I'm scared.

[carsonshepherd]

my social anxiety disorder is moderate enoug that I function almost normally and very people would suspect I even have it. Still, there are certain situations I have to avoid. public speaking is easy enough to avoid, but it's sometimes hindered me to avoid groups or going places alone. It's these times that I know anxiety medication would probably help me. I've often wondered what it would be like to not be nervous around strangers or break into a cold sweat at the thought of going to the gym; or going over and over something I've done or said and being so embarrassed that all I want to do is hide for a day or two. in other words, normal.

But at the same time I think it might be these very things that make me who I am as a person and as a writer... if I took pills to make me normal, would I lose my ability to empathize, and my sixth sense about social cues? Would my powers of observation suffer, making it impossible to discern nuance between people?

I don't know. Maybe not. But when that is weighed against a little anxiety, it's not worth it to me. Being alone (and the need to be) is essential to my creative process, not just me being a grouchy hermit. My quirks make life a little more challenging, but I'm not willing to chance losing what makes me myself.

S, you know I admire you for being brave and taking this step. And if doesn't work out, it's easy enough to stop the medicine. If it helps you concentrate, it's good. It might help, it might not. But at least you're giving it a shot!

k

 

[Guest]

what could i possibly add to this thread that hasn't already been said?
muchly positive vibes to you
tight hugs
(btw, i lurve horses *grin*)

 

[carsonshepherd]

Chicks always dig horses

 

[Pure]

comparing methamphetamine to caffeine is sort of like comparing
a firecracker with an ICBM rocket.

that said, mental clarity should improve. appetitite may diminish. sex drive and/or potency may diminish is some cases.

drug companies once sold lots of methamphetamine [ADDED: and other active drugs in the general category of amphetamines], then came a crackdown on prescriptions for dieters, students with examn, lethargic folks (not the same as depressed). i believe now it {ADDED: and most other drugs of the amphetamine classs} is available only for narcolepsy and (small doses) ADHD. So the answer is to market the active byproducts of methaphetamine and reach a vast market of adults with a range of probs including ADHD.

I don't really believe your 'self' will be affected, just energy and need for sleep. Consults Freud's cocaine experiments, and, as mentioned Sartre
(bio. by annie cohen solal). also there may not even be a mood effect; i.e., most experiments with giving uppers to depressed people have not been too successful, sometimes simply giving them the energy to kill themselves.

so, my horsey friend, if the ticker's sound, I think you won't suffer an episode of DED (delierious equine dementia).

 

[TheEarl]

so, my horsey friend, if the ticker's sound, I think you won't suffer an episode of DED (delierious equine dementia).

Isn't that the scientific name for the NEOM?

The Earl

 

[moonlight elf]

Looks like you've got some great advice here and plenty of support.
If you need to talk you know where to find us.
*gentle hugs* Horsey

 

[BlackShanglan]

Please tell me you are kidding?

The Earl

Sorry, didn't mean to leave you in suspense with that hanging over you. I'm kidding.

I knew that England had settled into my bones when a tourist stopped me to ask the way to "Ly-chest-er Square" and I actually cringed.

Shanglan

 

[Huckleman2000]

Here's a wonderful article that may or may not assuage your fears: article at Slate

The links at the bottom to earlier Slate articles are also good.

Also, Peter Kramer, who wrote the best known work on the topic of "cosmetic pharmacology", Listening to Prozac, has a new book out. I think it was reviewed in the NYT this week. It's about debunking the link between depression and romanticism.

I've been reading up on this stuff lately, since I'm into my third month trying Strattera, which is an adult ADD drug that works on a slightly different mechanism in the brain chemistry. So far, I'm not exactly feeling like someone threw a switch.

One common element in diagnosing ADD involves the reaction to cocaine, if that's something that you've ever tried. I've tried it several times (many years ago), and I always wondered what the big deal was. All that seemed to happen to me was that I was able to concentrate better, and could speak without pausing every fourth word to remember what I was going to say. My mind tends to wander Anyway, that type of reaction is rather common in people with ADD, in particular those without the element of hyperactivity in their expression of the disorder.

 

[Huckleman2000]

Sorry, didn't mean to leave you in suspense with that hanging over you. I'm kidding.

I knew that England had settled into my bones when a tourist stopped me to ask the way to "Ly-chest-er Square" and I actually cringed.

Shanglan

During my only visit to London, I inquired about an antiques show at Gross-ven-or House.

I'll take this opportunity to publicly apologize.

 

[dr_mabeuse]

comparing methamphetamine to caffeine is sort of like comparing
a firecracker with an ICBM rocket.

that said, mental clarity should improve. appetitite may diminish. sex drive and/or potency may diminish is some cases.

drug companies once sold lot of methamphetamine, then came a crack down on prescriptions for dieters, students with examn, lethargic folks (not the same as depressed). i believe now it's available only for narcolepsy and (small doses) ADHD. So the answer is to market the active byproducts of methaphetamine and reach a vast market of adults with a range of probs including ADHD.

