I'm SO done!

[shynsexy]

I am so tired of being second fiddle to someone who is over 200 miles away! I am so done with this game. I am taking control of my life and thinking of myself for a change. I'm too good for him. I do his laundry, make his food, take care of him when he's sick....no more! It's my time!

I'm bring my "so" dinner to his place and he's on the phone with his ex... kissing her ass! I was so ashamed for him, i mean he was really laying it on sick. It made me sick to my stomach.....

no one needs to reply, I'm just ranting....Shy

 

[MissTaken]

You do what is good for you.

You You YOu YOu YOU YOU YOU


are number 1, shy!

 

[just pet]

You deserve to be the center of his universe, to be cherished and adored. Rant away and then talk to him and state your feelings... be specific. Tell him YOUR reaction, how it makes YOU feel, what YOU want and need... no accusations or indictments, We all are just trying to be happy. Allow him what he needs but if it doesn't suit you, move on. I wish you well in this. Relationships are never easy...

pet

 

[Cheyenne]

*Biting tongue and not replying as requested.*

 

[Nathon_88]

Screw him. You deserve better.

Shove his dinner in his face, tell him that you just can't deal with someone who doesn't respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

 

[shynsexy]

Cheyenne, you can reply if you want, but i was mostly just trying to get it out of my system...


Thanks yall!

memememememe!!!!!

 

[freakygirl]

*Biting tongue and not replying as requested.*

I think I'll follow Cheyennes lead on this one..

 

[DustyWolfe]

Hon, do what's best for you. If you don't look out for yourself no one else will. That's all I'm gonna say

 

[Cheyenne]

Cheyenne, you can reply if you want, but i was mostly just trying to get it out of my system...

Does he have children with his ex? Could there be a reason he was bending over backwards kissing her ass? In other words, was he doing it because he felt he had to for some reason?

How he treats YOU should be much more important in any decision to drop him than how he treats an EX, I think.

 

[shynsexy]

Cheyenne,

yes they have 2 kids together.....

i think the treason i am so touchy today is because it's my 6 year anniversay from being raped. he's not acting any differently than yesterday or even last week, i just seem to be on pins and needles....

i invited my sister over so i wouldnt be alone, and an hour later she tells me her friend invited her to the strawberry festival, would it be ok if she went. sure why not, i said. have a good time.

a few hours later i was talking to my mom about how upset i was at my sister and she tells me she is also going, for my nephews "birthday" celebration. i wanted to know why i wasnt invited. well my mom said. the kids are a big inconvience. i only have 1 more kid than my sister! ugh!

sorry about that again, just didnt want to start a whole new thread about me bitching again!

 

[Jewelz]

ok, well, its great you do start thinking about yourself....you are important

BUT, I must add that I would be EXTREMELY pissed off if my mother told me that my kids were an inconvience!!!!!!

 

[Cop4u_69]

I am so tired of being second fiddle to someone who is over 200 miles away! I am so done with this game. I am taking control of my life and thinking of myself for a change. I'm too good for him. I do his laundry, make his food, take care of him when he's sick....no more! It's my time!

I'm bring my "so" dinner to his place and he's on the phone with his ex... kissing her ass! I was so ashamed for him, i mean he was really laying it on sick. It made me sick to my stomach.....

no one needs to reply, I'm just ranting....Shy

Well all I can say is if you feel that way then you should move on. If he not making you feel the way you need now then he never will no matter what you do for him..So lift you head, smile and move forward and dont look back....You will find someone that will make you glad that you moved on...it may take a while but its worth it in the long run...

 

[shynsexy]

o i am, trust me....but all i can do is let them have their fun, i am not going to be where i am not wanted

 

[c.fey]

Cheyenne,

yes they have 2 kids together.....

i think the treason i am so touchy today is because it's my 6 year anniversay from being raped. he's not acting any differently than yesterday or even last week, i just seem to be on pins and needles....

i invited my sister over so i wouldnt be alone, and an hour later she tells me her friend invited her to the strawberry festival, would it be ok if she went. sure why not, i said. have a good time.

a few hours later i was talking to my mom about how upset i was at my sister and she tells me she is also going, for my nephews "birthday" celebration. i wanted to know why i wasnt invited. well my mom said. the kids are a big inconvience. i only have 1 more kid than my sister! ugh!

sorry about that again, just didnt want to start a whole new thread about me bitching again!

Dang!! That is just so incredibly rude of your mother!!! I understand how you feel with how your s/o treats you and everyone has already said the right thing in response to that....but your MOTHER!!!!!@#!@#$%!@#$ Oh man if she were here I'd give her what for.

Sheesh. Pardon my reaction. My mom has said some pretty hurtful stuff to me over the years....I always figured it was because I didn't turn out the way SHE wanted me to. But I was her only child....go fig.

Hang in there shy; you are wonderful, you rock, and you are loved!!! Yeah!!!

xoxo

 

[Cheyenne]

Cheyenne,

yes they have 2 kids together.....

i think the treason i am so touchy today is because it's my 6 year anniversay from being raped. he's not acting any differently than yesterday or even last week, i just seem to be on pins and needles....

i invited my sister over so i wouldnt be alone, and an hour later she tells me her friend invited her to the strawberry festival, would it be ok if she went. sure why not, i said. have a good time.

a few hours later i was talking to my mom about how upset i was at my sister and she tells me she is also going, for my nephews "birthday" celebration. i wanted to know why i wasnt invited. well my mom said. the kids are a big inconvience. i only have 1 more kid than my sister! ugh!

sorry about that again, just didnt want to start a whole new thread about me bitching again!

