I'm So Excited!!

[Chicklet]

My masterpiece has finally made it! Please, please, please let me know what you think of this story. I am already aware of one typo (the word "get" where it really shouldn't be) but I am interested in what everyone thinks of the content.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=46208

I appreciate feedback so much! Thanks in advance,

Chicklet

 

[Impetus]

Definitely a unique take on a fairly well-established kind of story.

Cons, of which there weren't a whole lot: While you story, generally, employed a lot of neat, new, things, the general flow of the story was never in question. It's a minor quibble, though, as that's pretty much true of all stories with a student and a teacher in them on lit.

Pros: You really took your time to develop a solid story around the student and teacher relationship. It lead to a lot of wonderful tension and humanity in the story. It would have been easy to have the two give into each other on the first day, but you didn't. You included her thoughts, her concerns, things that made the story much deeper and more intriquing. I especially liked the conversations with her girlfriend about what she should do, very top-notch. And the ending was a nice surprise too.

Generally, I thought your writing style was pretty good. No glaring technical errors, and the words flowed well between sentenses and between paragraphs. All-in-all, one of the best student-teacher stories I've read.

-I

 

[Chicklet]

Thank You!

Thank you for replying.

I've gotten a little bit of feedback from readers but it's been a bit confusing...Some people say my story was original, and others tell me that it was dull and predictable...well part of erotica IS predictable. If you're reading an "erotic coupling" story isn't it bound to turn sexual eventually? Personally I had never read any of the teacher/student stories, so I didn't know if I was being similar to them or not.

Thanks again for your feed back, Impetus, I really appreciate it. It gives me confidance to keep trying to write a masterpiece =)

Chicklet

 

[WaxNWane]

Nice story. I like the ending - her response to the grade.

For some constructive criticism: It seems like you wrote it in first person, because you really only get Adrienne's point-of-view. But, since it's in third person, I kept wondering what the teacher was thinking. I'd rather see it go one way or the other - either tell it first person and let me know what she's feeling - which is pretty much what you've done - or tell it third person and let me know what's going on in both minds. Since it's in third person, I felt like I should have had a better understanding of the dynamics between the two from his perspective.

You developed the main character well...and I really liked her outfits (total sucker for the plaid skirt thing).

And it's always good to see an author properly use contractions.

 

[X_Ray]

Re: I'm so excited"

Thanks for writing and posting your story. I enjoyed it on the whole but thought it much longer than it needed to be. You seemed to add a lot of extraneous detail and conversation that weren't really necessary to advance the story. My suggestion is that you try condensing all 3 parts into 1.

Great sex though! Nice & hot, thank you.

 

[KJGirlie]

The only typo that glared out at me, from around the middle of the first page..
"His chair was pushed close to hers, so that she could see the book he was. " Was..?
Adrienne Courtalaine, that's quite a name to hang onto a character. Reminds me a lot of flowy romance novels, not that that's a bad thing.
I like the idea behind the story. Possibly it gets to me because my first roommate was named Adrienne, although neither of us were lucky enough to have a teacher attractive enough to consider "getting it on" with them.
Adrienne's quite a little firecracker too, isn't she? Keep up the good work..

 

[JerseyBoy]

good story....

...makes me wish I had become a college professor. Can you actually imagine what sort of propositions they get? I'd love to see a survey...

Saw that your new story posted is at the top of the nonconsent list...excellent...I just hope that it isnt the kiss of death! if you know what I mean.

keep up the great work!

-ws

 

[Fairytat]

I have one major bone of contention --- some of the paragraphs were too long. Other then that, it was a nicely written story with sufficient tension and a good twist at the end. It was a bit predictable, but as you said, isn't erotica in itself? Good job.

 

[Showman]

I like it. Good read!

 

[mentobex]

great job, i enjoyed it very much

as someone has already said, some of the paragraphs were a bit long. personally, paragraph length doesn't bother me much but i know most people get bored when reading long paragraphs.

overall, great story, great way to build up the tension and a great surprise ending keep working on that masterpiece...