In and Out

[sweet_marie]

Hey guys...what is it about women and the in crowd and out crowd?

I have a really hard time getting along with women. And that's because I was homeschooled and didn't learn the hierarchy and rules about female social structure.

I am leaving this open. Please put all thoughts you can down about this topic. For instance, how do you know what woman to trust and which to figure is going to stab you in the back? What do you do to preserve your dignity and calm pride when you've been outcasted because you didn't quite fit in/made a faux pas and you're blacklisted. And so on and so forth.

Any info is greatly appreciated.

Marie

 

[Vixandra]

I've never been home schooled but I never learned the female heirachry/pack mentaillity crap.
And honestly- it occasionally pains me. Throw me with a group of guys and my initial shyness quickly melts away. Throw me in a group of females and I want little more then an escape path.

Why- because far too many of my gender are catty, trash-behind-one's-back talking, impractical and illogical creatures. Makes no sense to me why someone would get up 2 hours earlier then nessesary just so they'd have time to do thier makeup and such.
Boggles my mind.

I can doll up with the majority of them, can play the game, but give me male company or females with male mentality'ish tendancies any day then a truely femmy woman.

Still- find something you have in common with these packs of women you want to associate with. They are still human and, without provocation, shouldn't deliberaltly try anythign awful.
Worse case- you're embarrassed as hell over what a catty bitch says.
Best case- you make new friends and learn something.

I'd say the risk is worth it, just keep your guard up until you really know anyone, male or female.

 

[yoshimitsu]

I know how you feel. i was homeschooled on a ranch in the middle of nowhere for several years. I saw my aunt, uncle, our animals and a lot of trees. By the time I got into 7 grade public school I had the social skills of a second grader/adult. I could interact well with adults because I had been around them. Kids on the other hand I didn't do so well. Just watch them, study them, interact with them, try different behaviors and see how they respond. Be yourself as they say but also be aware how that version of yourself looks from their perspective. You can always change and still be yourself (something no one told me. I had to figure it out later).
I try to look for the unique girls, the ones that stand out, the ones that try to express themselves differently from the rest. I find these girls tend to think farther outside the box or even if not their box is at least deeper and prettier (That was totally not meant to sound dirty). Find common conections. This can get you far. If you have common interests, thought's ideas, or feelings bring them up and try to conect with them on it. If your going for a romantic relationship you have to balance being masquline enough to catch their eye but still be humble and straight forward and at least let them sneak a peek at your sensitive side now and then but it doesn't seem to take much it seems to turn most girls off for some reason. Especially the younguns. If you just want to be friends then let your sensitive side ooze all over the carpet. the chicks will love you but in a good friends kinda way.

 

[Ezzy]

Hey guys...what is it about women and the in crowd and out crowd?

They are superficial to the extreme!

I have a really hard time getting along with women. And that's because I was homeschooled and didn't learn the hierarchy and rules about female social structure.

So you had a stay at home father, who taught you? If you examine his roll in the househald you should see the common idea of social structure.

I am leaving this open. Please put all thoughts you can down about this topic. For instance, how do you know what woman to trust and which to figure is going to stab you in the back?

All women will stab you in the back, don't trust any of them, ok so I read the name Marie and I assume you are a woman, so please take heed and don't even trust yourself.

What do you do to preserve your dignity and calm pride when you've been outcasted because you didn't quite fit in/made a faux pas and you're blacklisted. And so on and so forth.

Any info is greatly appreciated.

Marie

A .357 magnum works well for quiet dignity, or a tazer does a good job too, (if you prefer not to have to clean the blood off your shoes).

 

[yoshimitsu]

I totally assumed sweet_marie was a guy. I didin't even notice (Now I am assuming her) screen name

Well I think every thing I said applies
Other than maybe this part.

If your going for a romantic relationship you have to balance being masquline enough to catch their eye but still be humble and straight forward and at least let them sneak a peek at your sensitive side now and then but it doesn't seem to take much it seems to turn most girls off for some reason. Especially the younguns. If you just want to be friends then let your sensitive side ooze all over the carpet. the chicks will love you but in a good friends kinda way.

