Incest Story

[destinie21]

My new story just posted. Please give feedback. Please be honest.
a lesbian story wirh a twist. The twist involves incest

Summer Fun

 

[sanchopanza]

damn you i was looking to finding out what the twist was. now you just spoiled it. i'll read it now anyway, i need a break. feedback in 10 minutes

 

[sanchopanza]

"Pericles, Act Sc.2" it was act 1 i believe.

er anyway the only things i didn't like about the story were that what kind of maniac would leave their beer in the sand like that? insane i tell you.

and the other thing was that it wasn't long enough - it was only 3,000 words but nevertheless i think the 1st person perspective was used well enough and it was arousing (which is the point really) and the ending statement about that being only the beginning does arouse curiosity . . . are you going to continue the story? i'd like to see more

 

[destinie21]

"Pericles, Act Sc.2" it was act 1 i believe.

er anyway the only things i didn't like about the story were that what kind of maniac would leave their beer in the sand like that? insane i tell you.

I know it's practically criminal.
You're probably right about the act 1 scene 2 thing I wrote it from memory so I may have fogrotten. There may be a part two. If you saw my story page you know I tend to write series. I like series better than stand alone stories simply because if I like a character I hate to see them go. Also it's awfully hard to develop a set of characters in just one story.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Hey destine,

First a couple of typos you probably already know about:

“Who is your pretty little friend Riley?” Her mother’s eyes ravaged my body. My stare had been clumsy but hers was intentionally slow and by the time her eyes me mine I was blushing.

me=met

It wasn’t that muvh cooler but least it kept me from being directly in the sun.

muvh=much

I naturally assumed we were headed for one of the many snack shops that lined the pier but we didn’t stop at any one f them

f=of

Her breasts well formed and tipped with deep chocolate colored nipples that were already puffy with arousal.

breasts were well formed

All in all child birth and age had mad Thalia’s body a bit more voluptuous than Riley’s.

mad=made

I don't usually worry with typos or technical stuff, but this time I decided to point them out. Hopefully it doesn't sound like I am nit-picking.

As to the story itself, Bravo!

It flows well, and reads well. For a story with very little actual sex you did a magnificent job of making it very erotic. I don't usually go in for incest stories, but it did not detract at all from this one. I cannot wait for part two. Keep up the great work

I would only suggest a little more back ground on the protag. The descriptions were great, neither too detailed nor too flimsy and are introduced in a very understated way that entierely fits the mood.

-Colly

 

[destinie21]

Thanks colly. I am planning to do a part two since every piece of feedback I've recived asked for it. Thanks to my readership, But before I do this I'm going to roll out another installment of the bitch series. The readership is getting restless.

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Keep the readership happy I expect this one will become very popular too

-Colly

 

[wornoutkeyboard]

Fabulous....

With just those few minor flubs already addressed...the story is FANTASTIC. One of the best I have read on Lit. You did a beautiful job, and I don't usually go for inscest or 1P POV stories.

Hate to lavish ya with praise...but it was great and any mention of a negative point would just be to re-phrase what has already been said by others. So I won't. I'll just slather on the praise instead.

*slathering skippy style*

Great job... I look forward to the next installment.

~WOK

 

[Pornofan420]

Very hot

Brava, m'dear. Very hot indeed. You had my shorts open and my cock hard about half-way through. I'm definately looking for the next installment. Gonna go check out "The Bitch" next. Keep it up!

 

[destinie21]

Wow thanks. I worked on this piece for weeks before I posted it. It took a while to develop the characters despite the length of the story. Part two is in the works and an edit of part one has already been submitted to get rid of spelling/grammatical errors. Thanks again to all who gave feedback.

 

[espeteroh]

I just read your story(s) It said Angela 2 but not having read the first I started there. You write EXTREMELY well. I like the level of detail. It holds together well and is believable, a big thing for me. I'm not certain if this is what you are looking for in the feedback department bit it's all good right? I plan on reading you other stories at my first opportunity and invite you to read the 2 I've posted thus far. I've written many others but am not ready to post them yet.