Improvements?

[voluptuary_manque]

I know that there is very little erotic action in this story but it's in the "telling" that I'd like feedback. And, yes, I did get K.K.'s permission to add a chapter to his original.


http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=341587&page=1


Don't forget to read his first.

Best to all,

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Rolling on the Floor Laughing

I got one email reply from an Anonymous telling me it was great and another flaming it. Guess which one is flushed? Likewise the flame on the story site. You have to wonder about someone who thinks that by insulting other people he gains immortality.