Ah, no wonder you're venting. Him being on the phone with the ex seems to be just the final straw in a bad day, not the main reason for your wrath.

It's a bad anniversary day. Your sister disappoints you. Your mother insults you AND your children. Your SO is caught on the phone sucking up to his ex (for whatever reason, we still don't really know.) You've definitely had a bad day!

My suggestion would be to do something that is just for you. Something you love, but rarely do for yourself. A nice hot soak in the bath with a good book? A box of favorite chocolates? A favorite movie rental? Whatever it is, it has to be something just for you. An alternative is to just stick around and play at Lit for a bit. I find there is almost always someone here with problems worse than my own. Or someone to make me laugh. Tomorrow the world may look different.

 

[KillerMuffin]

Far be it from me to offer advice.

This is what you do. Slap everyone. Not really.

It's really easy to get into that doormat mode and then get fed up and come out swinging. Everybody thinks you're touchy then.

Learn assertion.

First of all, you should not have told your sister it was all right with you if it wasn't all right with you. Why? Because she thinks it's okay with you and you're resentful. Next time, don't be nice. Be assertive.

This isn't your anniversary of your rape. This is just that time of year that you get extra moody. Anniversary is a good thing. Anniversary also gives it something permanent in your mind, a place where it's re-lived every year not only in your subconscious, but your conscious thought as well. You've assigned it significance.

Second of all, find a rape survivors support group in your area and do so as soon as possible. No one can understand it like another survivor can. They will make sure you'll never be alone to deal with things in a way that never has to be explained. You will also be there for someone else and that's such an empowering feeling.

Most importantly you have to learn to assert yourself. That's to get what you need and negotiate for what you want without stepping on others or allowing yourself to be stepped on. You're describing passive-agressive behavior, which is common in rape victims, and it's not helping you or your family. It sounds easy to be assertive, but it's not.

I have a sexual trauma group that I go to when I can, it's just too far away. I'm going to find one locally so I can go to it. My husband loves me dearly and he understands trauma and PTSD better than most people, but he doesn't understand rape. There is nothing quite as wonderful as telling your story to someone who can say with perfect accuracy, "I know."

For now, though? Go out yourself. You have kids, take them to Chuck E. Cheese or something. Call up a friend and do something spontaneous, if cheap. Put yourself in a place where you'll feel safe and the triggers will be more minimal.

There's a good list of movies that have triggers here: http://www.escapinghades.com/

It's got some good things there, too.

 

[shynsexy]

Thank you very much KillerMuffin. I liked that site and will check it out better after the kids are gone to bed. And I do feel like slapping everyone..... go g=figure. the part about my sister, it WAS ok, until i found out it was a family thing, that didnt include me.

 

[Ishmael]

Thank you very much KillerMuffin. I liked that site and will check it out better after the kids are gone to bed. And I do feel like slapping everyone..... go g=figure. the part about my sister, it WAS ok, until i found out it was a family thing, that didnt include me.

Shy,

I hate to bring this up again, Buuuuuuuuuttttttt.

Remember your thread of a week or so ago where you got some advice that you really didn't like? Some of the advice was good advice, and still applies.

KM's assertivness statements, and those of the others encouraging you to take control of your life are even more words of wisdom.

Now for a different perspective on the family outing. Did you consider that the reason you weren't invited was because your S/O was taken into consideration? It wasn't that they didn't want you there? Just a thought.

Ishmael

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[shynsexy]

Am I wrong in thinking that one of your kids was created with this SO?

no all my kida are from my hubby...

 

[shynsexy]

Shy,

I hate to bring this up again, Buuuuuuuuuttttttt.

Remember your thread of a week or so ago where you got some advice that you really didn't like? Some of the advice was good advice, and still applies.

KM's assertivness statements, and those of the others encouraging you to take control of your life are even more words of wisdom.

Now for a different perspective on the family outing. Did you consider that the reason you weren't invited was because your S/O was taken into consideration? It wasn't that they didn't want you there? Just a thought.

Ishmael

Thank you Ishmael*... I do remember. I dont think it was my so they didnt want going, but my disabled son....thats another reason i got so pissed. o well, there loss.

*enrique

 

[Ms_Lilith]

GOOD FOR YOU, Shy.. We've talked about this guy, and I think you're too good for him, if he's gonna be drooling over the ex... you're such a wonderful, beautiful woman.. you do what's right for you!

 

[Ishmael]

Thank you Ishmael*... I do remember. I dont think it was my so they didnt want going, but my disabled son....thats another reason i got so pissed. o well, there loss.

*enrique

You know Shy, if you keep up this 'enrique' stuff it's going to stick. Am I going to have to post a .wav file?

Ishmael

 

[Jaded1]

ShynSexy...............

You go girl Driving 200 miles a day to cook his meals and do his laundry? Were you his lover or his mother. Tell Mr. Lazy Ass to cook dinner for the booth of you because your doing HIS laundry. You do deserve better and this lady is come from a GUY. An tell him to put down the phone stop being such a whimp,,,,, Tell'm to act like he has a pair of balls.....

Jaded1, CT