In hopes of Feedback

[Arma]

Hello everyone, I go by the pen name Arma.

This is my first time posting Literotica. I was hoping to gather some feedback on three stories I just posted. Though I wish to be honest and state very clearly that unfortunately they are not Erotic stories. If you are still interested in reading them, then I look forward to your thoughts. The three stories are

Purgatory
Meanwhile...
Incense, Bells and November.

 

[Penelope Street]

Link to Author's Page

Hi Arma,

I'm afraid I don't quite have time to give your stories a read just now. Because this is an erotic site, non-erotic stories don't get that many reads. Of course, this doesn't mean they aren't good stories, so don't be discouraged by a low read or vote count, or a lack of comments.

With so many stories from which to choose, readers can be a bit on the fickle/lazy side, thus you may get a little more traffic with a link like the one below to your story list.

Arma's Stories:
http://english.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=560353&page=submissions


Welcome to the site. I'll try and drop back by within a week or so and have a look.

Take Care,
Penny

 

[Arma]

Thank You

Why, Thank you. I appreciate the time you taken out to give such helpful tips.

 

[Arma]

Feed Back, Thoughts, Feelings and any tips.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=216749
This one is erotic
It is chapter 1 in a story I began writing. It involves the life of three friends and how things dramatically change for them.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=215475
Non E
A Non-Fiction, Non-Erotic story. It is about a strange string of events on a cool winter evening.

http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=215474
A horror, Non-Erotic story. It is chapter one to a project I began in April. It involves a lot of twist and turns. If anyone is interested I decided I would try the first three chapters out on an audience here. It really has 13 but I am not posting the entire thing. Think of it as a test drive or trial run.

Any thoughts, feelings, tips or just general feedback is welcomed.
Thank Everyone who have already read and voted for my stories. The people here have been very polite.
-Arma

 

[Penelope Street]

Hi Arma,

I read chapter one of your story Purgatory last evening.

On the whole, I think it works as an opening. Your command of the English language is better than most and the narration style was interesting. Part of that style is attention to detail. This is mostly a good thing and your inclusion of the finer aspects admirable, but there is a point at which level of detail begins to bog down a story and I fear you have at least come close to that point. Also, the average paragraph size may be on the long side, especially for online reading.

There were some things I found inconsistent, even puzzling, but not knowing the rest of the story I cannot say whether they are true errors or just part of the overall weirdness. One example: Samuel turns his stereo on and opens the door. Because no one is home, we are told, he isn't worried about anyone saying the music is too loud. Not much later, he leaves the room and leaves the door open- yet the kitchen is so silent he can hear the refrigerator hum and the clocks tick?

I found first half-dozen paragraphs to be a bit on the laborious side. I got the impression the idea was to develop Samuel's character. Presumably, the two characters will get to know one another in the upcoming scene- and excellent opportunity for the reader to get to know them as well. Thus, it might have been more engaging, especially to the fickle internet reader, to start the action a little sooner and develop the characters after the initial action was over. Once the pace picked up it was an interesting and enjoyable read.

Hope some of that helps.

Take Care,
Penny