Unless your into the ladies in that way then it may still apply.

 

[INeedLove]

I wasn't homeschooled. I attended public schools. Never in the 12 years, did I ever hang out with the "in" crowd. In fact I went through school rather invisible. I had a few average friends (all girls-was not comfortable approaching guys). In high school I just got by.

The in crowd always looked like they were tight and having fun. But I always overheard them talking about each other. Putting something down or ridiculing choice of guy, etc

When I went to college I met a friend that I am still proud to call friend today-20 years later (yes-feeling old). I could go to her with anything. She flew to me when I got engaged, wedding shower, wedding and then subsequent divorce and then moving back to my homestate.

How do you make friends? You have to try to meet someone with whom you have common interests. If you like writing, take a non credit writing class and strike up conversations. Ask if they would like to meet to talk about new ideas, etc. You could start in a cafe or something. I guarantee you-if you meet with another girl-personal stuff will come up. If you feel comfortable, share about yourself (I think being raised on a ranch would be really neat to learn about and not too personal as to embarass you). It takes time to build a friendship and WORK!!! You have to meet regularly at first. You give a card perhaps. You save a newspaper or magazine article that you think they'd like. You have to give a little friendship to get it back.

It is a risk. I know taking risks are uncomfortable for lots of us. Especially if you have been burned. My grandfather used to say "if you can count the number of close friends you have on one hand-you are doing great." If you meet someone and get weird vibes, then follow your gut and stay away. I am sorry if I've gotten on a soapbox here. Feel free to PM me with questions or we can brainstorm other ways to meet someone. My main qualification is having had a friend in my life for 20 of my 36 years. Hopefully you will be able to say that in a few years!!! Best of luck sweetie!!

 

[lizaveta]

Dealing with groups of women can be really difficult, and it doesn't end with school: in the last year my team at work has gone from being 50/50 women to men, to 80/20, and it's a cathouse for sure.

I do now what I did in high school: absolutely nothing.

This can be tough, and it isn't for everyone, but I've found that if I keep myself from falling in with any one group and stay above the gossip and backstabbing, I have a lot more "friends" and a much better time of things.

The key is not caring what other people think of you. Easier said than done, but when I was in school I cared SO MUCH about other peoples' opinions that I finally had to do something or I'd just go crazy. So I started following my own conscience and acting like I didn't care what other people thought, and the most amazing things started to happen.

I became a leader. As far as I was concerned my group only really had one person in it - me. But anyone could be my friend; I was on the dance team, in honors classes, and at lunch I sat with the lunatic art chick nobody else would talk to. Sometimes I dated football players, and sometimes MIT-bound geekboys with too much Ayn Rand in their bookcases. My locker partner freshman year was a total stoner, but an absolute sweetheart, and every year after that we still shared a locker even though we didn't have to anymore. I evaluated people as individuals, based on the high standards I set for myself, and chose my friends according to that.

Leadership in any form is attractive to others, so I never wanted for friends after that. Fortunately, all that acting as if I didn't care what others thought became REALLY not caring, and that has carried me into adulthood quite well. My team at work has become mostly female over the years, and they're catty, and clique-ish, and awful. But they're all friendly with me, and if they backstab ME they know I don't care, so they don't bother to do it. (Weird, isn't it?)

But even if you don't want to be so extreme about it, just keep following your own conscience and doing what you know to be the right thing. The lowliest of the low - whom you shouldn't be trying to please anyway, but I know how it is - will respect you for sticking up for what's right.

And even if they don't, you'll still respect yourself.

Wow. Sorry for the book, there. LOL Good luck!

 

[sweet_marie]

Wow!

You guys are the absolute greatest. I want to respond to each of you individually, but for right now (I'm studying for nursing, so sometimes books get in the way), thanks so much and I'm taking all to heart. I hope more posts keep coming, this is very intersting.