I don't really believe your 'self' will be affected, just energy and need for sleep. Consults Freuds cocaine experiments, and, as mentioned Sartre
(bio by annie cohen solal). also there may not even be a mood effect; i.e., most experiments with giving uppers to depressed people have not been too successful, sometimes simply giving them the energy to kill themselves.

so, my horsey friend, if the ticker's sound, I think you won't suffer an episode of DED (delierious equine dementia).

Just a note... Methamphetamine is not the same as amphetamine. "Amphetamine" is a general name for a whole bunch of drugs, of which methamphetamine is one. In meth (the real name is N-methylamphetamine), a methyl group is added on the amine nitrogen, which makes the drug longer-lasting and more powerful. The generic name for the most basic and well-known amphetamine is Benzedrine, which is a mixture of two mirror-image molecules (called enantiomers). Only one of these enantiomers is physiologically active: the d or "dextro" form. Pure d-isomer benzedrine is also known as dexedrine. The other enantiomer--the l or "laevo" form-- has no physiological effect.

BTW, another reason that amphetamines became illegal was because drug companies had developed newer drugs that were patent-protected. Amphetamines were discovered in the 30's and the patents had all lapsed by the '50's, so there was no money in them for the drug companies anymore. They'd rather push the drugs they hold exclusive license to than sell an off-patent product that anyone can make on the cheap.

You'll often see a new and improved drug coming out just when the old one goes off-patent. It's not coincidence. The campanies develop these drugs and sit on them until the old patents are up.

As far as drugs and losing your personality goes, I much prefer the older drugs. When you took amphetamines--or drank alcohol or smoked dope for that matter--you always knew you were high. (I've often wondered what part of you knew you were high and how you knew it, but that's another topic.) With newer drugs like anti-depressents, you're often not aware of the change in your personality. You can't tell what's you and what's the drug. That's very scary.

I'd been taking effexor for depression for some months before it occurred to me that I was much nastier than I'd ever been in my life. I'd take offense very easily, almost as if I were paranoid, and I'd bite back too, which is unlike me. I checked around and heard similar stories from people who'd used effexor, so I stopped taking it. I hadn't really felt any different when I'd taken it, except for that sudden streak of nastiness.

Now I'm back to sweet old Mabeuse.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Don't know if I've seen "New Mabeuse," but I like the "Classic" version myself.

Thanks for your explanation of the chemicals and drugs involved. I always enjoy it when you bring your perspective to questions like this. I can see that you've had a great deal more education in the area that I have (or am ever likely to have), and it's a pleasure to see someone lay it out so neatly and lucidly.

I've got the SO monitoring me personality-wise. That sort of "changed-but-too-changed-to-know-it" situation is, naturally, what I dread above all. I do have a spotter to help head that off at the pass.

Shanglan

 

[LadyJeanne]

You're not alone, sweets. You're under a doctor's care, you have your SO with you, and we'll tell ya if you start writing ungrammatical gibberish. Give the medication a chance, and if you don't like the effects, you can stop taking it.

*gives the sweet horsey a big hug*

 

[BlackShanglan]

*gives the sweet horsey a big hug*

Mmm. That warms the heart. But ...

ungrammatical gibberish ...

The horror. The horror!

 

[rikaaim]

You don't really have anything to worry about unless someone tries to stick peanut butter along your gums in a vain attempt to force you to talk. Silly humans. Don't they know you can already talk, you just choose not to? Hell, if you ask me, your the normal one and everyone else needs the meds. There...I said it. A finely tuned, rather dashing, talking horse that can write novels using a modern keybord typing with hooves...seems to me that medical doctors aren't prepared for that sorta thing. Perhaps they should be taken the meds to get focused on just how special a horse you really are. Hell, you should be getting paid millions of dollars, and go on talk shows, and give seminars, and be like that guy who can memorize like a hundred different names in 30 seconds...and then you can create your own evil horse clone empire!!!! Just think of it...a million Shanglans, or is it Shanlii?, roming the green fields...now there's an image sure to permate your dreams.

 

[Pure]

ps

thanks, mab, I've added a correction.

to our speeding horsey friend, did you know this piece of trivia: american pilots in iraq (and elsewhere), like the Japanese suicide pilots in WWII are occasionally given amphetamines. while they make you sharper (more awake), they also--in these higher doses-- make you impetuous and fearless-- which is not necessarily a good thing.

do let us know about your sleep patterns; at a correct dose, they should improve, if be less long; at a wrong dose or meds, you will believe you need--and get-- hardly any sleep, which is not good in the long run.

so if you see yourself trying to 'race' the train to the railway crossing, beat its arrival and get across unscathed, you might re-check your meds.
---

last note: I agree with mab about crankiness. when I find myself snarling at friends and biting the dog, i know it's time to re evaluate (or in your case, at least get a muzzle).

