Just make sure that your okay partner know them and respects them. Some have hard limits and soft limits as well. But yeah. Go explore have fun. Most importantly be you.

 

[CuriousRick]

I am wondering if I need to explore a bit more myself, without a partner, play online and figure out boundaries like that and not commit to someone

By all means do! Find out what your hard limits are. Then explore more from there. Online you can still make an emotional connection but you are safer physically. Though it is still easy to have others hurt you.

 

[kyblue12]

I am wondering if I need to explore a bit more myself, without a partner, play online and figure out boundaries like that and not commit to someone

Lin, I am new to all this too…. The best advice I got at the very start was to go slow, learn as much as I could, and not jump in too fast. I didn’t do that much to my own detriment.

I’ve now decided I need to learn more and go slowly before I try again. I think there is something to this path….

 

[OralAllOver]

More than a few Doms are jerks who get off on being a jerk. Oddly not even sexual

I would tread cautiously and pay close attention to the person's character: do you know them to be a good person

 

[goodgirlLin]

Yeah, I’m finding that out. It’s such a weird feeling to need to trust someone you don’t know and rely on them to also look out for your boundaries. I am very bad at trust which is not great I know that. I just want to feel safe.

 

[CuriousRick]

Yeah, I’m finding that out. It’s such a weird feeling to need to trust someone you don’t know and rely on them to also look out for your boundaries. I am very bad at trust which is not great I know that. I just want to feel safe.

Just remember
Safe
Sane
Consensual

 

[kyblue12]

Yeah, I’m finding that out. It’s such a weird feeling to need to trust someone you don’t know and rely on them to also look out for your boundaries. I am very bad at trust which is not great I know that. I just want to feel safe.

Vet, vet, vet. Spend time getting to know them. Just go slowly…

 

[Utmale48]

Yeah, I’m finding that out. It’s such a weird feeling to need to trust someone you don’t know and rely on them to also look out for your boundaries. I am very bad at trust which is not great I know that. I just want to feel safe.

When you find the right Dom you will feels safe. And you’ll want to give them
Control. Feeling safe with someone can be the hardest part I think.

 

[Utmale48]

Yeah, I’m finding that out. It’s such a weird feeling to need to trust someone you don’t know and rely on them to also look out for your boundaries. I am very bad at trust which is not great I know that. I just want to feel safe.

Also listen to your gut. And often times you’ll feel a “click “ worth someone and just know. At least that’s been my limited experience

 

[goodgirlLin]

I could be the problem here
Love the feeling of being swept up and losing myself in that. But, I lose myself so quickly that way. Yup, it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me…

 

[Utmale48]

I could be the problem here
Love the feeling of being swept up and losing myself in that. But, I lose myself so quickly that way. Yup, it’s me, hi, I’m the problem it’s me…

You’ll find someone that will
Get swept up with you and then be able to slow down when needed. They’re out there.