Who wants to start one on men?

lots of love
Marie (Yes, a girl...but a total tomboy who just got her first "nice" watch....I'm trying very hard to be a more gentle woman. My history: isolated childhood, grow up wearing steel toed logging boots, love animals, trust to easy, love too much....you can see where this has gone over the years. So now, I want to try and balance the hard ass with the gentle part. Any suggestions on this is also totally welcome!)

 

[Ezzy]

Marie (Yes, a girl...but a total tomboy who just got her first "nice" watch....I'm trying very hard to be a more gentle woman.

My history: isolated childhood, grow up wearing steel toed logging boots, love animals, trust too ezzy, love too much....you can see where this has gone over the years. So now, I want to try and balance the hard ass with the gentle part. Any suggestions on this is also totally welcome!)

If you look at your signature and you put in a [ before the /FONT] at the end it will show the font you want.

 

[sweet_marie]

Throw me with a group of guys and my initial shyness quickly melts away. Throw me in a group of females and I want little more then an escape path.


Still- find something you have in common with these packs of women you want to associate with. They are still human and, without provocation, shouldn't deliberaltly try anythign awful.
Worse case- you're embarrassed as hell over what a catty bitch says.
Best case- you make new friends and learn something.

I'd say the risk is worth it, just keep your guard up until you really know anyone, male or female.

That's really good advice. The provoke or not to provoke thing really hit home too. And you're right about making new friends and learning something. It really takes a while to see what someone is truly about.

hugs
Marie

 

[sweet_marie]

I could interact well with adults because I had been around them. Kids on the other hand I didn't do so well. Just watch them, study them, interact with them, try different behaviors and see how they respond. Be yourself as they say but also be aware how that version of yourself looks from their perspective. You can always change and still be yourself (something no one told me. I had to figure it out later).
I try to look for the unique girls, the ones that stand out, the ones that try to express themselves differently from the rest. I find these girls tend to think farther outside the box or even if not their box is at least deeper and prettier (That was totally not meant to sound dirty). Find common conections. This can get you far. If you have common interests, thought's ideas, or feelings bring them up and try to conect with them on it. If your going for a romantic relationship you have to balance being masquline enough to catch their eye but still be humble and straight forward and at least let them sneak a peek at your sensitive side now and then but it doesn't seem to take much it seems to turn most girls off for some reason. Especially the younguns. If you just want to be friends then let your sensitive side ooze all over the carpet. the chicks will love you but in a good friends kinda way.

This was great advice. Took it to use today. I've got work to do, but I see where its a good thing to try to do, being a little gooey....except it really makes me feel funny!

hugs hugs hugs
Marie

 

[sweet_marie]

Oh, Ezzy. I think you need great big hugs, man. Not all women are bad and should be shot on sight. No more than every man needs to be castrated on sight, although there are days when I feel that way.
Hope you feel better
Marie

 

[sweet_marie]

Its a good book though. I appreciate it lots!

I'll be in touch
Marie

Dealing with groups of women can be really difficult, and it doesn't end with school: in the last year my team at work has gone from being 50/50 women to men, to 80/20, and it's a cathouse for sure.

I do now what I did in high school: absolutely nothing.

This can be tough, and it isn't for everyone, but I've found that if I keep myself from falling in with any one group and stay above the gossip and backstabbing, I have a lot more "friends" and a much better time of things.

The key is not caring what other people think of you. Easier said than done, but when I was in school I cared SO MUCH about other peoples' opinions that I finally had to do something or I'd just go crazy. So I started following my own conscience and acting like I didn't care what other people thought, and the most amazing things started to happen.

I became a leader. As far as I was concerned my group only really had one person in it - me. But anyone could be my friend; I was on the dance team, in honors classes, and at lunch I sat with the lunatic art chick nobody else would talk to. Sometimes I dated football players, and sometimes MIT-bound geekboys with too much Ayn Rand in their bookcases. My locker partner freshman year was a total stoner, but an absolute sweetheart, and every year after that we still shared a locker even though we didn't have to anymore. I evaluated people as individuals, based on the high standards I set for myself, and chose my friends according to that.