 

[BlackShanglan]

You don't really have anything to worry about unless someone tries to stick peanut butter along your gums in a vain attempt to force you to talk. Silly humans. Don't they know you can already talk, you just choose not to? Hell, if you ask me, your the normal one and everyone else needs the meds. There...I said it. A finely tuned, rather dashing, talking horse that can write novels using a modern keybord typing with hooves...seems to me that medical doctors aren't prepared for that sorta thing. Perhaps they should be taken the meds to get focused on just how special a horse you really are. Hell, you should be getting paid millions of dollars, and go on talk shows, and give seminars, and be like that guy who can memorize like a hundred different names in 30 seconds...and then you can create your own evil horse clone empire!!!! Just think of it...a million Shanglans, or is it Shanlii?, roming the green fields...now there's an image sure to permate your dreams.

*sniff* *happy tears*

[Sally Fields] You love me! You really love me! [/Sally Fields]

Rikka ... dearest pasha ... you rock.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Pure, thanks for the advice and the notes on potential silly behaviors. I think I shall avoid diving on meds; all I need is amphetatmine euphoria twinned with nitrogen narcosis, and I will believe that I am the bulletproof flying invisible sea horse. On these first couple of days, I have been careful not to drive as I assess the effect. Fortunately I am on a vacation period from work anyway, so I don't have to worry about needing to commute or to be perfectly on the ball in a professional setting.

Today I feel more stable, though whether it's my body getting accustomed to the medication or me feeling less nervous about it, I'm not sure. I did find that it's the perfect answer to groggy bed head; I slept poorly last night, but by about an hour after taking the pill, the "fog" had cleared and I was able to write. I can't say that my creative writing is setting any land speed records or that I feel noticably more focused on it; for some reason, however, it seems easy and pleasant to spit out enormous Lit posts Please don't all rise up en masse and march on Shire Pharmacuetical with torches and pitchforks.

It's been a great source of support and reassurance to hear how many people here have had similar experiences. Many of you I think of as friends, and others, though I don't know you as well, I view with warm affection and considerable respect. It's been wonderful to learn how many of the people I enjoy and admire have taken this sort of step, and how well it's worked for them. Thank you all for your posts and PM's.

Shanglan

 

[carsonshepherd]

I will believe that I am the bulletproof flying invisible sea horse.

I'll have what you're having.

 

[mtnman2003]

lighter comment..........

Even being early 50's, I don't often have brain farts, lack of concentration, or lack of focus. It seems I can.....

Oh Oh, see that robbin landing near the tree.......

Just funnin.............

Mtn

 

[BlackShanglan]

Even being early 50's, I don't often have brain farts, lack of concentration, or lack of focus. It seems I can.....

Oh Oh, see that robbin landing near the tree.......

Just funnin.............

Mtn

Sorry, I was distracted by the dancing banana. What were you saying?

 

[Liar]

Even being early 50's....

Wot that got to do with age? I've been like that since kindergarten. My level of lack of concentration puts me in some kind of psychotherapeutic catch 22. My problems with it are big enough to annoy the crap out of me, but not big enough to justify doing anything radical about it. The diagnosis is, even officially, that I'm just a guy with his head in the clouds.

 

[BlackShanglan]

Wot that got to do with age? I've been like that since kindergarten. My level of lack of concentration puts me in some kind of psychotherapeutic catch 22. My problems with it are big enough to annoy the crap out of me, but not big enough to justify doing anything radical about it. The diagnosis is, even officially, that I'm just a guy with his head in the clouds.

If the clouds are where you're pulling the poetry down from, please do carry on.

 

[Black Tulip]

* smiling and nodding in agreement *

 

[ishtat]

Horses & Hobbit Feet

A Shire is an old word for an administrative area here in England, otherwise known as a county.

As in: Hampshire, Dorsetshire, Yorkshire, Gloucestershire, Leicestershire, Devonshire, Somersetshire (that last one's a running joke in my family - don't ask). Not all had "shire" on the end, and most that did have now dropped it.

Shire horses come from the shire counties.

Lou

Shire horses come from counties with relatively well drained soils. They have very hairy feet which get clogged with mud on heavy ground. In the arable heavy soil areas the horses used to be either non hairy footed Suffolk Punches or Percherons.

I get a curious buzz form filling your mind with these essentials!

 

[BlackShanglan]

Shire horses come from counties with relatively well drained soils. They have very hairy feet which get clogged with mud on heavy ground. In the arable heavy soil areas the horses used to be either non hairy footed Suffolk Punches or Percherons.

I get a curious buzz form filling your mind with these essentials!

Pray do continue. It's porn for me

Shanglan