In search of a beta reader

[CWatson]

I recently completed a short story (short for me, only 12,000 words) with a semi-unusual structure. I could use a volunteer or two to read through it and tell me what they think of that structure.

If you are interested, please PM me.

I'm sure as heck not going to post the whole thing here right now, but here's just the first of its four sections, which will hopefully hook you in and certainly give you a sense of where it's going:

"Nathan," Robin said, "Is it okay if I write back to Clarence?"

Nathan turned away from the TV to look at his wife. "You, umm. You do realize the irony of that statement, right?"

Robin had the grace to look uncomfortable. "Well, I... As you know, he has been e-mailing me now and then."

"And, as you know, I'd prefer it if you ignored him," Nathan said.

"I know," Robin agreed. "And I have been. It just... Honey, from what he's writing, it sounds like he's really turned himself around. It sounds like he's changed."

Nathan grumbled, "I'll believe it when I see it."

"I'm forwarding you his message," Robin said, turning back to her computer. "And, besides," she added over her shoulder, "it's not like it was a big deal. So he didn't let me contact my ex-boyfriends when I was married to him. So what? It's not like we were meeting for coffee every week back then. We *were* exes."

"I didn't object for *my* sake," he said. "I just didn't like that he was being so controlling."

An audible smirk: "And you don't think it hypocritical to do the same thing in reverse?"

Nathan rolled his eyes. "Look, I just don't think he's any good for you."

"And I agree with you," she said. "But e-mailing him isn't marrying him."

*With guys like him, it is*, he thought, but he kept it to himself. And, to be fair, the e-mail she forwarded him did seem to be from a man who was getting his life together. Still the same cocksure self-absorbed asshole who thought he knew everything--Nathan, who ran a small computer business, could spot them from a mile off--but at least he had moved back out of his parents' house.

The part Robin wanted to respond to--so how are u babe?--was innocuous enough, and Nathan couldn't think of any reason to turn her down that wouldn't make him seem like an overcontrolling jerkwad. They had a love-hate relationship with that kind of person: when Robin wasn't chewing him out for being one, she was complaining that he wasn't enough of one. What she wanted from him seemed to change from day to day. Nathan kept patience with it as much as he could; it wasn't like he hadn't known that about her since the first time they dated. But patience was a limited commodity. Robin's penchant for flightiness was not.

"Umm..." he said. "Let me sleep on it."

She shot him a look over her shoulder. "So in other words, 'No'."

"Noo," he said, "let me sleep on it."

"You know I could just write him anyway," she said.

"I know," he said. "But I hope you won't."

Anger burned in her eyes for another moment; but then she sagged in defeat, and he knew he had won. At least, until he slept on it, and the front was re-opened tomorrow.

"Honey," he said, "I just don't think he's any good for you."

She gave him a smirk. "Oh, and, you are?"

"Well," he said, standing up. "I do try my best."

"Oh?" she said as he walked towards her. "And Clarence didn't?"

"Well..." He bent to kiss at her neck, to cradle her full breast with his hand. "I wouldn't know about that personally. I mean, I wasn't there."

"It would have been weird if you were," she said.

"But... I am *here*." He let his fingers find a nipple, twist gently. "And I can show you just how good *I* try."

" 'Well'," she corrected, "how *well* you try."

He kissed her, long and deep, and it was like the first time again.

"Was that well?" he said.

"No," she said. "That was good." She grinned.

He led her to the bedroom, beaming.

 

[ArkAngel58]

hi

looks good to me keep going!

 

[CWatson]

Thank you to everyone who responded; I think I've got all the readers I'll need