Leadership in any form is attractive to others, so I never wanted for friends after that. Fortunately, all that acting as if I didn't care what others thought became REALLY not caring, and that has carried me into adulthood quite well. My team at work has become mostly female over the years, and they're catty, and clique-ish, and awful. But they're all friendly with me, and if they backstab ME they know I don't care, so they don't bother to do it. (Weird, isn't it?)

But even if you don't want to be so extreme about it, just keep following your own conscience and doing what you know to be the right thing. The lowliest of the low - whom you shouldn't be trying to please anyway, but I know how it is - will respect you for sticking up for what's right.

And even if they don't, you'll still respect yourself.

Wow. Sorry for the book, there. LOL Good luck!

 

[Ezzy]

Oh, Ezzy. I think you need great big hugs, man. Not all women are bad and should be shot on sight. No more than every man needs to be castrated on sight, although there are days when I feel that way.
Hope you feel better
Marie

I was just being a little cynical, and playing devils advocate.

But you will find that the time you really trust anyone is the time they can hurt you the most, so don't jump too far beyond your comfort zone the first time you trust someone. Better to trust a little and see if they are worthy of your trust, then add a little more.

If I wasn't married already, I think I would try to become more than a friend, steel toe logging boots, loves animals, trust too easy, love too much...Ah! What more could a man look for in a woman? Can you play cribbage and chess, and ride a motorbike? (Not all at the same time though)!

 

[human_male]

Why worry, if no one likes you fuck em.

Note: Not literally.

 

[sweet_marie]

I was just being a little cynical, and playing devils advocate.

But you will find that the time you really trust anyone is the time they can hurt you the most, so don't jump too far beyond your comfort zone the first time you trust someone. Better to trust a little and see if they are worthy of your trust, then add a little more.

If I wasn't married already, I think I would try to become more than a friend, steel toe logging boots, loves animals, trust too easy, love too much...Ah! What more could a man look for in a woman? Can you play cribbage and chess, and ride a motorbike? (Not all at the same time though)!

LOL....Yes, yes and yes. You stay true to your wife though...I hate men who jump around and I don't want to hate you

Marie

 

[blackopal19]

Yes, it's true. A lot of those so called in girls are really superficial and bitches. However, there are a lot of nice girls out there. I guess it depends on who you hang out on a regular basis and who you enjoy being around.

I go to a school that's not typically a female college. Let's just say the ratio is in the neighborhood of 7 to 1, with the girls holding the power. However, most girls I hang out with are like me, a bit introverted and tomboyish. We've decided that we don't care for the type of girls who put physical beauty before brains.

So my only suggestion is that you find who you like hanging out with. And damn those girls who are superfiscial. They aren't worth hanging out with anyway.

 

[sweet_marie]

Yes, it's true. A lot of those so called in girls are really superficial and bitches. However, there are a lot of nice girls out there. I guess it depends on who you hang out on a regular basis and who you enjoy being around.

I go to a school that's not typically a female college. Let's just say the ratio is in the neighborhood of 7 to 1, with the girls holding the power. However, most girls I hang out with are like me, a bit introverted and tomboyish. We've decided that we don't care for the type of girls who put physical beauty before brains.

So my only suggestion is that you find who you like hanging out with. And damn those girls who are superfiscial. They aren't worth hanging out with anyway.

Rock on!

 

[BarnabySchmidt]

women are catty. I had to say it. That is the social structure. Lots of women it seems are ready to tear others apart for no good reason. . . looking for ways to put them down, etc. Unless you find some people who are grounded and down to earth, get used to the cattiness, toots, it's here to stay

 

[sweet_marie]

women are catty. I had to say it. That is the social structure. Lots of women it seems are ready to tear others apart for no good reason. . . looking for ways to put them down, etc. Unless you find some people who are grounded and down to earth, get used to the cattiness, toots, it's here to stay

I agree. However, I have found that cattiness comes from a severe insecurity. So that's an edge. Hard to figure to use, but I'm learning. Other than that, I hang out with the guys.

Thanks! (I think....lol)
Marie